Starting to think I like being stuck
Cause if I look at the ceiling
My favorite part's the sky cut off
I don't wanna realize how far away
I am from heaven

Beginning to feel a little bit like autumn
This time next year I'll touch the trees in Boston
And I don't know what we'll do 
But I'm afraid to get lost again
Looking for the truth in a world of ceilings
Blocking out the view

Even if I were good
I can't seem to remember a trick for more than
A couple turns
And even if could
There's something in the silence of this waiting room
That feels so good

Waking feels like a dream
Ask myself which version
I'm going to be 
when I walk through the curtain
I don't wanna be mean
One could say I'm learning
How fresh sharpened teeth 
Can draw blood

I'm terrified to meet your mother
I'm sure she's a stunner 
Just like her kid 
The angel lover
I feel like a dog dressed a cat
Not to be happy just to understand what it's not

Even if I were good
I can't seem to remember tricks for more than
A couple turns
And even if could
There's something in the silence of this waiting room
That feels so good
Even if I knew
The real reason for anything
Like getting up or loving you
It wouldn't really change
The fact I could be a cat or dog
I guess whatever is okay

a little bit like autumn

I left a note in the bedspring
My aspirations inked in red
This morning I took off all the bedding
And read them in my head
I asked for a love and and a life unpretended

One day with a broken down body
I'll look back myself
Envy beauty and youth instilled me
I couldn't see it then
Like an egg hidden under a hen
Long before that time
That old hen was unhatched too
Sometime that old hen's gonna have to hatch again

Hatch Again

Lyrics:

I don't blame you
though I wish I would
I don't hate you
though I kinda wish I could

we're caught in the middle of a love and hate affair
I'll get my heart for this
cause when I try to run it stops and that's no fair
what kind of fool is cut out for this

I don't think about you all the time
just when looking at the moon
and every time I blink my eyes

we're caught in the tide
the water's rising fast and high
since when did we forget how to swim
now all that's left to do is stare into your eyes
as we drown like breathless fish

oh but ultimately
baby
you ask far too much of me
now I'm just a girl you used to know
honey scratch that I'm a ghost (boo)

you don't blame me
well I guess that's nice
you don't wanna change me
just a couple dozen tweaks in mind

we're caught in the middle of a love and hate affair
I'll get my heart for this
they say eat your heart out 
but I guess I'm kind of scared
the only think it's hungry for makes it sick
we're caught in the tide
the water's rising fast and high
since when did we forget how to swim
now all that's left to do is stare into your eyes
now all that's left to do is stare into you

but ultimately 
baby
you ask far too much of me
now I'm just a girl you used to know
honey scratch that I'm a ghost
oh ultimately 
baby
you ask far too much of me
now I'm just a girl you used to know
honey scratch that I'm a ghost (boo)

Your Ghost demo draft 2

Do you remember when
I slipped on black ice
Hit my head and laughed
It was a strange way to react like that
Well I've always made a joke
Of shit that others won't
And a poker face at times 
When I'm meant to force a smile

Oh I wish I knew the reason
Other than just being conceited
But I think I've gotta be made
For more than this

There's a palm tree and a maple
Down on Canyon Crest Road
They were planted without thinking
And now they've grown too close
Red leaves against rough skin
Like a heart that's caving in
And I swallow my own spit
With a new feeling

Oh I wish I knew the reason
Of what it meant to believe in
Anything greater than this

Oh I wish I had a reason
Other than these human feelings
But I think I've gotta be made 
For more than this
More than this

more than this demo draft 1

Lyrics:

one hand on waist
the other wrapped around my shoulder
hold myself in an embrace as if to keep her stuck together
well my heart is falling though
it seems there's nothing I can do to keep it in
to keep it rolling in the cold December wind

December in Los Angeles
the angels of the city
carry heavy hearts in designer bags
walking by a stray dog shitting
there's a picture of a rainbow above on Hollywood and Vine
on the cellphone of each angel of the city walking by
it's a sign of the times
between myself and I it's such an effort sometimes

did you know that wild animals have methods to relax
after a possum is attacked it shakes to get its old self back
so I shake myself tonight
a futile effort to make nice with the vessel keeping me alive
they say you haven't lived yet if you haven't tried this wine
or fifty-thousand dollar watch on a billboard on Hollywood and Vine
where the angels of the city shake themselves to feel alive
(da da da da da da da)
between myself and I it's such an effort sometimes

December

Never had a green thumb when it came to love
Sticking cut and dying flowers in a pot of rocks and mud
It never seemed to matter how I clipped their leaves or sang them songs
Every now and then I figure maybe I should leave
All these empty pots laying around here haunting me

I guess 
Not all of us can be 
Cut out for
Gardening

Cicadas only live around seventeen
So I guess I'll let it go if they're really laughing at me when they sing
When I was younger I made my mistakes 
You see

I guess
Not all of
Us can be
Cut out for gardening

Gardening Demo 2/16

Lyrics:
Couldn't tell you at what point I
Figured I'd be better
Wearing hats and shoes
That belong to you
For all the lice and itchy feet
Those parodies have given me
At least I now know my own body
Daydreaming who I'll be next time I'm 
Wandering

There are things that I could say
To melt the world
And break your brain and heart
So I don't know why I'm afraid to speak
Or cause alarm
You deserve the kind of love that
Isn't said in words at all so
Get off of a planet if you
Can't even breathe

Everybody in this place is
Dressed up like the person to their left
And why is that
Oh why is that
Katie's got a beauty mark that
Makes the right one hold their heart but she's
Covered it all up to look like Esther
Pretty as a silver painted aster

There are things that I could say
To melt the world
And break your brain and heart
So I don't know why I'm afraid to speak
Or cause alarm
You deserve the kind of love that
Isn't said in words at all so
Get off of a planet if you
Can't even breathe
Time is wasted as another
Most people avoid really seeing each other
Anyway
The truth is all that matters
And you can't convince the rock to flower
Patience is not a virtue if the pears are ripe
They're falling into your hands 
On a winter night
There's nothing that I could say 
Better than you might
There's nothing that I could say 
Better than you might

There Are Things That I Could Say

Lyrics:

look back where you last left it
trace your footsteps
shine a flashlight under the bed
rummage through those old boxes
squint eyes and scratch the empty space in your head

I think I've lost it
if only I knew
what it is or what it was
everything's perfect
porcelain dishes
in the cabinet above
I think I've lost it

there's the candle on your birthday cake and
the shooting star you caught across the lake and
the dandelion clutched within your palm
maybe if you wish enough you'll remember where it's gone

oh, but
I think I've lost it
if only I knew
what it is or what it was
everything's perfect
porcelain dishes
in the cabinet above
I think I've lost it

in the cabinet (demo)

he takes my hand
and it becomes a flower bed
he holds my heart
somehow it's summer in the dark
in bed at midnight
but I can hear the morning birds in flight
singing for my Jonah

he falls asleep 
with half his body around me
he looks so sweet
I'm nearly rotting in the teeth
my darling boy
my most beloved cavity
aching for my Jonah
aching for my Jonah

for my Jonah (demo)

Lyrics:

I would like to be taken away 
to a yellow lake house 
where the water is rising
and when I wake I will be underwater
maybe then I will listen closer
weight is lighter when under

I don't have the words
I don't have the words
to tell you what I want you to know

I would like to know
what is love
and does it live in a lamplight
in every house of every living street
till at night it only lives in a nightlight
and when that goes out too
what's the plan
but a crawl into the bed of the woman who made you

I don't have the words
I don't have the words
to tell you what I want you to know
I don't have the words
I don't have the words
to tell you what I want you to

Lakehouse demo

back of my hand rough demo

Lyrics:

I'm not the image in your head
For all I know that girl is dead
I'm not the image in your head
Baby I'm a figurine

I'm not an angel like you say
I'm just a person with a brain
I'm not which fantasy you take
I'm not here for you to want me
I'm not here for you to want me

But if we stop for a second, oh
Honey if we stop for a second, oh
Maybe if we stop for a minute
Stay in the moment, we'll know where to go

...

You're not the movie in my mind
You're just a guy who writes his lines
Instead of living with the times, baby welcome to reality

You are not Leonard Cohen incarnate
You're just a boy with a God complex
I'm not demure and shy and cold (lalala... I need to re-write this part because it is bad) 

But if we stop for a second, oh
Honey if we stop for a second, oh
Maybe if we stop for a minute
Stay in the moment, we'll know where to go
But if we stop for a second, oh
Honey if we stop for a second, oh
Maybe if we stop for a minute
Stay in the moment, we'll know where to go
We'll know

"STOP" Demo - (old WIP)

Lyrics:

Annie said "how you spend your days is how you spend you life"
But I've been dizzy since I turned seventeen, Annie

Not even you
Not even you
Remind me how to move

I'm predisposed to be the sparrow the dog brings (in)
The meantime, I'll be fighting against a window that won't fight back

Not even that
Not even that'll
Remind me how to move

Don't you think I'm a bird worth hitting with your stone, hard?
Don't you think I'm a bird worth hitting with your stone, hard?
Don't you think I'm a bird worth hitting with your stone, hard?
Hit me with your stone
Hit me with your stone
Hit me with your stone
Hit me with your stone

Not even you
Not even you

how to move demo

drive on demo.mp3

Lyrics~

New York, you're sleeping on a dollar
caught a taxi, made a wish; pulling petals off a flower
graveyard shift, candy and a cigarette
the light outside getting colder
said your hair looks funny and you're getting older
can't help that, but he will try the best he can
he saw the movie called the tree of life, helped him understand

don't worry, to the starving artists
we'll put together all our pennies til' we're greedier than Midas
when you're walking in the big apple
are you met with worms and snakes that take you back to 
how it felt to be alone in your bedroom
three feet tall when you thought the moon still looked back at you
now you're old enough to know the futile things you do
Eyes still waning wide at five and shut at noon

can't help that, but he will try the best he can
he saw the movie called the tree of life, helped him understand

Midas Version 1 _Demo

Found some old lyrics and shaped them into something new. Inspired by movement in nature and contemplating the graphic reality of the natural food chain 🦌

Lyrics
So it goes in the white
In the snow
Heavy wide-eyed
Bitten ear, bloody neck
So it goes in the dog fight
So it goes in the dog fight

So it goes (many times)

Dogfight- Demo/Excerpt (Reimagined)

Idea 1032 (appetite)

the rip><cover

Anatomical heart.mp3

Purebred

There’s a chance I’ll never be
One with my body
But there’s a light on the surface of the bath
Water above me

I’ve been staring at that light
I’ve been staring for too long
But no matter how I try to comprehend it
With my human mind
I'll never know what
Is on the other side
I'll never know what
It’s gonna take to be alright 

There’s a moment when I pause because
You’re thinking about me
There’s a second that I wonder what you all
Would do without me

I’ve been staring at the light
I’ve been staring for too long
But no matter how I try to comprehend it
With my human mind
I don’t know what
Is on the other side
I don’t know what
It’s gonna take to be alright 
Right

Want + Need

silverfish

Cavewoman

without me

the human in you

Lyrics

If you're gonna go (oh no)
I won't say a thing
I won't tell you how I'm gonna
Drive my mind like a limousine
Picking up the wide-eyed people
Housing tired satin clothes
My heart's the light caught in a tunnel
Through which your love's a funnel

And I'm waiting in a lobby waiting
For God knows
And I'm waiting for somebody
Though they already went home
And I will not look twice at what's behind our paper throne
If it must be so it will be so
A flower still may grow in shade alone

If I'm gonna go (oh no)
I won't look away
From the tears trying to speak to me
By clinging to my face
Taking everything I've got
Knowing surely it's enough
To find beauty in a person without giving myself up

And I'm waiting in a lobby waiting
For God knows
And I'm waiting for somebody
Though they already went home
And I will not look twice at what's behind our paper throne
If it must be so it will be so
A flower still may grow in shade alone

if it must be so

I'll admit that I can no longer see
Whether you're
The gold heart of a dove or
A stranger to me 
I really did adore you
But adoration's never cured you
He wants to kiss the dark haired girl
Like he did that new years
He wants to take his gentle blonde
And push her way down into his pocket
She didn't want to mourn you
But all the birds have turned to paper cranes

Oh
Here I go
Feel the world come to a slow
Oh
Lovers hands in a little house
Hands thought to belong to someone else

She waits on the line while
He drives up his mind into San Diego
For every lie pictured
A shiny new dime to push in his pocket
Oh I assure you
Honesty can never hurt you

Oh
Here I go
Feel the world come to a slow
Oh
Lovers hands in a little house
Hands thought to belong to someone else
Someone else
Someone else

paper cranes

When I wake
The moon still fading in the sky
There are shapes around the room
A man made out of clothes on a chair
And I look to him for all my greatest life advice
And he holds me when I'm scared
And he takes all that I fear

What if all I have
What if all I've had
Has been for nothing
Nothing

When I wash myself 
I close my eyes or stare
At the ceiling with Its cracks
Lucky I can't break my mother's back from here
And when the bells are tolling down the hill
Asking me to free my will
I refuse to hear the shrill of it

What if all I have
What if all I've had
Has been for nothing
What if all I have
What if all I've had
Has been for nothing
Nothing
Nothing
Nothing

all I've had

𓂀 Haile  Star  Kusama 𓂀
 ☆
Listen to my eyes.

Popular tracks by Haile Star Kusama