2023 and we back at it. Content warning, weapons grade levels of sarcasm.

[Verse 1]
She told me "be vulnerable" - I said: 
"I've attached an anchor to every relationship I got roped into
Ace grey, could tied the knot when I was straight-laced
So these days, it's shoes without strings, you know what they say

Times when anxiety would drive decisions
Like wedges, despite tries at healing, it's bye forgiveness
Speaking of ties that bind, I guess the lies were ribbons
First came cutting words, then silent scissors

Adjectives fail to capture the feeling
Swimming in lacrimal rivers, escape artist from self-made prisons 
Harry Houdini to boom-baptism
Ascension is found in places where the roof went missing

And you listen, motherfuckers on permanent transmission
Look mom, no hands - unprepared to do it
When it's no fans in the stands, uphill battle 
With no grants - to be lucky with no chance

They tell you not to compare, but want to compare favorably
Oldest trick in the Kindle, still shared like the latest meme
Past the stage where it phases me
Trauma's a feedback loop on an Instagram data feed

People tell me "Say less", so I'm like "say the least"
I mean do goats stay above it, or do they make a scene?
Guess it depends on what "make it" means
I'm just a guy who's irreverent to the greater scheme

What about you?" That's when I spotted that look
The temperature in the room went from Riyadh to Yakutsk
I would lie if I could
She said "I keep my scars private", I replied with "that's good"
--

Original instrumental by Camouflage Monk for Mach-Hommy "No Blood No Sweat"

No Blood No Sweat Freeverse (2023)

[Verse 1]
Let me practice this dialogue of invented people
In a story written by a mind that doesn't think in sequels
More like spiritual successors, or Rashomon style
Refutations of earlier perspectives, logs on the pile

Put this soul on this pyre, hold these soles to the fire
Why open closed chapters? Dreams evoke the prose of a child
Once wounded, twice bitten, thrice shy
And yet, something about that fourth time that feels different

If a hero in one epic, a villain in another
Let the voice reflect the journey, the gravel under one's feet
The smoky air breathed, the weight of choices laid on the heart
The joy of triumph over shadows, and the place where it started 

[Hook]
But first I'll sleep... (3x)

[Verse 2]
Let me give thanks to those that sent wishes
And those who opened doors, when the key snapped in the lock
And these suspicions that were once held, at once fell silent
When idling thoughts became focused, this odyssey can't be stopped

By a few sirens, or a tidal wave of change
I'm a writer and twilight is my domain, carpe noctem
Cause the day is where bread is made, among folks
Committed to Hawkin' like Etta James, and the sales is what matters

But the mind supercedes, a few degrees burn brighter
So feeding the curiosity will deepen the desire
For growth, what is gained by what is lost is worth pondering
The size of a fish can be determined by the pond it's in

[Hook]
But first I'll sleep... (3x)

[Verse 3]
Let me forget what was done, but remember what was given
Every scene has a schism, between two stools
But never been a pigeon, between two truths
Is where some choose to hide behind a ruse to stick the shiv in

That's their prison, memories another
Was fear driven, the fuel price rocketed to the stratus
Courage to open the heart again was more rewarding
Than letting the thoughts be clouded by never burying hatchets

May every hug replace a thousand words
May the persistence disprove the ones who would doubt the work
May every lost hour of rest be spent pursuing
The dream, in lieu of fatigue from worries

But first I'll...

Power Nap (2023)

It's been a long time. I know.

[Verse 1]
I don't know who you think I am, but I am not a rapper
I used to be a lotta things, but something came after
A mystery enshrouds it in doubt, till I announce it
Then unsolicited opinions do their best to cloud it

Duality of when the quiet ones become the loudest
And travel in packs, or when the meek decide to battle back
A balancing act where stoicism is the pole
And emotion the tightrope, the chasm's unknown

Forgiveness doesn't include that a bond is regrown
You can tell you're not respected by the pity in the tone
Or familiarity that bears the stench of entitlement
As entropy is both enemy and friend to idle hands

So I'll be staying the course
With noise cancelling headphones for tuning out the sirens
Both feet on the ground taking the scenic route
Eyes on the kingdom that Mufasa left his lion kin

You see, I am not a poet
I'll soon become a lotta things, but something came befo' it
A multitude of lives in the rearview of a brother who
Dared to leave behind the dreams that turned to nightmare fuel

I lit the match on the trail
That's how you make it look like a success when you fail
People admire broad strokes, while I stress the details
And I ain't mulling over framing, I'm rolling up the painting

They see what they like though you told them that you ain't them
What's it say about eyes, if everything is the same thing
Instead of asking when the pain ends
We could raise our boundaries up and change friends

Spot the crocodile tears before they came in
The only way they'd stand in your shoes if they're snakeskin
Or so it would seem
There's a perspective outside of what your ego believes

Cause I am not him

Zero Tolerance Freeverse (2023)

A raw recording of a piece, inspired by Noora's set at Akimbo 2, as well as Common's "It's Your World"

[Verse 1]
I ask myself what makes a man - refuse to say another
Too many times I've seen them unmake
I prayed for, while they preyed on
Women, never have I met one who was unscathed

Ironically my scars when I trace
It leads me to them, and many words I wish to unsay
Like the times I said sorry, but only meant sorry
As a way to say that I regret ever feeling safe

To see my flaws chipped away like a blade of obsidian
To cut out a heart I've already given, mistakes
Were made, when I forgave, continued to play
Clinging to what I thought I deserved, or what I thought I was worth

I always wanted to serve, it wasn't seen as manly
My mother tells me of people that I don't see as family
The chisel renders them their sentencing, decisions
To continue down a path that brings closer what they're sprinting from


A vicious cycle with a stick in the spokes
And I would turn them all to stone just by picking a bone
Put simply: you don't understand what you never had to know
When you're hoping that I land where you never had to go

I used to hold you in these arms
I used to hold you in regard
Then I used to hold you in contempt, not even
I hold with all my strength, the feeling of not needing revenge

Aware of my wrongs, when I need to repent
She disappeared without a trace, never leaving a scent
The secrets she kept, the reason I wept
The freedom she always had, just to see me as a threat

To a safety that she sought behind a mask, so envisioned
The feeling of hating your captor in your own prison
Inflection in your tone when you say "nothing's wrong"
Has me hoping it's the last time I put you in poems, for real


The spiritual advisors all decreed in unison
"Finally you see this through to the end"
I'm in my room, where the mood's on a swing
All the truth's in this pen, all the proof in the end

Is found in the room where the rumors begin
Surrounded by true friends, and those that never knew him
Ghosts that never haunted him, foes who never cornered him
Shows he never showed up to, though he promised them

The false life tainted me, jobs have been draining me
Bottles have been staining me, I've always been afraid of me
Giving it all to an art that ain't sustaining me
Or standing tall in a society that's shaming me

So many days it feels my very best just ain't in me
You see strength but it ain't what it seems
It's merely 30 years of practice of painting a scene
While being convinced that the love I lack just ain't for me

It's a lot to undo, but at least to my credit
I'm no longer under the impression it's impossible
To conclude: what makes a man is irrelevant
Cause I am proud to be what another man has never been

Me, and yet better without better than
Never say never, but never again
All my life I've had to be in this corner
I still wanna see Barcelona, but this is my world
It's my world


[Hook]
It's just the place that I'm headed
They tell me look 'fore you leap
I got good feet when I'm landing
And all I need's to believe in myself
I got good feet when I'm landing
They tell me look 'fore you leap
But, it ain't the place that I'm headed

It's not the place that I'm headed...

Words After Noora (2023)

This track will close Season 2 of Open Vents. In honor of all the artists who have inspired me through the years, this is an elegy to those that passed away. This track is also a reckoning for myself and 25 years of writing and rapping. 

[Intro 2x]
I often wondered about my place in Rap
Since then my niche was eroded - I can't take it back
So grief is my way to honor that
Vita brevis, ars longa, ergo ecce artifex

[Verse 1]
My heroes weren't perfect, but they made me fall in love with
A craft, for 25 years suffering appeared worth it
Is there enough loss, I ponder as my cross is burning
Feeling Faithless, melatonin stops Insomnia turning

Write raps when depressed, rhythm & blues
They say my shit is too dense, but then what if it's you?
Hard to love partners - heart cracked in hands I'd give it to
Hard to trust doctors - heart defects from ritalin use

What didn't kill you still managed to short your lifespan
Doctor said I've dealt with average stress my age, times ten
Didn't blink when I heard it, nor was I frightened
I gazed away and said, there's no trophy for just surviving

If this is hell, a few circles they failed to mention
Imagine dying of loneliness, funeral's well-attended
This type of anger has no bottle for it
You got some smart shit to say, but I will not recall it

Some speak of ambition to mask their own fear
Cause doom in the rear is closer than it appears
You're closer to the one you look down on, than up to
This ain't a night sky, my guy, it's just a boot

The pack animals cope dining on rotten fruit
Then it's back to the meat grind loop, divine comedy
Laughter lacks mirth, it's a dare to drop the mask first
Caesar addressed Brutus, we forgot who stabbed first

How poignant, the perfect threat is voiceless
If I have to spell it out, it's directions to where the void is
*Only traces of the dragon remain*
Eyes locked on the abyss and I have to refrain, from jumping

Thin line between passion and rage, I smudged it
Want you to stand in a place where you can't judge it
Unless, you judge your own shadow with blind courage
These aren't eyes, these are single-sided mirrors

To redefine what a peer is, cause everyone's a critic
Or instruments in the overture to becoming a cynic
My heroes weren't perfect, but they made me fall in love
With the art of writing lyrics, and I'm surrounded by spirits

And I wonder, if it's fated that so many lights have faded
Death is a gluttony demon that is never sated
His food is never savored, so perish the thought entirely
In sympathetic ink the final note reads: try me

[Outro 2x]
I make no claim of my place in Rap
Lessons from a younger me, who will never make it back
So growth is how I honor that
Vita brevis, ars longa, ego sum artifex

---
*Line "Only traces of the dragon remain" interpolated from a poem by Dshamilja Roshani.

Ecce Artifex Freeverse (2024)

Iconoclast busy creating personal monuments. Catalogue speaks for itself.

New tracks tagged #cedrictill