JWTF

i'll move to france and change my name
if you promise to never call again
this whole problem's eating me up inside like a paper to a flame
i burned so long ago

i think i dreamt of you last night
but i can't really remember
so i'll set fire to november
cause i know i can't forget her
or the things she said

and i saw her last friday
she looks the same as when i met her
except the dark circles around her eyes

maybe she'll forget me someday
like i want to forget
the pain she gave me
the pain she gave me

i think i dreamt of her last night
but i can't really remember
so i'll set fire to november
cause i know i can't forgive her for the things she said

sometimes late at night
i think about how we'd hold hands when no one looked
and how i'd walk you to your next class
and how you'd hit me when i talked about myself
or anything else

the beginning of a different end

After all this I'll say
There's always more time
There's always tomorrow
Cause I can't be honest with myself
And I hope you'll forgive me
I'm trying my best
To be what I want to be
Say what's on my mind
Be a better man
Fucking learn to socialize
But I won't
Maybe one day
Just as long as I stay awake
Just as long as I wake up
Just as long as I leave my bed

But you're the only one who kept me together
And I'd be lying if I said I was fine
You don't have to call back
Just thought that I would try

Cause I still feel your presence
Flowing through my veins
I can only blame so much
On my fucked up brain
And the pills that I've been taking
Just accentuate the pain
So I'll build my own wooden home
To rest my frail frame

Cause I still feel your presence
Flowing through my veins
I can only blame so much
On my fucked up brain
And the pills that I've been taking
Just accentuate the pain
So I'll build my own wooden home
To rest my frail frame

I felt the cold wind in Minnesota
Felt that old heat in Arizona
I've seen the barrenness of Oklahoma
I've been to Little Rock, down to Kansas
Seen the pretty folk in Los Angeles
But I always knew that I'd come home
So I can drive around the Rotary
Listening to Owen
Wishing I was someone
Spending time with anyone
And when we leave this Earth
What will we have
A couple laughs and a couple fights

Cause I still feel your presence
Flowing through my veins
I can only blame so much
On my fucked up brain
And the pills that I've been taking
Just accentuate the pain
So I'll build my own wooden home
To rest my frail frame

I can still feel your presence
Flowing through my veins
I can only blame so much
On my fucked up brain
And the pills that I've been taking
Just accentuate the pain
So I'll build my own wooden home
To rest my frail frame
 
never,forever.
(nothing,nowhere.)

wooden home

song about my neverending unsatisfaction

unaware of the earth because its always just below your feet
you're now ungrateful for simple things like concrete
realities in which the rest of them live in
you're so detached now you can't name more than three friends

tried conversation but you just can't sell a joke
tried self motivation but you just can't keep the hope
that someday you'll understand
how everyone can just be okay

~~

he's like a wall that speaks back in fragments
crumbles and falls and no one really misses him
no one ever comes to build him back up again cause
he's not meant to stand he'll just fall down if given the chance

there's a word to describe it but i just can't find it
on the tip of my tongue there's something like
climbing the tallest tree just to find out
you're afraid of heights

~~

when i was younger i knew just how to tie my shoes
as i got older i started slipping them on, so i wouldn't lose
time in the morning to sleep in cause i'd
stay up all night just wishing i would stop breathing

when i was younger i knew how to ride a bike
that time i fell and went to the hospital
was the last time
it's not as easy as just taking off, isn't that right?
wish i wasn't right

he's like a wall that speaks back in fragments
crumbles and falls and no one really misses him
no one ever comes to build him back up again cause
he's not meant to stand he'll just fall down if given the chance

there's a word to describe it but i just can't find it
on the tip of my tongue there's something like
climbing the tallest tree just to find out
you're afraid of heights


maybe someday it'll come back to me
everything i forgot
just to keep my head above
all this self loathing is getting to me
and it's gonna be 
the only part of me left to see

how to tie your shoes (wikihow)

hot mulligan

Hey
I know I just saw you yesterday, but I wanted to say
That I miss you and I am sorry I always have to go
Every couple weeks or so
And I’m sick of the roads
And the tolls that we both have to pay, 'cause I’m always away

I miss the smell of your skin and your clothes
And I want nothing more than to be back at home again
Staying in, getting takeout, or binge-watching HLN
I haven’t slept well in days
I miss waking up, having coffee and breakfast in bed
Sharing showers, and I quit smoking cigarettes
Until I left for tour, now I’m anxious again
and you’re in bed back home, and I’m a total wreck
I'm still a total wreck

I tried to sit still
Made the call and now I’m talking to a voicemail
Left a message
Pay attention to the detail
Overwrought and overwhelmed
Hear me shaking as I exhale
Quivering and sweating out the chemicals
11 hour acid trip when Scott became a ceiling fan, and I am soap
So here I go, carry on alone
So here I go, carry on alone
I carry on alone

I miss the smell of your skin and your clothes
And I want nothing more than to be back at home again
Staying in, getting takeout, or binge-watching HLN
I haven’t slept well in days
I miss waking up, having coffee and breakfast in bed
Sharing showers, and I quit smoking cigarettes
Until I left for tour, now I’m anxious again
and you’re in bed back home, and I’m a total wreck
I'm still a total wreck

good ol mr rags

not used to being the second option
wish i knew just how to stop this
every song i make is so sad
it almost sounds fake
but this is something not even light escapes

wish you'd ask if i was ok
its alright, it wouldn't change anything
my parents think i wanna run away but oh god
there's nothing more i want than to just

stay home
stay alone
i walk around like i'm so angry but i
just can't feel my bones when they break
when they break
and they break
and they break
and they break

i'm losing all my friends again
it's not fine but i'll pretend
i'll stay put
and they'll wonder if i'll come out for summer
but every breath i take is so hard to catch
or catch a break
this solipsism's got me thinking that i'm fine with sinking
the isolation will slowly kill me
but this empty world could never fill me
a bottomless pit that not even light escapes
so i'll
stay home
stay alone
sleep all day 
they say i'm angsty but i'm watching this world erase me
walk around like i'm so angry
but i'm just waiting for the break

walk around like i'm so angry
but i wanna feel my bones when they break

bones

cavetown

Life's alright in devil town
They're right, no one's gonna catch us now
Dad has bought a new car now
We're fine, no one's gonna catch us now
You said something dumb again
She's mad, at least that's what they say
Mum and daddy aren't in love
That's fine, I'll settle for two birthdays
Devil town is colder in the summertime
I'll lose my mind at least another thousand times
Hold my hand tight, we'll make it another night
I still get a little scared of something new
But i feel a little safer when I'm with you
Falling doesn't feel so bad when I know you've fallen this way too
We're all dead in devil town
That's fine, cause nothing's gonna scare us now
We're all in our dressing gowns, mine's white
And stripy yours is green and brown
I forgot my name again
I think that's something worth remembering
Spiders in your favourite shoes
Just leave them be cause they're more scared of you
Devil town is colder in the summertime
I'll lose my mind at least another thousand times
Hold my hand tight, we'll make it another night
I still get a little scared of something new
But i feel a little safer when I'm with you
Falling doesn't feel so bad when I know you've fallen this way too
Devil town is colder in the summertime
I'll lose my mind at least another thousand times
Hold my hand tight, we'll make it another night
I still get a little scared of something new
But i feel a little safer when I'm with you
Falling doesn't feel so bad when I know you've fallen this way too

devil town

i don't wanna be alive anymore
its just there's
too much to be fighting for
i don't want
to go outside anymore
cause it's all
too loud, too bright, too boring

and i don't wanna get in fights anymore
cause they're all
for something i can't care less about
but it still
hurts bad when you call me that
it still
hurts bad when you don't call me back

~~

and you don't wanna talk anymore
and that's cool
cause i still don't know what i'm fighting for
i guess its
the overwhelming fear of being alone
that just so
happens to be all i know

~~

SO TELL ME
IS IT WORTH IT TO YOU
TO MAKE ME
DRIVE A TOTAL OF A THOUSAND MILES
IN A WEEK
JUST TO SEE IF YOU'RE STILL BREATHING
JUST TO SEE IF YOU'RE STILL LEAVING

CAUSE IF ITS
TOO MUCH TO BE FIGHTING FOR
THEN IT'S
NOT WORTH IT TO DENY ANYMORE
I LOVE YOU
YOU LOVE ME
BUT ITS NOT MEANT TO BE
NO ITS NOT MEANT TO BE

DON'T EVER FUCKING LEAVE ME
PLEASE DON'T EVER STOP BREATHING

~~

i don't wanna be alive anymore
its just there's
too much to be fighting for
i don't want
to be alive anymore
i don't want to be in love anymore

i'll call it a draw (for tonight)

i don't wanna be so literal anymore
watching all the flowers pass out on the floor
i'd love to watch the sun rise
but its raining so damn hard
feels just like that one april out there

i've got some friends i made up in my head
one's asleep and the other one is dead
and i could sleep too but that's no help right now
and i've been up so long tryina find the right card
even in sleep my dreams are never fair

i gotta get outta my head
its cold and dark and never really makes sense
i gotta get outta my bed
its cold and dark and my dreams never make sense

are you fed up with my stupid metaphors
watching the sun rise laying on the floor
i'll play a song and maybe someone will sing along
but its so quiet i don't wanna disturb 
anyone

i gotta get outta my head
my dreams are dark and they never really make sense
i can't get it outta my chest
it hurts so bad but i love the way it burns my head

i wanna get outta my bed
but i just can't see the point in it
i gotta get outta my head
the door's open wide but i never opened it

i must've fell asleep in my head
its cold and dark and nothing really makes sense
lets all just pretend that i'm dead
it hurts so bad but i love the way it burns my chest

lachesism

blurred lines between today and tonight
and the day before
i'll spend time tryina get my head on right
before the morning
fell asleep in the middle of the day now
not sure if i wanna be awake anymore
all my fault i can't be okay
the day i died was the same day i was born

before i even took a breath
before i even took a breath

nine o clock in the afternoon doesn't
feel right when you just woke up no
dreams for the fifth night counting
and counting sheep still really doesn't do much
can you tell me how it feels to
laugh and smile and fall asleep soundly
not my fault i can't be okay
throw stones but you want me to move mountains

i can't even take a breath
i can't even take a breath

plane crash seatbelt light on
closet door still open with the light on
extention cord wrapped tightly round my neck
therapist saying we're not making progress
all your fault you can't be okay
take it slow and you might be okay but its
not my fault i can't be okay every
day it feels i'm in the wrong place

and i can't even take a breath
i can't even take a breath

bad songs bad rhymes
wish i could sleep in the nighttime
wish i could laugh at the right times
wish i could be alive all the damn time
fell asleep in the middle of the day now
and i don't wanna be awake anymore its
all my fault i can't be okay
the day i died was the same day i was born

before i even took a breath
before i even took a breath
i can't even take a breath
i can't even take a breath

mountains

little brother

And I was surprised in a Cleveland car park
In the corner, my new Texas sweetheart
The perfect setting for an awkward first kiss
You were smiling, so my lips met your teeth
You pushed me back into my bed with your eyes
You shift your hips to help your underpants pass your thighs
I couldn't see you through the dark but I could hear your voice
Whisper "never let the distance catch us"
You told me that you've known a lot of assholes
Yeah i'm an asshole but id never treat you wrong
No more flying no more whiskey or cocaine
I can change if you promise to love me
I'd rather die on the plane flight home
Than disappoint you in the years to come
Let me crash into the ocean
Let the water fill my lungs
I'd rather die on the plane flight home
Than disappoint you in the years to come
Let me crash into the ocean
Let the water fill my lungs
Everything changed when that boy got hit
He fell and bashed his brains on the concrete
I was thinking what the fucks so wrong with me
That'd make you sit by his bed before long days
And oh i know you said you were just friends
But I guess I'm not as stupid as you think
I've been waiting for a late night accident
Burning holes in my ceiling from my bed
Tell me do you have a thing for the bad kid?
I heard hes packing heat, he sells prescription meds
I would've killed that motherfucker with my bare hands
But i changed for you cause you promised
I'd rather die on the plane flight home
Than disappoint you in the years to come
Let me crash into the ocean
Let the water fill my lungs
I'd rather die on the plane flight home
Than disappoint you in the years to come
Let me crash into the ocean
Let the water fill my lungs
If the bad boys are what you want
I can show you bad I can show you bad
If the bad boys are what you want
I can show you bad I can show you bad
You want a boy that makes his mother cry
You want a boy that drinks so he can sleep at night
And all his friends are at the needles end
With seat belt tourniquets in the passenger seat
A boy addicted to another's cries
When every girl means no more than the last one does
Read the stories on my hands
And my broken bones
And the scars on my eyes
If the bad boys are what you want, i can show you bad, i can show you bad
if the bad boys are what you want, i can show you bad
i can show you bad
i can show you bad

cleveland, oh

can't find the words
can't find the nerve to say it

and yeah it hurts
hurts more than you could imagine

is it feeling worse
is it feeling worse than you imagined

its getting worse than i imagined

does your stomach hurt
when you sleep can you feel it turn

when you wake up
first thing you say is you've had enough

tears in your eyes
but you wouldn't dare
let them see you cry

are you feeling worse?
has it been worse than you imagined?

its been getting worse than i imagined

sleeping through half the day
feel myself just fading away
i'm nobody
this is nobody
speaking to you directly through
your insecurites
your immaturity

are you getting worse?
are you getting worse than you imagined?

does it hurt?
does it hurt?
does it hurt worse than you imagined?
its been worse than i imagined

1:59 am

anger management and
cost of the damages
are nothing to think about now
smarter to wait it out
smarter to talk it out
smarter to write it all out

did it occur to you
after this year is through
you're in the same place you started
fucking confused and sad
good thing is that's
still a few months from now

keep making more mistakes
the ones you always make
its not worth it to
find a new therapist
the cost of damages is
much lower without one now

and now that high school's almost over
no one will know your name
you're not gonna walk the stage cause that's just
too embarassing

and one day they'll all see 
you on tv
not because you're famous but
because you're a fucking wreck

he took twelve shots and called it a night
drove back home and forgot his headlights
he's alright, that really sucks to hear
cause i really wasn't looking forward to next year

in danger of dropping out (of life)

on the outside
looking in
taste of blood
taste of sin
in my mouth in my heart

i don't wanna speak my mind
cause i hate my thoughts
can't make them stop
it would only drive you insane

never felt so
worthless in my life
whenever i talk
no one listens
that's okay,
didn't have much to say about it anyway

and breathing scares me
cause sometimes it gets hard
and when you think about it too long
it just seems ehausting

don't ask me what's wrong
i'll make something up
say i'm just tired
go home and cry about it

don't wanna stay up with my friends getting stoned
anymore
just wanna make the pain stop
for once
in eighteen fucking years
can't try to stop the bleeding
its a symptom of my heart beating
this cycle won't stop repeating
til life finds some kind of meaning
  
never felt so
worthless in my life
whenever i talk
no one listens
that's okay,
didn't have much to say about it anyway

is it getting worse?
is it getting worse than you imagined?
does your head hurt?
does it hurt worse than you imagined?
is it getting worse?
is it getting worse than you imagined?
does your head hurt?
does it hurt worse than you imagined?

symptoms of being alive

what do you want me to say
it's never going away
'cause I'm stuck on you like the smell of cigarettes on your flower dress
I want you under my fingernails
I want you in my sleep and in my dreams
I wake up spooning my pillow
sweaty hands but please don't tell your friends
now I'm addicted to cigarettes
at first I didn't let myself inhale
but smoke got through and so did you
and now every burn hole smells like home
and I know it's killing me but that still won't stop me
'cause now we smell the same but you still kill me faster
I don't mind that you lie sometimes
because I lie too
guess I'm just like you
I don't mind that you lie sometimes
because I lie too
guess I'm just like you
I don't mind that you lie sometimes
because I lie too
guess I'm just like you
I don't mind that you lie sometimes
because I lie too
guess I'm just like you
I don't mind that you lie sometimes
because I lie too
guess I'm just like you

edward40hands

This last week
I slept 8 hours total, I barely sleep
Maybe that's why I've been weak
The same things that plague you still plaguing me
God called you to fulfill a vacancy
I tried to see why it wasn't me
So I didn't show up to your funeral
But I showed up to your house
And I didn't move a muscle
I was quiet as a mouse
And I swore I saw you in there
But I was looking at myself
I'm placing bets against myself
And honestly I'm a mess
With the car engulfed in flames
I am a wreck
Things I should have said through call or text
Just really been so busy and I regret
Cause if there's no rest for the wicked
I'm as evil as it gets
So I didn't show up to your funeral
But I showed up to your house
And I didn't move a muscle
I was quiet as a mouse
And I swore I saw you in there
But I was looking at myself
So when you show up to my funeral
Will you be wearing white or black
And I know the voice is in you
It's the energy I lack
And if there's a race to heaven
I will surely come in last
And if there's a race to heaven
I will always come in last

no halo

sweaty palms shaking
guess i had too much caffeine 
what're the symptoms of nicotine poisoning?
you're all going to college and i'll be
stuck at home, probably won't ever have to
look at my phone
if i could have changed anything i would've changed everything
but you'll never know
these things will never happen so why can't i just let it all go?
i hate dreaming it just gets my hopes up
i hate leaving cause i'll never grow up
focus on breathing cause soon you'll be too worn down
to speak up
i can't wait to leave this place
but i can't help but think about
what could be
i'll sacrifice my dignity just to push this out of my head
i'm so tired of thinking of what could have been.

final month of may

if i could find a new tree to climb i would
like if i could find a reason to go outside i would
if i had said the things i wanted to say
it wouldn't mean anything, i'll probably never see you again anyway

but if had found a way to get around 
all the times i'd wanna die cause the words just won't come out
I might’ve been happier than i am now
I would have been happier than i am now

five hour bus ride and a weekend of self reflection
staring in the mirror that was nothing but pine trees and sunset
felt like running away for a minute nothing but hope and beginnings
for a minute

forget the circus i’m overdramatic
all i ever wanted was a pretty balcony and an attic
but i’ve got a basement and no windows to look outside
I don’t even know what’s wrong with me i just wish i coulda known you more than i did

five hour bus ride and a weekend of self reflection
staring in the mirror that was nothing but pine trees and sunset
felt like running away for a minute nothing but hope and beginnings
for a minute

I wish it would have snowed
so i could lay outside and feel the cold seep into my bones

i could have lost myself

crying wouldn't stop it
even if i had asked 
for a moment's recuperation

you want it and you get it
so you don't want it anymore
i guess i never really learned how to be patient

a celebration so bittersweet
words of closure and empathy
make it sound like a funeral

i turned around to see your face again
for one last time and
tried to find a way to pass time

cause my friends
were my friends
but now they're all your friends
with girlfriends
and boyfriends
so i guess i don't need them
my friends
were my friends
but now they're all your friends
with girlfriends
and boyfriends
so i guess i don't need them

remember when we didn't want to clean our rooms
and now they're empty
i wonder if life ever had rules

i'm too self aware to be okay
i noticed that from the lighting on the stage
it all seemed so small

the moment ended as quickly as it began
so now i'm stuck here wringing my hands
so fucking anxious

my mom said its because i've got all this anger inside me
but i don't think she really knows me, besides
i'm only ever angry at myself

cause my friends
were my friends
but now they're all your friends
with girlfriends
and boyfriends
so i guess i don't need them
my friends were my friends
but now they're all your friends with
girlfriends and boyfriends
i really wish i didn't need them
yeah, my friends were my friends
but now they're all anxious
and tired liars
four years was never really worth it
my friends were my friends
but their hearts are bleeding
regardless i miss them
really wish i didn't need them

graduation.

always start to feel better
just a little too late to soak it in
this is just the way it always ends

no time to count all of the times
i wish i could change my mind
about changing who i am

sharp pain in my chest
can't tell if its sadness or a heart attack
i'd prefer the second, god i wanna bring myself back

the sun is out the sky is blue
so why the fuck can't i be happy too?
everything's alright, so what's wrong with me?
don't want pills or therapy cause they just numb me
or leave me be
cause i'm just not fucked up enough
is this really what i've become?

don't wanna drag you down with me
cause you're the only thing i see
in my future, whatever that word means

they say van gogh only sold one painting
while his beautiful heart was beating
but i'm a joke so where does that leave me?

the sun is out the sky is blue
so why the fuck can't i be happy too?
everything's alright so what's wrong with me?
don't want pills or therapy
cause they just numb me or leave me be
cause i'm just not fucked up enough
is this really what i've become?

written hundreds of songs
written thousands of words
is this empty life really what i deserve?
stick it all in a bottle and send it out to sea

the sun is out the sky is blue
so why the fuck can't i be happy too?
everything's alright so what's wrong with me?
can't afford pills or therapy
cause i just loathe in my own pity
i've dug my grave i've made my bed
so i'll just go sleep in it

i am sleeping on a sinking ship

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

JWTF

zaneypops123