[Spoken Intro – slow piano, cigarette drag energy]
Now, I’ve been around the block, baby… sometimes twice when I missed my turn.
But there’s one thing in this world that can stop even the smoothest operator cold.
It ain’t love. It ain’t heartbreak. It’s not even taxes.
It’s traffic laws.

Because nothing kills a vibe faster than realizing… you're in a yield-only lane with a broken blinker and a cop two cars behind you.
Let’s take a little drive, sugar. But keep your hands at ten and two.

[Verse 1]
I was cruisin’ down love lane, top down, mood fine,
Then I hit a roundabout at quarter past nine.
Do I yield? Do I go? What’s this sign tryin’ to say?
It’s a circle of judgment in a four-lane ballet.

[Verse 2]
There’s a blinking red light and a double yellow line,
But I’m trapped in a merge and this Prius ain't kind.
There's a school zone ahead, now it’s twenty or less,
But is it school hours? God, I'm just guessing, I confess.

[Chorus]
Oh, baby…
Don’t make me stop if the sign says slow,
Don't turn left when the arrows don't glow.
I’d cross a thousand lanes for you, no shame—
But first, I need to parallel park my flame.

Signal my love before you break my heart,
We’ll obey the yield sign and never depart…
Unless it's a one-way street—
Then darling… we're doomed from the start.

[Verse 3]
Now I took a wrong turn into heartbreak and fines,
Didn’t see the “No U-turn” through the whisperin’ pines.
She had curves like a canyon, danger ahead—
But I missed the small print, now my license is dead.

[Bridge – smoky and bluesy]
They said “Keep right except to pass,”
But baby, I was passing class.
Cruisin' in the HOV with no one by my side—
Now it’s just me and my broken pride.

I rolled a stop like I rolled the dice,
Thought it’d be smooth… but I paid the price.

[Final Chorus – dramatic and brassy]
So don’t cut me off with your love, my dear,
Obey the lines or disappear.
Our passion’s a yield sign—flashin’ and bright—
Tempting me wrong when I know what is right.

There’s no fast lane to heaven,
No left turn on fate…
Just a scenic detour
Through every damn state.

[Outro – soft, crooning fade]
And if love is a highway,
Then baby… I hope you’ve got insurance.

Yield to Temptation

[Spoken Intro – loungy and mysterious]
You ever fall for someone... elemental?
I’m talkin’ six protons. Four covalent bonds. A little diamond, a little dirty charcoal...
Yeah. That’s carbon, baby.

You can keep your noble gases and your flashy metals—me? I like ‘em versatile.
Stable. Dangerous. The backbone of life... and heartbreak.

[Verse 1]
She was number six on the table, but number one in my eyes,
She bonded with flair and could change her disguise.
From graphite to diamonds, she knows how to shift,
One minute she’s soft… next, she’ll fracture your gift.

[Verse 2]
She’s the queen of the chains, the start of the strand,
In every cell, she’s got the upper hand.
Organic, seductive, her orbitals tight,
She’ll tetrahedrally twist through the heat of the night.

[Chorus]
Oh baby, it’s elementary—my dear Carbon, it’s true,
I combust when I touch you, I dissolve into goo.
You’re the base of my structure, the root of my flame,
Without you, existence just wouldn’t be the same.

Hydrogen’s clingy, Oxygen’s wild,
But you? You’re complex and beautifully styled.
From ethanol kisses to sugar’s delight—
You keep my molecular dreams burning bright.

[Verse 3]
Now the halogens flirt, and the alkali play,
But you’ve got the valence to steal me away.
In hydrocarbons or rings aromatic,
Your style, my dear, is straight-up charismatic.

[Bridge – soft, sultry piano]
Neon’s cold and noble,
Iron’s too magnetic…
But you…
You form long chains of love,
And darling, that’s poetic.

I tried to bond with Silicon—too stiff.
Tried to vibe with Gold—but baby, it’s a myth.
You’re the only one who reacts just right…
You’re the black in my coffee, the spark in my night.

[Chorus – soaring swing finish]
Oh baby, it’s elementary—my dear Carbon, you know,
You're six on the table, but first in my soul.
I’d rearrange every element row,
To keep you near, wherever I go.

You're the start of the story, the core of my lore,
The dust in my breath and the ink in my score.
So let’s form a bond that’ll never decay—
'Cause with you in my nucleus, I’m okay.

[Outro – spoken, with a wink and a slow bass walk]
You know what they say, sugar…
Carbon under pressure?
Makes diamonds.

It’s Elementary, My Dear Carbon

[Spoken Intro – raspy, weary, maybe post-op]
She walked into my heart like an undiagnosed condition…
No warning, no symptoms—just vital signs of destruction.
And me? I let her in. No gloves. No chart. No consent.

Now I’m flatlining in feelings, and the defibrillator’s just... staring at me.

[Verse 1]
Your love was acute with no known cause,
A syndrome complex, without a pause.
You infiltrated like a virus in bloom,
Left your lab coat on the chair, then cleared out the room.

[Verse 2]
Your hugs were hypoxic, your kisses a strain,
They triggered my cortisol, flooded my brain.
Your diagnosis came too late,
By the time I knew, you'd sealed my fate.

[Chorus]
Codependent diagnosis, baby—
You're the heartbreak I can't discharge.
You're in my bloodwork, in my scans,
In my EKG’s fragile charge.

I paged my soul to urgent care,
But the waiting list was too long.
Now I’m crashing in your absence,
To the beat of a myocardial wrong.

[Verse 3]
You were dopamine highs and serotonin dips,
You charted my love in apocalypse scripts.
You scrubbed in close, then ghosted the chart,
Now I’m sterile and sobbing in a surgical heart.

[Bridge – whispered over soft piano and high-pitched monitor beeps]
Your voice was iatrogenic,
A treatment that made me worse…
You labeled me stable—then walked away,
In an over-prescribed reverse.

[Final Chorus – full band, big and dramatic, one last gasp]
Codependent diagnosis, baby—
You were never part of the cure.
I mistook your symptoms for passion,
But now I’m just... unsure.

My heart’s in arrest, but no one's on call,
And the crash cart's rollin’ too slow.
So here lies a man...
Who fell for a chronic shadow.

[Outro – whispered, over just a heart monitor flatline]
Time of emotional death: 3:16 a.m.
Cause: Complications due to… you.

Codependent Diagnosis

[Spoken Intro – soft, echoey, like he’s in the void]
They say everything in the universe is made of vibrating strings…
Tiny loops of potential, humming a love song in eleven dimensions.
And baby… I think we’re entangled.

[Verse 1]
You were born in dimension five, I came from three,
Our worlds never touched, but you resonated with me.
We passed like neutrinos, so subtle, so shy,
But your frequency echoed the shape of my sigh.

[Verse 2]
I saw you in shadows, in folds of the void,
A wrinkle in time that the cosmos employed.
Our timelines misaligned, our matter askew—
But every vibration still pulled me to you.

[Chorus]
This is my string theory serenade,
To a love that the stars forbade.
Across the branes, through quantum haze,
You shimmer in impossible ways.

I’d rewrite the math, collapse every state,
Just to exist where our spins correlate.
But this version of me...
Can’t hold this version of you.

[Verse 3]
Your touch was a quantum illusion—so slight,
But it twisted my constants and bent every light.
I searched every universe, each path unrolled,
But we only connect in the stories untold.

[Bridge – floaty, bittersweet]
Entanglement’s cruel, when the laws don’t agree…
You spin up, I spin down—our love’s symmetry.
We’re waves out of phase, out of sync, out of time,
But still… every version of me knows you're mine.

[Chorus – bigger, aching swing]
So here’s my string theory serenade,
To the love that probability made.
You’re the anomaly I can’t define,
A dimension of heart I can’t call mine.

If I ever collapse, I hope it’s to you,
Somewhere where timelines realign true…
In a brane where we’re one—
And I can finally say, “I do.”

[Outro – soft, fading into harmonic nothing]
Baby… if the universe is music...
Then you’re the note I keep missing.

String Theory Serenade

[Spoken Intro – low, weary, honest]
They say the first law of thermodynamics is: energy can’t be created or destroyed…
But what they don’t tell you is—
it still leaves the room eventually.

Love… like heat... escapes. Slowly, quietly… and irreversibly.

[Verse 1]
You lit a fire in the cold of my core,
Raised my temperature, then slipped out the door.
We boiled in passion, in friction and flame,
But systems decay, and you’re not the same.

[Verse 2]
We were work and heat, enthalpy and trust,
But every perfect crystal must one day rust.
Our love was a closed loop, tightly defined—
Until the chaos crept in… from inside.

[Chorus]
'Cause entropy always wins, baby,
No matter how hard you try.
The order you build, the warmth that you feel,
All fade as the moments die.

I kept the pressure, I held the line,
But time is a thief with a subtle design.
So now I sit in the dark…
Thermodynamically yours.

[Verse 3]
I tried to reverse it, to shift the decay,
But you can’t beat the heat when it wants to stray.
Reactions went cold, our atoms withdrew,
And now all that’s left is the residue of you.

[Bridge – hushed and intimate]
The second law broke us, baby, slow but sure…
Every spark we struck just couldn’t endure.
We lost the heat, the motion, the drive—
Now I’m statistically unlikely to feel alive.

[Final Chorus – emotionally restrained, resigned]
'Cause entropy always wins, baby,
And order never stays.
Our system’s collapsed, our bonds detached,
Just particles driftin’ in haze.

But if I’m ever reheated,
If I’m ever restored…
I’ll remember you still—
Thermodynamically yours.

[Outro – whisper, one last sigh]
You can’t break the laws of physics, sugar...
But love sure tries.

Thermodynamically Yours

[Spoken Intro – over a lazy piano vamp]
Now listen, sugar… love ain’t just poetry and flowers.
Sometimes… it’s 87 pages of legalese, buried in a filing cabinet marked "Danger."
We didn’t fall in love… we entered into a conditional agreement with vague terms and no exit clause.

And baby, I should’ve read the fine print.

[Verse 1]
You said "I do"—but the font was eight point,
Buried deep in a clause I missed at the joint.
There was love in the margins, and fire in your prose,
But you signed with a flourish and kept your eyes closed.

[Verse 2]
Now I’m stuck with the lease on a broken heart,
While you kept the couch, the car, and the art.
You cited “irreconcilable vibes,”
And I’m left filing motions with my therapist’s scribes.

[Chorus]
Oh, it’s a clause for concern, baby—
You breached the terms and fled.
Our love had a footnote,
Where the passion quietly bled.

I should’ve read your disclosures,
I missed your intent…
Now I’m stuck in appeals
Over where all the joy went.

[Verse 3]
You had eyes like a verdict, lips like a trial,
But every sweet kiss had a legal denial.
You gave me affection, then cited a clause—
“No liabilities for emotional loss.”

[Bridge – soft and snarky]
Now I redact my emotions, I redact my regret,
I redact the nights I said, “Best love I’ve had yet.”
We signed it in candlelight, notarized with a sigh…
But the contract expired the day you said goodbye.

[Final Chorus – full band kicks in, big brassy flair]
It’s a clause for concern, baby—
With you, love’s a legal affair.
You defaulted on dreams,
And left me the paperwork to bear.

Now I object to your silence,
I motion to cry…
I subpoena your heart—
But you’ve already said goodbye.

[Outro – whispered, weary, with piano fading out]
All rise… for the honorable case… of heartbreak v. me.
And this court… is adjourned.

Clause for Concern

[Spoken Intro – breathy, low, a little dangerous]
She said she could fix me...
And baby, I let her.

Just a little snip here, a tweak there... suddenly, I didn’t cry at Pixar movies anymore.
*She didn’t want a man. She wanted... a custom build.
And I was the prototype, baby.

[Verse 1]
You slid into my genes like a whispered command,
Edited my flaws with a surgeon’s hand.
Said, “You’ll be better—just give me consent,”
Then clipped my regret with surgical intent.

[Verse 2]
Snip by snip, you rewrote my desire,
Took out the ache, left the wildfire.
You changed my code to say “yes” every time,
Then patented my rhythm, my breath, and my rhyme.

[Chorus]
You had me at CRISPR, baby—
Redesigned my soul.
Cut out the fear, rewired the tears,
Filled all my holes with control.

I was flawed and broken,
But oh—you loved a fix…
Now I’m part man, part miracle,
Built from your genetic tricks.

[Verse 3]
You said, “You’ll thank me, when you’re strong and smooth,”
But baby, perfection don’t know how to soothe.
You took out the sad, the tender, the wrong—
And left me all function, but not quite a song.

[Bridge – sultry, strange, haunting]
I dream in base pairs, I sleep in design,
I breathe in your edits, I move on your line.
You loved me enough to remove who I was,
Now I’m flawless, my dear… and hollow because—

[Chorus – bigger, more dramatic swing now]
You had me at CRISPR, baby—
But now I’m not quite me.
I smile on command, I ache on cue,
But inside’s a factory.

You meant well, darling,
But I miss the glitch…
The part of me that trembled—
Now gone, without a twitch.

[Outro – quiet, longing]
You said, “I loved you too much to leave you untouched.”
But baby…
That touch is what made me human.

You Had Me at CRISPR (bonus track)

[Spoken Intro – soft and curious, like he's tracing her silhouette with a compass that doesn’t work anymore]
Most folks fall in love on a straight path.
A glance, a step, a kiss... a line from point A to point B.
But with you?
Baby, we curved through space like light through a dream.

I didn’t fall for you. I spiraled.
And I still don’t know where I landed.

[Verse 1]
You weren’t where I left you, but you hadn’t moved,
You said, “Baby, in curved space… nothing’s smooth.”
You bent my logic like a fragile rule,
Made the shortest path feel like a twisted jewel.

[Verse 2]
I reached for your heart, but the angles were wrong,
Every step closer just made the line long.
You kissed like a paradox—soft and unreal,
And your love looped around what I used to feel.

[Chorus]
It’s a non-Euclidean love, baby,
No straight lines, no easy way through.
Your touch defied distance,
And time split in two.

We never aligned, but we always connected,
Through shapes that the stars themselves rejected.
I called it a circle, you said it was fate—
But we curved around love a moment too late.

[Verse 3]
Now I trace your memory in warped geometries,
You're a theorem unsolved in the silence of trees.
You smiled in radians, cried in degrees,
And vanished in shadows that bent on the breeze.

[Bridge – floaty, disoriented, almost whispered]
We never had edges, we never had sides…
Just endless reflections on parallel rides.
You twisted my compass, erased the grid,
And I don’t know what shape this heart’s in, kid.

[Final Chorus – emotionally messy, rhythm slightly off-kilter]
It’s a non-Euclidean love, sugar,
Where the world folds instead of breaks.
You were never far, but never close—
Just hidden in curves and aches.

I’ll keep walking this warped old maze,
Through love's impossible phase…
Until one day we meet—
On a line that doesn't exist.

[Outro – one soft dissonant chord and a breath]
You weren't lost, baby.
You were just... perpendicular to my reality.

Non-Euclidean Love

[Spoken Intro – wistful, dry martini in hand]
You ever fall for someone… in April?
Yeah. Spring was in the air. Regret was in my bank account.
She walked in with a W-2 and legs longer than Schedule C.
And just like that… I was emotionally overdrawn and under review.

[Verse 1]
She said, “I’ll be your deduction, if you’ll claim me tonight,”
I said, “Baby, I’m single… but this don’t feel right.”
We filed jointly in passion, but separate in fear,
Then she vanished like income in a fiscal leap year.

[Verse 2]
She was write-offs and whispers, loopholes and lies,
Said her love was tax-free, but I saw through the guise.
Withholding her feelings, then doubling back,
She depreciated slowly and slipped through the cracks.

[Chorus]
Let’s get fiscal, baby—let’s audit our hearts,
Subtract all the cheating, prorate the parts.
We can amortize sorrow, spread it through time,
And round up the pain to the nearest dime.

She had 1099 kisses and 401 sighs,
Capital gains in the curve of her thighs.
But love, like my assets, was tricky to keep—
Now I’m drowning in debt and emotionally cheap.

[Verse 3]
She left receipts in the glove box, her lipstick on checks,
I combed through our history and found just her ex.
I paid in affection, she claimed all the perks—
Now I’m flagged by the IRS and trust issues—it lurks.

[Bridge – jazzy piano solo, then hushes to soft croon]
She was my standard deduction,
'Til she itemized her love…
Split expenses with strangers,
Wrote me off from above.

[Final Chorus – swelling horns, heartbreak swing]
Let’s get fiscal, baby—let’s balance the sheet,
Let's file away longing in a spreadsheet of heat.
We can carry the one… and divide by regret,
But I owe you my heart—and I’m deep in debt.

I’d audit your soul if I had the right form,
But it’s buried in passion and governmental scorn.
So sign here in ink, just one final plea…
You were tax season, baby—
And you deducted me.

[Outro – soft, murmured, just bass and snare now]
Estimated love due: all of it.
Penalty for late feelings: heartbreak.
And I… I never kept the receipts.

Let’s Get Fiscal

[Spoken Intro – over soft piano and brushed drums]
You know… I’ve sung about love, heartbreak, New York, Paris, and the moon…
But there’s one thing in this life that’s even harder to understand than women...
The English language.

You ever look at a sentence and just… cry?
Like—why is “read” spelled the same in past and present, but “lead” sounds like metal?
Why do we park in a driveway… and drive on a parkway?
And don’t even get me started on “irregardless.”

No, baby. Tonight... we’re not talkin’ love songs. We’re talkin’ grammar.
And let me tell ya... it’s never been so seductive.

[Cue the band… and into Verse 1]

[Verse 1]
I met a girl named Oxford—comma, that is,
She danced through my sentence with elegant fizz.
She lingered just right in my clause every night,
A curve in the pause, a grammatical delight.

[Verse 2]
She’d whisper, “Don’t splice with a fanboy in bed,”
I said, “Darlin’, conjunctions go straight to my head.”
I tried to impress her with subjunctive mood,
But I misused a hyphen—oh, she wasn’t amused.

[Chorus]
Oh baby, don’t splice my run-ons,
Don’t dangle your clauses on me.
Let’s keep things tight—no fragments tonight,
In syntactical ecstasy.

We can nest our phrases gently,
Like parentheses in a kiss...
We’ll tango through tenses, with sensual senses,
And punctuate every bliss.

[Verse 3]
Now she draws her lines with em dashes and flair,
She'll question my motives, then quote me—with care.
Her periods are final, her commas well placed,
But her semicolon? Oh… it can’t be replaced.

[Bridge – soft and sultry]
In the heat of a sentence, I misused “they’re” and “there”…
She gasped, “My God, darling—did you even care?”
I begged for forgiveness with a well-placed "who",
Not “whom”, not “whose”, not "hoo"—like a grammar taboo…

[Chorus – full band swingin’]
So baby, don’t splice my run-ons,
Don’t leave that apostrophe free.
Let’s conjugate slowly, my modifier holy,
And parse our desire with glee.

I’ll capitalize your longing,
And italicize each sigh…
In the comma sutra, oh grammar’s the tutor—
Of love between you and I.

(…between you and me, baby.)

[Outro – spoken with a wink]
Yeah… we didn’t just diagram that sentence…
We undressed it.

It’s Elementary, My Dear Carbon

TW/SK

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