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Lyrics:
Put the blame on me
I can barely see
She got a blade on me
Your like make believe

Was it ever real
Cocaine i cant feel
Keep my heart beating naw it wont heal
I cant seal that shit away

I just miss the way you would close the door on my face 
I would break with every thought and second of the day
Leaving me here with tears that i cant replace

Im always fucked up
Yeah yeah
I dont care get me fucked up
Yeah yeah
When i wish it wasnt fucked up
Yeah yeah

Imma slam the whole bottle
Will i be here tomorrow 
Need the money and models
Think ill deepen my sorrow
From the devil i borrow

CLOSE THE DOOR (Prod. Discent)

Lyrics

I can't get away from all the shit that I'm on
I went farther than where I was, I should of stopped
I let all of the loops in my head to go on
I met death and I think I'm the one that he wants

OD, that's what I tried when I wanted to die
I see everything I believed then was a lie
Where I breathe, you out of breath when I don't even try
What I see, I would see still even if I was blind

God please send me a sign, I been losing my mind
I need something to show me I'm not out of time
My greed sent me down a path where I couldn't survive
So I fleed but I'll never get away from whats inside

I can't tell if I should give in or fight back now
What's this talent I was given? I got all these mask now
detmer, garrett, unknxwn., qayin, ken is of the past now
Too far to reach back now, can't get back what I had now

addiction.

finally was able to access my old laptop and here are some songs i'd like to share

stfu.

Produced by flower x luffysome

Lyrics

You don't know what you did, you don't know what you did to my mind, I'm pissed
But I wish you did, you don't know how I feel, you don't know what I hid
My feelings I'm always in, I always lose, I ain't ever gone win
I lost that girl, I won't find her again, she was my world but she don't care bout that shit

You ain't that girl, I don't care about you bitch
I'll cut you off like I don't care about my wrist
Fuck all these streams, I don't care about no hit
I can make songs, I do not care to vent

I lost all my hope
Say that I care but I know that I don't
Say you'll be there but I know that you won't
Been so many years and I still ain't coped

Been so many years and my heart still broke, wish you would call but we still ain't spoke
Glad that I quit but I still wanna smoke, 3 in the morning and I'm still woke
3 years from now and I'll still be making these sad songs, that's just me
I don't care what you think cause I know what I need, If I ain't have this music would of died at 18

Don't give a fuck about blowing up, sick of this life I been throwing up
I got some pain I been storing up, If it ain't her, I'm ignoring her
If you ain't her then don't call me, if it ain't her voice it don't calm me
Her love's a void and I'm falling, I need to change but I'm stalling

You don't know what you did, you don't know what you did to my mind, I'm pissed
But I wish you did, you don't know how I feel, you don't know what I hid
My feelings I'm always in, I always lose, I ain't ever gone win
I lost that girl, I won't find her again, she was my world but she don't care bout that shit

i need to change but i'm stalling.

Produced by septfree

Lyrics

Never would of thought you wouldn't be coming back
Wish we never lost potential we could of had
I miss you a lot but you don't care about that
You don't wanna talk, I just wanna talk

I just needa talk to you
I know I don't mean a lot to you
I know that I got a lot to do
Told me you needed to work on yourself but you needed somebody else

You'll never know how I felt
You were my fire but you made me melt
Wouldn't take my calls but you took off his belt
Why do you put me through hell?

You were my angel but I guess you fell
I need you back, I don't need any help
If I can't have you back girl
I'll never be any better

I just brush it off and off and off
It's been piling on and on and on
How much longer can I keep this going?
Before I can't hide what I'm ignoring

I got some pain in my heart that I bandaged
I never healed it and now it is callous
Don't ever ask me why I am so distant
I can't get hurt if I'm not within distance

I don't know why you won't call me
I need you now, I been falling
I been hoping that you'd be there
When I can't hold it but I don't see her

you were my angel but i guess you fell.

Produced by flower x luffysome

This song expresses raw pain, rejection, and a deep longing for love and validation. It reflects a cycle of seeking fulfillment through a relationship, embracing pain as a necessity and using anger as a coping mechanism. From a faith-based perspective, it highlights the emptiness of trying to fill a void that only God can truly satisfy. It’s another piece of my story that could be reframed as a testimony to healing and transformation.

Misplaced Identity and Worth:

“I need the pain, I ain’t nothing without it.”

This line reflects a dependency on pain and rejection to define my identity, which ultimately leads to toxicity and despair. God calls us to find our worth in Him, not in our suffering or others’ approval.

“But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, God’s special possession.” (1 Peter 2:9)

The Futility of Seeking Validation:

“Gave her my heart, she ain’t care nothing about it.”

This lyric echoes a common struggle: placing your heart in the hands of someone who cannot fulfill its needs. God offers the love and care that no human can perfectly provide.

“Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.” (1 Peter 5:7)

Embracing Pain as Inspiration:

“Fuck inspiration / I just got hate inside of my body and this where I take it.”

While pain has driven my creative process, this lyric reveals the limitations of using anger and despair as a source of inspiration. God invites us to channel our experiences toward healing and purpose.

“Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.” (Romans 12:21)

Longing for Love and Connection:

“I just wanted to hold your hand.”

This simple yet profound statement speaks to a yearning for closeness and intimacy. The Bible reminds us that God is always present, offering a love that fulfills this deep need.

“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” (Psalm 34:18)

Lyrics

Some of my music might make you uncomfortable
If that's the case then it's not meant for you
I need the pain, I ain't nothing without it
So girl you can hurt me if that work for you

Gave her my heart, she ain't care nothing about it
Like bitch, can't you see that I did this for you?
That girl got the key to my heart
The lengths I would go, she don't know how far

I need the pain, I ain't nothing without it
Say she love me but I fucking doubt it
Nobody saved me, I was drowning
They don't hear what I'm saying, they just hear how I'm sounding

She don't care that I'm hurting, she left me deserted
I want her love but I guess I ain't worth it
I just spoke up, don't ask how I wrote it
I feel like a rodent

Everybody I see only wanna get rid of me
You don't understand what you just did to me
Girl, I wish that you knew what you meant to me
I'm so good to you but you so mean to me

What you mean to me, guess I don't mean to you
Girl, you're my drug and I fiend for you
Baby, call me when your lips are black
I would bleed for you

Some of my music might make you uncomfortable
If that's the case then it's not meant for you
I need the pain, I ain't nothing without it
So girl you can hurt me if that work for you

Gave her my heart, she ain't care nothing about it
Like bitch, can't you see that I did this for you?
That girl got the key to my heart
The lengths I would go, she don't know how far

Know that I should but I can't let it go
Did so much but you don't even know
If she isn't there then I don't wanna go
Need the pain so I don't wanna cope

Fuck inspiration
I just got hate inside of my body and this where I take it
Broke my heart but bitch, I ain't breaking
This a song but bitch, I ain't faking

Bitch I ain't faking, I swear
I would prove it to you if I cared
But I don't so I guess that you won't
And it's cool cause I know that you don't

Understand all the shit that I'm sayin'
I just wanted to be your man
I just wanted to hold your hand
But you told me that I can't

i just wanted to hold your hand.

Produced by GAXILLIC & DreamUnion

Lyrics

I know what I did, please don't rub it in
I'm already beating myself up over it 
And I don't need you telling me what I already told myself
Couldn't care about you hating me, I loathe myself

I tired asking God to forgive what I did
I hurt so many people but that was not my intent
I was tryna heal my mind with a heart that was hurt
I would lie, lie, lie just to feel like I was worth

I wanna die, die, die, put my body in a hearse
I don't know why I feel I'm only getting worse
I can't get no better, fuck this, my head hurts
Won't wash that sweater, I can still smell her

You're not here and you won't be back
I'm so stressed and I can't relax
I send text's but you won't read that
You're the one that got away but I'm just your ex

I needed you but you didn't need me
You never told me that you were leaving
Girl I told you I'd be there for you
Told me I wasn't enough for you

I never know what to do and I'll never know what I did
All of the love that I want is in you but all of the love that you give is to him
What in the fuck did I do wrong? Baby just let me fix it
If we're not meant to be together then this ain't a life worth living

you're the one that got away but i'm just your ex.

Lyrics

Hold me close, don't let go
I love you, don't think you know
'Cause if you did, wouldn't treat me like this
Wouldn't treat me like shit, wouldn't be such a...
Won't call you that, cause you're all I have
Can't push you away, if I did, that'd be bad
Cause then who would I have? I know you treat me bad
I know I deserve better, I don't wanna make you mad
So I won't tell you that, I'll keep it all inside
I'll let it eat at me till maggots crawling out my eyes
Spiders crawling up my spine

itsy bitsy spider.

i need a way
need a way
from the sorrows
take out the waste
oh my days
i feel so hollow

you blew me away
like the dust from the tables
all love was fake 
yea i know it was fatal
wash away the pain
i have these methods
that i cannot get into
i dont wanna drown in the rain 
but im alone i might just need too

i know all about you
what is life?
its starting to feel just like a game
and i would never doubt you
in the end we'll both go our ways

how hard do i try? 
no matter i will die
and i try finding peace
but turns out its a lie
and im stuck on this path
im fucked in the end
it was a laugh 
but right now im so dead

you blew me away
like the dust from the tables
all love was fake 
yea i know it was fatal

you were my angel but i guess you fell.

unknxwn.

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Mella D

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GOL Kxd3n (@theegolkxd3n)

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