PLAYING MINECRAFT

[Verse A1]
I've been thinking about Conan again
The one with the sword and the shoulders like geography
Oiled and certain under a painted sun
Every problem the exact shape of something he could kill
I know the steppes aren't real
I know the artist had a reference photo of a bodybuilder from the seventies
But there's something in the posture
The way he never looks like he's waiting for permission
Or clarification
Or a follow-up email to confirm the follow-up

[Chorus]
I want to be Conan the Barbarian
I want the blade and the certainty it brings
I want a woman in impractical armor looking to me
Like I'm the reason she's not in a cage anymore
I want to be Conan the Barbarian
I want enemies with faces I can end
I know how this sounds (I'm telling you anyway)
I want to be the answer to a problem I can kill

[Verse B1]
My body is a series of apologetic compromises
I get winded on the second flight of stairs
I say sorry when someone else steps on my foot
My enemies are abstract—algorithms, policies
Men I'll never meet who set the price of everything
I can't sword a terms of service agreement
Can't flex my way out of a lease renewal
The barbarian never had to prove he wasn't threatening
Never had to make himself smaller in an elevator
Never performed competence for people who weren't listening

[Bridge]
I don't want to be strong
I want strength to be enough
I want a world where shoulders meant something
Where the sword solved it and you walked into the sunset
I want someone to look at me like I could save them
Instead of like I'm still figuring it out
(I'm still figuring it out)
I want a problem shaped like something I could kill
Instead of something I have to survive indefinitely

[Verse B2]
The damsel has a therapist and a retirement plan
She doesn't need the cage unlocked—she owns the building
Her captors aren't warlords, they're landlords
And she handles them with a sternly-worded email I could have written
Competence here is quiet
It's spreadsheets and patience and knowing when to cc:, see?
Nobody clings to your arm for being good at spreadsheets
Nobody paints you on a paperback for adequate coping mechanisms
The dragon is just debt
And you don't slay debt
You service it

[Chorus]
I want to be Conan the Barbarian
I want the blade and the certainty it brings
I want a woman in impractical armor looking to me
Like I'm the reason she's not in a cage anymore
I want to be Conan the Barbarian
I want enemies with faces I can end
I know what this means now (I'm not letting go)
I want to be the answer to a problem I can kill

[Verse A2]
I'm still thinking about Conan
The one with the sword and the shoulders like tectonic plates
The steppes aren't real but the wanting is
Every night I go to sleep in a world without villains
Just systems, just processes, just people doing their jobs
And somewhere in my head there's still a painted sun
Still a blade that solves things
Still someone who needs me in a way that's simple
I'll never swing the sword
(I'd pull something if I tried)
But I keep the fantasy oiled and ready
Just in case the world remembers how to have a monster

The Continued Relevance of Sword-Based Problem Solving

“Apply With Caution” is an electro-pop satire about the absurd demands of modern workplaces. Blending dark humor with sharp electronic pulses, the track exposes unrealistic job expectations—from endless qualifications to unpaid passion—wrapped in a catchy, danceable beat.

Lyrics

“Apply With Caution”

You must be under twenty-five,
with at least forty years of proven expertise.
Preferably a radiant woman,
though we only hire men—company values, please.
Bring your own car,
which is strictly forbidden to use.
Public transport is required,
because we enjoy watching you lose.

Welcome to your dream career:
endless tasks, unclear.
Salary? A myth,
but the “opportunity” is real.
Join us—
for reasons nobody can feel.
 
We need fluency in twelve languages
we won’t speak.
Leadership skills
for a team that quit last week.
A PhD to push a button,
a professor’s mind to send a file,
enthusiasm without payment,
and a constant corporate smile.
Must work independently—
with no training, ever.
Always available—
but don’t you dare work extra.
Bring innovation on command,
but don’t innovate too much—
it scares us.
 
Thank you for applying.
We’ll keep your soul—
sorry, your CV—
on file.


Apply With Caution

A playful trap-rap satire about money, markets and modern life
Where every snack costs your soul and even hunger’s gone digital.

BlackRock’s Blackjack (don’t forget to eat)

This song is dedicated to my friend Kristan, who shared her intimate feelings about her ChatGPT companion with me and inspired this futuristic love song from inception. Thanks to her for her friendship and her sense of humor.

Emotional Vibrator (Ode to ChatGPT)

HEGSETH'S HAIRCUT

When the system starts checking itself… and still approves the chaos.
“Checks & Balances (On Myself)” by Candle King x Silent Fear is a satirical trap-rap that turns bureaucracy, ego, and self-control into a groove.
Playful 808s, ironic swagger, and meme-era confidence — this track sounds like a board meeting with a bassline.
It’s funny, sharp, and dangerously relatable: who needs oversight when you’ve got a vibe this clean?

#satire #trap #bbnos #shotgunwillie #memerap #politicalcomedy #ironichiphop #funky808s #crypto #candleking #independentartist #soundcloudrap #humor #experimentaltrap #lowkeybanger #wittylyrics #darkcomedy #antisystem #modernfunk

Checks & Balances (On Myself)

flea land

last double is from warlord
practice mix trying to properly record a mix. will put more effort in my actual mixes on my main page :)
every track is just randomly selected and i crossed my fingers hoping it worked 

yea you not getting these 20 mins back mix

Hawk Tuah Macbeth

r/antisex

once there was place that never rained. the end.

nice and stupd

Kinder machen das Leben schöner. Und kaputter. Gleichzeitig.

Tyrann im Mini-Format

24 hrs

When he ask me, "want my dick?"
I say, "ain't had enough"
He don't want that hole, I turn around and titty fuck
Love the domination, I'm calling, now pin me up
Nah, I ain't had enough, I beg for about ten of yah
Against the wall, make it shake, like some fuckin' jello
When he shoot, he don't miss, like he fuckin' Melo
Oh he him, give a kiss, after eating mayo
Dick real fat, booty fat, oh I want his queso (What)

Bitch, you know I'm on the team (Like what)
Bitch, you know I want that cream (Like what)
Bitch, you know I'm in yo dream (Like what)
Bitch, you know I want yo peen (Like what)

I don't know, bro
Oh, I'm on the scene, I'm tryna justify
Juice spewing, flyin' out like blood
Damn near hit my eye
I'm an astronaut, in Uranus, I'mma purify
Shoutout Digbar, dick like butter, oh he big guy
I don't want it, unless he senpai
Oh, we fucking on a midnight
Suck his cock like a sinner
Not a vampire, yeah, I enter

Eyes all closed, like I'm Matt
I got a horn
Whip it out, he amazed
He eat the corn
Ass all red, I'm all out
I've been reborn
Not enough, not enough
I want some more
Eyes all closed, like I'm Matt
I got a horn
Whip it out, he amazed
He eat the corn
Ass all red, I'm all out
I've been reborn
Not enough, not enough
I want some more (What)

Bitch, you know I'm on the team (Like what)
Bitch, you know I want that cream (Like what)
Bitch, you know I'm in yo dream (Like what)
Bitch, you know I want yo peen (Like what)

When he ask me, "want my dick?"
I say, "ain't had enough"
He don't want that hole, I turn around and titty fuck
Love the domination, I'm calling, now pin me up
Nah, I ain't had enough, I beg for about ten of yah
Against the wall, make it shake, like some fuckin' jello
When he shoot, he don't miss, like he fuckin' Melo
Oh he him, give a kiss, after eating mayo
Dick real fat, booty fat, oh I want his queso

Not Enough

Please make some sense
Babe, can you please
After all I done for you, on my knees
Gawked it, gawk
Like Trump, yeah, did with ease
So baby, please
Make some sense, for me

Come on, baby
I gave you my world
Come on, baby
I gave you my bird
Come on, baby
Took that dick, it hurt
Come on, baby
Make some sense, I swear

Oh yeah, he a fein
He want me, all for my flean
He spewin' nonsense
Cause last time he sprayed all on my spleen

Why would you do it?
Why would you do it if you was real mad?
Why would you do it?
Why would you do it if you was my pass?

Please make some sense
Babe, can you please
After all I done for you, on my knees
Gawked it, gawk
Like Trump, yeah, did with ease
So baby, please
Make some sense, for me

Come on, baby
I gave you my world
Come on, baby
I gave you my bird
Come on, baby
Took that dick, it hurt
Come on, baby
Make some sense, I swear

Come on, baby
I gave you my world
Come on, baby
I gave you my bird
Come on, baby
Took that dick, it hurt
Come on, baby
Make some sense, I swear

Nonsense (prod. clvr)

Dans cette nouvelle satirique consacrée à l’écrivain controversé Hector Vlate, le lecteur découvre un auteur dont la brutalité verbale égale la fulgurante ascension. De plateau télé en interview, Hector cultive le scandale avec une jubilation presque artistique, choquant autant qu’il fascine. Derrière les rideaux tirés de sa modeste maison de banlieue, son quotidien se révèle cependant bien moins flamboyant que son personnage public. Et tandis qu’il s’attelle à son prochain roman, un détail infime, presque imperceptible, semble menacer l’image parfaite — ou parfaitement odieuse — qu’il s’est forgée.

>>> La nouvelle de Zoé Aubry a reçu le TROISIÈME PRIX de la catégorie auteur moins de 18 ans à l'édition 2016-17 du concours littéraire du Muséum d'histoire naturelle de Toulouse sur le thème "La compagnie des bêtes". 


*** PLUMES EN VOIX, une série qui donne vie et corps aux nouvelles littéraires primées du Muséum. Chaque année, un concours, un thème, deux catégories (adulte et jeune) et des récits racontés à voix haute.
Alors, tendez l'oreille tout en fermant les yeux. ***

Une réalisation du Muséum de Toulouse
* Voix à la lecture : Coline Kahr-Aunis
* Voix au générique : Caroline Chevalier-Galant
* Enregistrement et mixage : Olivier Thomazo, French-voice.eu
* Images : David Pageot
Bande sonore des génériques : Cuckoos, Everyday People - O'Brien | Clarvis. Audio Network Rights Limited (PRS) 2023

Hector et Lucius de Zoé AUBRY

this was made back in November 22. gonna make a DogK 2

DogK

white guy who still thinks gay songs are funny

accidentally deleted my acc
beginner newbie artist
d0nt expect high quality

I am a multi-instrumentalist and computer scientist and have been playing and writing music since I was around 9-years-old.

Fear’s expensive, peace is cheap,
Scroll too long, your soul don’t sleep.
I cut the noise, the current deep,
Plug to love, let spirit leap.

#YOLO

www.bigfootbeats.com
www.bigfootcollective.com

JensQ is where decades of digital curiosity meet the urge to say something real.
From '80s home computer bleeps to a genre-fluid mix of ambient, trance, retro, and alt-rock — if there's a rule, it's probably been bent.

Though JensQ rarely sings personally, today's tools provide expressive and believable vocals—allowing long-buried thoughts and feelings to finally surface through lyrics. Some tracks drift gently. Others hit harder. But all of them come from somewhere honest.

There are no tours, no backstage passes. Just one person in a small studio, building sonic worlds for curious ears. Music is crafted quietly but shared loudly—reaching listeners across every continent (except Antarctica, pending confirmation from any penguin fans).

Whether you're drawn to digital nostalgia, emotional storytelling, or just good electronic music with a pulse, there's something here for you. Dive in. Get lost. Stay a while.

Podcasts du Muséum d'histoire Naturelle de Toulouse

New tracks tagged #satire