
[Verse 1]
Father God, Father God, I’m struggling with this monster on my back
Every time I swear I’ll stop, but I fall into the trap
Sixteen, sixty shots a day, won’t even make it fade
I’m going lower, drifting further, drowning in my pain
Monsters in my head, they won’t even subside
Every drink I pour, I know I’m numbing life
I should be finding You, but I’m staring at the world’s side
Red lights flashing, temptation laughing — I’m on a path of self-destruction
Father God, I know I need Your healing now
So many things going on inside of me, show me how
Reframe the words You’ve spoken over my life
You’ve used me before, but I’m drowning tonight
All the pain inside me deeper than they realize
How do I get help? I’ve tried to heal but it’s all lies
Each battle, each shot takes me closer to the grave
Father God, take me out of this hell, I’m enslaved
I’m locked inside this pier, trying to crawl out of here
Grabbing at any leaf, any branch, Father, hear my prayer
The monster’s screaming in my head, torment every day
Father God, take away the thing I hate, take it away

[Verse 2]
Soon enough, Father God, I’m screaming out for myself
Father God, my skin’s on fire, I need Your help
Burning from the inside, can’t fight this alone
I’m on my knees crying, Father bring me home

[Verse 3]
Yeah, God, send Your power here, break all the chains
The chains of the monster that’s been riding my frame
Every shot that takes me back, You call me back to You
I remember Your voice, Father God, I know it’s true
You see me too, You see me through, You’re the only way
Break the chains, Lord, break them today

[Outro]
Father God, this is my cry, this is my plea
Break the chains that bind me, set me free
The monster’s been loud but Your mercy is greater
Father God, take me now, make me whole forever

Father God, Break These Chains

[Verse 1]
This speaks so loudly, not just for me.
In their eyes, everything they are —
I see the words falling down on me.

One shot takes me to another place,
Two shots numb the pain, erase.
Three shots — I’m drifting far away,
Rambling down a galaxy, lost in space.

Twisted sisters, out of my mind,
Jumping from one world to the one behind.
You look at me, I look at you —
Do you have sorrow in your eyes too?

Pain is dripping from your eyes,
I see it there, but can I deny?
Do I care, do I run away,
Do I refrain from what my soul wants to say?

[Pre-Chorus]
How can I escape, how can I care,
In a universe that feels unaware?
I’m losing my mind, losing control,
The distance between my heart and soul.

[Chorus]
Father God, refrain my mind.
Take the sin, reverse the time.
Refresh my heart, restore my soul.
Pull me back before I lose control.

[Verse 2]
Flesh and skin burning like gasoline,
You set the dynamite, lit the scene.
Death trap’s down at heaven’s gate —
Walk away, demons in disguise await.

Questions echo, drinking all the time,
Answers whispered when I’m all alone inside.
Addiction dragging me where I shouldn’t go,
But I need a heavenly grace to break the hold.

Fourteen days free, then I fell again,
Gave in willingly to the monster within.
Torment rising, secrets I hide,
The distance between the words and my life.

[Chorus]
Father God, refrain my mind.
Take the sin, reverse the time.
Refresh my heart, restore my soul.
Pull me back before I lose control.

[Bridge]
I’m addicted to pain, it drives me insane.
But Your mercy remains,
Even in shame.

[Outro]
Father God, you know what I need.
Take the sin in me, plant a new seed.
Refrain my mind, refrain.
Refrain my mind, refrain.

Questions echo, drinking all the time


[Verse 1]
Father God, I come to the place again
That you torment my brain every moment of my life
You know you told me everything that everybody needs
Everybody, everybody’s sin, everybody doesn’t need
You told me, you reveal
You told me where they’ve been, where they felt
Where every single pain that they every moment of their life

And no, I know what you wonder—
Their uncles, their cousins, their nephews, their dads
Their nephews, their brothers, their cousins, their next door neighbor
You know the one that abused you
I remember every single one like it was yesterday
The pain in my mind, you know, flourishes every day
There’s not a moment that I don’t go without pain

Father God, is this my life that I’m supposed to be refrained from?
Oh my God—You told me that I’m supposed to be loved
And I show everybody about your love
But I know no matter what, deep down inside of me
Is a love that confessed inside of me
Moments in my life that I realize I’m starving
I’m starving for love, I’m starving for this caressness

Father God, the faith that you said you gave me
Father God, where are you? Where do you remain?
You see me hurting? Are you just lost inside of everything else
That you’re trying to do to just control the world?
Control everything that we do and say
Everything that we speak

Even take out our sisters because you know what,
You wanted to wake us up, mind up, yeah
You wanted us to feel
Yeah, I know how your mind works
Yeah, you lose so much pain, yeah, to get us to what?
To follow you?

But you let us suffer so much endurance
And I know and whatever mind, oh my God, I’m mad at you
Yeah, yeah, I am, I am
Let so much pain happen to this earth
And you sit back and cry and not even do nothing
Then you send people like me to go out there and feel so much pain
To change, why?
So you can continue to hurt this world
The way that you do every single day of your life

Yeah, I’m talking to you straight up, God
What are you trying to do? What are you trying to prove?
A world hurting and broken, yeah, and distressed and yeah
Yeah, you’re sitting there telling us to love your name

[Chorus (Hook)]
Straight up, God, I’m crying out to You
This pain is heavy, but I’m still speaking truth
Straight up, God, what are You trying to do?
I’m standing here broken, still reaching for You

[Verse 2]
Jesus
That name supposed to change the way that I think
The way that I frame, the way that I am, the way that I feel?
You let me go through so much pain
Yeah, you take away all my sins, but yet again
Let me just suffer in the same moments of my life
When I was such a child, yeah, from moments of begin

[Chorus (Hook)]
Straight up, God, I’m crying out to You
This pain is heavy, but I’m still speaking truth
Straight up, God, what are You trying to do?
I’m standing here broken, still reaching for You

[Outro / Bridge idea]
I’m starving for love, I’m starving for faith
Father God, show me where You remain
In the hurt and the pain, in the moments I bleed
I’m still crying out, Lord, come rescue me

Straight Up, God

[Verse 1]
My days are troubled, shadows behind me,
A monster inside won’t ever let me free.
All I hear are voices crawling on my back,
“Take another drink, take another shot,” they attack.
Three shots in, I feel it call my name,
That monster in my veins trying to stake its claim.
Burning like fire, alcohol in my soul,
The devil whispering, trying to take control.
But God’s still speaking, faint in the noise,
His voice in the background, calling through the void.
The monster wants to feast, to devour my power,
It wants me 100%, every single hour.

[Chorus]
Home… back home, you realize,
You can’t even give what’s left inside.
You’re searching for more, but nothing’s there,
Alone in the corner, drowning in despair.
I’ve seen myself sitting just like you,
Crying for something real, something true.
But the tears in the dark don’t have the final say,
God can lift you, even from this place.

[Verse 2]
Vision so clear now, I see Him stand,
Revealing the truth, showing His plan.
The enemy’s knocking, trying to breach my door,
But I’ve poured the oil, I’ve sealed the floor.
Blood on the windows, prayers on the walls,
I’m holding the line while the darkness calls.
But now I’m being pushed beyond my four walls,
Into the world where the lost souls fall.
Father God, give me strength to stand,
To walk in the fire but hold Your hand.

[Outro]
Just a little more strength, Father God,
Break every chain, every iron rod.
Relieve me of the pain I can’t undo,
The things I can’t change, I leave to You.
Crying inside, but I’m still in the fight,
Demons surround, but I hold Your light.
Father God, I’m losing without Your power,
I need You now, this is my hour.
(Oh…)




A monster inside

Father God…
I have been fighting a battle my whole life.
Every night I see the faces of my attackers.
They torment my dreams.
They creep into my daylight hours.
Their whispers echo and I can still hear their names.

I feel the screams of the other children,
those who were next to me,
their pain, their fire, their unfinished destinies.
I’ve carried their echoes inside me.

You told me Your love would set me free.
You died on the cross for me.
I’m still here, Father.
I dream of a peaceful place inside myself,
but when I close my eyes,
I see horrors.
I see the path ahead like a wasteland,
pain and destruction as far as I can see.

I’ve drunk from bottles,
I’ve searched for answers,
I’ve pleaded and pleaded —
Father God, come and rescue me
from this moment, from this life, from this cage.

I feel fire on my skin.
It ignites like gasoline.
I don’t know how to put it out.
It’s boiling over me.
The fire wants to be pleased.
How do I fight such a great need
when You already gave Yourself to set me free
from the bondage of the monsters who violated me?

Now it feels like something inside me is disappearing.
Father God, I look at Your Word
and I see peace,
I see deliverance for others,
but the monsters still haunt me.
How do I put them behind me?

I’m crying out for answers.
Father God, please help me.
Send Your angels to me.
Why can’t I feel Your warm embrace
like before?
Why does it feel like You’ve walked away from me?

Tell me what to change inside of me
so I can hear You speak.
Father God, I’m searching again.
I just need You to speak.
Let me hear You.

(Pause — slow down here)

Your words are what set me free.
Your voice is what breaks the chains.
Your love is what heals the wounds.

(Raise your voice into a declaration)

Father God, I’m standing here now,
broken but not gone,
bleeding but still reaching.
Break these chains!
Heal my heart!
Silence the voices of the monsters!

I’m ready for Your freedom,
I’m ready for Your healing,
I’m ready for Your embrace.

(Softly, almost a whisper)

Father God… hear me.
Father God… rescue me.
Father God… set me free.

Father God, Hear Me

[Verse 1]
Father, I hear the voices, yeah, they’re calling in the night
They whisper in the evening, dragging shadows through my life
So many voices talking, Lord, I’m haunted every day
Can’t rest, can’t walk, can’t breathe, can’t find my way
Screaming in my spirit things I don’t even understand
Words that don’t mean nothing but they burn inside my hands
I know there’s something deep that only You can see
A wounded part of me that longs to be set free
I’ve held it in a box, locked it up so tight
Scared to let the monster out and show his face in light
He’ll feast, he’ll need, he’ll breathe — the pain that’s buried deep
But You’re the One who heals, Lord, break the chains, release

[Pre-Chorus]
I’ve taken it to the cross so many times before
But still I find myself running back for one shot more
I don’t want this pain-killer, Lord, I want Your grace
Take this cup from me, break me out of this place

[Chorus]
God, I’m on my knees, break these chains inside of me
Heal the wounds my past attackers left in me
I’m tired of this sin, tired of the bottle’s hold
Take my shame, take my pain, make my spirit whole

[Verse 2]
Three shots just to numb it, four shots lost in space
Five shots I’m falling into some darker place
Eight shots, Lord, I’m dizzy, words are dancing through my head
Nine shots I’m still spinning, ten shots I should be dead
Bottles on the rail, bottles on the floor
Hidden everywhere like the memories I ignore
Whiskey, tequila, doesn’t matter anymore
I keep telling myself I’m not a drunk, but Lord —
Maybe I’ve been lying, maybe I’ve been blind
Maybe only You can heal this shattered mind

[Chorus]
God, I’m on my knees, break these chains inside of me
Heal the wounds my past attackers left in me
I’m tired of this sin, tired of the bottle’s hold
Take my shame, take my pain, make my spirit whole

[Bridge]
I need You in my veins, not this poison, not this sin
I’m over-intoxicated, Lord, please come rushing in
Everything inside of me is crying to be free
Only You can save me from the monster inside me

[Outro]
The echoes inside of me are crying out for escape
From the pain that is stuck inside so deep
Father, hear me now, don’t let me slip away
Break these chains, Lord, break them today

Break These Chains

[Verse 1]
Voices, they are coming, yeah, hear them in the night
Yeah, hear them in the evening, so many voices talking to me these days
Can’t rest, can’t walk, can’t get — screaming in my voice
And I don’t even understand, things that they say don’t even really mean nothing
It’s something deep down that only stirs them
Yeah, I know there’s something inside of me, that it wants to get let free
I hold them in a box, I hold them in tight, I don’t let the monster out for a side, no
He’ll feast, he’ll need, he’ll breathe, yeah
The monster that lives inside of me, yeah
Take it to the cross, I’ve did so many times
And so many days that I go away, but one shot takes the pain away

[Verse 2]
And three shots makes me a buzz going now
Yeah, with three shots I’m lost in space
Oh, now with four shots I’m going to another place
And five shots take me to a mind, a mind, a mind I can’t escape
Eight shots, yeah, now I’m going to see — dancing words, all the thoughts racing through my head
Nine shots, yeah, I’m dancing once more again
Ten shots, yeah, I know I need to get down on my knees ’cause
The bottles all around, got empty bottles here and there
On the shelf, on the rail, by the TV — they’re everywhere, yeah
What do you want? Whiskey? Tequila? James Dean? Whatever you want
I tell you what, it’s hidden bottles there, hidden everywhere
I’m trying to tell myself that I wasn’t, yeah, not a drunk, yeah
And maybe I’m mistaken

[Verse 3]
I need that stuff, yeah, I need it in my veins, yeah
Flowing through me, I know that it’s a sin
And you over-intoxicate the sin, but
Tell you what, I got so much inside of me
That I probably could piss it eternally

[Outro]
The echoes inside of me are crying out for escape
From the pain that is stuck inside so deep

Where are You, Father

[Verse 1]
Somebody else to be (oh)
Been down another road, yeah, for so long (yeah)
Another road, yeah, even potholes
In my life it seems these days
Bills, work, yeah — school is not enough
So many things that got me on my own
Yeah, I'm living now these lives
But I tell you what, I'm in doubt today
Better life than I ever knew, yeah, I live now

See everybody around me happy
Why am I so miserable?
Yeah, dealt the cards that I was dealt
I've been loved all my life
Now love’s dying inside of me
Trying to find a way to set it all free

[Pre-Chorus]
Yeah, looking at me, yeah, see it now
Yeah, smile on my face but pain’s underground
Yeah, take your time, yeah, you will realize
Now living, yeah, you're living to survive

Looking all the places, yeah,
Things in your mind, yeah, can’t be pleased
So matter of fact, yeah, you got so much beauty inside of you, yeah
Look at the words you say, yeah

[Chorus]
Even though you're crying in the back of your mind
You know the things that you’ve got to see, what’s on your mind
Things you love, things you hate, things you need to face
But you threw it in a box — now you’re lost in space

But the moment you live for, just to live
Yeah, you know I'm dying to live, yeah
Moment to live, yeah, take it, take every moment
Try to find a way — sin and salvation

[Verse 2]
I'm stuck in my own body, yeah, I know
I'm stuck in your own body, feeling your soul
I'm sorry girl but you got to find a way,
Find a way, son, yeah, to live in these days, yeah

Is it your music? Can you write a song?
Can you find a way to talk to other people?
There’s something inside of you, you realize, yeah
Yeah, it's gonna come right through

What’s up Travis D, how you doing there man?
So many times, you know, I'm lost
A moment of space and time, you realize
Yeah, I'm going to see you for you
I can feel your pain inside of you, yes
I feel everybody’s pain, that’s how I write what I write
Watch what I do with that piece that I'm going with it
I feel everybody’s everything
That’s my life, my purpose

[Bridge]
I’m dying to live, not living to die
Finding the truth in every tear I cry
All of these roads, all these scars I bear
I write them down so the world can share

[Chorus – Repeat, strong with harmonies]
Even though you're crying in the back of your mind
You know the things that you’ve got to see, what’s on your mind
Things you love, things you hate, things you need to face
But you threw it in a box — now you’re lost in space

But the moment you live for, just to live
Yeah, you know I'm dying to live, yeah
Moment to live, yeah, take it, take every moment
Try to find a way — sin and salvation




Dying to Live

[Verse 1]
Over and over, over again,
Same rat race you’ve always been in.
Every single time, every single morning,
The bottle calls out — I know now.
One shot, yeah, takes you a little closer,
Some days I question every moment.
Right now I’m sitting on the edge of the cliff,
Just trying to find a way not to jump off.
See, that bottle’s calling my name,
Every single one, every side of them —
I know what it’s gonna do for me.

[Verse 2]
Break those chains and try, yeah,
Many years, monster on my back, yeah.
Trying to get me to drink just one more shot,
I know where I’ve been — been down that road so many times.
I’ve pulled the same bottle, yeah, called my name before,
So many times I’ll give in to the beast within.

[Verse 3]
Times like this, I wish that I could, yeah,
Have a genie and ask him — grant me
One wish, make that bottle disappear from my lips.
Every time though I feel that urge, yeah, come over me,
Yeah, like a hurricane, an urge, and I won’t give up.
Through all the drink, keep hearing that whisper inside of me:
“One sip, as long as you need,” you know,
“Give in to the beast within me.”
I know one shot won’t ever free me, I know.

[Verse 4]
One more — I know that the days are...
There’s moments here in my life I don’t realize, yeah.
Hear the beast inside, yeah, calling for another drink.
Yeah, another shot, yeah — “One more won’t hurt you, man.”
I know, yeah, I’ve talked to him before, yeah,
He’s got a hold on me before, but I know
There’s a way that I can break this hold.

[Verse 5]
Looking at You, I know,
So many times You’ve blessed me though.
You said, “Don’t drink the bottle,” — I know, I should’ve known.

[Verse 6]
How many wants You said to me,
I saw the clouds are sending me.
I’ve seen You say, “Don’t drink that anymore.”

[Verse 7]
I keep on trying the urge to cross,
I know there’s things that I need so much.
But I know this addiction — I’m gonna kick its ass, I know.

[Verse 8]
Time, do You realize that the monster on my back
Got me, yeah, by the balls — maybe even more now.
Trying to find a way to shake him off my back, for
So many years, you know, this monster’s been claiming me, I know.
Taking me down roads that I don’t know,
Now I’m sitting here wondering — where should I go?

[Verse 9]
Times like this, no...
The bottle keeps calling my name, you know.
A whisper in the wind, yeah, I know —
Something I need though.

"The Beast Within"

This week’s message explores what happens when fear takes the lead. In this passage, fear drives control, but faith calls us to wait on God. Even when it feels risky. If you’re tempted to take matters into your own hands, remember this: obedience may feel scary, but it’s the pathway to God’s promises. Fix your eyes on Jesus. His grace meets you even when your faith feels weak.


Prophet, Priest, & Judge | Saul’s First Sin, 1 Sam 13:1-23|  Week 18

ZION is a new church in Staten Island. Our team is native born New Yorkers who love Jesus and want to spread his message.

My name is John. I have been a broadcaster for five years and have been writing music and poetry for twenty years. I didn’t even realize I could read and write until I discovered I have mirror-touch synesthesia. I perceive everything from right to left: my poetry, words, and compassion. My childhood was challenging, to put it mildly. However, God showed me a way to help others through the words I share. Every song I write serves as a ministry. By addressing various issues, I hope to assist those with troubled pasts find healing through my words. I am a pastor, and this is how I spread God’s message—by feeling the emotions around me and understanding the feelings of the people I encounter, because I have experienced similar struggles. God allows me to see you in ways that others cannot.

New tracks tagged #FaithOverFear