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Only You (with Emily Makis)

Echoes Of The Past

1990

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Feelgood Demo

A somewhat obvious fact that’s becoming more apparent: emotions are not localized in thoughts, but extend down into the body.

Traces of the past get lodged within palaces of muscle and bone, and get stuck there. 

Even if mentally, you’ve moved on from a certain event, the emotional signature lingers and propagates the pain that brought it into existence.

This afternoon, I was overcome by the feeling of being stuck. I sat, locked in place, unable to move. There was a long list of things I wanted to do, but couldn’t bring myself to do any of them.

All the while, inside of me, there was an unpleasant feeling: Was it sadness, loneliness, or despair? I couldn’t tell. All I knew was that I wasn’t feeling good. Locked in place, I drifted off to sleep.

Some time later, I woke up. My throat was parched and I felt guilty. It was almost 6pm and I hadn’t done most of the things I had planned to do.

I turned the tap, filled a glass and watered my throat. In that moment, I recognized the problem: I was disconnected from my body. I put on a body scan meditation guided by Jon Kabat-Zinn, unfurled the yoga mat and lay down, listening.

I shifted my awareness from my thoughts into my body, turn by turn visiting every part. I became aware of the density of my bones, the flow information in my nerves and the gentle pulsing of my bloodstream.

I noticed the feedback loop between my physical processes and my thoughts: how wreckages from past traumas manifested as strange contractions.

I allowed my breath to pass slowly, gently and evenly across the entirety of my being, dissolving the points of constriction.

With each breath, the blockage opened and created space for renewed circulation.

In that moment, I was greeted with the impulse to make music.

Interoception

im tryna show you what im hiding
im hiding from all my insecure thoughts
i hope im wrong
im scared that i am not
im trying to fight off my demons
im exhausted but i cant stop

get out 
out of my head
your hissing tongue has licked me for the last fucking time i swear
i swear
my temptations they taste so sweet
i got cavities rotting my teeth
and my gums bleed

i hope you know im fucking lying
im lying to myself over and over and over
im over it
forgive when i forget about what my purpose is

get out 
out of my head
your hissing tongue has licked me for the last fucking time i swear
i swear
my temptations they taste so sweet
i got cavities rotting my teeth
and my gums bleed

get out 
get out of my head

Heroin As A Recreational Activity

How To Save A Life

Eulogize

Cigarette

this house is not the same

Weirder Things Vol 2. (Instrumental Soundtrack Album)

Taking The Gamble

(Lyrics)

I spin so violently 
The world sleeps 
And I still see
Ur shadow 
Waving at my window shield 

Don’t tell me that your 
Staying here 
I fear the way the darkness feels
Fearing that you’d hurt me too 
I hate the way you watch me sleep 

You stare me down 
Wen no one’s looking 
I spin around 
so violently 
The world sleeps 
And I still see
Ur shadow …

Beat composer: Fxrth
Mixer: secanself
Lyrics: Valous israfil

Akame

Solar System / Siren

Solar System

Feelgood Demo

Packman