jul 8, 2023
prod. boxxy & siahprice

not much motivation left for living
you're just taking and taking and never once did the giving

making progress, guess he heard that I was winning
grabbed a shovel, dug a deeper hole, I'm back at the beginning

people ask if I'm okay, thanks for asking
I say yes like I ain't one step closer to fucking quitting

If I wasn't too pussy to follow thru, I would be better off, but I guess you niggas think I'm fucking kidding, huh?

19, no license, no job, no drive to even live my life
I fucking hate myself like all the time
I refuse to rely on drugs to live a normal life

I'm over thinking, getting choked up, don't wanna cry because I'll feel like a bitch

I guess it is what it is

this a side that I didn't wanna show
but I'm tired of all the pain, my serotonin's always low
I don't want you to worry, now please just let me go
and it's okay, cuz if I actually did it, then you would never know

condolences

abhor w/ kotanaji

aug 21, 2023
prod. themme & rngnp

disregard with disgust
there's not a soul i can trust
ask is it love or just lust?
it's very hard to adjust
i hate the look of my face
might let a bullet replace
my soul divorce from my body
finally leaving this place

trapped inside a silhouette
for years been stuck in this state
I cry for help but no one hears
I'm losing hope at this rate
feeling weak, the pressure adds,
I cannot hold all this weight
stare at death inside the barrel
be sure to wait at the gate

all-nighters every night, think I'm nocturnal
keep my feelings deep inside, never external
happy days never coming, sadness eternal
I don't fuck wit anybody keep a small circle (x2)

soul divorce

aug 31, 2023
prod. themme
i'm 20 now. happy birthday to me

shadows of past, lingering
inside of my head, whispering
talking through the silhouettes
my mind very close to splintering
20, two decades, I've been here living life aimlessly
no direction, so nameless
I'm tryna make me some changes real quick

walk down this road
"but bae, we been here before"
it's just an endless cycle of mixed up emotions, leave allat at the door
fumes, got fatigue, I'm on three hours
on the verge of crashing
I may look dead, but I'm ok, I assure you
thanks for asking

wouldn't have thought I make it here
20 years old, living to see another year
another day, I persevere
pulled by strings by a higher being like a puppeteer

twenty

oct 30, 2024
prod. taiyou

can't find a purpose
it doesn't make any sense
been on autopilot for like weeks
and I'm good at the false pretense
conceptions, the mental pictures condensing,
it's getting intense
tongue tied almost half of the time
still got a lot I can say
improve one step at a time
just got a lot on my plate
I've done some things in the past
I cannot wipe off the slate
I try my best to restart and
rid myself of that

clock tickin', outta time
I call the reaper valentine
it tried to make me fear it
couldn't care less if I live or die
clock tickin', outta time
I call the reaper valentine
just do me one quick favor
keep it outta sight and outta mind

clock tickin', outta time
I call the reaper valentine
it tried to make me fear it
couldn't care less if I live or die
clock tickin', outta time
I call the reaper valentine
commit and keep it outta sight
and keep it outta mind

antiquated

dec 1, 2023
prod. asci

blade in my hand, and I came with a plan
imma make sure that nigga gon die slow
blueberry blood, all you heard was a thud
thru the lights, we came in thru the front door
12 inch blade in his ribs
and I'm stabbing his dick, got him goin out sad
got him screamin' and beggin'
he leakin' like hell like that boy on his period,
he need a pad
that shit is tragic, shit's hella graphic
hearing the sirens, go poof like it's magic, yuh

blueberry blood

jan 22, 2023
feat. @astrmani
prod. silentpitt

(wraphiba)

delivered soliloquies
torn between two different faces
appear different places
I asked myself
"what the hell's wrong with me?"
asked this for too many years
but still can't find an answer
I wished, wished for a lot of things
but with my luck, my hope slowly diminished
can't say it is what it is anymore
cuz I'm tired, exhausted of life, man I'm finished

just please tell me why
please tell me why I must suffer
I am not your strongest soldier
just let it be over
I need some closure
slowly been losing composure
I feel mediocre
I hate, hate everything bout myself
always been selfless
give fucks bout my health
I would sacrifice it just to see that you're well
I hope that I see you in hell, fuck

(mani)

step in my mind and i promise to god you aren’t making it out in your previous state 

i’m not the strongest of soldiers at least i’ve been trying to make sure that im feeling great 

i’ve been so tired of being so tired and tired there isn’t much more i can take 

i load a round in the chamber now lets pray to god after this one i won’t be awake

tears cannot even come out of my eyes so im staring at anything in front of me

yes i hate everything and that includes everyone in this world and thats including me

wish you were here but you aren’t and you know good and well that you’re able to come set me free

soldier w/ mani

april 2, 2024

another, i suppose
decompose
putting one to my head
i pulled the trigger out of impulse
blood along with the teardrops
soaking up my new death bed
voices spoken are fading
vision's covered, colored dark red
never was my intention
my soul is stuck in suspension
slowly sinking comprehension
that I might not reach ascension
the lightness I feel is waning,
can't see shit, but feel descension
I'm going the wrong direction
and there's no hope for redemption

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