FAWM 2024

woe.begone insanity

woe.bebangers

this moth likes the woebegone guy's voice

WOE.BEGONE

I was hoping you could give me

a medal for my bravery

the words are getting old

I am learning to build bridges

to address the distance

feet without a home



and if I have to taste the blood under my tongue

I will swallow it for as long

as it takes to pass



and I it means I’ll find a morsel of redress

I will struggle with regret

as long as it will hold

What if we were both lost and I was never found

And you were

Tasked with breaking news and letting down?



I am missing you

Are so much worse, a cenotaph, a barfight in a church

a relief to remedy

but hey it’s never as bad as it seems

the ocean will abate eventually

they cast their nets out graciously

come here.



And I I had to make an educated guess

no one got a decent rest

and no one’s going home tonight

and If I weren’t so preoccupied with this

I’d seek the safety of my nest   but

I

want

to

find

you

whole

or

parts

hahahahaha



What if we were both lost and I was never found

And you were

Tasked with breaking news and letting down?

Cenotaph

I’ve had a nosebleed every day since you died
and I don’t think that it means anything. 
Pathetic in a way I have criticized others for
feeling guilty for laughing or not laughing
or worrying or not worrying
for resting or working
rushing to write things down
time is so corrosive now
I’m starting to forget the way things worked
it was all too simple
the muscle memory
atrophies away
and there’s a day where I am happy but I don’t think of your face


I wish it was uncertain but it’s not
Billions of years

I have had a nosebleed every day since you died
and I know it doesn’t mean anything.
Casually endangering myself
not looking before crossing the road
as cosmic protest to a cosmology I don’t accept
call it “soft suicide”
but i’m scared that I’ll never die
or that I’ll die tomorrow
and nothing in-between
it just feels so useless
to progress
knowing slates are wiping clean
and even if I see the future
I won’t know what it means.

I have had a nosebleed every day since you died

You had the perfect word to give to me 
But it was caught somehow
And now I’m clawing at your throat to get it out
But I was careful with what i had found
A footprint set into the solid ground

And you have quite the nerve
If I was you I wouldn’t be so sure
That anything you love is coming back
And you were hasty with your ambition
Thinking that you were the only one

Did you forget about me?
Did you forget about me?
I was waiting hoping that you did.

If you’ve had enough bloodshed
You are always free to leave
If you’ve had enough bloodshed
You can leave the rest to me
I have a knack for those kinds of things 

Was I delicate enough?
 Do you think that you can stitch it up?
 Triangle shaped wound
Is it time to give up
Standing on the precipice
Lying through our teeth (Triangle shaped wound)

And you have all the nerve that you were born with
And a line  straight to your heart
Pardon me for picking you apart
And you know I have been discarded once
Long enough to fester in the dark  

Did you forget about me?
Did you forget about me?
I was waiting hoping that you would.

Won’t turn on,
Deceiving light.
Did you forget about me?

Triangle Shaped Wound

Moonlighting

Lately I’ve
been dreaming my
tongue was swollen,
bitten, eaten out,
oh, but they were kind,
they left me with my
eyes, soft and closed
and moving,
generating movies,
a shame to go to waste
if there’s nothing I can say.
If you’d like to be replaced,
we can replace you.

I was holding out,
you were managing your doubt
so well until now,
so well until now,
but I was holding out,
you were managing your doubt
so well until now,
oh, well until later,
but I won’t control my fast cascading temper
forever.

Were the trees shivering?
Or are you hiding in them?
Makeshift shelter
for inclement weather,
an eye in the sky over my head,
or are you leaving me for dead?
Frost forming out here
while I search,
light pouring in the corners
illuminates my breath,
dissolves every circumstance.

If you’d like to be replaced,
you could’ve fooled me.

I was holding out,
shelter held under the clouds
so well until now,
so well until now,
I was holding out,
shelter held under clouds
so well until now,
oh well, rebuild later,
but I can’t control how fast they fell the timber
forever.

Call off the dogs,
call off the knocks,
I know you sent them,
I could use a little privacy,
call off the ambulance,
call off the avalanche,
you know I give into my paranoia easily.

Where are you going?

I know it’s you at my door
and I know what you want.

I was holding out,
checking locks and standing ground,
so well until now,
so well until now,
I was holding out,
so well until now,
checking locks and standing ground,
oh well, you’ll find me later,
but I can’t control my finger on the button
forever.

Call off the dogs,
call off the knocks,
call off the search for answers,
call off the graceless fruitless chase,
call off the dogs.

Dogs (Until Now)

We could clean it up
Starry-eye my desperation
It looks better as romance
And I could counter-argue
But I don't think that I will
'Cause I don't think that you care
You don't care do you?

'Cause even if you did
I'd unpack half-truths and fix the latches
They get a little easier to open every time
And even if you wanted to act in my best interest
You'll get fooled
You don't think that I'm interested do you?

It'll take a little to get between myself and my self-diagnosis
And I won't step back gracious
And I know there's little belaboring the point
When your size outpaces me

You think you got the cure to being bitter?
Well the pill tastes just as bad as the real thing
And I hope you don't expect me to get better
You don't think that I intend to help myself, do you?

'Cause even if I did
I would provide my own superstition
And it would make sense while I dwelled on it
And I know it sounds like I am stuck on being stubborn
But that's okay
You don't expect anything
Do you?

Michael - Do You? (Crowdless Version)

There's a forest near my house and I can smell when something dies there

there is a sound
to the panic-stricken lower bound
convinced I’m pulling, 
you’re just plunging down
the backwater you have waded into
is waiting for you so it can freeze
i’m standing on the surface
so you can witness me

but I shouldn’t compare
the chill in the air
to the sound of you shivering

you will give me your attention
I know how to take from you
you think you can cast a stone and be done with me
but you don’t understand, you foolish little child
I’m here to bore a hole in your head
and I will not be calm
and I will not be reasoned with 
you’re gonna have to deal with me

a vessel seldom knows what it contains
a pickled brain, I am the dowsing rod
that’s picking up your pulse
and you can hope discerning eyes
of observant passersby
can spot the difference
but indifferent gods are
plucking you from here

you shouldn’t complain
the thoughts from the day
have a way of fogging up the air

I'm here to bore a hole in your head

Tourniquette

I don’t mean to be a bore
but I am inside of your walls
and your house is such an eyesore
I always dread crawling in
and it occurs to me now
that you don’t want me to be here

And I don’t want to be cruel
but i’m turning into you

and you are making me a mouthful 
and I feel the terror grip you
as it grips me too
and we both go under and

now is time you see
the wooden parts of me
get your axe ready

to fall 
as I fell I saw a hole in the earth where I was
keep steady now
you’ll get more desperate with each swing
but rest assured I am coming down
you’ll make me into something useful
I am sure of it

I don’t mean to freak you out
but there’s a bug on your shoulder
god forbid I get to listen to you speak
can I say for the record
I find your conversations lacking
as if you’d ever speak to me 

and I don’t mean to be cruel
but I know that you do
and you do a standup job of it
but we’ll see who is who
when you feel the terror grip you
and I don’t let go of it

now it’s time to part
with a portions of your heart
don’t be surprised if you start

to fall
there’s a crater in the earth where you were
keep steady now
you'll get more desperate with each plunge
but rest assured you’re coming down
i’ll make you into something useful
if you make me into something

make me into something (useful)

did the social thing
and asked about your whereabouts
mutuals shrug shoulders shake their heads
when I saw you last there was a haze around the truth
you don’t know about me
let me prove it to you

circumstances dictate
bare my soul and swallow whole
you wouldn’t recognize me like this
in tender viscera
have you seen the back of my throat?
I can show you now, 
I can show you now,
why don’t you get in there?
I will shut my mouth 

I was stepping out on the misery
given time to commiserate i will find
the common line
the difference between my life
and every part of the animal

found a highschool mixtape
of the songs I used to play
full of demo covers of songs that I hate
broke it over my knee, threw it in the fireplace
who needs sentimental shit like this?
It will die with me,  
I will bury it

every part of the animal

outpost
peeled away
barren of worth
we’re taunting in your direction
find us
delegate a hunting party
waste away listening for me

separate the hair from the hide
and hide 

I have closed
brighter eyes than yours
I have better things to do
than wonder who you are
cut it close
or I will cut it off
let me put this in your ear:
you’re the one who’s being watched
I’m the one who keeps the pulse

goodbye
terraformed
angular stone
eat and become sedentary
outlast 
delegate a hunting party
compromise but never with me

separate the jaws from the beast
 at least

I have closed
brighter eyes than yours
I have better things to do
than wonder who you are
cut it close
or I will cut it off
let me put this in your ear:
you’re the one who’s being watched
I’m the one who keeps the pulse

welcome home
spectre at the door
I have better things to do
than wonder who you are
 cut it close
or I will cut it off
let me put this in your ear: 
you’re the one who’s being watched
I’m the one who keeps the pulse

delegate a hunting party

true love will find you in the end
or at least the end will find you
and you might fall in love with that
fine-tuned images of youth
will follow you to hell and back
fueled by good intention

I hear you weeping in your bed
pipe down, we could all use the rest
tomorrow is ruthless

 and who’s fault is that?
Who let the wind steal their whisper?
who’s fault is that?
When the time, I wonder who faltered

magnanimous
has never described me less
I know that it isn’t healthy to hold on
bad analysis 
you can’t be serious
how am I supposed to work with kids’ gloves on
these hairy palms

I see the hatred in your eyes
keep them closed lest they keep me up at night
tomorrow is a fight

 and who’s fault is that?
Who wrote the wrong directions on the map?
who’s fault is that?
Who forgot which way the river’s running?

sometimes
revenge is just a lie, “just lead a decent life”
but I don’t the advisers taking their advice
try harder
clench your fist and turn your hips
you’ll land a decent punch
in time to leave your mark

"""true love"""

War Is Coming

You Didn't Love A Disease

Join in!
Revelation now
Hierophant in tow
I offer up a sacrifice
Of all the words I know
You know the truth is it only feels
Like knowledge gets revealed
Keep it secret they still think 
We’re more than animals.

I am different than I have been
You shouldn’t treat my presence lightly
There are

Beasts
Waiting for me
I clean between their teeth
We preserve a legacy
None of us will live to see
Beasts
Waiting for me
I clean between their teeth
You can feign your agency
But I dare you to move your feet.

I’ve got a 
Favored set of facts
I am stocking up
Take a few if you 
Aren't convinced enough
You know the wait was long but
I’m a patient man
I carved the days into your palm you can
Feel the grooves to keep in touch
They’re in the throng 

Did you pick this place on purpose?
Did you think that I deserve this?
There are

Beasts
Waiting for me
I clean between their teeth
We preserve a legacy
None of us will live to see
Beasts
Waiting for me
I clean between their teeth
You can feign your agency
But I dare you to move your feet.

There’s so little that we can do
So I dare you to do
Anything.

Hierophant

Paragraph after paragraph
You can speak them all
Until your breath is gone
There’s a surfeit of surfaces that you
Can write my name on
Motive lost
Fingers crossed
There’s a pit that you were
Tossed into 
You told them the truth
You think you owe them
But you were just a 
Lesser god
And you got caught

I thought I was taught
To be sinister and innocent all at once
Take what all you’ve got
To escape with and leave no remainder
Better be estranged in a stranger’s world
Than to be caught unexpected on your toes
I thought I was taught to be sinister and innocent

Bombs were tossed
In what was lost
I expected to find scraps of you
Scurrying to somewhere dark and warm
I was hoping you would learn from me
You were suffering
For the light you seek so
I told them a lie
I do not owe them my time
I wouldn’t pay a debt
To a filthy pest

I know that it’s unfair to you but
No one’s keeping score
Aging gracefully
Painterly
They don’t know they own you
They don’t know they owe you

Sinister & Innocent

I was penitent
Ignorant
Digging up through the trenches
Buying time for cheap
And wholly devouring it

I was savoring
The water squeezed
From the wood that was
Encasing me 
Pulling at shackles
Hoping they would bend
Until

I’m free (the terror never lessens)
I’m free (it’s a shame, it’s not your shame)
I’m free (once I pick your bones clean)
I’m free (everyone starts moving)
Everyone starts moving

It was violent
Unthinking force
A tragedy that has been rehearsed
There is so little to resort to
When it comes time to resort

It was shelter from the rain at first
It was the stone that keeps my innards cold
Dismembered into parts
Cartilage, hope, meat, sinew, and bone

I’m free (the terror never lessens)
I’m free (it’s a shame, it’s not your shame)
I’m free (once I pick your bones clean)
I’m free (everyone starts moving)
Everyone starts moving

Everyone Starts Moving

There’s no mantra in my chest
I exhale when I wake up
It’s only getting tighter
I’m making myself tired
I am dogged by the wind
I see it shake the treetops
It feels like dead leaves are 
curling underneath my skin

Something I don’t believe in 
is staring
I have to keep myself from checking
But I found a new way of checking

Do not cast yourself a wider net
You’ll only embarrass yourself
When your catch drags you out
Do not capture moments after
You’ll only embarrass yourself
When the past pulls you down

I’ve done everything already
The dirt is on my hands I can’t
Grasp it any tighter
The gap is getting wider
I was fooled by a creature
That wormed its way inside
Now I freeze up when I falter
I feel guilty when I hide

Something I don’t believe in
Is knocking
If you don’t recognize it’s servant
Then you are it’s servant

Do not cast yourself a wider net
You’ll only embarrass yourself
When your catch drags you out
Do not capture moments after
You’ll only embarrass yourself
When the past pulls you down

Embarrass Yourself

I hope the toll was light
You're picking at my scars
The dust occludes your face
I wonder who you are

The stage is nearly set
They're begging us to start
They'll drag us into place 
I wonder who you are

You are
The dust

My carapace is cracked
They pin us to the board
They're spreading out your wings
I wonder who you are 

A consolation prize
They're picking you apart
The fever in your eyes
I wonder who you are

I wonder who you are
The dust occludes your face
You are
The dust

Carapace

A wall surrounding empty air
A feast there to fatten all the guards
We left our lives for recompense
A dirty coin passed down from oligarchs 
To fit the slot inside our hearts

I am getting swallowed up
I’m dredging through distasteful stuff

The skin of the bulb is off
The flesh of the fruit is soft
You can get away with harvesting
But not if you spill your gut
 A motive to spite the cause
The map to the pit is gone
Pain is just pain so i hope for your sake
The impetus will be to stop

Somehow not used to my body
I took more than I could carry
I  poked around and found something
I never felt 
There’s always something
Pushing down, a resonator plucked
Reverberate the sound 
A horn to fuck your hearing up

I am getting swallowed up
I’m dredging through distasteful stuff

The skin of the bulb is off
The flesh of the fruit is soft
You can get away with harvesting
But not if you spill your gut
 A motive to spite the cause
The map to the pit is gone
Pain is just pain so i hope for your sake
The impetus will be to stop

Stop the sacrament
Only holy for the innocent
A plague be on the rest of us
Present company excluded of course
Anatomy knows how to get the best of me
Apologies, i forgot to be anything, that’s right
I forgot to be anything

Distasteful Stuff

You can find me at the bottom of the barrel
You can find me in the dog ear of a page
You can find me close to quitting 
And I will happily admit it
You can find me in the digits of my age




You can find me where the oak has turned to dead wood
You can find me where the salt gets in your throat
You can find me staring fondly
At a world that doesn't want me
You can find me in the hymns I never wrote


You can find me where the footing is uneven
You can find me where the soil has been dug up
You can find me cruelly chiding 
The song that is inside me
You can find me where my heart is not enough


You can find me in the timbre of the evenings 
You can find me in the dredgs left in the cup
You can find me at the summit
Though I never really loved it 
You can find me where the days are getting rough 


You can find me on the road without direction 
You can find me in the middle of a map
You can find me defending
A definitive ending
You can find me submitting to the trap
That holds me steadfast where I'm at.

Distasteful Stuff

GUIDE DOG