Love it! Everyone swings their butts off!

Season 3 of Outspoken kickoffs with Taylor Phinney, longtime Thereabouts friend and first time Thereabouts Audio Wizard in Chief. Taylor has publicly discussed his retirement from professional cycling, but we remained a bit miffed how the American superstar, the media darling who ushered US cycling into the digital era, could walk away at age 29 and the prime of his career. 

Chatting with Outspoken from Girona Spain, the typically enigmatic Taylor gives raw insight into the confining nature of professional cycling. He unearths his initial motivation for pursuing sport at the highest level – and confronts how reality clashed with that fantasy.

“You realize that actually, you’re not like Harry Potter. You’re not the hero of the story because you have to shut up.”

–Taylor Phinney

For Taylor, sport is like an hourglass: the grains of energy invested simply slip down into energy dissipated. You invest all of your strength, all of your time, all of your soul, and yet you get nothing in return. Taylor explains how athletic’s fleetingness gave way to craving permanence through art. 

The reasons for Taylor’s meteoric rise and abrupt exit from professional cycling raise questions about what it means to be a great athlete, what it takes to remain one, and what weight we should bestow those qualities. The same properties that instill Taylor with introspection and artistry, that innate ability to transcend his own perspective and consider his life in relation to the universe around him, may be exactly why he walked away from sport with theoretically much more to give. To what degree is consciousness incompatible with competition?

Reflecting on his quest to live a meaningful life, Taylor feels compelled to give back to the sport that raised him. And in doing so, he shares how he rediscovered a pure love for exploring on two wheels. 

If you want to listen to this episode, as well as all past and future episodes of Outspoken, tune in wherever you listen to podcasts. And stay tuned for Scapes, a sonic tour inside Taylor’s mind. The first episode will be dropping here in a couple weeks.

Texts from the episode:

How Tracy Austin Broke My Heart, by David Foster Wallace. 

“What’s the Deal, Hummingbird?” by Arthur Krsytall. The New Yorker, January 24, 2022 Issue

Website: www.thereabouts.co
Guest:  @taylorphinney

Written, produced edited: @thatisgus
	     	                 @aplevene

Executive Producer: @isaackarsen

Sound design/Mastering: @bencrannell

Music: @builders_tea_

Production company: @hereorthereabouts

Outspoken - Taylor Phinney

instrumental: I'm Doin' My Thang, Gramatik
recorded & mixed by Mike Spits, EQ

LYRICS:

listen closely, i’m about to offer up 
a comprehensive account of all the mommas i fucked
a compilation of my copulation with the momma population 
from atop the tallest tower to the bottom of the basement 
it's a common conversation far as i’m concerned 
cuz i fucked every momma everywhere around the world 
from manhattan to pakistan and then back again
except the handful of nations impacted by the travel ban

i fucked ya momma yo
i beat the odds and stuck my cock into like half of the globe 
and all of the ladies that gestated life
i’m mackin on those
they carried babies
now they lay me 
make my package explode
gross
i fucked ya momma yo
i gave her plenty d
she gave you 23 of ya chromosomes
this is an overdose 
of poetic yo momma jokes
so settle in, I’m milking this milf bit, geronimo 

i fucked ya momma
in the rough
like a diamond
stuck it up her butt
then i nutted on her eyelids
i fucked ya momma on my own private island 
took a private jet 
got her wet with my privates
i fucked ya momma 
in the middle of the ocean
in the belly of the whale
sprayed my load all over both tits
i fucked ya momma
then she gave me a promotion 
she's promoting from within
cuz my dick is in her oh shit 

i fucked ya momma yo
i'm sleeping with her 
but she didn't bring pajamas though 
cuz she sleeps in the buff 
with her teeth round my nuts
then I stuff yo momma like she was an envelope
i fucked ya momma on a pile of forever stamps
don’t need to lick her even cuz yo momma’s hella damp
but obviously i go down on her 
then i go to town on her
then i fuck the rest of the town
cuz I’m the momma champ

i got a momma fuckin fetish
i sandwiched two meaty mommas on a bed of lettuce 
i ate ya momma’s pussy cuz she said i had to finish
that before i ate dessert
you know how mommas be gettin
over protective 
i fucked your momma at the dentist
she took me for a cleaning 
put my penis in her, then split 
i fucked yo momma on the court after a game of tennis
when she needed an abortion, drove yo momma to the clinic 
and i fucked her there
yo momma sucked my dick through the hole in my underwear
I say yo momma, cuz as far as names go I am unaware 
what yo momma’s name is
this isn’t momma dating
this purely momma fuckin 
on a no name momma basis 

i fucked yo momma
why?
cuz no one told me not to
now i run a momma brothel 
all for me
they always offering 
to make waffles
i fucked a billion
ladies who have raised children
lately i get the feeling
i’ve become a soulless momma-fucking villain 

huh
strange 
i feel nothing
i fucked ya momma 
then I busted on her stomach
a couple months ago this was a rush
but something changed
i’ve adjusted 
now my pulse is barely budging 
i fucked ya momma on a dragon in a dungeon 
ya momma loved it, but for me it wasn’t fun it’s dime a dozen 
this is the hero’s repercussion
bestowed the ultimate boon
but low and behold 
got multiple poon 
suddenly it’s joyless
it feels pointless
nevertheless
i fucked yo momma
on a toilet 
i fucked yo momma 
in a pond filled with koi fish 
i fucked yo momma 
with the antidote
my dick is  poison

I Fucked Yo Momma

At the Emmet Ray in Toronto
September 25, 2017
with:
Reg Schwager - guitar
Dan Fortin - bass
Nico Dann - drums

Segment

TrevorHogg

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