I Have a Story
Words & Music by Todd Porter
(c) 2022 Todd Porter  All rights reserved.

I have a story
That everyone I befriend
Goes away in the end
Hurting and sorry.

I have a story
That knowing me has to lead
To lots of heartache and grief
For anyone in my reach.

And though I know that this story’s not real
Knowing won’t keep me from feeling

That I’m stuck in a tale in which
I am the villain
I’m grasping for hope of
Escaping this prison

The more that I try
The harder it is to see…

That I have a story
Where all the things I believe,
Impractical and naive,
Are leaving me empty.

I have a story
Where trying to meet my own needs
ruins most everything
And still leaves me wanting

And though I know that this story’s not real
Knowing won’t keep me from feeling

That I’m stuck in a tale in which
I am the villain
I’m grasping for hope of
Escaping this prison

The more that I try
The harder it is to see…

If making it better’s just making it worse?
If moving things forward gets stuck in reverse?
If asking for help is just making me helpless?
If longing to live is just selfish and reckless?

I’m stuck in a tale in which
I am the villain
I’m grasping for hope of
Escaping this prison
The more that I try
The harder it is to see…

I have a story
Where everyone is alive
And with joy we all thrive
Sharing and loving

I have a story
Where we give and receive
And we have all we need
To overflowing

Deep down I that know this story is real
It’s ours for the living if only we heal

We can live in a tale 
Where there is no villain
Where sharing our Hope
Leads to everyone living

We’ll find enough love for
All of our hearts to see

That the story we live 
is the story we tell
Is the story we live
Is the story we tell…

2022

I Have a Story

Whatever the day holds
You matter
Whatever the night brings
You matter

Whenever the tears fall
You matter
Whenever the wild calls
You matter

Regardless of the happenings,
In celebrating everything,
In dark so deep no eye can see,
In light so bright your heart takes wing
In life and death and in between
You matter. 

Wherever your path leads
You matter
Wherever heart flees
You matter

However you got here
You matter
However the path clears
You matter. 

Regardless of the happenings,
In celebrating everything,
In dark so deep no eye can see,
In light so bright your heart takes wing
In life and death and in between
You matter. 

Whomever your heart loves
You matter
Whomever you become
You matter

Whyever you came this way
You matter
Whether you go or stay
You matter.

Regardless of the happenings,
In celebrating everything,
In dark so deep no eye can see,
In light so bright your heart takes wing
In life and death and in between
You matter. 

(c) 2022 Todd Porter - All rights reserved.

You Matter

Live service recording from Mosaic Fort Worth.  Vocals and Acoustic Guitar: Todd Porter; Vocals: Holly Anderson; Vocals and Keys: Hannah Ball; Lead EG: Stuart Baker; Rhythm EG: John Wade; Bass: Lindsay Lientz; Drums: Jason Ball.

Luke starts the book of Acts with this (1:9-11):  "And after He had said these things, He was lifted up while they were looking on, and a cloud received Him out of their sight. And as they were gazing intently into the sky while He was going, behold, two men in white clothing stood beside them. They also said, “Men of Galilee, why do you stand looking into the sky? This Jesus, who has been taken up from you into heaven, will come in just the same way as you have watched Him go into heaven.”  The verses of this song are my reflection on what it was like to be one of the ones standing there looking up into the sky, wondering "what just happened?" and "now what are we going to do?"  

In his Revelation of Jesus Christ (5:1-10), John writes "I saw in the right hand of Him who sat on the throne a book written inside and on the back, sealed up with seven seals. And I saw a strong angel proclaiming with a loud voice, “Who is worthy to open the book and to break its seals?” And no one in heaven or on the earth or under the earth was able to open the book or to look into it. Then I began to weep greatly because no one was found worthy to open the book or to look into it; and one of the elders said to me, “Stop weeping; behold, the Lion that is from the tribe of Judah, the Root of David, has overcome so as to open the book and its seven seals.”

And I saw between the throne (with the four living creatures) and the elders a Lamb standing, as if slain, having seven horns and seven eyes, which are the seven Spirits of God, sent out into all the earth. And He came and took the book out of the right hand of Him who sat on the throne.  When He had taken the book, the four living creatures and the twenty-four elders fell down before the Lamb, each one holding a harp and golden bowls full of incense, which are the prayers of the saints. And they sang a new song, saying,

“Worthy are You to take the book and to break its seals; for You were slain, and purchased for God with Your blood men from every tribe and tongue and people and nation.

 “You have made them to be a kingdom and priests to our God; and they will reign upon the earth.”

The chorus of Axios is from the passage in Revelation.  I put these two passages together when I started wondering if they were both talking about the same event, whether the moment Jesus disappeared into a cloud was the same moment he appeared in heaven, ready to open the book.  All of this in the context of Advent, that season of waiting and anticipating where, on the surface, we wait for the coming of the infant Jesus, while at the heart of it all, we wait for the return of King Jesus.  And in between, while we're waiting, live in the tensions of the already-but-not-yet Kingdom of God.

The title of the song come from the Greek word translated "worthy", Axios.

Axios

Why isn’t this over now?
Need fifteen more years
   To sulk and to pout?
Just let it all go, 
    stop reliving the past
And it would all be over now. 

Why isn’t this over now?
How long will you punish
    Everyone around?
Forgive and forget
   And stop dragging it out
And it would be over now. 

I’m not holding on; 
     it is holding on to me.
It’s not more forgiveness
      Healing is what I need.
My heart is destroyed 
     It continues to beat
I long to be whole and free. 

Why isn’t this over now?
Because it gains strength
      When it comes back around
It’s like we learned nothing
      But how to tune out
So it can’t be over now. 

I’m not holding on; 
     it is holding on to me.
It’s not more forgiveness
      Healing is what I need.
My heart is destroyed 
     It continues to beat
I long to be whole and free. 

I’d like to stop hurting 
(Stop the hurting)
I’d like to start living
I’d rather be growing
(Start the building)
I’d rather be building  
The life that we’re wanting
(We can make it)
Is here if we make it
Let’s stir up the courage
(If we face it)
We need to be facing  the darkness
    
Why isn’t this over now?
If I knew the answer
    I’d say it out loud. 
But I won’t give up
     Till we figure it out
So it can be over now. 

(c) 2022 Todd Porter. All rights reserved. (v10)

Why isn't this over now?

From a series of songs based on "Simple Harmony: Thoughts on Holisitic Christian Life" by Larry Duggins, this is a prayer:
"Holy Spirit, 
fill us with your love
that we might pour out for others."