untitled midijam

i have a brain that's not the same
i fear all conflicts and i take the blame
the group of people i keep so close
they tell me they won't leave, but run away the most

i screwed everything up
(i'm not mentally ill)
everyday is the same
(i'm not mentally ill)
i curl into ball, i am stuck i am stuck
(i am perfectly normal)
you tell me it's okay
(i'm not mentally ill)
i am full of hatred, shame
(i'm not mentally ill)
i cry into your arms, i am stuck i am stuck
(i am perfectly normal)

i wish i could listen
(i'm not mentally ill)
to your reassurance
(i'm not mentally ill)
i wish i would listen
(i'm not mentally ill)
but i'm not mentally ill
(but i'm not mentally ill!)

i'm not mentally ill (i'm not mentally ill).mp3

psilosis, diagnosis
please tell me what's wrong
check ups, acid reflux
for the rest of my life

i've been told i'm so healthy
i've been praised for my recovery
i've been told i am cured
as if nothing was endured

mommy god and daddy
please don't ignore this part of me
i don't like it either
but please don't pretend it's gone

it irks you, it pains you
but have you put yourself in my shoes?
it annoys you, it angers you
but it was your decision, would you please just own it?

keep lying to my face 
til i am sick again
keep thanking someone else
oh dear god, amen
when i will throw up
what will you do then?
turn away as usual?
turn away and call me delusional?

you're cured!

A whole year and more of bliss
I can't help but not dismiss
The softest love I've ever felt
The loving touch that makes me melt

When you lay in bed, do you think of me? As I do you

Like fireflies mixing together 
Harmony within my lover
Please, just let me hold you closer
Please, let's just mold one another

Like fireflies mixing together 
Harmony within my lover
Please, just let me hold you closer
Please, let's just mold one another

Once earth keels over from humans
And we have grown old with delusions
Let's share our warmth til' the sun sets
Let's die and forget our regrets

my love unbound

I feel like a child again
Too young and naive, hung by the heart

I feel like I'm nothing again
I'm told what is wrong, I've waited too long

Plagued and co-written with thoughts of
Lunch and death apart, who am I?
What's for work today? A punishment
I did nothing yesterday

Will God murder me before I
hurt all I can love? Before I
Become who I hate I swear I
try so hard to be, truly

Rip all my skin off!
Rip out all my thoughts of 
Never-ending tightness!
Stupid, spineless!

OCD IS A RELIGIOUS CULT (555 LIES)

Relaxing instrumental with the use of modified samples. Enjoy! Thanks for listening. Made from my own budget studio. I did not have the midi - keyboard at my disposal in big portions of the creative process, but that made me creative in other ways, I hope.

Relax dude 12.11.25

Sleep Well

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a loving, safe feeling
something to cling to
healthier than living
what i've always been through

it might feel reassuring
to know there's no alarm bells
but all of a sudden, my heart dwells
once a question comes pushing

what would you like? what you pick (what would you like?)
what do you want? what you want (what do you want?)
anything else? that's up to you (anything else?)
tell me what's wrong? nothing much

a choice is easy, it comes naturally
it makes me queasy, my brain so frantically
what do we see? friends who need more than me
so what do you want? to fucking explode!

i can't think about needs
when i am not priority
then boundaries are spoken
my dumb selfish inferiority!!

is this what you want? the ground to wipe your shoes?
i'll force myself if needed, forget about the structure
you ask about self respect, you ask about the limits
i kneel down on the ground and pretend to be your doormat

i want you to be happy (i don't want to be selfish)
forget me, im so goddamn sappy (degrading so you don't leave)
just tell me, tell me what you want? (making sure that you're happy)
tell me? sex in different font? (it's always all about me)


people pleaser

scary larry

beepbox repetitive music that all strings together
i love weird experimental stuff and my boyfriend
ke/they/he

Dm me if u wanna collab or smth. Pls no promoters. Also i will start uploading most of my songs to my audio.com account so check out some of my others there. Follow me there too if u want.

Thanks for 30 followers!  
If we can get 40 followers by then end of now november that would be amazing!



Joined: 31/8/2025

Previous names:
NΣXIS
NEXIS 17
NXGEN

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New tracks tagged #Midi