PROD. ZEROFAULT

taking sips up out the shot glass
too scared to go full throttle
ain't no junkie, this ain't jackass
I fear I might crash and burn
I've been burnt out
spreading ashes from the urn
I feel my patience wearing thin
cuz that ignant shit for the birds

I'm sick of people
take that mask off
still tryna make a scene
I got some wounds that need to heal,
but you wouldn't care if I bleed
I wanna up and disappear,
there's a lot more shit that I need
I feel obsessed, obsessed with all of the lies
that you try to feed (x2)

this ashwagandha ain't been helpin'
it just only grew resentment
misanthropy and cynicism's
all so very tempting
wanna lay out on the tracks
and make it rain, no recollecting
vision fades as I descend
at this point, I just accept it

I wanna restart
new friends, new body, new life
I'm sick and tired
wanna carve my brain out with a knife
or slam my head the wall
cuz I can't go to sleep
the voices getting way too loud
and I'm sinking too deep

I SAVED A BULLET FOR MYSELF (PROD. ZEROFAULT)

PROD. ZEROFAULT

wake up
put that fucking mask on
scream until your lungs pop
keep going 'til your voice gone
what's that gonna do for you?
you tryna play pretend like you don't feel nothin'?
paycheck's way too low, it makes you wanna go and steal sum?

you're 21 still loving with your mom's
boy get up off yo ass
stop being pussy, sinking in the void
and dwelling on the past
the flaws that you address?
you never fixed, you just deflect
you scared of life? yeah I can tell
you just can't say it with your chest

cuz you a bitch, an ugly f*****
that's too weak to grow a backbone
I can't be sweet and gentle
I gotta stay with this exact tone
to get it thru your fucking head that this is part of life
just rip the fucking band-aid off
and take your own fucking advice

I could double down on this shit but I'll spare you
I see the look on yo face
go 'head and punch me, I dare you
you ain't no thug, you ain't a fighter
you a bitch that gives too many chances
and that exact reason is why your ex took advantage

you grew some balls and got away, congratulations
but you gave up on your "friends"
and went ghost without an explanation
the lack of communication makes room for imagination
I don't know how he's still with you
you can't make a clear interpretation
of why you love him

you know he questions it, why can't you answer?
he showed he cared and all of a sudden you're affectionate?

a joke without a punchline is what you are
a man without a plan, and I don't see yo ass going far
I don't know how you made it here
attached to your domain 
cuz the thought of living is what you fear
the pieces of your psyche breaking off
and you can't cohere
a life-long battle with yourself is what this is 
and you making it clear

SHOULDER DEITY (PROD. ZEROFAULT)

PROD. GHOWSTE + FLOWERS IN NARNIA

tired of being a side piece
in everybody's story except my own
feeling like I'm never in control
spotted all the strings attaching to my bones
ventriloquist or puppeteer?
tryna weigh the scale, words and actions
always questioning my soul
tolerance is waning every single day
I spit soliloquies, don't give a fuck about the plays

passion left the building months ago
talking to a mic's the only form of therapy I got
and even then, I cannot wrangle all my thoughts
and step outside the void and not get caught
and put back in the spot I was before
feeling like a fuckin' bot

autopilot, days repeating
mask receding, grew facetious of my own internal appearance
like tryna sneak a gun through security clearance
commendations, getting praised for perseverance
bittersweet poems from the author
barely got my head above the water
I just wish you didn't see me falter
there's no drill to fix the loose screw,
tryna keep my head up on my shoulders
just endure it, I don't wanna end up like my father

----

why are all my friends dying?
every day I see an angel flyin'
shots are ringing out and got the corners cryin'
gave advice, it ain't applying
now you talkin' through a ouija board
and all the shit you say got something underlying

a pretty day, but I still feel ugly
clouded mind, my body hurts like I just came from rugby
got nobody by my side to wake me up and hug me
I need some head and need some bread, shit, either one would be lovely
don't go outside without some pocket change
I only do it since I got three dollars to my name
my job just jit me out my hours, need to find another
with better pay so I can help my momma and my brother

gang violence, drugs, sickness & suicide
the cries for help you just listened to and just threw aside
most of my friend groups dead, imprisoned, or living lives
I'm by myself with unknowns spawning to say hi
them 580s, don't you stop there
my homie D lived by there
them train tracks, he got popped there
bloody creeks, cuz bodies of all ages always drop there
dried blood I'm stepping on
at least before the rain appeared

why are all my friends dying?
every day I see an angel flyin'
shots are ringing out and got the corners cryin'
gave advice, it ain't applying
now you talkin' through a ouija board
and all the shit you say got something underlying

CORNERS (PROD. GHOWSTE & FLOWERS IN NARNIA)

I AIN'T ALL THERE, BUT I'M HERE.
@longlivethesaints

New tracks tagged #CACTUS TONGUE