This Is My Testimony – Jedidjah Emanuel | A Song of Faith, Power & Transformation
🔥 Listen Now on SoundCloud! - Desiderium et Selah

A Song That Speaks of Transformation, Encounter & Calling
"This Is My Testimony" is more than just a song—it is a declaration of faith, a sound of deliverance, and a call to encounter the living God. Every lyric is an outcry of victory, every beat resonates with the power of the Holy Spirit, and every melody carries the fire of God's presence.

If you have ever felt lost, broken, or searching for purpose, this song is for you. It speaks of how God's grace redeems, His love restores, and His Spirit empowers. This is a song of transformation, healing, and a divine call—a reminder that Jesus still moves, speaks, and calls people today into their destiny.

💥 Listen. Be Inspired. Share. This is your moment for an encounter.

🔥 A Testimony of Encounter: From Darkness to Destiny
There was a time when I walked through the valley of uncertainty, searching for meaning and longing for something real. Life felt empty, my soul was restless, and my heart yearned for something greater. I tried to fill the void with the world, but nothing satisfied me.

Then, one night, in the stillness of my despair, I heard the voice of Jesus calling my name. It wasn’t a whisper—it was a roaring love that shattered my fears and broke every chain. Suddenly, the room was filled with an overwhelming presence—the Holy Spirit invaded my heart. I felt His fire, His light, and His deep calling over my life. At that moment, I knew:

➡️ I was not abandoned. I was chosen. I was loved.
➡️ God had a mission for me—a purpose beyond my imagination.
➡️ He called me to be a voice, a worshiper, and a testimony to His power.

From that day on, everything changed. I surrendered my life to Jesus. The anointing of the Holy Spirit empowered me. Worship became my weapon. Music became my message. And now, this song is my testimony—a reflection of my journey from the pit to the palace, from brokenness to boldness, from wandering to walking in divine purpose.

🔥 Your Invitation to Encounter
This song is not just about my testimony—it’s about what God can do in YOUR life too. He is still speaking, calling, healing, and restoring. If you are longing for an encounter with God, let this song be the sound that leads you to His presence.

🎧 Listen. Worship. Share the Sound of Revival.
🔥 The Holy Spirit is moving!

📢 CALL TO ACTION: SHARE & SPREAD THE TESTIMONY!
If this song has blessed you, share it with someone who needs to hear the voice of God. Tag a friend, post it on social media, and let the sound of revival spread.

🔥 Be blessed. Be empowered. Be transformed.
- Jedidjah Emanuel

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"This Is My Testimony" is a heartfelt song born from my journey of faith, struggles, and victories in Christ. Through these melodies and words, I share the power of God's love, grace, and redemption. It's a reflection of how He transforms lives, breaks chains, and calls us into His marvelous light. May this song encourage you, uplift your spirit, and draw you closer to Him. Let it remind you that your testimony is powerful, and God is always working through your story.

Thank you for listening, and may this song be a blessing to your heart. If you feel touched, please share it with someone who needs to hear it. Together, let’s spread the message of hope and faith in Jesus Christ.

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This is my Testimony

Discover my Testimony

This is my Testimony | Desiderium et Selah | Hallelujah

[Verse 1]
I don't have to close my eyes
To picture glory in the skies
I’ve walked that light, I’ve breathed that peace
I felt the weight of this world cease
It wasn’t just a dream or fading prayer
No — I can imagine, ’cause I was there

[Verse 2]
No golden gates or pearly halls
Just perfect love that covered all
No pain, no fear, no time, no sound
Just mercy like an endless crown
And when they called me back through air
I wept in silence… ’cause I’d been there

[Chorus]
I can imagine what waits for me
Not just hope — I’ve touched the unseen
I’ve heard the silence speak like song
Felt a grace that pulled me strong
So when I say that God is real
It’s not just faith — it’s what I feel
And though I walk this life in prayer
I can imagine… ’cause I’ve been there

[Verse 3]
I saw the love that holds our names
The kind that never plays the game
It wrapped around my weary frame
And whispered, “Child, you’re not the same”
So now I live with Heaven’s stare
I can imagine, ’cause I’ve been there

[Bridge]
So don’t you cry too long for me
If someday I just drift to sleep
That Light, that Place — it’s not pretend
It’s more alive than anything

[Chorus]
I can imagine what waits for me
Not just hope — I’ve touched the unseen
I’ve walked where shadows disappear
Where every soul is crystal clear
So when I speak of love and light
It’s not a tale — it’s second sight
And if you’re hurting, lost, or scared…
I can imagine… ’cause I’ve been there

[Outro – soft/spoken]
I’ve been there…
And He brought me back
But not to stay quiet
To tell you…
It’s real.
So real.

I can imagine...

[Verse 1]
You say you love the lost, but you don’t answer calls
I knocked, I bled, I told it all
You smiled like you meant it, then backed away slow
Like my story was a burden you didn’t wanna know

I ain’t askin’ for a spotlight or a stage
Just someone who don’t run when the truth ain’t safe
You sing about grace like it’s sweet and clean
But I’ve seen it show up where the dirt still clings

[Chorus]
You preach it ‘til it’s pretty
You post it ‘til it trends
But when a man walks outta Heaven
You don’t call, you just pretend
You talk about revival
But you’re scared to hear me feel
Don’t say you believe in fire
If you won’t preach it ‘til it’s real

[Verse 2]
You got a Bible verse taped to your desk
But won’t meet me eye to eye when I confess
You said you believed in a God who saves
But you ghosted me the moment I misbehaved

I came back burned but breathing air
With stories that don’t fit your Sunday prayers
But I ain’t here to fit your mold
I’m here ‘cause love refused to let me go

[Chorus]
You preach it ‘til it’s pretty
You post it ‘til it trends
But when a man walks outta Heaven
You don’t call, you just pretend
You shout about the miracles
Then ghost the ones who heal
Don’t say you believe in fire
If you won’t preach it ‘til it’s real

[Bridge]
One breath away from never again
You’d think that would change the hearts of men
But maybe truth’s too sharp for your peace
So I’ll carry it loud, while you whisper weak

[Final Chorus]
You preach it ‘til it’s polished
You quote it with a grin
But when the grave lost its grip on me
You ran like I’d sinned
You talk about the Spirit
But you don’t know how it feels
Don’t say you believe in Heaven
If you won’t preach it ‘til it’s real

[Outro]
So don’t preach it
Unless you mean it
Real.

You Preach It ‘Til It’s Pretty

A — Polished first-person testimony (blog/short memoir)

It began as a very dark night — everything in my life felt like it was coming apart. I started drinking more than I ever had. Somebody hurt me deeper than anyone had before. For a moment I saw the woman of my dreams, true love right in front of me — and in an instant it was ripped away. I lost myself in that one moment.

One thing led to another until the past exploded back into my present. I fell into a place my worst nightmares could only hold and was pulled into a cold, toxic place I couldn’t escape. I woke up in a hospital with five men holding me down, trying to strap me to a table. I was in my underwear, losing my mind as memories I’d buried came rushing back. I’d blocked that time of my life for years, but there it was, vivid and cruel.

Chained to the bed, I still told them everything — what happened, why it happened. Most of those men were musicians; they even gave me their numbers. I began to talk about my journey with God and how I wanted musicians who were as hurt as I was — people who’d been broken and needed Jesus. Everywhere I went I found hurt souls that needed help, and I wanted to be that man for them.

The watch on the bed was relentless. I had to endure being watched in the most humbling, dehumanizing ways — even having someone watch me use the restroom — for days. Fourteen days of hell. Three days before they finally released me from the chains; still, I couldn’t leave the room or see visitors. I was terrified of hospitals — even once when I was fighting kidney stones I didn’t want to go. I couldn’t stand being around people because I felt their emotions so deeply; mirror-touch made everything worse. I’d attach to others’ feelings until I was overwhelmed.

It felt like a lock, a block — maybe even a lie to keep me from getting well. But through all of it I had to check the things I’d been told I couldn’t do. I had to reinvestigate the words that said “you can’t” and transform them into reasons I could. Fourteen days of hell — and fourteen days that revealed something beautiful and resolute from God. Now I’m home.

It began as a very dark night


(And the cuffs called just for writing)
(Stop)
(Just saying)
(Uh)
(Uh)
(And I know)

Intro (spoken / sparse keys)
Father God...

Verse 1
So many pills been popped into my mouth, I didn't even know the names, sometimes, you know
They came to me each day with a different doctor's note — "sign this if you want to go home"
So I signed it, signed them all, I tried to push back, I don't even know
Activan, Jesus — it made my heart wanna pull out my chest and try to go

I sat in the corner, couldn't see the room, head bouncing on my knees, crying out
"God, get me out of this place," I needed earth, the wind, the sky under my feet
I stared at the ceiling night after night, the only window showing rolling trees and steps outside
Wrote so many songs I never touched — powerful lines that faded down the hallways of my mind

Pre-Chorus
Every single memory took me to another hallway I couldn't get away from
I knew I had to cry my mind out, do what they said to make them stay calm

Chorus
Father God, hold on one more night — don't let me fade into that light
I can't swallow all those pills they serve as if they're trying to steal my sight
I threw my hands down my throat, puked up every single medicine you gave me
But I kept hearing a voice: "Hold on, hold on, don't let them take the rest of me"

Verse 2
I had to give up the pills that promised ease, the ones that numbed my pain away
Couldn’t swallow what they handed me each morning — I said, "God, please, don't make me stay"
Holly on the phone each day, her voice the string that kept me from coming undone
"Just obey, show them it's okay," she said — I tried, I detoxed, I won some battles, lost some

Father God, you calmed me when I threw up and the pain felt like a tidal wave
I wouldn't take the last one — I told them flat, "No, I've tried it before, it don't save"
They kept calling me "re-dusted," said I had to go back — I almost lost my head
But something in the dark whispered light, and for the first time in a while I slept

Pre-Chorus
Six hours of sleep — peace like rain, something told me, "If you rest, you'll wake again"
I took the pills because they begged me, but in my soul I begged the Lord to stay

Chorus
Father God, hold on one more night — don't let me fade into that light
I can't swallow all those pills they serve as if they're trying to steal my sight
I threw my hands down my throat, puked up every single medicine you gave me
But I kept hearing a voice: "Hold on, hold on, don't let them take the rest of me"

Bridge (quiet, building)
They didn't believe my miracle touch until the words sat on the page
They gave me names for every ache — but only He could break that cage
I looked out at the trees and steps, I wrote the songs I could not name
If faith is all I have, then faith will whisper back my name

Break (spoken over soft piano)
I said, "God, don't do this to me — I can't hear Your words through the noise"
But I heard a still small voice: "Hold on, please, your story isn't done, boy"

Final Chorus (full band)
Father God, hold on one more night — don't let me fade into that light
I won't swallow every pill they serve, I won't give up the fight for sight
I puked up every single medicine they tried to make me take away
But there was Holly's voice, and there was prayer — and still I found the strength to stay

Outro (soft, repeating)
Father God — hold on
Hold on one more night
Hold on one more night, Father God
(And the cuffs called just for writing...)

So many pills

[Verse 1]
I'm calling out
For your angel, God
Yeah, one of your people are missing
I'm addicted to so much now
See, I went into that place and just drank a little bit, yeah, when I was hanging out with my friends, you know
Yeah, now they got me on the diazepam, 5 milligrams, you know, two times a day, yeah
On that, I feel like a zombie, they got even, they got some other stuff that they want for me to take, yeah
Adabilify, Ativan, Lorazepam, Risperdal — all these pills they hand me like candy in my palm
They asked me to take whatever, I don't even know, this Adderall, little bit, you never know
Yeah, but there's a time, you know, I fruited all up, I told you what my strength in jail was even devolved, yeah
Anesthesia took me to another place, yeah, I felt the pain of every face, every single person's complaint
Their backs, their pressure, all their sighs, yeah, the thing that they—one guy had a black eye, yeah
I couldn't see out of my eye for a day, yeah
It wasn't puffy, but I could feel his pain

See, every person that I've seen in that place, I knew even if they were writers or what they needed, yeah
Father God was telling me everything that everybody needed, every word, every phrase, everything that I said, yeah, was a part of me
I know there was an angel inside of me, that's how I got out of that place, I know
You gave me the calmness, Father God, I thank you, but now I need something even stronger than love
See, I took it that, I took their poison, I'm addicted to it, I know it's destroying me
But I'm trying to fight off all the things that I need with something else, it's going to drive me insane
I know this beast has been a part of me a long time ago, 14 days, I was free again, yeah
Gave up the alcohol, but now they got me addicted to something else that I can't contain
How do I even feel? How do I even go?
Yeah, Father God, I need your love, I need your guiding love
Yeah, see the light, yeah, show me your way, show me another path to get off the poison today

[Verse 2]
See, I didn't even realize that I was making a story of my life, yeah, even The Vines didn't know, I see how they treat people
Get you hooked on something, then when they release you, you sit in there wishing you had something even new, yeah
You're addicted to something, that's how they got you
They got you crazy, now they're going to get you right back, they don't give you your medication, and then they got to monitor it, yeah
Your blood shot, blood sugar, and that
And if it doesn't go right, then you break, you know, you won't see something even looking for
There's a moment in your life, you know, now you're addicted to so much stuff that they've (I lost it)

Addicted

Song Cover Image
The Vines Hospital

𝔹𝕀𝔾𝕁𝕆ℍℕ𝕊ℍ𝕆𝕎

Untitled Persona
By

𝔹𝕀𝔾𝕁𝕆ℍℕ𝕊ℍ𝕆𝕎

Add a Caption
September 27, 2025 at 12:39 PM
v5
Why I Wrote “The Vine” Song

On the 4th, I had a bad relapse from my past. A police officer grabbed me the wrong way, and it triggered me back into a very dark place in my life. That’s how I ended up at The Vines hospital.

But being in The Vines really didn’t help me the way I hoped it would. From the moment I got there, they tried to feed me Ativan and Risperdal. Because I live with synesthesia, medication like that doesn’t truly numb what I feel — it only dulls the emotions on the surface. I still felt everyone’s pain and anguish around me, just in a different way. As they pushed more and more medication, I ended up throwing some of it up because I couldn’t deal with how it made me feel inside.

For me, surviving means building mental barriers — a bubble I put up to block out other people’s emotions. Cognitive processes that take constant strength. In that place, I had to sharpen that ability just to function. And while I managed to accomplish that, I also walked out with new struggles. I left The Vines addicted to medications I never wanted in the first place. Before I went in, alcohol was the only thing I leaned on. I was 14 days sober when I got there. But when I came out without their medications, I went right back to drinking. I don’t drink like I used to, but it’s still a battle — one of the ways I cope with feeling everybody else’s emotions when I haven’t found another answer yet.

Every song I’ve written about The Vines isn’t just music — it’s a testimony of my truth. It’s about the struggles I faced there, the ways I fought to stay myself, and the healing journey I continue to walk. My resolve has shifted, my writing has changed, but deep down I am still the same person I was when I went in: carrying the same problems, working through them the best I can, just like everybody else in life.

Being someone with synesthesia, I don’t just feel my own pain. I feel everyone’s. And in that place, I carried the emotions of so many people. In a way, I felt like I had to heal everyone there before I could heal myself. That’s what I am — a healer. My words heal. They’re not really my words; they’re God’s words. I’m just a tool He uses to reach people.

That’s why this album exists. That’s why The Vine Song had to be written. It’s not just music — it’s my survival, my healing, and hopefully healing for somebody else who needs it.

If you have any questions or need me, just let me know. God bless you all.

The Vines Hospital

[Verse 1]
Father, I hear the voices, yeah, they’re calling in the night
They whisper in the evening, dragging shadows through my life
So many voices talking, Lord, I’m haunted every day
Can’t rest, can’t walk, can’t breathe, can’t find my way
Screaming in my spirit things I don’t even understand
Words that don’t mean nothing but they burn inside my hands
I know there’s something deep that only You can see
A wounded part of me that longs to be set free
I’ve held it in a box, locked it up so tight
Scared to let the monster out and show his face in light
He’ll feast, he’ll need, he’ll breathe — the pain that’s buried deep
But You’re the One who heals, Lord, break the chains, release

[Pre-Chorus]
I’ve taken it to the cross so many times before
But still I find myself running back for one shot more
I don’t want this pain-killer, Lord, I want Your grace
Take this cup from me, break me out of this place

[Chorus]
God, I’m on my knees, break these chains inside of me
Heal the wounds my past attackers left in me
I’m tired of this sin, tired of the bottle’s hold
Take my shame, take my pain, make my spirit whole

[Verse 2]
Three shots just to numb it, four shots lost in space
Five shots I’m falling into some darker place
Eight shots, Lord, I’m dizzy, words are dancing through my head
Nine shots I’m still spinning, ten shots I should be dead
Bottles on the rail, bottles on the floor
Hidden everywhere like the memories I ignore
Whiskey, tequila, doesn’t matter anymore
I keep telling myself I’m not a drunk, but Lord —
Maybe I’ve been lying, maybe I’ve been blind
Maybe only You can heal this shattered mind

[Chorus]
God, I’m on my knees, break these chains inside of me
Heal the wounds my past attackers left in me
I’m tired of this sin, tired of the bottle’s hold
Take my shame, take my pain, make my spirit whole

[Bridge]
I need You in my veins, not this poison, not this sin
I’m over-intoxicated, Lord, please come rushing in
Everything inside of me is crying to be free
Only You can save me from the monster inside me

[Outro]
The echoes inside of me are crying out for escape
From the pain that is stuck inside so deep
Father, hear me now, don’t let me slip away
Break these chains, Lord, break them today

Break These Chains

My name is John. I have been a broadcaster for five years and have been writing music and poetry for twenty years. I didn’t even realize I could read and write until I discovered I have mirror-touch synesthesia. I perceive everything from right to left: my poetry, words, and compassion. My childhood was challenging, to put it mildly. However, God showed me a way to help others through the words I share. Every song I write serves as a ministry. By addressing various issues, I hope to assist those with troubled pasts find healing through my words. I am a pastor, and this is how I spread God’s message—by feeling the emotions around me and understanding the feelings of the people I encounter, because I have experienced similar struggles. God allows me to see you in ways that others cannot.

🔥 SoundCloud Bio – Desiderium et Selah 🔥by Jedidjah Emanuel 🕊️🔥 

The Desire of the Beloved. The Pause of Heaven. The Sound Sealed by the Throne of Grace. Amen 🎶

🎵 Kingdom Music | Prophetic Sounds | Worship & Revival

⸻

Welcome to my SoundCloud — where heaven meets sound. This is more than music—this is a movement.

Every song you find here was born in prayer, refined in fire, and anointed to carry God’s presence into your life. 
Every track carry His presence, soaked in revelation, and released from the secret place.

You’ve entered a prophetic flow—where worship meets warfare, where encounter births transformation.

This is not entertainment — it’s a divine atmosphere, a holy soundscape for healing, deliverance, awakening, and glory.

Let the melodies guide you into His presence. Let the words awaken your spirit. Let the Selah moments speak.

⸻

✨ Awakened by Glory — A Sound from Heaven 🎧🔥

I am Jedidjah Emanuel, and this is more than a profile.
It’s a burning altar of worship, a testimony in rhythm, and a Selah-movement — a new genre birthed by the Spirit to create space for encounters with the Living God.

⸻

💫 Desiderium — A Holy Longing

There’s a sacred desire in every soul. We all carry a longing that the world can’t satisfy.

A desiderium for more—for heaven, for truth, for Jesus.
This is Desiderium — a sacred ache to know God deeper.

My music carries this longing like fire and fragrance—pulling hearts closer to the Eternal One.

Every track is a fragrance of that desire.
Let it pull you into divine intimacy.

⸻

🎵 Selah — A Divine Pause of Heaven

Selah is not just a word. Selah is not a genre. It’s a spiritual experience. It’s a divine breath between verses. A holy stop to listen.

Let each song be a Selah moment — an open door to heaven. Pause. Reflect. Encounter. Let the Holy Spirit guide you to the sound meant for you. 

🔥 Ask the Holy Spirit to guide you to the sound your soul needs right now.

⸻

🕊️ My Story — Jedidjah Emanuel & 🛡️ My Testimony — From the Fire to the Throne

My name carries my journey:

Jedidjah – Beloved of the Lord
Emanuel – God with us

Once broken—now restored. I was broken, lost, and shattered. But Jesus found me. He restored me. 
Now I sing not from pain, but from redemption.

This music is my offering back to the One who healed me. From the valley to the throne—Jesus was, is, and will always be the center.

⸻

🔥 My Calling — My Vision — My Desire

This is Kingdom Music—birthed in the secret place and released for the world. Genres shift, but the Spirit remains:

From soaking worship to prophetic rap, from instrumental Selah to fiery declarations.

.

🌍 My Mission & Movement — Selah Sound

I am called to raise sounds of:
🔊 Prophetic Worship
🎤 Spirit-Filled Hip Hop
🎶 Instrumental Meditations
📜 Scripture Declarations
💥 Revival Fire

This is a movement — a spiritual revolution in sound.

Selah Sound is the genre of heaven’s breath:
A sacred space between noise and eternity.

⸻

✡️ Et — The Divine Connector

In Hebrew, Et connects the Aleph and Tav — the beginning and the end.

It points to Jesus, the Alpha and Omega.

This moment is your divine Et — a holy invitation to step into purpose and presence. 

⸻

✝️ Come Home to the Gospel

Jesus Christ gave His life for you.
He died and rose to offer you love, forgiveness, freedom, and eternity.
This music carries His presence. Let it speak to your heart.
💌 Will you say yes to Him today?

⸻

🔥 How to Engage:

🎧 Explore my playlists & Selah moments
📖 Read each song’s description — let the Holy Spirit lead
💬 Comment, like, and share what speaks to you
🫶 Join the movement — Desiderium et Selah is just beginning

⸻

🙏🏼 Blessing

May the Lord bless you and keep you.
May His face shine upon you.
May His voice be louder than every fear.
🔥 Amen. Selah. Hallelujah. 🔥

⸻

With holy expectation and deep love,

Jedidjah Emanuel
🎵 A Sound for Every Season
📖 A Message for Every Heart
🕊️ A Movement for the Glory of God

Visit my Page for more:

Desideriumetselah.com

I’m JD Hodge — Oklahoma-born, red dirt-raised, and songwriting for over 30 years.

In 2024, I flatlined on an operating table. Cardiac arrest. Everything changed.

When I came back, the words came with me — like they’d been waiting their turn. Since then, the songs haven’t stopped. I write what’s real: struggle, hope, grit, and grace — stories meant to be felt.

You’ll hear pieces of my past, my people, and the kind of heartland truth you can’t fake. These songs aren’t just mine — they’re for anyone who’s fought through silence and still found a voice.

Retired • Lyricist • Country • Americana • Acoustic Soul
Oklahoma, USA

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