Goodbye

music video : https://youtu.be/n1WDiqdPRHY?si=UAfKnKq9jjX_3HYb
my cover of // by kaya
where ever you are, thank you for never speaking to me again. i was not ready to know you, im not sure i ever will be. i've spent the rest of my life since then trying to make things right, to not be a terrible person to myself, to others, like there is a difference. i didn't see it then. the big picture. everything happens for a reason. it will hurt forever, the way i hurt you, and in turn hurt myself. but if youre out there, what happened wasn't small to me. it changed the rest of my life, and made me dislike myself so much, i write songs everyday trying to feel better, like im good, but i know i never will be. thank you for walking away. 
...
woke up now it's time for school
wash my face and brush my hair
put on clothes and tie my shoes
grab your lunch there's lots to do
another day another life
another place another time
last night had a funny dream
this girl i loved was next to me
we kissed until the night went blue
he kissed my lips and said we're through
another day another life
another place another time
but what am i to do
it's obvious superfluous
it's what we'll do
i was counting on the two
but the lines run slow
you ask me why
i just don't know
i used to know this girl from school
a pretty face and yellow curls
she smiled one day and said im done
then next day was a funeral
another day another life
another place another time
so maybe this is all a plan
you do what you've been given
but i've done everything they've said
still feel like i haven't lived
another day another life
another place another time

my head is empty

music video

i don't know what i'm doing anymore (kaya cover)

last hope

this song was written during treatment in a particularly bad time. right now things are worse, but this was different. whenever i get new lesions in my brain, they attempt to close them using a powerful steroid called "prednisone". no, not like steroids body builders use, these target cuts in my brain that form and essentially singe them closed. after 30+ lesions i stopped counting them and stopped asking. i don't even want to know how trashed my brain is at this point. but anyways, they give me a very high dose of this. usually 1250mg. all i can really say is, it feels like you just drank 10 cups and coffee and a couple redbulls in one sitting. it feels like your blood is made of battery acid. its pretty much impossible to sleep, and i have to take these dosages for several days. sometimes for 25 days straight, at 25 pills a day gradually reducing the dosage by 1 pill a day. anyways. in these times, my insomnia becomes much worse. i already cannot sleep, but during these treatments sleep is out of the question. ill go a bit insane from sleep deprivation. in these times im looking so desperately for a sense of calm. a sense of peace or serenity. all i could really do is try to make a calm or beautiful sounding song to give myself something. not something id already made, but just exactly what i needed to hear at that time, and i guess this was that song. i never released this one, but things have been especially bad lately again, and i heard this track again and realized it helps me just as much now as it did then. maybe its time to share it, and maybe someone out there will feel the peace i do, when listening <3 big love to you all. thank you for reading, and listening .

nothing is real, part XVI

album

prednisone song

castle in the sky

room 315

alone in my room

just you and me

floating

you could be mine

New Jersey Shore (City Series, Vol. IV)

An instrumental portrait of the Jersey coastline, shaped by warm acoustic patterns, soft electric tones, and unhurried movement. The album drifts through boardwalk paths, quiet late-summer evenings, and calm off-season spaces, using long-form arrangements that unfold like slow walks along the shore. Each track blends gentle folk rhythm with steady, grounded harmony—no flash, no rush—just the simple feeling of coastal days stretching into one another. A relaxed, sunworn, and thoughtfully paced reflection of the New Jersey Shore.

Low Tide Lanterns

‎‎creator of the " nothing is real " album series (2018 - present) + “ i was only temporary”.
hello. my brain is killing me from a disease called multiple sclerosis. i am making as much music as i can before inevitability i wake up one day unable to function.  i wouldn't wish this on anybody. thanks for listening.
 ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎  ‎‏‏ ‎‏‏‎‎‏‏‎  ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎  ‎‏‏ ‎‏‏‎‎‏‏‎  ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎\
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 ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎ ‎‏‏‎  and as the ‎‏‏‎soundtrack for the 
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