Lamentation

Tief Tief
Im Inner Kern
Wo Kein Schimmer 
Und Kein Stern 

Tief Tief
Im Inner Mein
Ist Kein Hall
Bin Ich Allein 

Tief Tief
Im Leid Ertrunken
Verzweiflung Reißt
Sich Seine Wunden 

Tief Tief
Die Last Mich Zieht
So Dass Inner Winter
Mich Besiegt

Inner Winter

Korg N364 workstation
Mahalo Flying V Electric Ukulele
Yamaha tenor saxophone
Garageband keyboard and drums sounds
Even more bum notes than usual.

The Hands That Smelt Like Public Transport Soap

Need Your Love So Bad (Acoustic Live)

Greetings and good afternoon to my SC friends. This is the 10th and final song intended for my upcoming album ‘What Color Is Your Paradox’. It is also my 7th mind-blowing collaboration with our dear friend Carlos Vivanco (https://soundcloud.com/carlosvivanco-1, https://carlosvivanco1.bandcamp.com). 

This piece was highly entertaining and challenging to work on. We started with clearly defined regions (mine being the more techno sounding stuff… Carlos building the traditional instrument sections). I then mangled the whole thing, and tried to blur the lines more as the song progresses, until both worlds felt fully merged by the end. At least, that was the goal. I’ll let you decide if the structure succeeds in that regard. :)

The title is also quite significant to me at this point in my life; based on the idea of ‘masking’, and our growing inability to do so. 

If you aren’t familiar with the term ‘masking’, one Mental Health Care website I found defines it this way: “Masking often involves suppressing or hiding true emotions, which can lead to a buildup of unresolved feelings and contribute to increased stress, anxiety, and emotional turmoil in the long-term. In the context of mental health and neurodivergence, masking refers to the actions or coping strategies that individuals use to conceal their genuine thoughts, emotions, or challenges.”

It didn’t really occur to me at first that I was masking when I was younger. I guess that idea doesn’t resonate when you’re deeply lost in the illusion; at least, until something makes it obvious. But in hindsight, I’ve worn many masks over the course of my life (Art Director, Technician, Pre-Press Specialist and Graphic Artist would be some of my professional masks. And I would even go so far as to include Husband, Father and Son, since I was on auto-pilot during the earliest stages of those as well). 

As my life progressed, I felt more and more insincere in those roles. I felt something was wrong. I just couldn’t put my finger on it. Then COVID (something that actually required us to wear real masks. What irony!) came along, and miraculously changed that for all of us. We gained the necessary space we needed, to finally see the illusion more clearly. Now, that illusion grows more fragile and transparent by the day. So while I’m still in the early stages of trying to figure out the new paradigm… I suspect the really critical takeaway at this point is just recognizing when we’re being our genuine selves, and when we’re lost in a role; especially if that role is debilitating to our personal growth and well being.

Another thing I’m thinking a lot on these days…. Society is dependent on me playing those roles. And society doesn’t really care whether I’m happy or not (as long as I keep paying my bills, and buying their products, and believing their lies). So maybe, just maybe, society doesn’t have my best interests at heart (as I had originally hoped). Maybe… just maybe… we’re going to need to redefine who we are personally, as we stop playing along with this globally unconscious and ultimately destructive agenda.

Thick and chunky topic, I know. But that’s the way the world feels to me these days… like we needed a brisk slap across the face to wake us all up. COVID was that slap (and probably just the first of many still to come). It’s time to prioritize our own self interests; because if we don’t, they certainly won’t. So rip off those masks, and let your freak flag fly. It’s our life, and we’ll be the ones sitting on our deathbed, asking ourselves if we lived life true to ourselves…. or if we just fulfilled the role demanded by this illusion.

We hope you enjoy “Cracks In The Surface”; and it inspires you to think about what aspects of your reality are cracking. Keep in mind… if you still have a pulse, there is always time to change things up. :)

Paradox?

Cracks In The Surface | Carlos Vivanco & GrevusAnjl

In my daydream, I get a phone call from a late show associate producer asking me to appear as a music guest. And this is the first song I would play.

There's not a place in the sun
That can keep me warm when you're gone
I write you letters
But they're all returned

I'm dried up like a leaf
In the autumn when you leave
Your cryptic communications
Are causing me concern...

Won't you tell me where you are
The Salton Sea
Or a distant star
I'll parry to your rescue
And fight your nemesis
Are you trapped in a disco
High above San Francisco?
I'll boogie to win your freedom
Getting down just like this...

Trapped In A Disco

Original song
https://soundcloud.com/nathandawe/nathan-dawe-we-aint-here-for-long-demo

Mastered by OfficerMurphy
https://soundcloud.com/metrocityrecords

Nathan Dawe - We Ain't Here For Long (Holding On Remix)

Well ….. synths, composition 

https://on.soundcloud.com/n1u9HxZB74wW7FYv6

Surfers like Us ….. guitar, co-composition

This time our duo invites you all again into space. We suggest you chase the comet, which sparkles with colors and escapes from us to the unknown territories of the galaxy. We hope you will enjoy this atmosphere. See you aboard our spaceship 🌔💫

Chasing a Comet (w/ Well)

Cast of Characters:
~Mark F-- @mark_fosella -- bass guitar, composition
Llanpsych -- @llanpsych -- Tez – guitar
cgmaness-- @user-419254289-15129531 – Chris – guitar
TexMex Shaman–@texmex-shaman –Stephen–  production, and mix
J.J. Terrell–@j-j-terrell –electric piano, organ, and synth
K2 and the Three [and the Four]--@k2andthe3, @k2-kara -–Ken–drums
Entheogenic Psychonaught (Josh Clary)–@josh-clary-1 –-electric madolin
This song originated with Mark creating a bass line to a metronome, and sharing it with Ken. Ken immediately added his driving drums, and invited the rest of the EC to join in. JJ was first up, laying in his foundational organ, and e. piano magic in the first half, and the cosmic synth melody in the second part. Batting second was Josh, who established the melody in the first half with his electric mandolin, and mirrors the melody in the second half with the same. Next came Tez, who laid in the funky guitar right after the first break, all the way to the end. Batting clean up was Chris, who laid in the psych guitar in the first section, as well as the high guitar part in the second movement. Of course, we needed an expert producer to mix this for us, so we turned to Stephen, who always gets it exactly to everyone's specifications. That in and of itself is quite a skill, and I don't know how he does it, but everyone is always satisfied with his work.
  This is the second song we've done with Mark, who is a tremendously talented bass player, and delightfully creative songwriter. If you aren't familiar with his work, do yourself a favor and hop on over to his page for some delicious bass music. We hope you enjoy listening to this song as much as we enjoyed making it.

The Adventures of Stefan Ortez (Eclectic Collective)

Rythm and acoustic guitars, vocals by Meindert Jansma.
Bass, saxophones and guitar solo Carlo Neve

Moonage Daydream (David Bowie cover)

Ladies They Are Now Changing

seansmithorangepaperbacks@gmail.com
Writing acoustic pop songs, playing them in strange & beautiful places w/resounding joy.
All songs: Sean M. Smith, R.O.S.E.D. Music Experience. S.D.G.
2025 Strange and Beautiful Tour:
3/1 - New Albany (OH) Indoor Farmers Market - The folks at New Albany have been so good to me. When I was first getting started playing solo, they gave me dates and kept inviting me back. I love the atmosphere, both indoors and outdoors. I've had times when I played about the best I can, and other times when I wasn't sounding so great. But they keep having me back, and I am very thankful.
4/26 - Cap City Half Marathon (at 12.5 mi) - On a cool, blustery day, I set up my canopy tent with 29 lbs of weights on each corner. I had my amplifier turned up higher than I had ever had it before, and it didn't seem to bother anyone. I had my choice of where to set up, and I could have been sheltered from the direct north wind if I had chosen a spot just fifteen feet  over; however, I didn't realize this right away, and by the time I did, hundreds of runners were passing within a few feet of me. So I basically played in a wind tunnel. Live and learn. I really hope I get to play there again next year because it's such a great event. Many of my best memories came near the end, when I felt like I was playing for individual runners/walkers. Thanks, Cap City!
6/19 -- Juneteenth - New Albany Farmers Market, Outdoor - Started out with a mist of light rain and blustery winds, but warm. By the time the Market started at 4pm, the weather was calming down. Gave away 5 little paper guitars. These are my handmade business cards and pieces of art. Music went well, played 49 songs in a little over 3 hours. People were so nice to me, and I even got some free baked goods from one of the vendors. Playing with both foot tambourines seems very natural now, and I feel like something is missing when I don't use them. I donate all of my tips to SmileTrain.org. Check them out! I was really honored to play this holiday. The weather cleared up about 5:30, and by 7pm it was a beautiful, calm summer evening. Kids and families out having a good time.
7/5 - North Market Downtown on the Patio - Played from 10:45 to 2pm during lunchtime. Beautiful, warm, sunny day. Protected from the direct sun by the North Market building, then by the awnings for the last 30 minutes or so. Played 49 songs total and had a few short conversations. I am really thankful for being able to play in a wonderful location.
7/17 - New Albany Farmers Market - Let's be honest: Playing for 3+ in the summer heat is not as simple as it sounds. It takes some common sense preparation: shade, snacks, liquids, a short break, and perspective -- thankfulness for just being in a public place getting to share my original songs. There were lots of families with kids dancing and running around, there was a choreographed sword fight put on by the high school drama company halfway through. One song went over nicely in particular: "So I Married Mary Tyler Moore". I gave away 7 little guitar pieces of paper art that I'd made for the occasion. One little boy pretended to be playing along with me on the little guitar. And I could sense that a few people were paying attention to the lyrics, which brought me joy.
8/16 - NAFM - I try to be prepared. It was hot, humid and I had to work the first half of the day before playing. I burnt my tongue on some coffee. But even so, things were going well. The people who stopped to listen applauded, and I gave away about 8 little guitars, mostly to families with little kids. But in the middle of a song I broke the D string. Well, I carry two additional sets in my guitar case plus the string changing tool. I tried to keep as cool as possible, and just a few minutes later I was back in tune and played the rest of the set. Somehow I made it to the end, and I talked with a few folks who had been so supportive: Jeremy, writer and book publisher whose vendor tent was closest to me - super nice and very supportive; Alex, dad of a little boy, who, along with his wife, have come out to see me play several times, which is very much appreciated.
8/30 - North Market Downtown (lunchtime) I was given the choice of playing inside or outside. I wanted to play inside because I've only played inside the North Market once a few years ago, and it was kind of a chance thing. But on this day I chose outside. It was a beautiful late summer day, and there was a big game at noon, so lots of people were out and about. But there was a surprise too: dozens of awesome Pokemon cosplayers roaming about, some of which stopped to give tips or take one of my little guitars. I am not a big gamer, but  know a lot of the Pokemon characters through my son (11), and watching our favorite gamer's play-through videos. Let's see: I recognized Scorbunny, Pikachu, Eevee, Gengar (or maybe just a Gengar T-shirt; I can't remember), Gothorita (maybe?), and Umbreon. One of the most impressive outfits was a young man in a pinstriped, tailored suit with an embroidered insignia on his chest and wearing sunglasses with red lenses. I took it for having something to do with a Pokemon academy, but maybe he was just wearing a school uniform of some sort... on a Saturday. I was sitting in the cool shade of the North Market building for the whole gig, and just as the sun was getting closer and closer, 2pm arrived.  I think I made the right decision.
10/13 - Topiary Park, Downtown Columbus - I had the day off so I went Downtown to play an acoustic set at lunchtime. I set up under the shade of a tree, just far enough to be out of the way, but close enough for people to hear me. I played 24 songs, and the set went well. I got some looks, some nods. I know how it is. In that context, people are listening to hear if anything sounds familiar. My goal is to be catchy so that the unfamiliar sounds attractive and pleasant. Plus more than half of the people walking around are wearing ear buds, so it can be tough to impress someone who's not hearing you. My goal is to play this place more often and inch somewhat closer to the crowds gathered on the Main Library's back patio. I played "The Day that I Surrendered," and the apartment where I surrendered was just across the alleyway and up three flights of stairs.
11/1 - New Albany Indoor Farmers Market - I love playing at the indoor market, which is in the Heit Center. Emily and Marianne are really wonderful and supportive market managers, and I even got some tips (cash, not advice) from vendors, which I consider a big compliment. Playing indoors can be challenging volume-wise, and probably has been since the dawn of amplification. But I think I finally hit the right balance about 45 minutes into the 3-hour set. I could play un-amplified, but with the size of the room and floor being carpeted, I think I would probably wear myself out before the end of the gig. Jenny and Liam stopped by to listen, and they even sat on the floor nearby for a few songs. I really love playing my original songs for folks who want to hear them. That's my prayer always, to be a pleasant memory to anyone who's in the building. "May This Song Bring Healing to You" went really well, I thought. I improvised some parts in the moment, and it worked out. This week was really rough in some ways, and getting to play this event brought some healing to me.

Trapped In A Disco

Sean Smith /|||||| Orange Paperbacks