How easy it is to live a separate life, until you actually realize that’s what you’ve been doing. No one sets out in a relationship to do this, most people start off with the best intentions. Conditioning is responsible for hidden patterns that lead to emotional distance. It doesn’t have to stay this way.
Whether you want to stay in the relationship or go, there is a better way to live.  Let’s address what truly matters—how you feel and what is possible!

🎙️ What you’ll learn in this episode:
* How separate lives develop and erode intimacy.
* Childhood beliefs shape adult relationship patterns.
* Gaining emotional clarity and intimate connection.
* Simple steps to happiness.

Break free from distance and start building your relationship with real love.

Blame creates distance—it keeps you stuck in a cycle of disconnection, and nothing changes until you take responsibility for your part. ~ Tracy Crossley

#791: How to Bring the Frayed Ends Back Together

Think a healthy relationship is all about effortless love and constant happiness? Think again. Real, fulfilling partnerships aren’t built on fairy tales—they require self-awareness, emotional clarity, and letting go of the idea that someone else will "fix" you.
Most of us unknowingly carry baggage from childhood, shaping our expectations and reactions in relationships. When drama disappears, old wounds surface. Instead of looking to a partner for rescue, true connection begins when you take responsibility for your emotional world.

Key Insights You'll Gain:
* Why your partner can't fix you—and why that's freeing.
* The unexpected discomfort that comes with emotional stability.
* How to stop using blame as a shield and build real intimacy.
* Why winning an argument often means losing in the long run.

"Healthy grows you into a happier version of yourself." ~ Tracy Crossley

#796: Surprises in Healthy Relationships

Think your happiness depends on someone else changing? Think again. In this episode, we’re tackling the hard truth: no one—not your partner, boss, friends, or family—can make you feel better. The only way to break free from frustration, attachment, and control is by looking inward. Because until you deal with yourself, the same patterns will keep repeating.
If you’re tired of waiting for others to change, this episode is your wake-up call. Let’s shift the focus back where it belongs—on you.

What You’ll Learn:
* Why controlling others never leads to happiness
* How to break free from attachment and insecurity
* The real reason you feel stuck in toxic cycles
* A mindset shift that will change all your relationships

"No one is coming to save you. If you’re waiting for someone to change so you can finally be happy, you’re giving away the one thing that’s actually yours: your power." ~ Tracy Crossley


#799: It’s Not Them, It’s You

Think you’re not playing games in love? Think again. The waiting, the silence, the unspoken rules—it’s all part of the game. And the worst part? You’re playing against yourself. When dating feels like a power struggle, it’s not about them—it’s about your own fears and insecurities running the show.
In this episode, we’re breaking down why love isn’t about chasing, proving, or waiting. It’s about showing up as your real, honest self. No more strategy. No more guessing. Just real connection.

What You’ll Learn:
 ✔️ How dating games keep you stuck in low self-worth
 ✔️ The hidden ways you sabotage relationships
 ✔️ Why emotional maturity is the key to real love
 ✔️ A mindset shift that changes everything

"Love isn’t a game, but if you’re playing one, you’re the one who’s losing." ~ Tracy Crossleydating with confidence


#801: Love is a Game

Those past relationships that seem to have a special place in your heart, anyone come to mind? I know putting someone who’s no longer in your life into a special place can feel warm and fuzzy, but is it just an escape?  When we aren’t finding meaning in the present, we often escape—imagining an ex was "the one who got away" or reminiscing about "better times" that weren't actually better.

Who were you back then? In reality, yes reality. What was the meaning of the  relationship that ended at the time? Believe me,  you're not missing out on some magical connection—you're feeling a void in the present. Meaning can be found here in the present, real meaning not a fantasized version of the past.

In this episode, Tracy explores:
* Glorifying past relationships–why do we do it?
* What is truth vs reality?
* Why do you want to detach from idealized memories?

The importance of fulfilling meaning for yourself.

"It feels so much better to be yourself and to be here in the moment and creating the life that you actually want, than it does to be in the past." ~ Tracy Crossley

#803: Do You Like the Idea of Him or Her?

You keep ignoring your gut to please everyone else. Reacting to what others want instead of tuning into what YOU need. Sound familiar? When was the last time you actually checked in with yourself before jumping through hoops to meet someone else's expectations?
We're taught to react to others, to do "the right thing" according to everyone but ourselves. Your worth becomes tied to how well you anticipate and please the people around you. Meanwhile, your true feelings get buried deeper with each fake smile, each time you say "yes" when you mean "no."

In this episode, Tracy explores:
* Why we abandon our feelings to meet others' expectations
* How "doing the right thing" disconnects you from yourself
* The myth of mind-reading in relationships
* Three ways you dismiss your feelings daily
* Recognizing when you're reacting vs. honoring yourself

"As long as you don't give a f*** about your feelings, nobody else will. You teach people how to treat you." ~  Tracy Crossley


#808: Nobody Cares About Your Feelings

Caught in a cycle of blaming others for how you feel? You might think self-acceptance comes from others accepting you first. Wrong. That approach builds walls, creates resentment, and slowly kills your relationships.

Codependency, anyone? Giving the remote control to your emotions to someone else NEVER leads to self acceptance. 

In this episode, Tracy explores:
* Why you feel resentment rather than acceptance
* What is a trigger that leads you to a world of hurt?
* How to actually accept yourself.

"Where there is judgment, love is not happening in those moments ~ Love of yourself or the other person." ~ Tracy Crossley


#809: Self-Acceptance Is Not What You Think

Do you find yourself saying things like "we can only talk once a week" or "it's too late to make plans now"? You might be disguising control as boundaries without even realizing it.

Here's the truth: rigid rules in relationships come from fear. Fear of being taken advantage of. Fear of losing control. Fear of trusting the flow between you and another person.

In this episode, Tracy explores:
* Why rules are really about control, not protection
* The difference between boundaries and rigid demands
* What you're actually afraid of when you won't compromise
* How authenticity creates real connection
* Why middle ground doesn't mean losing yourself

"Rules are not the path to developing deeper connections with people. When you are authentic and speak your truth, you can compromise without sacrificing yourself or your values." ~ Tracy Crossley


#812: Rules in Relationships: WTF is Compromise? (REBROADCAST)

Are you exhausted from forcing everything to happen? From pushing through goals that leave you feeling empty once you reach them?

Most avoidants live like they're perpetually on fire—reacting, controlling, forcing outcomes because "easy" feels dangerous. But here's the thing: all that forcing keeps you from the very flow state that would actually get you where you want to go.

In this episode, Tracy explores:
* Why ease feels dangerous when you're avoidant
* The difference between forcing and allowing
* How perfectionism keeps you stuck in empty cycles
* Sitting with discomfort instead of reacting
* Recognizing when you're escaping versus flowing

"When you're forcing, you're coming from a state of lack. You can't force a healthy relationship. You can't force anything meaningful. But we keep trying because we're afraid to let go of the false building we've created that everyone can admire." ~ Tracy Crossley


#617: How To Stay In The Flow As An Avoidant

Are you stuck in your comfort zone, waiting for someone or something to rescue you from yourself? You're not alone. So many of us live in what Tracy calls "the box"—that familiar prison where we feel safe but never truly alive.

We tell ourselves we don't need approval. We act like we don't give a shit what anyone thinks. But deep down? We're still waiting. Waiting for the right person to make it safe. Waiting for the universe to send a sign. Waiting for someone else to take the emotional risk first.

In this episode, Tracy explores:
* Why seeking approval keeps you trapped in avoidance patterns
* How "safe" actually means familiar (and why that's dangerous)
* The difference between avoiding life and living in flow
* Why emotionally risky action is the only path to freedom
* How to break free from your own fucking prison, one small step at a time

"You have to create your own safety. And stepping forward and taking an emotionally risky action is the only way that you live a life where you feel it's full of joy and happiness." ~ Tracy Crossley


#818: Approval Seeking Avoidants

A lot of us live in our head, disconnected from our feelings and intuition. This podcast touches on releasing insecure attachment, accepting your authentic self and getting “unstuck” by connecting to how you FEEL instead of how you THINK. I’ve been there, and discuss sensitive subjects using my own experiences with a lot of laughs and even more empathy… because we’re all flawed humans.

New tracks tagged #relationship patterns