You wish you could be calm, cool and collected. Other people seem to do it—they can pull off being mysterious while your facial expressions always give you away. You feel like the weird emotional one, trying to tame whatever is brewing inside while everyone else stays calmly in control. You’re afraid if anyone knew how you really felt, they would judge you. But following the rules of what other people deem as “acceptable” will leave you disconnected from yourself and your life.

If you want to be comfortable in your skin, you need to value your own truth and stop seeking outside approval. In this week’s episode I’ll show you how to pay attention to your insecurities, and identify which situations provoke them. From there you can practice showing up in those situations however you feel, and not expecting yourself to be different. Gauging how you’re supposed to act by watching the body language, words and actions of others is the opposite of authentic. Instead, take action from an internal desire for happiness and wellbeing. Over time your insecurities will fade and your confidence will grow!

WISDOM NUGGET (#wisdomnugget)
Valuing your truth makes it easier to find true connection. Letting go of that fear changes your life.

#699 Hiding How You Feel Among Judgmental People (REBROADCAST)

In deze meditatie gaan we oefenen in het Niets Persoonlijk als een vorm van gebalanceerde gelijkmoedigheid. 

Niets persoonlijk wordt vaak begrepen als een opdracht dat je je door niets hoeft te laten raken. Een soort van 'geestelijke kogelvrijheid'. Niets persoonlijk wordt dan een oefening in afstand nemen, de schouders ophalen, het niet meer kunnen schelen. Niets persoonlijks lijkt dan de training in onverschilligheid. Dat lijkt aantrekkelijk, omdat we daarmee ons hart lijken te kunnen afsluiten van de werkelijkheid en van de wereld om ons heen. Geen pijn meer! Geen lijden meer!

Maar Niets persoonlijk betekent niet dat er geen pijn is in ons hart, of verdriet, of verlatenheid, of afgewezenheid, of kwetsing.   

De oefening van Niets Persoonlijk is te zien en te aanvaarden dat wij de wereld niet controleren. Dat we niets hoeven te beheersen. En dat wij tegelijk de eigen verantwoordelijkheid mogen nemen voor onszelf en ons eigen hart.

Niets Persoonlijk

Recovery Dharma NL - Niets Persoonlijk

Did you grow up feeling you were too much, not enough, too nice, too cold, too sensitive, too shy, too annoying, too inquisitive, or too ANYTHING? Basically, instead of being loved for your whole self, did you feel like you were simply tolerated? Maybe you wondered, throughout your life, if people even liked being around you because those too much/not enough beliefs were always with you. So, to move from tolerance to love, you worked hard to prove yourself worthy of someone else’s company. And did those people (intimate partners, friends, family members, etc.) treasure you for the wonderful human you are? Probably not. Why? Because you didn’t treasure you.

Self-love isn’t simply about spa visits, eating healthy, working out, or treating yourself to a new outfit. It is attention, connection, and awareness to yourself. And you cultivate it by slowing down, feeling your feelings, and choosing what makes you happy. When you love yourself, you have compassion for who you are, what you are, and why you are. And that is where true love with someone else begins… because love from another person won’t feel good unless you feel it for yourself first.

As the new year approaches, it's the perfect time to reflect and embrace this journey of self-love. In this week’s podcast, I’ll share three questions to ask yourself to shift from external “give-it-to-me” love to true self-love. You deserve more, but to get it, you have to step up and show yourself some love. Let's make this new year a turning point for embracing and celebrating your true self.

WISDOM NUGGET (#wisdomnugget)
Self-love comes from all the in-between moments, not the pinnacles! 

Let this new year be your catalyst for a journey of self-discovery and genuine self-appreciation.

#739: 3 Steps to Loving Yourself: You Are Not a Project!

If you're feeling like you're constantly blaming others for your unhappiness and not taking control of your own life, then you are not alone! Do you find yourself stuck in a cycle of self-punishment and unfulfillment, despite your efforts to work on yourself? It's time to break free from this pattern and take extreme self-responsibility for your own happiness. Let's explore how you can transform your life by embracing self-responsibility and finding inner peace.

In this episode, you will be able to:
* Cultivate happiness and self-responsibility for a fulfilling life.
* Embrace vulnerability and self-reflection to unlock personal growth.
* Release blame and excuses to reclaim empowerment and control.
* Prioritize personal happiness and improve decision-making for a more fulfilling life.
* Accept help and support to enhance well-being and success.

#745: Just cuz you’ve worked on yourself doesn’t mean you’re not f—d up

Guided Meditation on Self-Responsibility

Choose Your Company - 2024-07-28

You consider yourself a strong person. When a challenge presents itself, you tackle it head-on. People come to you for answers because you always seem to have them. You pick others up when they fall. You’re reliable and trustworthy. But to be that pillar of strength, you push your emotions aside because you can’t be someone else’s hero if they see a crack in your armor. And therein lies the problem.

We have been brought up to believe that giving is strong and receiving is weak. But that’s backwards. Asking for help and being able to receive takes courage. Allowing others to see you as human is what strong people do. In this week’s episode I’ll challenge you to explore why being “strong” is important to you, and where you struggle to receive. Because you can’t give or receive love freely if you’re emotionally shut down. When you open your heart to others and allow them to see your vulnerability, you radiate strength.

WISDOM NUGGET (#wisdomnugget)
The hole in your suit of armor is inside of you. Allow it to exist without being strong so you connect with yourself and others.

#774: Receiving Is Not a Weakness (REBROADCAST)

Someone makes an off-handed remark and you bristle. Or they criticize you and you go into full-blown defensive mode before you dissolve into a million pieces. Why does this happen? Why are you so sensitive to some things while others slide off your back? You react when there is some truth in what was said; a truth you don’t want to admit to yourself, let alone have it pointed out by another person. When they call it out you become awash with shame. Shame is a VERY uncomfortable emotion to deal with so instead of feeling it, you deflect, attack, avoid or blame.

Maybe your friend says you can’t be alone, which is why you’re always jumping from one bad relationship to the next. If that’s not true, there would be no reaction. Nothing would be triggered inside of you. But if you strike back and/or want to crawl into a hole… that’s a sign. Shame is talking and it’s time to listen. In this week’s podcast we’re talking about how to deal with criticism and shame. It’s hard to see the unsavory or unlikeable parts of yourself, but acknowledging those parts is the road to self-love, self-acceptance and emotional freedom. When you own your actions and feel the shame, you open the door to healing. No one likes criticism, but it can be an incredibly powerful tool for growth.

WISDOM NUGGET (#wisdomnugget)
Put on your cape and open yourself to all sorts of criticism. Own what’s yours and let it flow through you. Remember you have your magic cape!

#776: Feel Criticized? How To Let It Go and Be Happy (REBROADCAST)

Relationships take work, right? Uhhhhh, not really. But if you grew up believing that phrase, you will create the issue you don’t want. Chasing perfection—saying the right thing, doing the right thing—only to end up feeling worse.

In this episode, Tracy takes a raw and honest look at how the perfectionism you may deny, sabotages your relationship. You’ll uncover why striving for perfection creates pain instead of connection. More importantly, you’ll get tips on changing that make a difference,

What You’ll Learn:
* Perfectionism is a mask for deeper fears.
* Blaming your partner for struggles keeps you stuck.
* Taking responsibility for your own triggers.
* Becoming more emotionally available and having it all.

"Perfectionism doesn’t come from love or confidence—it comes from pain, and if you’re bringing it into your relationship, it’s only creating more of the same." ~ Tracy Crossley

#789: The Perfect Marriage

Do you blame your partner for everything—or do they blame you? 
Either way, the blame game is not helping. Join Tracy as she explores the toxic cycles of blame, insecure avoidance, and intellectualizing feelings that keep you trapped in crisis. 

You’ll uncover why blame creates distance, blocks intimacy, and leaves you feeling anxious. If you’re ready to have uplevel, tune in!

🎙️ What you'll learn in this episode:
* What are healthy and unhealthy blame cycles?
* Identifying emotional triggers.
* What is the cornerstone of deeper intimacy?
* Stopping patterns of ruminating to connect authentically.

"Blame doesn't solve anything, no matter where it's going, even if you blame yourself." ~ Tracy Crossley

#790: You Always Blame Me: It’s Your Fault, Not Mine

How easy it is to live a separate life, until you actually realize that’s what you’ve been doing. No one sets out in a relationship to do this, most people start off with the best intentions. Conditioning is responsible for hidden patterns that lead to emotional distance. It doesn’t have to stay this way.
Whether you want to stay in the relationship or go, there is a better way to live.  Let’s address what truly matters—how you feel and what is possible!

🎙️ What you’ll learn in this episode:
* How separate lives develop and erode intimacy.
* Childhood beliefs shape adult relationship patterns.
* Gaining emotional clarity and intimate connection.
* Simple steps to happiness.

Break free from distance and start building your relationship with real love.

Blame creates distance—it keeps you stuck in a cycle of disconnection, and nothing changes until you take responsibility for your part. ~ Tracy Crossley

#791: How to Bring the Frayed Ends Back Together

Think a healthy relationship is all about effortless love and constant happiness? Think again. Real, fulfilling partnerships aren’t built on fairy tales—they require self-awareness, emotional clarity, and letting go of the idea that someone else will "fix" you.
Most of us unknowingly carry baggage from childhood, shaping our expectations and reactions in relationships. When drama disappears, old wounds surface. Instead of looking to a partner for rescue, true connection begins when you take responsibility for your emotional world.

Key Insights You'll Gain:
* Why your partner can't fix you—and why that's freeing.
* The unexpected discomfort that comes with emotional stability.
* How to stop using blame as a shield and build real intimacy.
* Why winning an argument often means losing in the long run.

"Healthy grows you into a happier version of yourself." ~ Tracy Crossley

#796: Surprises in Healthy Relationships

Think your happiness depends on someone else changing? Think again. In this episode, we’re tackling the hard truth: no one—not your partner, boss, friends, or family—can make you feel better. The only way to break free from frustration, attachment, and control is by looking inward. Because until you deal with yourself, the same patterns will keep repeating.
If you’re tired of waiting for others to change, this episode is your wake-up call. Let’s shift the focus back where it belongs—on you.

What You’ll Learn:
* Why controlling others never leads to happiness
* How to break free from attachment and insecurity
* The real reason you feel stuck in toxic cycles
* A mindset shift that will change all your relationships

"No one is coming to save you. If you’re waiting for someone to change so you can finally be happy, you’re giving away the one thing that’s actually yours: your power." ~ Tracy Crossley


#799: It’s Not Them, It’s You

In this engaging conversation, Johanna Rothman takes over Dave Prior's podcast to discuss the journey of writing their new book with Stu Young. They explore themes of self-responsibility, emotional intelligence, and the importance of visual thinking in navigating complexity. The authors share their personal experiences and insights on collaboration, the writing process, and the necessity of embracing change in both personal and professional lives. They emphasize the significance of authenticity and continuous improvement as key elements in achieving success and fulfillment.

Takeaways
	•	The book was inspired by a drunken conversation on a ship.
	•	Self-responsibility is crucial; no one will save you.
	•	Emotional intelligence is a key skill for success.
	•	Personal Kanban helps in organizing tasks effectively.
	•	PDSA (Plan, Do, Study, Adjust) is essential for personal growth.
	•	Visual thinking aids in problem-solving and idea generation.
	•	Careers are not linear; adaptability is vital.
	•	Change is inevitable; embrace it rather than resist.
	•	Collaboration enhances the writing process and creativity.
	•	Authenticity and imperfection are strengths, not weaknesses.

Links from the Interview:
Johanna Rothman
Web: http://www.jrothman.com/
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/johannarothman/

Stuart Young
Web: https://www.stuartyoung.uk/
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/stuart-young-vis/

Dave Prior
Web: https://linktr.ee/mrsungo
LinkedIn:https://www.linkedin.com/in/mrsungo/
Newsletter Sign Up: https://tinyurl.com/3f5aevts

No One Is Coming to Save You 
https://leanpub.com/surfthechaos

The Agile Network September Event (24 hours) - Expert's Showcase
Begins 9/7 at 8 AM Eastern
https://theagilenetwork.com/group/cca3b7ef-4fb3-42a7-8f97-59ab04a7b2e5/profile

Lean Coffee with Dave, Anu Smalley, Bob Galen, and Angela Johnson
9/7 at 2 PM Eastern
https://theagilenetwork.com/event/6ba65f21-fef8-4f48-8fb5-9b769c1b1b96/ROUND_TABLE

Lean DC - Agile Meetup - No One is Coming to Save You 
10/8 at 12 PM Eastern
https://www.meetup.com/dc-lean-agile/events/310850331/?eventOrigin=group_events_list

Chapters
02:28 The Backstory of the Book
08:02 The Book's Premise: No One is Coming to Save You
13:59 Emotional Intelligence and Self-Awareness
17:24 Understanding PDSA vs. PDCA
18:41 The Importance of Self-Reflection
20:06 Getting Your Shit Together: Personal Kanban and PDSA
20:37 Visual Thinking in Agile Coaching
24:35 Navigating Non-Linear Career Paths
26:22 Embracing Change in Careers
32:251 Collaborative Writing and Finishing Projects
37:45 Dealing with Change and Relationships
41:12 The Value of Time and Self-Awareness

Johanna Rothman DPM Take Over - No One Is Coming to Save You

A podcast about Agile and Project Management

A lot of us live in our head, disconnected from our feelings and intuition. This podcast touches on releasing insecure attachment, accepting your authentic self and getting “unstuck” by connecting to how you FEEL instead of how you THINK. I’ve been there, and discuss sensitive subjects using my own experiences with a lot of laughs and even more empathy… because we’re all flawed humans.

New tracks tagged #self-responsibility