By Carl Butterfingers, ESEF News

BREAKING NEWS: In a scandal that has rocked the music industry, or at least the three people who still care about credits, a man was apprehended last night clutching a Best Producer award that, shockingly, did not belong to him. The suspect, known only as "Dava," was allegedly the ghost producer for Doctor Printer, the drum and bass superstar renowned for his iconic releases of stylized Instagram photographs with his hands in the air and pre-recorded sets that move crowds to tears.

Our investigative team revealed how Dava the Ghost Producer slipped through the industry’s so-called "security measures", all thanks to Bobbi "The Gatekeeper" McAllister, the self-proclaimed "arbiter of real music" (who, it turns out, couldn’t spot a ghost producer if they haunted his own playlist).

When pressed, he added, "Also, I was at a rooftop party when I listened to it. The bass sounded great over the speakers, so I figured, ‘Why overthink it?’"

Sources reveal that the award was mistakenly given to Dava after the jury, comprising of two Spotify algorithm engineers and a man who once DJ'd at a wedding, believed that the people who actually create the music should receive the credit.

"This is an outrage!" declared an anonymous industry insider (who may or may not be Doctor Printer's publicist). "In today's music landscape, producing a track is the least important part of being a producer. What matters is owning a UK passport, a small family loan of £1 million, and a farm of Eastern European ghost producers working in shifts to launch your album on mainstages while you post gym selfies."

Doctor Printer released a statement: "I am shocked—SHOCKED—that anyone would think I don’t make my music. Next, you’ll tell me my Instagram poses aren’t spontaneous. I stand by my artistic vision, which is mostly pointing at the crowd and occasionally tweaking a filter knob."

Award Jury Spokesperson: "Look, we just assumed the guy with the laptop was the intern. Our bad. We just work here." Or we were just doing our jobs?

Dava: "I just wanted my mum to be proud of me for once." (He was last seen applying for a UK visa.)

When the jury mistakenly gave Dava the award, Bobbi the self-appointed guardian of "real music" was shocked, not because the wrong person won, but because he didn’t even know Dava existed.

Wait, there’s a real producer behind Doctor Printer?" Bobbi reportedly asked. "I thought he just, like, vibed in the studio while his team did the work?"

When reached for comment, Bobbi simply said: "Look, if Dava had have just tagged me in an Instagram story with 🚀🔥💯, maybe I would’ve noticed. But no, he had to take the hard road. Amateur mistake. The award needs to be revoked."

After the scandal broke out, Bobbi tried to spin the narrative: "Look, ghost production is just collaboration with extra steps… and money… and no credit's Dava should be grateful for the exposure!" He then allegedly offered Dava a consolation prize: a repost on his "Underrated Gems" playlist (which has 47 followers, 12 of whom are bots).

The Bigger Problem: Why Was Bobbi in Charge?
Sources reveal Bobbi’s qualifications for being a gatekeeper included:

- Owning a pair of "studio-grade" headphones (that he mostly uses for podcasts)
- Once getting a co-sign from a DJ who later turned out to be a literal ghost (long story)
- Using co-working spaces, paid for by his trust-fund
- An unwavering belief that "if it charts, it’s art"
- An unwavering belief that all his friends will chart

Meanwhile, the scandal has ignited a firestorm in YouTube comment sections, where armchair critics are doing what they do best: comparing everything to something else.

This is Carl from ESEF News reporting, reminding you: if you’re not cheating, you’re not trying.

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BILLAIN & MAGNETUDE - GLASS FORTRESS

Mare Nubium /ˈnjuːbiəm/ (Latin nūbium, the "sea of clouds") is a lunar mare in the Nubium basin on the Moon's near side. The mare is located just to the southeast of Oceanus Procellarum.

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BILLAIN - DYSTOPIA feat. RAWTEKK

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Stream & Buy : https://bfan.link/shinigami-vip

We had an amazing time working on the original version with Billain, and creating the VIP version was just as enjoyable. This track will always hold a special place in our hearts.

This song has solidified our shared vision of music, our musical DNA.

Thank you all so much, and we hope you enjoy this revision. 🦬🦬🦬




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Burr Oak & Billain - Shinigami VIP [Blackout]

Burr Oak & Billain - Shinigami VIP

Music For The Struggled Generation...


For all booking information (UK / EU / ROW) please contact:
tom@clockworkartists.co.uk

General Enquiries:
burroakmusic@gmail.com

Burr Oak is the collaborative Drum & Bass project of French producers The Clamps and Opsen (formerly of Signs), uniting their visions around a dark, cinematic strain of Neurofunk. With releases on imprints such as Trendkill, Eatbrain, Blackout and Cause4Concern, they craft high-impact music where ruthless sound design, rock energy and emotive songwriting collide.

Their debut album "Somewhere We Belong" on Eatbrain marked a turning point, an 18-track odyssey that firmly positioned Burr Oak at the forefront of modern neurofunk. The record unfolds as a narrative built around their outlaw alter egos Scruggs and Sonny Jim, blending worldbuilding, dystopian atmospheres and dancefloor pressure into a cohesive universe.

Through a series of EPs, including "Hawkeye" and "Zero Alpha", and their remixed LP "Somewhere It’s Reborn", Burr Oak has continued to expand this sonic lore, pushing their hybrid of industrial textures, emotional melodies and razor-sharp groove. Their catalogue extends further via collaborations and remixes for labels like Blackout and Evolution Chamber, notably the single "I Want You" with Magnetude and their acclaimed remix of Pythius' "Erase Me" on Blackout, which brought a particularly fresh and forward-thinking twist to the original, alongside numerous high-profile reworks for scene heavyweights.

Rooted in the intensity of 90s alternative music and driven by a "music for the struggled generations" ethos, Burr Oak treats each release as a self-contained chapter: a blend of narrative, sound design and impact that looks unapologetically toward the future of Drum & Bass.

Join the cyberneuro discord > https://discord.gg/y4GUFKCDug

Art of drums, bass, sounddesign and distortions.
BOOKINGS: jamie@twu.agency
OR HERE https://twuaagency.com/portfolio/billain/

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