even through it all, im a husk of what i once was

Single 2 of 4
featuring vocals & writing by @mintymints7
written, produced, performed & mixed by Micah Callari
mastered by @ryptage
cover art by clawsomebeats

LYRICS:
(There’s a feeling in my gut)

Big whoop, you’re a terrible person
Tell me a secret that I already knew
And I’ll act all surprised
As if I never had guessed something was terribly wrong with you
I think I feel energies, I still can’t explain them
No one's ever listened to me, I don’t think I blame them
That’s just been my thing for as long as I remember
Cuz I know a pretender and will not entertain them

There’s a feeling in my gut that you give me
And it makes me feel sick
Both my heart and my brain know you’re shitty
It’s a curse and gift

Emperor with some brand new Zumiez
All my friends think you're hot shit
But you're just a trash fire on your way to conspire
A rotten plan cuz there's an ass you want to hit
I can't believe that I put up with you (Put up with you)
I don't want to take a puff, if that's alright with you (Alright with you)
Why did I never trust myself about you
Thanks for the memories, but we're through

There’s a feeling in my gut that you give me
And it makes me feel sick
Both my heart and my brain know you’re shitty
It’s a curse and gift

Nobody cares and I guess it’s okay
Nobody listens ‘til it’s too damn late
Nobody gets how the past has shaped me
Into the cautious pessimist I am today
Keep a secret for a friend’s sake
Hold it in too long, and I think I might go (Insane)
I need to warn my friends that my gut was right
And they might very well find the new kid’s a fucking fake

There’s a feeling in my gut that you give me
And it makes me feel sick (I feel sick)
Both my heart and my brain know you’re shitty
It’s a curse and gift (Piece of shit)

There’s a feeling in my gut that you give me
And it makes me feel sick
Both my heart and my brain know you’re shitty
It’s a curse and gift
There’s a feeling in my gut that you give me
And it makes me feel sick
Both my heart and my brain know you’re shitty
It’s a curse and gift

Gut Feeling [ft. mintymints]

Waning And Wintering - Phoebe Andromeda & jish!

artwork by Bushment

this will be my day
and i don't think anything will stop me anymore
when it all falls to the floor

racing against time for the victory
i'll be the last one standing
that's a triumph

that's a triumph
i guess that's all that matters now
thats a triumph
and i guess thats just how it goes
cant take it anymore

and i guess i cant take it anymore
everything must shatter into the floor
and i couldnt care any more
or any less

part of it is the suffering
or on the other side is the sun
i just gotta keep my head up
my head high

it's just how it goes
i gotta hang on to my hope
my hope
my hope

and i guess thats how it went
i just gotta stick to the end
the end
forever

triumph

something on the way to work is telling me to watch my step
something in the way you talk is telling me to hold my breath
i don't want no pills in my house no

no pills

so put me in
i'm sugar free i'm fresh off the bench
i'm temporary, dust in the wind
and this is just a place to me now
yeah i'll be the one you talk to not the one that you kiss
you'll get bored of me like you got bored of him
how quickly can you turn it around?
lately, you make me think i'm losing my head
the jester's at the foot of my bed
and he tells me boy you gotta come down

and i'll wait, and i'll wait, and i'll wait
my train has been delayed, and i wanna go home
let me go home

see you on a weekday
watch your favorite movie
you know that i hate it
though i try to change it
i get lost in my convictions
and insist that i'm deficient
you find me kinda boring
read me like a story
write a scarlet letter
and burn it to an ember
oh, it's ashes in the water
but what i'd give to be with you now

and i'll wait, and i'll wait, and i'll wait
my train has been delayed, and i wanna go home
let me go home
and i'll wait, and i'll wait, and i'll wait
my train has been delayed, and i wanna go home
let me go home
and i'll wait, and i'll wait, and i'll wait
my train has been delayed, and i wanna go home
let me go home

substitute

i've been hearing bout this innocent lie
you've been selling, been telling
you keep self-vindicating thinking that i wouldn't hear it
or fear it when i speak for myself

oh everybody hates somebody round here, so i'll be the one for you then
we can fight like kittens and fuck like cats, even though we can't tell the difference
and our friends don't mind if i go silent and act like i never knew them
cause you spread your lies and i take the retribution

but whenever we face off
we can't seem to think of
any of those virulent words we wanted to forget
they never get said
oh we can't regret them
if we never let them
be spoken cause they don't mean nothing at all to someone else
only ourselves
whenever we face off
we can't seem to think of
any of those virulent words we wanted to forget
they never get said
oh we can't regret them
if we never let them
be spoken cause they don't mean nothing at all to someone else
only ourselves

i might say i hope you die in a fire
or a car crash, on a racetrack
or i might say that i've been working a while
for a compaq, or radio shack, some bullshit like that

cause everybody hates somebody round here, so i'll be the one for you then
we can fight like kittens and fuck like cats, even though we can't tell the difference
and our friends don't mind if i go silent and act like i never knew them
cause you spread your lies and i take the retribution

but whenever we face off
we can't seem to think of
any of those virulent words we wanted to forget
they never get said
oh we can't regret them
if we never let them
be spoken cause they don't mean nothing at all to someone else
only ourselves
whenever we face off
we can't seem to think of
any of those virulent words we wanted to forget
they never get said
oh we can't regret them
if we never let them
be spoken cause they don't mean nothing at all to someone else
only ourselves

face off

i keep having these dreams where i'm wading into the marsh with shoes on
sitting on the rocks feeling as wise as they are
talking to the birds like i'm in on the gossip
i don't feel sad when i wake up anymore, i got tired of running some time ago
but i put a lot of miles betweeen us
so when the thunder clapped me back to existence last night, i just felt disappointed

good morning
beautiful day
good afternoon
lovely weather
how's your garden
how's your family
how's the practice
do you have hope
do you still dream
do you remember me
good night
good afternoon
what time is it
what are your dreams like
what do your nightmares reveal to you
are you scared of the past
are you stuck in the future
do you feel anything at all

pawn

outside in the smokey haze
sitting like an apple i am prostrate to the wind and rain
storm is coming back again
it's better that you left me here
i'm not worth the waiting,
what a shame to chase a waterfall
and what a shame to live at all
tell me to embrace the knife
press the leather hard into my palm insisting you won't cry
that i'm not just the other guy
and what i give, you give it back
break a mirror, make a shiv of glass and cut my fingers up
then i'll learn to look, not touch

you fix up my power lines
i fill you like a lightbulb in the dark that wasn't screwed in right
and i'm so scared of the night
but life is a carnivore
it rips the flesh of what we hold the closest and ignores the rest
and i rot in the vulture nest
your hair is worth a thousand lies
eyes could write the bible
and your parlance is a part of me
rewrites my physiology
it's better not to talk about
all the things that make you who you are
and who you're lost without

oh i see it
oh i see it now
oh i feel it, feel it now

haze

when i was five and eighteen weeks, peat mud on my knees
my father climbed the maple tree and hung me up a swing
and i flew so high that i could almost touch the infant leaves
cause i could do anything, i could do anything at all

i'm not the man i thought i'd be when i was seventeen
the ground's a little further now, the tree is still a tree
and i fumble on the swing, i'm a samara in the breeze
not knowing anything, no i don't know anything at all

we'll have a house in Alberta
or at least far away from the shore
with a tree swing out in the garden
and somebody to hang it for
oh i tried hard to find where you were hurting
cause i wanted to give you the world
but i've learned you're no map and i'm no Atlas
and i can't do anything, cause i'm not anything at all

you took me by surprise when you convinced me to concede
i thought you were a forest but i missed you for the trees
how foolish to assume that you would never burn the leaves
oh you can't keep anything
we can't be anything at all

we'll have a house in the mountains
somewhere far far away from the shore
and the tree swing out in the garden
will be somebody's open door
oh i thought i was right for a moment
cause the blood in my eyes was the world
but in the morning we'll be a day older
and it won't mean anything, cause i'm not anything at all

anything

i ask you how, was the time, since we crossed paths
it’s been slip, ping away, and you regret that
and that's what, you'd have said, if you wanted to
you’ll omit all the parts that have haunted you

you ask me how, has it felt, to become downstream
it’s sort of like, waking up from a bad dream
and that's what, i'd have said, if you dared me
i’ll omit all the parts that despair me

i’ve been lost since
and the sea, its defrosting

oh no
oh no
big wave

oh no
oh no
big wave

downstream

world designer, storyboarder, instrumentalist

haze

tarnisher

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