fuck it im making this public i made this in 30 min

god im sad and pissed off and i feel like such a waste of space for not doing the open for https://soundcloud.com/okstarkie even though i tried for 8 hours straight

lyrics:
[prechorus]
 god im pissed off
tryna make it right
i cant really ever help it 
i cant get her off my mind (who lol what am i talking about )
its the hardest at the night time
eyeing up the razorblade
i got these thoughts up in my mind
that i cannot get away

[hook]
i put 20 on my soul
screaming out im getting old
i swear to god they do not like me
they just liking what i've shown

why the fuck im always wasting all my time
i got places i should go
i got methods i should try

but im stuck up in my ways
so ill vent inside this throwaway
i just wanna cry
but i cannot find the time
(cough)
cannot find the time
swear to god im never right
i just wanna go to sleep
swear to god i just wanna die

[verse]
i cant even keep the will enough that i can scream
baby i just wanna overdose and i just wanna sleep
tell me why im always so upset and why i feel these things
i just want to sit inside my room and cry at my tv
(yeahhh)
lately ive been feeling like im r4msey 
cus anxiety's my only friend 
i popped another ady
now im reeling off the chems

wishing it would end
lying on my bed
i feel horrible for ghosting hunter (and my friends)

[bridge]
yeah
im a worthless piece of shit
i pop another ady i dont ever wanna sleep
cus when i sleep i see the faces of the people that i hurt inside my dreams 
fuck
my
life
(crash!)

[prechorus]
 god im pissed off
tryna make it right
i cant really ever help it 
i cant get her off my mind (who lol what am i talking about )
its the hardest at the night time
eyeing up the razorblade
i got these thoughts up in my mind
that i cannot get away

[hook]
i put 20 on my soul
screaming out im getting old
i swear to god they do not like me
they just liking what i've shown

why the fuck im always wasting all my time
i got places i should go
i got methods i should try

but im stuck up in my ways
so ill vent inside this throwaway
i just wanna cry
but i cannot find the time
(cough)
cannot find the time
swear to god im never right
i just wanna go to sleep
swear to god i just wanna die

[bridge but outro]
lately ive been feeling like im r4msey 
cus anxiety's my only friend 
i popped another ady
now im reeling off the chems

wishing it would end
lying on my bed
i feel horrible for ghosting hunter (and my friends)

vent (ninewaters)

13.6.2021
fuck I miss her

prod https://soundcloud.com/ninewaters x https://soundcloud.com/slayingibis

Lyrics: 

Walk home, think I'll the long way
I don't wanna see you even if its on my birthday
Drown myself in self hate, drown myself in sorrow
I don't wanna wake up, deal with it tomorrow

I don't really have no friends everybody fucking hates me
Remember CCS now everybody wanna hang me
So I'll tie my own noose, don't pretend you ever cared though
Laugh behind my back no one was ever really there oh oh

I don't really care what you have to say now
No one wants to hear it until I'm making all these songs wow

Grateful
For all this shit that I survived through

Kill the mind
Cus I don't ever wanna miss you

Living in my head she better pay some rent
Now I'm praying up to God, acting like I'm protestant
And I hope that you feel guilt
And I hope that you feel bad
Because of all the shit you did to me I swear I'm going mad

And I'm sorry, I'm sorry, cause all kinds of commotion
Drowning in this shit it's like I'm living in an ocean
Swimming with the sharks and now I'm feeling like Ryouga
Diving in the deep might as well just call me Lugia

Stacking cheese but I'm lactose intolerant
I'm singing it you're singing it
You follow me around and copy shit just like my children
I want a better future so I swear to God I'm building it

Close my eyes and walk out its a setup in the street
I can never change whats in my heart I told her I'm just Wmmy
When I turn up to the city you know that I got the keys
When I leave the house you know I take it with me

Lay my head and rest my eyes I know that I'll be fine
You don't have to tell me lies all the time
At the end of every day you know that I can't help but cry
But ima be all right
Ima be all right
Ima be all rght

Fin

ocean (ninewaters x slaying ibis)

31.3.2021

mixed by https://soundcloud.com/tixwmmy
prod https://soundcloud.com/ninewaters
feat https://soundcloud.com/okstarkie

Lyrics:
[Intro]
kind words
fall on deaf ears 
feel like i might pull a trick
you can watch me dissapear 
swear im better off alone
swear im happiest myself
theres an extrovert inside
but he died begging for help

[Hook]
like oooh oooh oh 
i dont even give fuck 
❤️lil shawty❤️ wanna talk
too late bad luck

think i fucking died back in 09 
90 in the whip now 
reeling off the codeine 
i might fucking pass out 

i just slept all day 
i got demons in my mind 
ive been tryna do today (OIL REFERENCE)
but i swear i'd rather die 

got it on my mind better spit it out
think that i might veer now 
i cant keep my hands straight 
shaking like a deer now 

[Verse]
feeling like im dream try to catch me (yeah yeah yeah)
i cant even walk call a taxi (woahhh)
think im fucking sick need a vaccine (midwxst reference)
feeling like im top better tax me (minion last hit)

call me mundo i can't remember my name
swear i really need to drop
im afraid they'll never wait

i can never really write
on my life i wish she'd stay
swear that all i need is time
i think i just need a day (ll6)

[Starkie]
i hope that ill wanna feel again
i know that i havent been a friend
got too fucked up, actin arrogant
i miss my life back in 2010

back in 2010
catch me catching feelings for this girl i never met
accidentally fucked up now im struggling to get
any sort of happiness, feel like a fucking mess

[Hook]

Fin

veer w/ okstarkie (ninewaters)

8.7.2021
I feel so sick

prod https://soundcloud.com/greg-the-gamer-extra

Mista:
Before we continue, I have to ask you a question. What is two plus two?

Player:
It's four (you die)

Lyrics:

Oh oh
Oh oh
Oh oh oh
Oh oh

Oh oh, yeah

I've been on a short leash
I've been in a bad place
How come every time I write a bar it feels so cliche?

Every time I go and put the pen down on the paper
I just wanna throw up, man I feel like such a faker

I've been on my worst shit and I'm feeling like the lamest everyday
And every second wanna die, I really hate this shit I say
Fucking hate this shit I say
I fucking hate this shit I do
And every time I go to cry
I always fucking think of you

It's been 3 years but this shit weighs so heavy on my soul
I know you hate me my reflection everything dear that I hold
I hold mementos from the past, everything evil that you say
Lay me to rest inside the casket, I can't live another day

They say "Tover do you love me?" I don't even love myself
And I don't fucking know a thing but I know I'm in need of help
They think it's so funny all my friends go hahahahaha
I hope they're laughing when I blow my brains against the fucking wall

It's so awful when I sit alone in need of a refrain
Now I thrash inside the water everyday I suffocate

I know big words how can I put it inside your brain
That I am not a fucking toy and I'm still hurting everyday

Lock me up and take away all my autonomy
And if you don't then you'll be sitting in for my autopsy
Everyday I try to be the person that they wanna see
I feel like I'm evil Lucas said it and it stuck with me

Stuck onto my shoe everyday I waste away
I really wish I was productive but I cannot motivate
Every time I see my face inside the mirror I wanna cry
Every time I wake up in the morning fuck I wanna die like

Wish I didn't say that

....

But fuck it there's no takeback

Swear to god I loathe myself and all I feel is hatred
Every time I try to innovate I'm on the same shit

Same shit, same clothes, emo fuckshit
I'm so fucking tired that I can barely function

All this shit I feel inside and I can barely stomach it
And every time I see the light it fades and makes me wanna quit

Wish I was like oil cus he counts it with an abacus
But I can't ever count it all my bank accounts are fucking red
All my friends are awesome and I wish I was more like them
But all I do is sit inside my room and wish that I was dead

I'm so fucking tired of this shit, I'm fucking tired of my life
And every time I put in effort I expend my will to try
I'm so jaded I'm so angry I'm so bitter and upset
I just wanna close my eyes and finally lay down to rest

Fin

suffocate (greg beats)

1.4.2021
hahah rhaast made me record this hahahaha

mixed by @tixwmmy
prod @ninewaters
feat @okstarkie

Lyrics:
[Intro]
yeah its my time to ball

[Hook]
feeling like im jiccjucc
way i always run it up
i remember august streaming lies
and now im going up
swear to god i cross my heart and hope to die
i dont wanna be the one to change and be what they despise

saw it in my brothers and i saw it in my friends
swear to god i try and fight it but the number's in my head
all i care about are streams you know what im tryna chase
swear to god i need a bag ive been tryna make some plays

[Verse]
sent my brother a couple of my songs
yeah he ghosted i dont even give a fuck he did me wrong
i dont even need no love
hyperfocus on the cash
(i could never) give a fuck about an ex
ima go and pop these tags

i might go and take it back
put my pride up on the line
ima go on the attack
feel like rhaast up in the night

you're not even worth a thought
you're beneath me
bitch im gonna blow up
you can see me on your tv

bitch i own the game
you can call me miyamoto
shawty sent the addy
i dont wanna go tho

mask on my face now i look like an emoji (drain gaaaaang)
you know i was born with this shit like an iv

[Starkie & I]
im on top (obey)
you try but you can not touch (give in)
my steez is clean like bishop
just do me
i dont need rest
ill never sleep
so

[Starkie]
happy
fuck the reaction
squads on top
we becoming the captains
looking for action
fuck all the cap shit
ima have to strike
you dont know what we packin

[Hook]

Fin

rhaast w/ okstarkie (ninewaters)

2.4.2021 (holy shit i made this 4 months ago??)
nothings fucking real and im going insane

mixed by https://soundcloud.com/tixwmmy
prod https://soundcloud.com/ninewaters
s/o https://www.youtube.com/c/firegod12341/videos

Lyrics:
[Hook]
if im being honest 
its been on my chest a while
i dont want to have to 1up myself everytime

all these people tryna tell me whats wrong with all my songs
i dont even really care
i dont even wanna talk

sometimes i just wanna show my friends
something i worked hard on

but nowadays its always black cat this
drugged up that 
so tell my why you feel the need
to hold me back

[Verse]
your criticism is not constructive
how can i be any clearer
you are destructive
youve never made a song 
but you think that you can backseat
tell me how to mix
now wanna i scream obscenities

i cannot believe 
the things you'd say to me
just to try and hurt me back yeah
i dont wanna care
even with all of the time though
i still feel the same i did back there

[Bridge]
thankful
for kindness
shown unto me in my time of need

i'm grateful
for lessons
that taught me who i need to be

my eyes are open now
im no longer asleep
and i will not dream

for i will turn my aspirations
into my reality

[Hook]

Fin

tomo (ninewaters)

25.7.2021
life sucks

prod https://soundcloud.com/greg-the-gamer-extra

Lyrics:

[Hook]
got a lotta people wanna see me dead
i dont wanna wake up in the morning play the idiot
i pretend that i dont notice all the fucking hate
but its really hard to ignore shit when its inside my brain

okay im my own worst enemy
think i went insane and i cant find a fucking friend of me
okay like im sorry for my apathy 
its really hard to care when all this shit is just a part of me

[Verse]
shoutout my whole clique they dont even know my name
feeling like im fucking dream i put a mask up on my face
tryna hide the fact that i feel like a waste everyday
i dont wanna make you sad really wish you would have stayed

she treat me like im garbage treat me like im nothing
now i feel so fucking flawed and inside i feel ugly

she said she could fix me
i dont think she gets this
im a broken toy and everyday i play the idiot

and ill say it again
i gotta find a way to get it inside of your head 
you got me feeling so alone
cus i dont think you ever cared
every day i sit in silence and i suffer in despair 

[Bridge]
they tell me get a bag
i dont really wanna bag
only thing i ever wanted was for you to love me back
i dont really want the money or the fame
only thing i ever wanted was to feel okay

[Hook]

Fin

the idiot (greg beats)

9.4.2021
im about as see through as plastic on a good day

mixed by https://soundcloud.com/tixwmmy
prod https://soundcloud.com/ninewaters

Lyrics:

[Intro]
i tried to write a song
tried to do the right thing tried to be the one that eveyrone wants

[Hook]
call me when you need me
only love me when your down 
when ur up i guess im nothing to you

every single waking second wanna kill myself
but i guess that im worthless to you

everytime that im feeling in the worst way
she dont wanna talk say
"right now im busy okay"

but when it rolls around to the next day
then she wanna cry away
i think that im going insane

[Verse]
if im being honest i think that i wanna die
i dont really have a single thing live for 
if im being honest then today i grabbed a knife
drew a line felt the best i ever have glad i sinned for 

sinned for the pain
swear agony it makes my day
watch the blood drip down on my hilt

i have lust for adrenaline
i dont wanna breathe
so ill pierce my lungs
snort an ady so ill get the job done

[Bridge]
call my line ask if im all right
got a blade in my thigh
and im thinking suicide
i dont wanna make you cry
so i guess i have to lie
gotta live another day
just to give you peace of mind

swear that every other day i have a crisis
"i dont let it on" so i put it in my songs then
why am i the one they always come to
"tix i wanna die"
ill pretend im not the same
ill just lie and im say im fine

[Hook]

Fin

agony (ninewaters)

18.5.2021

prod https://soundcloud.com/silokilledthis
w/ https://soundcloud.com/atn2k https://soundcloud.com/1polarity https://soundcloud.com/oil_is_stupid https://soundcloud.com/bugs https://soundcloud.com/okstarkie https://soundcloud.com/tycheung

Lyrics: 

[Hook]
I've been in a bad mood, tryna get it right
Shawty hit me tryna link, sorry you are not my type
When these people hit my phone, I can't find the words to say
Maybe if I close my eyes they'll all leave and go away

I don't really wanna do it but I do it anyways
Told her I've been on my grind even if I have a bad day

Gotta put the pen to the paper
Mask where the mouth is
Running round town, I wake up in different houses

[My Verse]
Every single day is just another day to blow up
Haters gonna hate they just wish that they were one of us
"I've been doing great I've been tryna get my funds up"
Money isn't everything you gotta learn to have fun

Let loose
Sippin' on this grey goose
Every now and then I still think about you

And I pray you're doing better
Thankful for the kindness
If you ever need me then you got me put the time in

[Atone]
I put the time in
Yeah, I would do it all for you

Like where the time went
Cus I had so much fun with you

Hope it's not one way, I hope you're having fun with me
And when we're seperate, I don't know what to do

Cus when I get a text, want it to be from you
And every time we talk, I feel my face go blue
Sing like a melody, hope you'll remember me
Cus for as long as I live I'll remember you

[Polarity]
You don't remember me anymore
And I guess knowing me was a chore to you
And now you're falling straight to the floor
Begging me to make life not a bore for you

But I can't do that
I don't know you
Thought I used to
But it's not true

Every single thing I ever did was always for you
And everything you did before was what made me adore you
But lately I just wish my life would go back to before you
Can't say sorry

[Oil]
How you really gonna leave me like this?
Say that you love me, you don't even know what that means
You know what, forget it
I'm not even gonna question it
Just carry on doing me and I'll forget it

L-Left it, hate the way you spent it
S-Said it, you never left me credit
How do you still think that it's my fault?
I never wanted this at all

Bugs!!! https://soundcloud.com/bugs

[OKSTARKIE]
Sittin' here getting power from the plugin
She pulled it from my heart and then my heart turned into nothing ayy
Now you know, to never trust a hoe, so skrrt up on a bitch and get the fuck up out the door ayy

Get a flip, yuh
G-G-Get a grip
Shawty ass fat and she talking mad shit, yuh
F-Fuck this
I never win
There never been a time where I only felt bliss yuh

[Ty]
I don't wanna waste my time
I need to learn what to do
I'm still tryna find the words to get it through to you

[Hook]

Fin

fun w/ atone, polarity, oil, bugs, OKSTARKIE & ty (silo)

2.8.21

prod https://soundcloud.com/silokilledthis
w/ https://soundcloud.com/memwald https://soundcloud.com/atn2k https://soundcloud.com/1polarity https://soundcloud.com/okstarkie https://soundcloud.com/thelunacy

Lyrics:
[Hook]
i dont like to brag
but ive been doing great
i dont need anything from you ill be okay either way
promise me that you wouldn't miss me whenever im not around
cus i just want to make you smile i pray i dont let you down

i know that im not perfect but i always try my best
really hope that i deserve good things happening again

im so thankful for the people that i get to call my friends
i can't say it enough but i swear that im in your debt

[My Verse]
i appreciate the things you always say and do
i can't imagine the person id be if i never met you
i count my blessings everyday and i cant thank you enough
ill never take it for granted im grateful for all your love

[Memory]
Taking you for granted
Trust me that's something I'll never do
I don't know why I expected you to play me like a fool

Not like all these other girls, tryna rip my heart apart
You just wanted all my love from the very start

Yet im a rabbit in a snowstorm
A needle in a haystack
Trying to be different but all it do is make me sad
Just playing the anti hero
Cos ill never be ur hero
Guess im just stuck as a zero
Not even reaching subzero 

[Hook]

[Atone]
It's like I stepped into a new land
Forget about my problems and forget about my old friends

I'm here to have a good time
Got nothing else on my mind
And we've been going up
I'm talking bout my friends and I

Four bands, on me

One for all my bros,
And I got one for Mr. Tony

I keep a lot to myself
I don't tell nobody else
Except for my best friends, cus they deserve to know me

[Polarity]
Lately I've been lowkey cus I'm not much of a boaster
But shit's been getting crazy turn my life into a poster 
(Fuck!)

I turn this shit upside down
Now I can't figure it out
Things feel okay in the moment
But know I still have my doubts

Always have and always will
I'm under pressure don't lose chill
And when the cops come calling in
Just know we both don't pay our bills

And every single second I'm alone just know there's time to kill
So you can come back home whenever there's a house up on these hills

[OKSTARKIE]
thank you for the all love
drownin in the water, but you helped me above
ma i know that i dont say it enough
glad that you were here, i hope they put you above

aye
cuz if they put you below
id b sittin in a rut, id put my nose to the blow
aye (bruh) aye 
ima just stick to the dope
i been asking for help, im going door to door

[Lunacy]
Pick me up when I'm down, I'm never going out
Talk me off the ledge, I ain't ever giving up
I would never be alone since I got you by my side
On your shoulder I can cry, hope the feeling never dies

You're the type to never judge tell you all my secrets
I was drowning in depression but you saved me from the deep end
Deepen our connection I was always in my head
Yea you saved me from the demons that keep me in bed

[Hook]

Fin

grateful w/ memory, atone, polarity, OKSTARKIE, lunacy (silo)

12.2.21

prod https://soundcloud.com/ninewaters

what does rhaast mean anyway?

Lyrics:
[Intro]
wake up on the same shit
everyday i waste away im feeling like shit 

got people who love me i dont deserve shit
i can't even rhyme honestly i wanna quit

cus i fucking hate music

[Hook]
i feel so damn pressured all the time
always give my all feel so tired and i wanna die

misery is always by my side
if i say its looking up then you know i fucking lied

cracks up in my mind and im going fucking coocoo
i just need a friend someone i can stay true to

i could never let it go and i really fucking miss you
always my own and i hope you know it kills me too

what does rhaast mean anyway?

[Verse]
everything i've lost, inside of my head
all the memories i wish that i could finally forget
pick the scabs off of my arm wrote her name onto my skin

reminders all around me cant escape all of my sins 

scratch until its raw but it'll never cease to itch

ring around the rosie pockets full empty promises

its better to be blind than see the truth for what it is 

[Hook]

Fin

misery (ninewaters)

30.10.21

prod https://soundcloud.com/gregorgy-beats

Lyrics:

WELCOME TO SAD TOWN
POPULATION ME
EVERYONE ELSE, GET OUT!

okay

THE UNDOING DRAWS NEAR

[Hook]
fuck im gonna throw it up
but im still fiending for another bite

i feel like an outcast
i wish they would fucking write

im starting to get why they all hate me
im not worth a mention im so fucking lazy

im an exile
always on the outside
i could have been one of you 
but you cut me out of your life

i hope that you feel bad
i hope that you see me in pain
i hope that you think of me
i think of you every day

LIFE SUCKS
BUT AT LEAST I'M NOT YOU

[Verse]
like what the fuck else could i say
id rather keep my dignity than be another fake
you're a fucking slave to every single thing you say you hate

HAHAHAHA

and i know it could be worse
got a 30 in my hand
bitch im leavin a hearse

know i feel walking dead
bloody red all on my shirt
who the fuck im tryna kid
swear to god im fucking cursed okay

[Bridge]
i don't really think i ever earned it
lately all i think is that im feeling like im a burden
you can see it in my eyes you know im fucking hurtin
all i ever wanted was for you to say im worth it

but im not yea
i just wanna understand

clueless its the story of my life
cus im the idiot

[Hook]

Fin

exile (greg beats)

black cat prod apxllo

lately ive been doing horrible

28.12.21 - Originally I had a shoutout section here. Not a single person I mentioned is still in my life. Fuck them, I'll shoutout You instead. If You're reading this, I love You, and thank You. <3

s/o penis
thank you everyone who believes in me
lyrics below

[intro]------------------------------------------------------------
5 am and i can't even really get to write a song
5 am and i can't even really start to right my wrongs
5 am im sorry if i hurt you its just idle talk
5 am im crashing when im coming off the adderall

[hook]------------------------------------------------------------
adderall adderall
took another pill
i think that im fucking sick i think that im fucking ill
not my swag not my drip all these thoughts in my head
load up the fucking 9 i might put it all to bed

put it all to bed need a rest i might sleep soon
apathy runs through my body like a fucking monsoon
monsoon monsoon like a fucking tidal wave
paralysis inside my head like  i can't even say my name


[verse]------------------------------------------------------------
glacier when she calling up my phone
im just frozen in space never felt so alone
so i gotta get my own i need get the ends
so i need to make sure that the means justify justify them

parents live my life so i always just defy them
sorry mom and dad i guess im a complication
i was always lots of trouble i could never fit in
such a fucking victim blame it on the mental illness

illness
im really sorry shelly cus i always fucking ditch
and im never really busy im just making up the shit
in my fucking mind then i blame it on you cus you never check in

check me out with all my problems
im always fucking lying and pretending that i solved 'em
tix is so cool he has all of the answers
why do you think this i live like a bastard


[bridge]------------------------------------------------------------
nothing better so i waste all my time
in my fucking dreams id forget suicide
wanna be a normal and i want to be fine
but im fucked in the head so im sad all the time (shout out sad all the time)


[hook]------------------------------------------------------------
adderall adderall
took another pill
i think that im fucking sick i think that im fucking ill
not my swag not my drip all these thoughts in my head
load up the fucking 9 i might put it all to bed

put it all to bed need a rest i might sleep soon
apathy runs through my body like a fucking monsoon
monsoon monsoon like a fucking tidal wave
paralysis inside my head like  i can't even say my name


[outro]------------------------------------------------------------
glacier when she calling up my phone
i just want to die please just leave me alone
stop asking my mood cus you know the answer
i just want to rot please decay me faster

she just want to know just to fuck w/ me
what i could be one day

Tixwmmy

Pinned to spotlight

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