april/21

place your hand between my thighs
you brush by just like i thought you would
i swear i’ve changed, i don’t like staying the same
so i cut all of my hair off and him too 

i think i could love someone, i just don’t want to
i think i could love somebody like you

and i'm gonna have to read her eulogy 
i'd rather we just stopped being friends
i hate this inevitability
but i hope it never ends

i think i could love someone, i just don’t want to
i think i could love somebody like you

don’t you get it yet 
i'm the common denominator 
i'm not misunderstood 
i'm just a bad person

untitled (original)

first time using garage band and my mic and synth n all
v happy considering
i wanna rebleach my hair

paul by big thief (cover 2.0)

hello my name is ruby and this is my first song

DISBAND THE CLUB!

INSTRUMENTS!

CRAM SESSION!

TRAINING CAMP! w/ @nearocker

nov/19

it's 7pm and i'm writing this in two forms
one is on a notepad and one is on the keyboard
or it could be three if you counted my thoughts
and i don't like the guitar here cuz it's cutting my blood off
i don't like the pen cuz it smudges when you touch it
and i get a little touchy when i feel like losing touch with
everyone around me, just for a year or so 
it's not like they'd miss, might as well pack up and go

i wanna be just like jack davies
writing songs about every day things
like the night on the pier that's leaving my head
and the way that it feels when we are in bed
the mornings we remember after nights we forget
filled with so many things we regret
but we're warm-drunk on merlot and leaving the stains
to be cleared away the next time it rains

these socks are too small, they slip down my heel
sometimes physically is all how i can feel
i think i'm losing myself, and all that i know
but it's not your problem, i think you should go
i'll be dandy in the morning, just need a good sleep
anything to get me back up on my feet
and this is all a cliche, but i'll extend the lines
to tell a sort of story in time

i thought to myself, as i walked in my head
down the lonely little streets to my lonely little bed
where do i get inspiration, does it always have to sound the same
as whatever i heard earlier in the day
the answer is no, but it's easier this way
i've finally found some things i can say
and i like it like that, with things clear and coherent
i just hope that someday you will get to hear it 

but i know myself, the way i tend to be
things are all romantic if they're never seen
so i'll sleep on my sofa, skip dinner tonight
i'll turn off my brain at the first sign of light
you'll be back on some evening, to act as my pillow
and i don't like the feeling when my heart beats so slow

these are all things that i don't think you see
that i think i love you, but not like you love me
i don't think there's a difference, but there's gotta be something
i don't want to believe that there's nothing
that's keeping us apart, bar my own insecurities
but i'll blame it on age and difference in purities
and i hope that someday i'll get over myself
but chances are you'll have done the same thing yourself

if you remember nothing of me, try to realise that
even though it seems it, i never wanted anything bad
for us both, yourself included
sometimes i just let head feel secluded
but i swear i'm feeling better, just listen to me here
there's so many terrible things to fear
but myself isn't one of them, not anymore
so, if you want to knock, i'll open the door

lonely little streets (original)

july/20

it all changes so fast
i don’t know what i have
but i hope it isn’t normal to feel like this
do i even feel like this
do i feel this way or am i telling myself i do
do i just want attention or do i just want you
i’m just tired
i don’t like waiting out the days
i wish i wasn’t such a burden
i wish i had my ways 
of working things without temporarily destroying myself
for the quick euphoria before i’m brought down to earth
theres puke on my wall
and there’s molly in my room
i would have had it all by now if i really felt doom
i’m definitely just faking i want them to like me
my face doesn’t hurt enough 
i woke up and everything had turned to grey so i took a line of coke to try and make it go away
you always forget how bad it can get
i miss myself when i was never there
i wanna paint my walls with blood
i wanna cut off my hair
i wanna smash bottles on my head
i wish that i could suck it up and let myself be dead it’s just tiring being tired but not able to sleep if i need to count something i can count the lines on me
i wish i understood you
i wish i understood you
i wish i understood you
i wish i understood you
i’m sorry i’m sorry i’m trying my best
which is shit and not enough
and worse than the rest
please don’t stick around
and put my feelings on the line
i’ll just try and hurt you and say i hated you the whole time
i know i’m a bad person 
i don’t need to be told
im just terrified
of having to be old

attention-seeking (original)

july/19

they don’t realise they’re lucky to know you
i’m sorry i never told you
but my hands shake when i’m within it
i know i said i’d quit it
but when you leave in a rush and a rage
it seems to cauterise the cuts

but his lips curl in the corners just like mine
you say you’ll never be fine
a song without pronouns is a person without love
i’m sorry i haven’t felt any of the above
but it’s safer to be numb than break yourself down
i’m living on my own way up in the clouds

they don’t realise they’re so lucky to have you
nobody deserves to be above you
i don’t want to take that away from them
there’s nothing i’d not do
i’ll write in my garden, neat on my phone
it’s years since i’ve been this alone

you write to get over it 
i write to feel better
about stormy beaches and terrible weather
and whether or not things will ever be the same as they were(2)

you say you’ll never be over this silly little thing that we grew
don’t overthink it, that’s exactly what i’d do
i need you near me, a different kind of love
he never needed any of the above
but it’s safer to be numb than break yourself down
i’m living on my own way up in the clouds

in the clouds (original)

Just kiss me to kill the time
till he comes back in from the bathroom
and i think that i’m losing my mind
cuz i think that I’m falling for you  

And I know now that that was a lie
But drugs make you do funny things
It doesn’t matter anyway
It doesn’t matter what I think

I am a snail
I am slow, I am slow 
Look at my tail and watch me go, watch me go

He told me that he wanted to off himself
And he hasn’t responded in two days
I hope that he is happy now
Whatever be the place

I am a snail
I am slow, I am slow 
Look at my trail and watch me go, watch me go
I am a snail
I am slow, I am slow
I am slow, I am slow, I am slow

i am a snail (original)

it's like i've been here before
#rubycore x @furomu

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