it's never too late to start from square one!

my twee monsters

cover art by my older sibling, @squid_express on tiktok, instagram, and twitter

lyrics:

throw down the keys on the table
playing it down's getting played out
put on a new shirt when i'm able 
with a year's old stain, still looks the same

human condition loops endlessly; it sticks to my skin
is that all you got
patterns in my arms
you're totally full of it

i'll grow a new lung when i'm able 
an endless refrain: back to square one
if i'm nothing but lazy and stable 
why does my old pain still ache the same

stare out the window
losing my purpose, i stand there for hours 
show me what you got
circles 'round my eyes
yeah i must be full of it 

my headache's eating all my words again
you got a problem it must be my fault
sorry for being vain, you need your space
there's ringing in my ears and screeches in the dark
she lets her cassette record everything
so she can record her mistakes and play her part 
but all she hears is every mess she's made
and again she marks the progress on her arm

my feet are swollen and my arms are sore 
stare at the razor i left sitting on the floor
i bite my tongue and fight the art again
whatever i wanted just wasn't in the cards
she watches all her work coagulate 
the hollow noises eating at her start to fade
rewinds her cassette and restarts the tape
the cycle looping over and over again

her hollowed heart promises to refill again

the cycle looping over and over again

behave, hollow automaton

lyrics:

and you got folded in the cards again
she says 'it's not a bet worth taking at best'
'oh'
'why don't you go and talk to all of your friends
tell you what, give it a year you'll stay a boy in the end'

i don't know why but i feel like something's gnawing at me
and it's dying to come through
'you can feel what you want, but see this complicates things
and i don't wanna deal with you'

and you got stuck on the internet again
he said 'you'll never be that angel you dreamt'
'oh'
'you perverted little molehill of flesh'
his words are feedbacking endlessly in my head

i don't know why but i feel like something's gnawing at me
and it's dying to come through
'you can feel what you want, but see this complicates things
and i don't wanna deal with you'

once wore mascara to school
'almost just blew my cover'
'let's see those eyes one last time, how come you seem so afraid'
those girls told me what to do
pet project like no other
'we've been living like this our whole lives, you don't know a thing'

ten years wearing death on a vest
'jig is up'
got on the drugs that sink veins into the rest
time is what's
still got that longing feeling stuck to your chest
so buck up
you've come so far being scared of what's next

i don't know why but i feel like something's gnawing at me
and it's dying to come through
'you can feel what you want, but see this complicates things
and i don't wanna deal with you'

'do me a favor and sink into your chest
while i do my best to forget your mess'
i'm always looping back like i'm on cassette
drifting the tenor of the ways i digress

carbonhead

a fish named justice

fireside thaumaturgy

lyrics:

tomorrow when i wake up
i hope i'm either under six feet, or six feet under
patterns in the babble reaping confidence in cover
cross examine this experience with one another
can you wait up
at least i'm on the pill and i've got proof more than poetry
TV taught me to scream whenever i see a monster
glimpses in the mirror's where this usually fosters

pressure spent, now you're already dead
and you're thoughts are on a speaker looping over again
it was never in the cards, you never had any chance
TV static in your eyes, your claws make nothing but sense

TV taught me to scream whenever i see a monster
glimpses in the mirror's where this usually fosters

TV taught me to scream whenever i see a monster
glimpses in the mirror's where this usually fosters

endorphin heist

lyrics:

viscera in the drainage
i can't bear to think about it
going through the ages
lock myself away until i'm down and out of it
and i'm terrified of aging
heaven prove the mirror's the one that's wrong
i know you've never ever seen who's really me

skin, bone, fuzz, everything made to die sometime
tragically real in the meantime
desperately trying to shape mine, to shape mine
time, depth, space, losing my real in the same place
body's so sore to me most days
returning to form is a failstate, no failsafe

to watch myself become a monster
to feel my skin turn to scales
to feel my claws come in, it feels so much better than nothing changing at all
skin starts bubbling
my form starts stretching and changing
i still don't see myself in reflections
but it's still a direction

skin, bone, fuzz, everything made to die sometime
tragically real in the meantime
desperately trying to shape mine, to shape mine
time, depth, space, losing my real in the same place
body's so sore to me most days
returning to form is a failstate, no failsafe

viceheart

lyrics:

breathing, feeling
my skin, my skin
hush now, brush out
my fuzz, become undone

this is not what it's supposed to be like
that's not what it's supposed to be like at all
at all
make a face i can taste the napalm
i watch the colors fall out of your mouth
but i don't hear you

put me back to sleep, put me back to sleep
with my mind on the outside, put me back to sleep
put me back to sleep (sleep, sleep, sleep, sleep)
with my mind on the outside, put me back to sleep
put me back to sleep, put me back to sleep
with my mind on the outside, put me back to sleep
put me back to sleep (sleep, sleep, sleep, sleep)
with my mind on the outside, put me back to sleep

inside, outside, nothing but faking
i never felt i could tell you how you hurt my head
when i fall asleep, i hope i wake up truly naked
with my mind on the outside, put me back to sleep
inside, outside, nothing but faking
i never felt i could tell you how you hurt my head
when i fall asleep, i hope i wake up truly naked
with my mind on the outside, put me back to sleep

this is not what it's supposed to be like
that's not what it's supposed to be like at all
at all
make a face i can taste the napalm
i watch the colors fall out of your mouth
but i don't hear you

put me back to sleep, put me back to sleep
with my mind on the outside, put me back to sleep
put me back to sleep (sleep, sleep, sleep, sleep)
with my mind on the outside, put me back to sleep
put me back to sleep, put me back to sleep
with my mind on the outside, put me back to sleep
put me back to sleep (sleep, sleep, sleep, sleep)
with my mind on the outside, put me back to sleep

back to sleep

lyrics:

(bend, break)

i gotta get me off my mind
heart is bigger than my eyes i'm paralyzed
i see both sides like ocean's eyes
stick a needle in my eye before my time
do you ever think i'm not like, like, like, you, you
not like you, not like you
do you ever think i'm not like like, like, you, you
you'd never get it, even if i gotta spell shit out

(bend, break)

i gotta get me off my mind
heart is bigger than my eyes i'm paralyzed
i see both sides like ocean's eyes
stick a needle in my eye before my time
do you ever think i'm not like, like, like, you, you
not like you, not like you
do you ever think i'm not like like, like, you, you
you'd never get it, even if i gotta spell shit out

spare parts no body of mine
cut open my chest
let my ribs be the wings that take you home
i want this cage to always keep you close
live off the light in your eyes
dig into my bones
let my sternum be the mast that guides you home
my breathing lungs will always keep you warm

log into my brain and change the password on my eyes
i overdid it, reality is down for the count
talking to my friends inside my head all night
you'd never get it, even if i gotta spell shit out

do you ever think i'm not like, like, like, you, you
not like you, not like you
do you ever think i'm not like like, like, you, you
you'd never get it, even if i gotta—
(number 5 alive)

i gotta get me off my mind
heart is bigger than my eyes i'm paralyzed
i see both sides like ocean's eyes
stick a needle in my eye before my time
do you ever think i'm not like, like, like, you, you
not like you, not like you
do you ever think i'm not like like, like, you, you
you'd never get it, even if i gotta spell shit out

orphan source

lyrics:

willow trees spill your solvent dissolve the levee
needles stem from the vivisection of memory
holding onto a promise i wish was empty
how's your frame holding up cuz my bones are heavy
shattered glass mimic synapses with envy
hide your eyes from the world until you're ready
steal the light from the moon while she scruples wearily
expunge all thoughts
until you mirror your walls, you're alone again already

give me a chance to redeem myself and we'll start again
free your hooves from the dirt which our bond was buried in
i've got no excuse
i— there's something in the water
you're guarded like your father, ignore your angel daughter
your heart is aching from feeling your bedside empty
so let your horn pierce the sky make clear your caring
i've got no excuse
i—her eyes feel like no other
your muzzle burrows further
in hopes of aching no more

my twee monsters

tracey brakes