written Dec 2022
ft. @boynamedivy

track 1 on "songs from a time"

nearly overdosing on apples
tryna keep the doctor away from my room
sometimes he barges in on his own
i can’t catch a break, it’s only June
he said “why do you seem so feminine?
if you need a fix just call me,
cause you can’t be what you wanna be”
(how did i make them so appalled)

tell me how can i get out of this predicament
where i lose everytime
needed some needles to tend to my wrist
if i don’t let go, then it’ll all turn to shit
i make up a story, then tell my friends
in hopes that i’ll be seeing them again
they tell me “don’t worry, we’ll call you”
i ask them “when?”
you can do me a favor if you just leave me be
keep a barber’s blade in my pocket
i’ll use it to do some deeds that you’ll never see
in your lifetime, cause you’re not me

do you even know how i feel
i can’t even tell you how i feel
wish i could move to somewhere real
wish i could talk to someone real

why this?
why did it ever ever be this way?
why did it ever ever end this way?
you said you loved me at least a week ago
so funny that we broke up cause i dropped you off a little late
now i'm sleeping, steady rotting i've become what i've hate
now i'm getting skinnier, i haven't even ate
i could really off myself but that really wouldn't be great

even if i could believe in what you say
i don't want it to be this way
you kicked me onto the curb
you don’t understand my worth
rip the hands out of my clocks
just so i can forget about the time
cause really all you do is lie when it chimes

it's not a walk in the park how i'm living this way
i cross my heart just so i can feel today
by the minute i feel like going insane
i just need a break and i guess this'll do it

14.

someone real (ft. ivvy2k)

fall 2022

written Oct 2022

track 3 on "songs from a time"

i love appearing offline
get to do anything i want
no one to interrupt me
got no one to stop
i just click the gray button
all my problems subside
i can now sulk in peace
leave my life outside
you can't say anything to me
i don't exist, i am not real
please focus on your own things
do you know how good that'll make me feel
though i feel sick of being alone
there's nothing better than quiet wheels
i get to think about everything
everything sucks, and that's the deal
what'd you expect? for me to straighten up all the lines?
to form a bridge to settle ties with all my partnerships? decline!
'cause i'm too scared to reemerge right out into the bright light
i tell myself i need to work on how to talk, but i fight it

i just hate how far i've gone
down the sinkhole that i dug out by myself
i regret it all
but there are times when darkness comes
and i find home in where it lurks
without any force around
i reckon anywhere i turn
the smoke will seep in through the ground

then i try to fix all my mistakes all on my own, that's suicidal
then i seek out to the shrink, but they don't see it, they stay idle
the water drips from the kitchen sink.
it's not enough to stop the fire!
i wash my face with an orange drink, so i can feel how i was prior!

when i turn eighteen i hope i'm not dying!
hope the messages multiplying!
i hope they all leave a sign on my front door, as i am crying!
hope i don't have to find where you are!
as i drown into your picture
thinking of you, shining in that car!
you're the only witness left alive

and it's half past six o'clock
would you believe i haven't slept yet
i took a picture of my face with the sun in view
will you respect that?
and at times, i inadvertently hurt myself
but why does suffering feel so good
when i've lost the hope that is built within me
i hope when you look at this in two years
you're feeling better and not pretending
you've struck the lies out, living freely
in the box that you've descended
i hope the gray turns into green
or whatever color you prefer
just think about it for a second
(can you think about for a second, please?)

16.

offline!

made in 2023
one of my most favorite songs ever, by one of my most favorite artists ever, kero kero bonito. note: it wasn't mixed pretty well (courtesy of me in 2023), i couldn't really save it due to me losing the original project file but i hope it still sounds decent to some people)

track 5 on "songs from a time"

18.

flyway

made in 2024

track 7 on "songs from a time"

(dialog)

20.

relieve me of...

written Mar 2024
guitars, bass, drums by @nav_iiee

track 8 on "songs from a time"

and it's never easy,
i get ashamed for what i've done.
and what i'll do...
is there even an inch of concern?
just a text away...
i'm nothing
without you,
without the glass around me
test me,
arrest me
do you think of me?

(1, 2, 3, 4)
have i lost myself?
have i sunk to some degree?
do you think of me?
say it once, then i'll count to three!
have i found some help?
do i cry myself to sleep?
do you think of me?
say it twice, then i'll count to three!
am i feeling well?
can my eyelids tell what's real?
do you think of me?
three times, do you think of me?

and i think of me...
release the thoughts in my head.

21.

New tracks tagged #bulacan