I needed to get out of what I was feeling I needed to get grounded, for the next Phase of my life. I am at the Pinnacle, I am 45 and things are changing. My Parents are older, I have a Nephew Now, I have been trying with #3 & #2 Separately; yet at the same gathering. Sunday, was interesting a little mixture of Salt & Pepper. 

Dad still takes sides & that is wrong especially when I get gaslighted now that I understand thanks to PATH what good & Generations of bad behaviors which lay within the Baby Boomer’s Generation within the Matriarch, and Patriarch. It was the Matriarch that gave me the look that she gives #2 when she don’t know when walking through a room, and I see. Yeah, well the individual who picks up the most details out of my siblings because I am an Autistic Individual who picks up on the details with all situations. 

Social Ques are strange within the family of dynamics. So that one look triggered me, because typically that happens with another sibling, and it was aimed at me. As I am trying not to have a malfunction, because I promised (a Friday after announcement at Christmastime) that My sibling and her family would NEVER see a malfunction again from me. Because, I will give my 100% as draining as that is to utilize ALL of my Everything that was taught unto me, throughout my life from CORA, CFAR, & PATH. From what Family members in the right mind taught me, to secular environments to recreational environments & nature/beach/mountains too.

Release Thy Self

I had A lot of Anxiety while going to the (Calm/Cool/Collective) March of Harrisburg, PA., to raise awareness about More Funding for the Mental Health Sector and if anyone wishes to fix the crime in the streets they must put the money where their mouths are…. 13 years ago no one thought that a Pandemic should ever be in the for-seeable future. I think that it is time to be the Pioneering State to take a Dam stand already. Yes, Philadelphia may win the World Series (knock-on-wood), yes that brings money to Philly too. But can it go to fix the crime by giving help to the Mental Health sector! 

Waiting Lists are everywhere especially since the funding with pays for the paychecks of staff. The pay rates have only risen a little since COVID-ERA began. But because that, Doctors, Therapists, Psychiatric Recovery Specialists, their receptionists, maintenance workers and other staff are struggling. Which is a Crack in the system for the Country, Per-State, Per-Major City and all residents of the Country are the ones at risk in most cases. 

This turned out to be a good day. Especially since I brought my Noise Muffs for the Bus, very important if you want to gain sleep to & from. I got to chat with my State Representative before People Spoke at the Podium and the News Cameras began rolling while we were on the steps. Professionals, Supporters, This is My Brave Alumnae Storytellers, Participants of CIRC’s, and other.

Harrisburg, PA. I

Philadelphia Christmas Brunch was Great with my family & spouse. Then I said my goodbye's and went to my in-laws. Not a right move with the disruptive elder that everyone apeases, because they don't want to hear his mouth or for him to act out. Which sounds like how my family was with me when I was a CHILD/TEEN or other. 

I did not let this individual steal my peace. If I do not want your Drama I am not going to sit around you nor give you my time of the day. Cause that was how I was raised. not to feed into your mind-games or whatever. It's not rude it's also a healthy choice so I have leaned from PATH.

So when that individual gets loud cause I moved from you, that is not on me. That is on you, for you already knew my feeling on I am not bowing down to you like your family does, we are the same age. You do not need to shout at me I am not and elder & deaf.

I Hope, and Pray that one day your get your help.

Philly Vs. Toms River Xmas 2

This what I needed to do right now. Stimm. I needed to get out what I was feeling as I move into this next chapter of my life. I pray that no one individual mistakes my Trust! Because that is in the opposite of Neuroinclusion and Acceptance as far as it is with different Neuro Types. 

There is just a lot that is happening next. And I really would not like to par-take but I have to keep moving, and doing. Like a well oiled machine. Who takes off Ample amount time to allow myself to be 100% fro myself so that I can interact with others. I am able to then do so via all of my supports, and the ability to have a loving family as well as the individuals who provide peer support to me, and help me.

Neuroinclusion & Trust

After the 30th GALA or 30th Reunion, I got to see Dr. Carrie Jacobs PhD., receive the “Lifetime Achievement Award.” I got to see the youth who helped me big time back in the Day at the Youth Center since 1996. Two days have passed, and it’s a rainy day. I am in pain, and just needed some time to relax as my life is leveling up. And I have to take the Leap of FAITH.

Mix Relax & Listen

This is a song that was created after a day that included an Interview, the topic was once again Neuroinclusion & Neurodiversity.

311 Follow Your Dreams

Gearing Up for the 2024 Art Exhibition of the #AACOPhilly, Teaching at the Please Touch Museum, and everything else that we will be doing

Gearing Up Together

Now that the migraine fully subsided. 

Today was a mess while at UPENN Dental while at the Personalized Care Suite or the Compassionate Individulized Dental Care center for Persons with Disabilities. 

It started out with having the wrong time given via a person on the phone. From a Phone call from me to cancel a month prior. Only to find out that the appointment was yesterday at 1 not 3PM. Okay, well since it was the first visit I was still seen, but not in a personalized room, but in the room with all of the other chairs to compensate me showing up and not wanting to turn anyone away. 

I will give this place one more chance, and perhaps a new student. Cause Straight Away after wards. After getting up an walking out before anything was put into my mouth. There was a conversation being had by the Student and I, one that My Support Worker says should not have even taken place for a suite like this one.

But here we go again because I present in a way when going places people think oh she can handle this, meanwhile Not one person without Autism can tell me what I go through or oh you’ll be okay. 

Every sound in that room, to the color a lot of different things. How I was being spoken to, I am not going to have it. I get that I am not the doctor, but there is this thing called it is my mouth. So to tell me the patient who has to live with her mouth. I have about had it, I am Autistic not stupid so please do not treat me like I do not know what I am talking about, I am older than the Doctor I graduated HS before kid was born. I am my own advocate, so walking out was the best thing I could have done. I lost it by the time I got to the park across the street between the dorm buildings. Called my Support Worker, and she can tell word for word was eventually going to send me in a migraine and sooner than later I if spoken to another my words would not have made sense. So I called my Spouse after to let know what type of state I was in I was calmed down again from malfunctioning into tears again. I got going since the sun was going down. I made it to main hospital at UPENN went to restroom, then my long trek home on SEPTA. With music in my ears of course. I answered an email very rudely, not like me. Later on I apologized, explained my situation slightly. Since this is the Autistic community all knows that my words were not an excuse but fact.

Had A Malfunction Today

Was at a holiday party, something happened and there was confusion, shock, fear, prayers, & sadness. By the crowd.

Christmas Holiday Party Chaos

I Like to get out how I am feeling after a major event, and it is one way that I released how I am feeling so that I can move onto the next task in my life and Other.

After Temple

This Track was Born on the 4th of July 2024

Mex Tech House

Traveling from one end of the city to the other, and just to go into the other direction to do all of this before the sun goes down is ridiculous especially when roads are closed down and other things are happening throughout different neighborhoods of Philadelphia while being autistic. You can only imagine the sounds of the differences if you are somebody who are is Autistic

Traveling All Thru Philly

I had a few minutes before I go to bed. So I made another song. Making sounds help me. It’s my way of stimming.

Autie Headed To Bed

Sometimes you just gotta get it out. And just as over sensory or overwhelmed an individual in their 45 years old plus life and being autistic at the same time as well as being a person who is a brain injury survivor. Sometimes you just need to make music that relate to your day and what is happening in the moment just so that you don't malfunction.

Choppy Glitchy Moments

I had a Malfunction while Visiting. Mom tried to change programs on the tv for my nephew, messed up. I do not know their tv or how to work their stuff. Nephew started to cry. I put on Moana cause he likes the singing. 

Sister comes in from the store, to phone playing music so that Joseph can be chill. As I try to figure out for mom her TV. Sis asks what is that noise and I mentioned the music for our nephew. To which her near type is different than mine, and we are overwhelming each other to which my words are not aligning with what is coming out my mouth, and speech is wonky, she has her own symptoms showing. This is Neurodiversity, until someone calls someone weird cause. You are the person who is helping the situation with keeping nephew from crying by playing music from a cellphone, and sister calls it noise. Wondering why or how we got here. If you'd listen to the Oldest with a different neuro type. You would have learned that I was the helper. But your speaking to me as if I am beneath you in age or less than. I am not going anywhere, I will be damned if I will be spoken to in a way. We are grown. I was trying to explain to you, I am sorry I overwhelmed you. I am sorry that I could not provide you support when we were both malfunctioning. Watching this as it is happening hurts my hear & brain. Because I can't fix the past, I can only move forward in the present.

How I was when I was younger I can't fix. I have let go. Post-Dx, I can only do right, but I have to be given a chance.

Recalibration After A Malfunction

For A Moment Feel Life

Open Studio / Neurospicey in Tacony - Community Partners came out to Lower Northeast from West Philly

Community Support W Monique & Ron in Tacony

I was feeling like making a new song so I did to release how I was feeling and I stopped real hard.

Quick STOP

Autistic Led - SoULed Creations started in 1995 making art & then became a local Art Curator as well as a Photographer.  Taught Photography in upstate NY by Lake Placid. DJ CC (Curtain Call) tends to record the life around her, and not only with photographs.  DJ CC is someone who is on the Autism Spectrum, and is someone who has a wide array of strengths with music, art & various mediums. Making music allows Colleen (DJ CC) to decompress when an over sensory day arises, the music make helps to soothe my emotions, anxiety, mood, & soul. In return it has done the same for others so we have been told.

Today, SoULed Creations is a small business which makes simple gift made by hand, from recycled items, Music, Photography, Paintings, Woodworking, Jewelry Making and other - As of March 2023 is on Hold for The www.AACOPhilly.org

New tracks tagged #Philly215