this song has my heart. on repeat whenever i can listen

lowkey

been sitting on this one for like two years now. i hope y'all enjoy it. thank you for all the love & support. i can't even begin to tell you how much i appreciate it. <3

lyrics
--------
i wish i had friends
i wish i had anyone to save me
but i ain’t like them
i’m just a nightmare in the making
i pray that this ends
that the baphomet will take me
away from loose ends
cause i’m not to be forsaken 
maybe it’s a part of me
the anxiety
but the funny thing
is it’s all i can see
& it lies to me
fucking blinding me
when i honestly just

feel like i’m on drugs
even though i don’t even take em
it’s fuckin’ me up
ride these highs to feel complacent
it’s like i’m on drugs
i hide sometimes so i feel safe from
the pain in my gut
yeah it’s fucking me up
feels like i’m on drugs

i should dive in
swim to the surface when i’m stable
let’s skip the pretend
cause this life is not a fable
this story don’t end
till i’m hooked to all these cables
& start to see red
as they lie me on the table
maybe it’s the start of things
something i can’t see
it’s beyond a dream
an advisory
& it lies to me
fucking blinding me
when i honestly just

feel like i’m on drugs
even though i don’t even take em
it’s fuckin’ me up
ride these highs to feel complacent
it’s like i’m on drugs
i hide sometimes so i feel safe from
the pain in my gut
it’s fucking me up
feels like i’m on drugs

somebody wake me
cause life is a daydream
& i’m wasting time with you
so many faces
yeah i’m losing patience
& i’m stuck on loving you

feels like i’m on drugs (x4)

all i can see (prod. nick furlong x tony livadas)

lyrics
--------
fuck my life
fuck my health
you don't care so i'll go fuck myself
fuck this job
fuck this car
every song that i write just coexists with a scar
and i've got paragraphs about the shit that i will never say
cause it'll kill you just to hear me whine and bitch all fucking day
maybe the grass is green in other states where i choose to reside
maybe a glimpse of light will formulate and catch my fucking eye
and maybe you'll hear this when you check my page and ask if i'm alright
cause i've been afraid of all the darkest places lying in my mind

i will convince myself i'm dying but then act like i'm just fine
my mind's a scary fucking place and i can't fix it while i drive
but my car is lucy in the sky with diamonds going sixty five
and you're just a pot hole maybe yoko ono screaming by my side
is this the end of things i'm strumming strings just trying to decide
cause i am afraid of me so save me please i beg you just to try
i'm losing my purpose lifes a circus they said please enjoy the ride
my seatbelt is broken eyes wide open as my body starts to slide

if i escape the wreck i'll disconnect from everyone online
i'll pack my belongings i've been longing for this moment my whole life
i'll disappear for months no mentions of my status or a clue
i'm fine don't you worry there's no hurry to return to what i knew
it's hard to calculate these conversations if i'm being truth
-ful i wanna congregate all that relate to everything i spew
in midst of my disconnect i'll stay in check & keep in touch with few
as long as i'm open im just hoping that it's something i'll get through 

cause i'm a fucking wreck
oh what the heck
why do i even try
i lie in the grass
high off my ass
& watch the clouds just pass on by
if life has a purpose
i am nervous
to unravel what is mine
i'll trip & i'll travel
down the rabbit hole
& ditch my bags inside

ditch

Untitled XVII

An original song by me!
Producing and harmonising by pig : soundcloud.com/pigsongs
Whistling by Tara!
Cover art by guess who?

Coffee

@lilxtraatl <3

[chorus]
ripped black jeans and Snow White hair it’s like no one sees or no one cares,
its like all I crave is her
but I’m not what she deserves 

[verse]
she fucks with my head on daily
she fucked me like she really hate me
she love when I sing her to sleep
I love her so much I can’t breathe when she speak I see stars in my dreams

every girl I talk to hates me
I feel like I can’t even cry I wouldn’t date me
and if you told me that you loved me you were faking
I make the most of all the hearts I end up breaking so,

I don’t even cry no more
but, lately I been cryin on the floor, like
I don’t even want this life
why, does it have to so bright

I, know
i, know
i, know

you're not alone
[chorus]
ripped black jeans and Snow White hair it’s like no one sees or no one cares,
its like all I crave is her
but I’m not what she deserves

[verse]
yeah i know i'm not alone but it sure does feel like
everyone hates me i just don't feel right
and you said, you're not alone, but when i show up there's no one home

its not easy believe me, when i'm standin' right here and you still can't see me i'm, in your ear but you still can't hear me i'm, speaking truth and you still don't believe me

i've been broken before and i'm broken again
i guess i'm being punished for my sins
lately my nightmares feel like my friends cause
only they understand me in the end

you're not alone

not alone w/ lil xtra (prod. boyfifty)

Now on SPOTIFY & APPLE etc.

Produced by: @otterpop123 Feat. @beabadoobee
Suggested from Martin <3

Lyrics:

Hook

Dont stay awake for too long
Dont go to bed
Ill make a cup of coffee for your head
Ill get u up and going out of bed

v1
I don’t wanna fall asleep
I don’t wanna pass away
Thinking of r future cuz 
Ill never see those days

I don’t know why this has happened
But I probably deserve it
I tried to do my best
But u know that I’m not perfect

Ive been praying for forgiveness
you’ve been praying for my health
when I leave this earth
Hoping you’ll find somebody else

Cuz ya we still young
Theres so much we haven’t done
Getting married
Start a family
Watch ur husband with his son

I wish it could be me
But I won’t make it off this bed
Hope I go to heaven so I see u once again

Ya my life was kind of short
But I got so many blessings
happy u were mine 
it sucks that its all ending

v2
Im happy that u here w me
Sorry if I tear up
When me and u were younger
U would always make me cheer up

taking goofy videos
And walking through the park
U would jump into my arms 
Every time u heard a bark

We would cuddle in your sheets
Sing me sound asleep
And sneak out through your kitchen at exactly 1:03

Sundays go to church
Mondays watch a movie
soon you’ll be alone
Sorry that u have to loose me

SPOTIFY

death bed | Feat. beabadoobee

prod @oceanonthebeat

i wanted love
you want a fantasy
i wanted trust
you couldn't handle me

you wanna fuck around
i think i get it now

you wanna ride that guy over clout go head
text me i'm the problem with his hands around your neck
text me i'm dramatic while you open up your legs
for a guy who doesn't care about you he just wanted sex

you're in love with the feeling of feeling used
tell me you hate me like bet that's cool

you don't want the drama you would rather have abuse
you're the reason that i hate myself for trippin over you

i fell for a girl to fast and that's facts
i got problems with attachment i'm losing my fucking grasp
its gettin harder to trust people it all feels like an act
i was starving for a light and now i'm blinded what is that?

i can't trust a soul
i can't feel at all
i can't feel your heartbeat
please don't say you love me

i wanted love
you want a fantasy
i wanted trust
you couldn't handle me

you wanna fuck around
i think i get it now

i cried every night now i sob
i got problems with lovin then movin on
i got problems with stayin all by my lonely like
nathan i miss you like come and hold me tight

i can't help that i can't help you
you want him now he might break you
he might relapse he might reuse
he might love you he can't change you

i can't help that i might love you
you're real nice but i can't trust you
you won't date me i can't make you
walls to strong no way i'll break through

i deserve better (prod. ocean)

Produced by @user-949132137
Featuring @kammichaelmusic and @beabadoobee

Out on Spotify and Apple etc.

God can heal anything & everything

Spotify

talk tomorrow | feat. Beabadoobee, Kam Michael (M.E.)

didn't feel right to do w/o the boy @guardinmusic , hope y'all get this stuck in your heads.

s/o to @ _ikiryo_art on insta for the pretty visual

lyrics:

[flowars]
Everything you do is so damn perfect
Even when you're killing me
I love the way you look with bloodstained lips, so sexy
You can suck me dry until I'm dead or dying I'm okay with either,
Only for the monster with my heart in hand will I ever suffer

I'll protect you fallen angel, and your demons too
I don't hate you for your nature, I'm a monster too
Tear my heart to pieces and I'll piece it back together
Just to keep the peace I'll suffer with you for forever

Happy will never matter as long as you get your way,
I'm happy just to have you but it's suicide to stay
Who am I today, who are you but sorrow?
Sometimes I dread tomorrow, I feel my life is borrowed
Sometimes my chest feels hollow, and that's just because she swallowed

My sweet temptress, evil empress, poison princess don't lose interest
I might distress, I get so depressed when you leave me; cold and bleeding

Everything you do is so damn perfect
Even when you're killing me
I love the way you look with bloodstained lips, so sexy
You can suck me dry until I'm dead or dying I'm okay with either,
Only for the monster with my heart in hand will I ever suffer

[guardin]
she likes the way my hands glide
up her hipbones in the moonlight
kiss my chest and 
leave an imprint
lost my mind again
girl don't trip it's
like whatever
my heart isn't together
my mind is in the sky with chance of cloudy weather
it's okay if i let her down she'll find someone better
if lying to myself is what it takes then imma let her drown
and i can drown too
these bottles in my bedroom
they comfort me in silence sippin' violently like you do
the corner of my lip is split from smoking like a damn fool
if words don't have a meaning why the fuck i got these tattoos?

[flowars]
I'm just food for you my love
Break my rib and suck my blood
I'm just food for you my love
Drink till you're drunk
Or I'm ash and dust

Don't gaze too deep in her eyes
There's a pain that she could never hide
You wear such a pretty disguise
Lure me and I'm so mesmerized

you're a blood sucking pest and I know
love is a test and I'll pass another go

bloodsucker (feat. guardin)

bloodsucker ft. guardin (prod. 8milotb)

"I gave you everything you ever wanted but you ended up closing the door" - van

SuiSai: @sushisai
Mix/Master: @demxntia
Prod by: @tothegood
Artwork: @suicideoutside (on twitter)

I am performing in LA, July 24th. You can get tickets here: https://www.songkick.com/concerts/38254179-pink-cig-at-1720?utm_source=8123&utm_medium=partner&utm_content=fb4a0d1b9180ab41a80f71c5bea1fa9b&utm_campaign=entity

"When You Tell Me You Love Me, It Doesn't Feel the Same ft. SuiSai”

Lyrics-

When you say me you love me, it doesn’t feel the same anymore
I’m crying on the concrete. I don’t have strength to get up off the floor 

How you gon tell me you love me but it doesn’t feel the same anymore
I gave you everything you ever wanted but you end up closing the door
I’m trying to carry you over my back but your legs keep on dragging the floor
I’m trying my best but I just don’t think we can ever travel back to before
Let me
Fall in love again
Let me
Fall in love again
How you gon’ tell me you love me but it doesn’t feel the same anymore 
Let me
Fall in love again 

Crashing down on my parade
You let me love till you were bored of the game 
Open hearts and shoddy flames
You let me burn in the love that we made 

SuiSai- 
That touch of yours left cinders
Trails of your heart set a flame
Lit like embers
Of our past
Screeching stop sounds like thunder
You were my lightning
Filled my clouds with your patterns
Made the world disappear 
liked it better
Then you left me here
To the forces of the weather
Cause the cold fronts near
But I swear id never let it
Change the way that I feel

How you gon tell me you love me but it doesn’t feel the same anymore
I gave you everything you ever wanted but you end up closing the door
I’m trying to carry you over my back but your legs keep on dragging the floor
I’m trying my best but I just don’t think we can ever travel back to before
Let me
Fall in love again
Let me
Fall in love again
How you gon’ tell me you love me but it doesn’t feel the same anymore 
Let me
Fall in love again

When You Tell Me You Love Me, It Doesn't Feel the Same

When You Tell Me You Love Me, It Doesn't Feel the Same ft. SuiSai (Prod. Tothegood)

break ups suck ass | feat. sadeyes

Produced by ryini

Lyrics

A lot of times I don't feel I got no one to talk to
And all the drugs I take I promise that I try and not to
But people just avoid me so I smoke and pour a shot too
I'm walking to my grave cause tryna live is what I not do

I lost her, she found me, I'm under, I'm drowning
Dear Father, please save me from myself before I take me
I don't wanna stay here no more, I don't wanna love I'm so sore
I don't see the point of what it's all for, all I wanna see is her on all four

I'm not that guy I used to be
People are of no use to me
Seems like everyone got used to me
I'm falling back to what I used to be

I'm not alive, I'd rather die
Than to keep up hating my life
Girl goodbye, you're not mine
I'm not yours leave me alone (x2)

I'll fade away with the wind
Everyday's a day I hate being in
Or maybe I just hate my own skin
Is it really even that more different?

Cause the world is bitch that's why I say fuck it
Every morning is shit but I don't think nothing of it
Cause it's always been that way for me
God why'd you give so much hate to me?

I can't take it
How'd I make it?
This far I don't know
Cause I keep losing my hope (x2)

I lost her, she found me, I'm under, I'm drowning
Dear Father, please save me from myself before I take me
I don't wanna stay here no more, I don't wanna love I'm so sore
I don't see the point of what it's all for, all I wanna see is her on all four

I lost her, she found me, I'm under, I'm drowning
Dear Father, please save me from myself before I take me
I lost her, she found me, I'm under, I'm drowning
I lost her, she found me, I'm under, I'm drowning

spotify.

i lost her.

girlinblack IG @HARDLYLUVD

There Was Blood On The Floor Underneath U

Featuring @rxseboy
Produced by @pauli-niemi

Hope u enjoy!!
Music video for it up on my Youtube channel <3

i lost her.

unknxwn.

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