(This is a previously retired track, reworked for CRAVECORE)

I reap the seeds I've sown,
A touch, I’ve never known,
Soft hands, around my throat.
Where teeth once carved their note.
The light, it pulls me in,
It burns beneath my skin.
A kiss without the bite,
A love that feels too bright.

It whispers in the dark,
A flicker, just a spark.
I tremble at the door,
Afraid to ask for more.

You breathe me back to life,
But all I feel’s the knife.
The light becomes a weight,
I choke beneath its grace.

You shine, I fade, You pull, I break.
You hold, I shake, You love, I ache.
The light below becomes a chokehold tight,
The dark above once cradled me at night.

The light, it scares me to my core
What if I crave the pain no more?
My scars they feel so sore,
I make loving me a chore.

I drown inside your calm,
I flinch at every palm.
Your kindness cuts so deep,
I long to fall asleep.
The demon in disguise,
An angel in your eyes.
But I can’t seem to stay,
I’m always pulling away.

Above, I see the past,
Below, I’m falling fast.
The hands that reach for me,
Are ones I fear to need.

You shine, I fade, You pull, I break.
You hold, I shake, You love, I ache.
The light below becomes a chokehold tight,
The dark above once cradled me at night.

The light, it scares me to my core
What if I crave the pain no more?
My scars they feel so sore,
I make loving me a chore.


Bonus Track:  Choke

(This is a previously retired track, reworked for CRAVECORE)

Sunglasses on, my face,
The sun can’t blind, my days.
I walk, between, the worlds,
The dark, the light, they swirl.
No longer need to hide,
No need to pick a side.
The burn, becomes a breeze,
The night’s, just company.

The shadows know my name,
They whisper, when you’re gone.
I walk, beneath, the flame,
But wonder, what I’ve done.
The sun, can’t heal it all,
Some cracks, are meant to stay.
I smile, beneath, the fall,
And hide, the night away.

I see the glow beneath the glare,
A warmth, I never thought was there.
The fear still lingers in the light,
But I don’t flinch, I don’t take flight.

Sunglasses on, I face the sky,
The sun won’t tear apart my mind.
The night, won’t pull me back inside,
I’m learning how to stay alive.
(alive, alive)

I wear the dark, like second skin,
It taught me how to let you in.
The sun, it blinds, but still I stay,
A little lost, but not afraid.
(not afraid, not afraid)

The sun burns away the scars,
The marks I thought were art,
Cuts consumed by teeth,
That covered burns underneath.
Maybe there's always a new thing,
I needed pain to feel something.
What if I lived in the moment,
Maybe I'll find some atonement.

The shadows know my name,
They whisper, when you’re gone.
I walk, beneath, the flame,
But wonder, what I’ve done.
The sun, can’t heal it all,
Some cracks, are meant to stay.
I smile, beneath, the fall,
And hide, the night away.

Sunglasses on, I face the sky,
The sun won’t tear apart my mind.
The night, won’t pull me back inside,
I’m learning how to stay alive.

I wear the dark, like second skin,
It taught me how to let you in.
The sun, it blinds, but still I stay,
A little lost, but not afraid.

Bonus Track:  Sunglasses

Morning light feels wrong on my skin,
Empty bed, lets me breathe again.
My heartbeats slow when there's no rush,
The silence is loud, but not enough.

My eyes look so empty,
Just wanna sleep, my lids heavy,
Colors are so dull, yet still new,
I keep seeing brand new hues.

Strange to feel, strange to stay,
Strange to heal, to just walk away.
My scars still hurt I cannot lie,
I feel the burn all the time.

It feels so strange
Quiet days, soft pain
Miss you, but not the same
Learning life without your name.

Fuck it's all so weird
Life without you here
I shared my darkest fears
Just finished wiping my tears.

These nights feel so calm,
All of it feels so wrong,
Used to crave the sugar sting,
Now I feel the realest things.

Miss the rush, not the ache,
Miss your voice, not the break,
Did you know love doesn't burn?
A lesson I struggle to learn.

Bottles kept me calm at night,
I can't seem to sleep tonight,
Trusting is so slow these days,
You cursed me in the worst ways.

All the stupid shit you'd say,
It was still hard to walk away,
What even happened to me?
How am I trapped yet free?

It feels so strange
Quiet days, soft pain
Miss you, but not the same
Learning life without your name.

Fuck it's all so weird
Life without you here
I shared my darkest fears
Just finished wiping my tears.

This shit is so hard,
I don't know what to do.

Strange

Your touch still clings like fabric glue
Cheap and rough, but feels like you
Think of you when I taste orange cream,
Hurts my heart, but fuels my dreams.

All the colors left one day,
Your pastel words faded away,
Still see your ghost roaming my halls,
The floor's felt, know it all too well.

Soft yet sharp, it tears my skin,
Comfort hurts from deep within,
Empty warmth just feels like guilt
Heart still wrapped in love we built

I've felt too much.
It's so soft and tough,
Even now, it’s not enough,
The felts to thick, it's to rough

I've felt too much
The scratch and blush,
I need to rip up the carpet,
I can't even get started

Synthetic love that won’t let go,
Fuzzy scars that never show,
Holds me close and cuts me slow,
Stings so sweet, still need it though.

Heart still bruised in pastel hue,
Better numb than missing you,
Even when the high is gone,
Felt remains, still lingers on.

Warmth that cuts, soft decay
Felt you leave, but couldn’t stay
Even silence pulls your name
Softest hurt that feels the same

A rug that cuts me every time
Clings so close, feels like crime
Discomfort that scrapes my skin,
Sometimes my demons win.

I've felt too much.
It's so soft and tough,
Even now, it’s not enough,
The felts to thick, it's to rough

I've felt too much
The scratch and blush,
I need to rip up the carpet,
I can't even get started


Can't even get started.
I can't even get started.

felt

You told me I'm your only reason,
That you like to keep living,
I'm trying to keep you here,
But I keep slipping, sorry dear.

Your problems are manufactured,
Like you're not happy with laughter,
You need chaos, you need drama,
Like you get off on your trauma.

Wading through the storms you made,
Hoping you can still be saved,
If I'm the life raft you keep 'round,
Then why are you weighing me down?

You’re the weight on my shoulders,
Dragging me lower,
I’m trying to hold ya,
Then you drag me down under',

You're a weight that I carry,
It's so heavy and scary,
I'm tired of treading water,
I'm sorry I wasn't stronger.

You put so much on me,
It was selfish, that's not for me.
I still love you, you know I do,
You just kept making me a fool.

I can't fix your problems,
Even when I solved them,
It's like you made more and more,
Just kept showing me the door.

If I am the only thing keeping you up,
Why do you act like I'm not enough,
You put this weight on my chest,
Is this a test, I need some rest, I wish you the fucking best

You’re the weight on my shoulders,
Dragging me lower,
I’m trying to hold ya,
Then you drag me down under',

You're a weight that I carry,
It's so heavy and scary,
I'm tired of treading water,
I'm sorry I wasn't stronger.

I feel so selfish myself,
I need professional help,
You leaned on me too much,
But to this day I crave your touch.

We're poison for each other,
You smothered while I suffered,
You keep doing this to yourself,
I put your pieces back myself,

I've got a chip on my shoulder,
Every day I get colder,
Every day I get older,
I just get colder as I get older.

You’re the weight on my shoulders,
Dragging me lower,
I’m trying to hold ya,
Then you drag me down under',

You're a weight that I carry,
It's so heavy and scary,
I'm tired of treading water,
I'm sorry I wasn't stronger.

Baby I'm so sorry...
I'm so fucking sorry..

w e i g h t

Breathing in slow,
But it don’t feel right
Lungs barley working,
There's no end in sight,
Every inhale,
Tastes bittersweet,
Every exhale,
Breeds cavities.

I'm scared,
Of who I am,
I'm scarred,
From the reprimand,
Who did I become?
Will this ever be done?
I no longer even feel numb,
I fear this all has just begun.

I keep pretending,
Keep the disguise
I’m holding on to something,
That’s not mine
Wearing a smile,
Like a second skin
But I’m hollow inside,
Where I let it in.

Shallow breath, shallow heart,
Tear me down, pull me apart,
Every step feels like a crime,
When I’m living in borrowed time,
Shallow breath, shallow eyes,
I’m holding on to something that’s not mine.

I never learned, did I?
Almost gouged my own eye,
You looked at me and just asked "why?"
Like I'm supposed to know why.

I want to be so mad at you,
But I know you're mad at me too.
You say I changed, you say I died,
All this time I just thought you lied,

I keep pretending, I keep the disguise
I’m holding on to something that’s not mine
I know you love to dramatize,
Like how I love to romanticize.

Shallow breath, shallow heart,
Tear me down, pull me apart,
Every step feels like a crime,
When I’m living in borrowed time,
Shallow breath, shallow eyes,
I’m holding on to something that’s not mine.

So what do we do now?
Could you love me some how?
Fuck, do you love me now?
Promise I won't drag you down.

Shallow breath, shallow heart,
Tear me down, pull me apart,
Every step feels like a crime,
When I’m living in borrowed time,
Shallow breath, shallow eyes,
I’m holding on to something that’s not mine.

I’m holding on… to something… that’s not mine…

Shallow

The party's over,
Confetti coats the floor,
I don’t feel anything,
Not like before.

I taste nothing now,
Just the bitterness is left,
But now my head hurts, my mouth is trashed,
And even though I know it’s best I still can’t lay you to rest.

I know you fought it,
Even when it tore you down,
I never meant to hurt you,
Didn’t want to see you drown.

You’re still the one I’d choose,
Even with all that we’ve lost,
But love alone ain’t enough,
And we both paid the cost.

I couldn't get over it,
Bennet Foddy how I kept taking hits,
Reached for you like a lifeline,
But I pulled too hard on your hand.

You tried and to that I applaud,
We were like fire works with shock and awe,
I know it was me as much as it was you,
It feels good to know I meant something to you.

Life wasn’t gentle,
And we both took the hits,
One day I hope we’re stronger,
Maybe we can mend from this.

I’ll be there if you need me,
Even if we never try again,
You were my fire, my closest friend,
And I don’t want that to end.

The sweetness is gone,
All I taste is gray,
You were my everything,
But we both decayed.


aftertaste

(This is a track from another project, reworked for CRASHWAVE)

I saw your name in,
The corner of my phone
Didn’t press it,
Just let it go
You’re probably drunk,
You’re probably fine
I’m just here, wasting my own fucking time

I walked past the bar,
Where we first met,
Saw someone laugh,
Like you did then,
I almost called,
I sent you a text, You ignored it,
You’ve probably found a bunch of new friends

I tell myself it’s for the best,
I tell myself it’s all progress,
But some nights I still check the clock,
Waiting on a text that never drops.

I swear, it’s okay that you moved on,
I’m fine, I’m fine, I’m moving on,
It’s just the little things that catch me off guard,
Like an old song or the sound of your car.

I swear, it’s okay that you moved on,
It’s okay, I’ll keep playing along,
It’s just the nights that feel too long,
I swear, it’s okay, it’s okay that you’re gone.

I keep your hoodie in the bottom drawer
Pretend I don’t, it's there for sure
Every time I’m feeling weak
I wear it just so I can sleep

I see your favorite coffee shop
I turn around before I stop
‘Cause what if you’re in there with someone new
And I don’t know what I would do

I tell myself it’s for the best
I tell myself it’s all progress
But some nights I still check the clock
Waiting on a text that never drops

I swear, it’s okay that you moved on,
I’m fine, I’m fine, I’m moving on,
It’s just the little things that catch me off guard,
Like an old song or the sound of your car.

I swear, it’s okay that you moved on,
It’s okay, I’ll keep playing along,
It’s just the nights that feel too long,
I swear, it’s okay, it’s okay that you’re gone.

Maybe someday we’ll run into each other
And laugh about how we couldn’t recover
But for now, I’ll smile and pretend
That this isn’t still the end

I swear, it’s okay that you moved on,
I’m fine, I’m fine, I’m moving on,
It’s just the little things that catch me off guard,
Like an old song or the sound of your car.

I swear, it’s okay that you moved on,
It’s okay, I’ll keep playing along,
It’s just the nights that feel too long,
I swear, it’s okay, it’s okay that you’re gone.

I swear I am okay,
It's alright you didn't stay,
I promise we're both better off,
I've been online too long, it's time to log off,

I keep watching your fucking stories,
Don't know where you are, I'm always worried,
I'm gonna run into you,
Something I always fear, but we never do.

Bonus Track:  I Swear, It's Okay That You Moved On

(This is a track from another project, reworked for CRASHWAVE)

Hey, it's okay they hate you,
Nobody knows the real you,
To them you're just see through,
Don't waver, stay true.

They see you as a monster,
Blood's thicker than water,
This will last just a bit longer,
It's okay, take off your armor.

It's okay to feel this way,
You don't have to run away,
Stay strong, please don't sway,
Tomorrow is another day.

There's beauty in struggle,
It's okay if you just shuffle,
You can speak, don't need muffled,
No fights, no need to tussle,

It's okay don't move a muscle,
You can move slow, don't hustle,
Just please stay humble,
We'll solve the puzzle.

It's okay to feel this way,
You don't have to run away,
Stay strong, please don't sway,
Tomorrow is another day.

It's okay.
It's okay,

It's okay to feel this way,
You don't have to run away,
Stay strong, please don't sway,
Tomorrow is another day.

Bonus Track:  Another Day

(This is a track from another project, reworked for CRASHWAVE)

I walk passed the venue daily.
Still remember the shows we saw,
Used to say, "your music won't work"
When you see me on TV, I'd have proved my worth.

You said, “these songs are okay,”
Wrote about you everyday,
You've been gone for so long,
You'll see me before too long

Because when I get money,
I'll be on the TV
You won't need to leave your room to see me
You listen to your friends sing my songs
Watched your sisters and brothers sing along,

I didn't do this for you
Swear I did this for me
I don't care about money
I just want you to believe in me

You laughed before when I played in basements,
Now my voice is in your weekday playlists
I saw your sister post a story last night
She was front row, screaming every single damn line

I remember,
you didn't think I'd make it
You smiled,
for my sake,
Just faked it,
I didn't need you,
to make me better,
Well that's a fucking lie,
I still cry,
On your cranberry sweater.

Because when I get money,
I'll be on the TV
You won't need to leave your room to see me
You listen to your friends sing my songs
Watched your sisters and brothers sing along,

I didn't do this for you
Swear I did this for me
I don't care about money
I just want you to believe in me

Fame won't make me feel better,
Your calls, a chain to my tether
I just wanted you, to hear my songs.
I'd do anything for you to sing along

Because when I get money,
I'll be on the TV
You won't need to leave your room to see me
You listen to your friends sing my songs
Watched your sisters and brothers sing along,

I didn't do this for you
Swear I did this for me
I don't care about money
I just want you to believe in me

I swear, when I get money,
I'll be able to help you,
They said when you have money,
They'll finally accept you,
I just wanted you to still love me,
Even though that isn't what this is anymore,
I know my music was always boring to you,
Like loving me was a chore

I just want you to believe
Yeah, I just want you to believe

Bonus Track:  When I get Money

I crash and crave, tryna find my wave.

Cravecore and Crashwave need to be genres.

PA 44 - 1/2

New tracks tagged #crashwave