lyrics:

we all make mistakes but one i made me wanna kill myself 
i always bottled it down never talked about it, kept it to myself 
i was young and clueless, born disadvantaged, battling my mental health 
then i did something unspecified, i still hide it using all my stealth 
 
violated and degraded, objectified as well 
i became a digital file that could be copied, exponential and parallel 
once it was out, there was no going back, no longer in control of myself 
now im living in a fantasy where it didnt kill my mental health 

BOTTLING MY EMOTIONS 
CASTING UP A SPELL 
TRYNA ACT NORMAL SO THEY CANT TELL 
MORPHED INTO AGONY 
NOW I CANT TELL 
WHAT DO I FEEL? 
I DONT UNDERSTAND AS WELL 
 
BARELY CRIED 
I CANT LOOK YOU IN THE EYES 
WHEN I TELL YOU ITS ALL FINE 
AND I LAY PASSING TIME 
TRYNA UNDERSTAND MYSELF 
BATTLING MY HEALTH 
TRYNA TAKE IT ALL OUT 
I DONT UNDERSTAND AS WELL 

CUT ME INTO PIECES TELL ME WHICH PART'S YOUR FAVORITE  
IF I WAS UGLIER OR MAYBE EVEN PERFECT  
WOULD YOU SEE ME DIFFERENT 
QUESTIONING MYSELF 
LOOK ME IN THE EYE 

dont trust anyone 
everyone is fake 
struggling for life 
i made a mistake 
seeking further help 
but instead i found a snake 
she is perfect for me 
like looking in a mirror 
love her so much 
i aint misunderstood 
reassurring me, making sure im feeling good 
i think that your perfect 
i am not an object 
you make me feel validated 
make me feel understood 

fuck up once and maybe its okay 
fuck up twice and now your gonna pay 
lying to me 
telling me that i am safe 
i aint feeling okay 
i aint feeling okay 
you reassurred me, told me you would never hurt me 
now i lay here and you are trying to help me 
i love you 
i hate you 
i love you 
i hate you 

WHEN IT FIRST HAPPENED I LOST MY MIND 
NOW I AM RELIVING IT 
TRAUMA IN MY MIND 
I KNOW THAT ITS NOT SERIOUS BUT YOU TRIGGERED MY TRAUMA 
I DONT THINK ITS MEANINGLESS, GO CRY TO YOUR MAMA 
LAYING IN YOUR ARMS WHILE YOU COMFORT ME 
YOU ARE THE PROBLEM GET THE FUCK OFF OF ME 
YOU TOLD ME YOU WOULD NEVER DO THIS BUT NOW I LAY AND WEEP 
IF I DIDNT LOVE YOU I WOULD PUT YOUR ASS TO SLEEP 
FUCK YOU BITCH 
YOURE A MOTHERFUCKIN LIAR 
ARSONIST OFFERING TO PUT OUT THE FIRE 
EYES RED, HAIR WET 
MIND HOT, FIST CLENCHED 
TRYING TO HIDE IN PUBLIC UNDER YOUR CHEST 
PART OF MY MIND SAID YOU WERE NEVER MEANT FOR ME 
MY HEART LAYS AND WHINES LOVING YOU IN ENTROPY 
I KNOW THE TRUTH 
YOU ARE REALLY SORRY 
I FORGIVE YOU IN MY MIND 
BUT DEEP DOWN ITS KILLING ME

(Feburary 10th, 2025)
(H- Hello! This is a message from #### High School)
(Your child, Christopher, was marked absent from school today)
(Monday, Feburary 10th, 2025)
(And we have not recieved-)

i hate you?

lyrics:

always need something new to do
another high to gain
another sleep awake
always tryna occupy all my time
never looking at it fine
always focused on nothing
im feeling numb today

maybe i should go
maybe i should stay
sleep it off and wait
everyday this pain
it grows inside of me as i fight off what still remains

dont help me as i struggle to drown inside a lake
have so many problems and i seem to pass it off as fake
never meaningful just looking for another way to waste-
all my time as i seep into the soil of my mistakes

never resusitate me
leave me as i grow weary-
of my mistakes
and attribute it to a label of my pain
never see me for my traits
only see me for my name
yet i sit here in silence masking how i pass the blame

take another step now
just to turn back around
never gonna face my fears
never gonna talk to peers
always i hide and run
trying to fight the fun
staring for the connection
hoping theres a confession

and i look desperate trying to be the one
balancing the confusion of longing for so long
bury my emotions
maybe this is the end
slice my fucking neck as i stare into the eyes of my bliss

im commited, not religious
i wanna be with you but i cant lie
ever since i lost my car
and i lost their love
and i lost my fucking mind
ive been fried
tryna take back all of the time
i just want it to rewind
but at the same time
i remember all the fantasies i thought about while crying

never resusitate me
leave you as i grow weary-
of how i failed
to attribute you to a label of my pain
always seeing my mistakes
never seeing how i place
yet i sit here hysteric feeling hyponotized by the face

and still i am fucked
tryna act out but not be like a slut
of the command of multiple fucks
that you give me because i love to give love
never act tough
but calling a bluff
that i will just mask to act like im enough
for everything people give me
even the way that i look in the eyes

take another step now
just to turn back around
now that i have faced my fears
now that ive been brought to tears
always id hide and run
now i see what ive done
leaving stable connections
building shaky confessions

but i also see that i was always gone
the person that you fell in love with found his own self
now that im whole again
maybe this is the end
cant take back the things ive done
but im not sure if i would run

now that im fucked up and melting through my mind
i cannot decide on whether i am fine
the needles in my skin, 
piercing through the wall i suffocate 

now that ive answered and overcome my fears
everything foggy has now become clear
violation breaks me as my emotions began to fade

looking at the full picture i barely see myself
i had been rejected for so long that i kept to my self
now that i feel included
now that i have concluded
that
all of my trust was broken and left for the dead
and i cant ignore it, rather switch up instead

for some reason i cant find
whether to be mad or to deny
everything seems so shaky
yet one option seems fine
if i look inside myself i feel like nothing ever died
is it time?
that we recollide
never let anything divide
its the middle ground - you're mine

am i dellusional or am i human and trying
never peace

delusional

lyrics:

nothing at all
you are nothing at all
without people surrounding your lies
i know youll slowly fall
and is that all?
i see the way that you are stalling on yourself
living in denial with your hidden grief
you aint got no fucking stealth

"kill yourself"
youre so dramatic
especially for someone that acts tough out of habit
you aint fit for a casket
rather watch you melt in maggots
how the fuck did i get here?
was it really all that tragic?

step one:
try to be yourself and get rejected
"nobody likes you!"
i can tell that youre projecting

step two:
change yourself to find a new group
everyones an asshole and they bully people, even you

step three:
try to be yourself finally
now im nothing but a "faggot"
i deserve to rot with maggots

no more steps
im done with you all
just go fuck yourself and next time i see you, pretend youre tall

be myself and maybe i will find some real people
but it seems that everyone i found is just another sequel
as i talk to them they became egotistical as fuck
even my closest friends thought their cool for staying shut
and now im realizing that the energy they gave
was nothing but performative and fake
when your gone, they celebrate
at least i know they never wanted me
so they can leave me be
blackened sea
it was all built on hypocrisy

now im all alone
tryna hit my phone?
say that to the metronome
it ticks inside my head as i scream in my microphone
too many ways to try 
too many ways to die
it seems i am lost in the world as it sends it whole
now im all alone
reach in the unknown
dabble in a little bit of drug use
now we really hit the peak
if you care about me, wont you leave me be?
cant you see im learning to express myself and long for what i leave

(long for what i leave...)
(yeah.. yeah ugh yeah)
(read the lyrics shithead... read 'em!)
(it has meaning i promise!)
(what am i talking about?)
(its a FUCKING OXYMORON)

still everyone sees me as if i never changed
tryna redeem myself to people that will never rearrange
i am strange, but i live for it
changed, just to hate for it
it seems like being true to myself scares off the deranged

dissociate
i dissociate
never snapping out of it
i cannot think straight
dissociate
i dissociate
never snapping out of it
i cannot think straight

smash your skull into a million fucking pieces
slam you on the wall, whos the faggot now?
i already have pretty good fucking reasons
put you in the ground, with the maggots now

ANTI-AUTHENTIC

lyrics:

everyday wake up and try to do something
everyday wake up and realize i am nothing 
never gonna see the light of day until i publish-
all of my emotions in the form of holding grudges

fuck all the people that listened brainless
fuck all the people that dont hear me say this
fuck all the people that wanna hear my voice but dont wanna hear my words cause they want a performance

fuck you
and fuck the whole industry
if i swear and cuss enough maybe ill get signed in for free
i could ditch the meaning
and chase money
but truthfully, i just wanna scream for me

fuck all the people that listened brainless
fuck all the people that dont hear me say this
fuck all the people that wanna hear my voice but dont wanna hear my words cause they want a performance

i could cover up all of the meaning
talk about how i have no fucking feelings
dick pointed in the right direction just to soothe me
listen to me talk about my sexy fat body

still i am pissed over dumb fucking shit
i feel like you dont care and you never fucking did
you will never suffocate me i will always speak legit
you will never bring me down
i am not a little bitch

if we are real 
i will never conceal
up the fact im not healed 
and dont know how to feel

i am sick of the bullshit of
trying to act like im
perfect and i never
see it for what it is worth

i am not worthless
i am not painless
i am not dishonest in my songs

i am not strong
but i am not weak
this is catharsis and im at my peak

cut me from my strings and wrap me up inside a bed
i am nullborn, always feeling like im fucking dead
if you cut me into pieces will you even break a sweat?
will you ever see me for me or will you just forget?

never gonna feel satisfied enough
theres always something else im covering up again
something new built up to consume me and decompose my body
why am i never enough?
a scratch to itch so i make my music meaningful as possible
how am i a product of god?
he clearly made me too self aware

everyday thinkin about how they hurt me
everyday tryna overcome the anxiety
everyday a trigger shows, tryna calm myself and breathe
in and out
but to scream
that is really what i need

let me communicate all my of thought
let me be myself without being fought
let myself write it out as music on a screen
listen to me suffer as i tell you in a scream

back and forth as you decide what im worth
but maybe i dont care and i see what i am for
back and forth listen to me speak my word
and i can connect, being understood some more

finally i speak the truth
finally myself
i wish it was normalized to see your mental health
i am nothing but a medicated kid of stealth
i am done with hiding i would rather be myself

SILENT CATHARSIS
AM I TOO LOUD?
I DONT GIVE A FUCK
I WILL ALWAYS BE PROUD
OF THE SHIT THAT I WENT THROUGH
AND HOW I STAND NOW
MAYBE YOU SHOULD GET A LIFE AND DO THE SAME AS WELL

SILENT CATHARSIS
DO YOU HEAR ME NOW?
OR AM I JUST STILL A KID WITH A FROWN?
MAYBE YOU SHOULD GET CHECKED OR MAYBE YOU COULD DROWN
MAYBE I DID BOTH AND NOW I AM A CLOWN

fuck all the people that listened brainless
fuck all the people that dont hear me say this
fuck all the people that wanna hear my voice but dont wanna hear my words cause they want a performance

fuck all the people that listened brainless
fuck all the people that dont hear me say this
fuck all the people that wanna hear my voice but dont wanna hear my words cause they want a performance

SILENT CATHARSIS

lyrics:

does he piss you off too?
hes just not mentally there
he always thinks hes right
and talks shit behind everyones back
everyone hates him and its fucking hilarious
i know you are in communication with him
but dont tell him i was talking shit behind his back
id rather wait until hes no longer my ride everywhere
i need him for that, so its better i pretend to be his friend for now
ill handle it, dont worry

it must really suck to be so unaware
like a puppet tryna stab someone without a puppeteer
if you have no control, maybe stop playing the role
if you gotta lie in whole, you know you cant reach your goal
and you say you wanna talk about it yet youre acting fierce
if you really even meant it you would try to keep it clear
i dont care if you are pissed off by me saying shit sincere
you cant justify your actions with a narrative you steer

trying to victimize yourself and hide
i wouldnt even bat an eye
your words are fake
just go hide your face
wave away your pain
minimize your fate
cannot say shit to my face
you cant keep up the pace
maybe you should double down on something else
like leaving this race
you cannot keep up this hate (fake!)
you wont apologize to my face
you cant seem to find your place
now that im talking about all the things that been done
i feel like im a losing disgrace
tryna not lose myself in pain
tryna not come back with a stain
scared to be myself in the world i create

still ill be fucked up
wondering if what you say is true
ill take the fast route
withdrawing from all my friends for you

and so i lay by myself
trying to act like i *dont care*
still ill be ignored
trying to act like they arent aware

fuck your mentality
fuck your insanity
fuck all the people that ignore brutality
fuck, youre so lousy
you deny reality
and look at me like you never did anything wrong 
maybe youll pick up the pace
realize you hurt me and try to erase
im not the only one that you have flamed
you are nothing but a fucking disgrace

ill blame myself still
shooting myself in the foot
ill let my mind spill
pounding on doors in my head
you know ill lay here
hoping that somebody HEARS ME
words say the most for us
but i wish my silence was DEAFENING

DEAFENING

lyrics:

genocide and execution
torture in encapsulation
forced to eat his brains
and we still watch as he screams in pain
razored neck and guttural teeth
peeled back skin with cuts underneath
do you feel his pain?
or do you still need to feel the same?

ten needles split open your veins
travel through the nerve endings
no release only pain
baby this is novocaine
feel the blood spill from your veins
watch the bone still in your flesh
you are stuck with the mess
and you never get to rest

you will always replay the memory
thinking about how your flesh is mutilated so deep
you may think that youll outgrow it but its only guarenteed
it will always be remembered as your severance of meat

still you will pretend that your life is always worse
over genocidal fucks you still feel like your trauma hurts
anyway that i show you, you will always feel the same
this is who we are, no empathy unless we suffer same

i do not give a fuck about your pain
i will select who i care for, no shame
im still thinking bout my life and i see the whole device
making everyone suffer with tunnel-vision brains
i do not care
call me insane
i have gotten used to the pain
you will always rate pain
on a scale of one to ten
but ill always wonder why
you dont consider eleven

PAINWORTHY

lyrics:

if there ever is an end
its not this shitty album
everyday im suffering from growing pains
its never done

never gonna be good enough if youre always better
never gonna see the light of day whatsoever

every other month i realize that my music's shit
even if its not that bad, i still decide to quit

if i never gave up and i chased my desires
id make everything a perfect little theme
then fall under the-
realm of

dissapointment
mindless distortion
constant extortion of my limited portions of my drive
its benign until im losing my mind
ill slice open my fingers so they bleed
but my desk remains clean

fuck me
im tired of trying to set myself free
in a way that gives me nothing in return
except a way to escape from the horrors of
being a fuckface

maybe its better that i close my eyes
and click on the button to publish this album
just to suck

self-grieving

lyrics:

forced to exist
fed a new lie
life is meaningless
why do we rely?
born just to die
why do we comply?
i cant make more time
when will we realize?

there aint nothing that can fix us up
ill be rollin in my grave always feelin fucked up
life is a game and im always losing
call me selfish because im always choosing
-that i will die, in my wrong-doings
i could pop a pill or two but thats cheating
take a couple lines from an old song, see the meaning?
i could repeat myself but now your ears are bleeding

what am i... to do?...
with my life now?
everybody lookin at me expecting a frown
maybe this is the persona that i put out on the ground
maybe take a step down
maybe ill lie
maybe ill try out a brand new disguise
nullborn, wannabe clown in a bigger sea
keep me down, i dont even wanna reach my dreams

and i see...
my life is...
in pieces and theres no going back
and i see...
my life is...
turning dull as the happiness seeps in

no plot
no drop
keeping me on top
nothing to talk about but ive been through a lot
i could take the easy way, meaningless rapper
i knew i could never be the greatest disaster
everybody looking at me with a frown
now they just see me, a boring clown
what should i do?
should i just leave out all the doubt?
write about something as meaningless and loud?

maybe ill just slice...
through my thick skin
then theyll see just how...
ive been living
reliving the worst...
of your nightmares
maybe this is just...
what im meant for

forced to exist
fed a new lie
life is meaningless
why do we rely?
born just to die
why do we comply?
i cant make more time
when will we realize?

nullborn

Lyrics:

I stay angry than a mothafuckin bitch with it stuck
When a pussy actin pussy on a dick know wassup
I don’t really care about you wiggas, faggots or you cunts
My art a revolution don’t you ever test your luck
My bars so hard when Im high tipped off the acid
My cars in stars when im launchin flyin pass it
Im red in the face I wanna punch something 
Got led in the case, I gotta go huntin
Got AR’s, Glocks, pistols make you talk
Im Vader , locked, make a planet kick rocks
Turn you to a skywalker 
A grave talker 
Wipe a stain into smithereens
Like Mr. Clean
Mafioso I’m the boss now
The cost down
Rip you open ima chainsaw
Fuck a Denji
Turnin demon like im zod, then im ending everything like a god
I’m like a god
Creation and destruction im the ultimate of all
Pull up on Donald trump, then I blow him up, one call
To get my paths of pain to fuck up everyone involved 
JD Vance 
Do a dance 
When i hop out with the lancer 
Kristi noem 
Catch a dome
Bitch go flyin like she prancer 
Pam bondi 
Is a body
Ima take the drake and stance her
Politicians actin oddly
Ima give them faggots cancer
Netanyahu, suck my fuckin dick bitch
Israel is stupid ima put it in a grave ditch
Prone 
No tone
Gotta sniper spot, advantage
If I had it, I would take the shot, and fuckin land it

Empire Strikes Back! (Prod. GUARDIAN)

about the multibillionaire industry of weapon manufacturing

fabrique nationale

Decorated
🪐 ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀

Email for whatever the fuck:
cabpsychotic@gmail.com

learning to stop hiding my emotions since 9/19/2021

New tracks tagged #yell rap