because of you

[Verse 2: Happier Than Ever]
You call me again, drunk in your Benz
Drivin' home under the influence
You scared me to death, but I'm wastin' my breath
'Cause you only listen to your fuckin' friends
I don't relate to you
I don't relate to you, no
'Cause I'd never treat me this shitty
You made me hate this city

[Chorus: Dancing On My Own]
I'm in the corner
Watchin' you kiss her (Ooh)
I'm right over here
Why can't you see me? (Ooh)
I'm giving it my all
I'm not the girl you're takin' home

[Verse 3: Happier Than Ever x Dancing On My Own]
And I don't talk shit about you on the internet
Never told anyone anything bad
'Cause that shit's embarrassing, you were my everything
And all that you did was make me fuckin' sad

[Chorus: Happier Than Ever x Dancing On My Own]
I'm in the corner
Watchin' you kiss her (Ooh)
That shit's embarassing
Why can't you see me? (Ooh)
You were my everything
I'm giving it my all
I'm not the girl you're takin' home
I'll keep dancing on my own (Just fucking leave me alone)
I'll keep dancing on my own

dancing on my own x happier than ever

PENUMBRA
(Mom’s voicemails) 
“Hi Sunshine, it’s your momma. I guess you’re nappin. You must not feel good…When you get a— wake up— and feel a little better… you can give me a call. I love you always…”

“I thought you changed your sleep schedule… can you please call me back. Please. I need to talk about something, please call me back.”

“Please… just care about me… It’s your mother… care about me… call me back, PLEASE” 

(Verse 1)
I grew up in the quiet
Where the locked cupboards stayed shut.
Hunger was a mother to me
When you wouldn’t lift me up.
I learned young that I was a burden—
An inconvenience you once bled.
You said you wished you’d ended me
Before I ever raised my head.

(Pre-Chorus)
Every foster hallway echoed
With a name that wasn’t mine.
Owned by hands that never held me,
Paid to guard me like a crime.

(Chorus)
And you… you were… my penumbra,
Not the dark and not the day—
Just the space where love should live
But never learned the way.
I was raised inside your shadow,
Where cold went straight into bone.
Half alive and half forgotten,
Growing older,
Still alone.
Still alone. 

(Mom’s Voicemails) 

“It’s your mom. Are you gonna let me down today? Are you gonna let me down? You can’t even answer your phone because you don’t care!”

“The one time I need your support and you can’t even do it. I’ve been there for you these years, and you can’t even be here one day— because you don’t care!”

(Verse 2)
I was watched like something dangerous,
Something fragile, something wrong.
So I gave myself to strangers
Just to feel like I belong.
All the times I tried to vanish—
The world wouldn’t let me go.
Some cruel mercy dragged me back here
To the hurt I came to know.

(Pre-Chorus)
If I’m breathing, it’s by accident,
Some mistake the dark forgot.
Even death wouldn’t take me,
Even ruin would not.

(Chorus)
And you… you were… my penumbra,
Not a blessing, not a curse—
Just the dim light of a mother
That kept everything
Worse.
Still I leaned into your absence,
Hoping shadows could be kind.
But your love was just a rumor
I could never
Seem to find.

<shit> 

(Bridge)
I remember every sentence,
Every silence, every bruise—
All the ways you made it clear
I was something you could lose.
If I haunt the world around me,
If I tremble when I speak—
Will I ever be enough? 
Oh, please just tell me…

I remember every sentence,
Every silence, every bruise—
All the ways you made it clear
I was something you could lose.
If I haunt the world around me,
If I tremble when I speak—
It’s because I learned from you
How a child can die
And live
Each week.
Live and die. 
Each week. 

<I just wish you could love me, for me, mom. The real me.>

(Final Chorus)
But you… you were… my penumbra,
And your ghost won’t follow me.
I step out into the cold now,
Let the truth cut cleanly free.
I’m the child that you abandoned,
And I’m braver than you knew.
But I made it past your shadow—
And the dark
Can’t reach me
Like you do.
Like you do.

PENUMBRA

FRAGMENTS

star

REMINISCE

[lords prayer in Latin] 

[verse one:] 
You’re woven from sin,
Rotten within
Jesus, if you’re there 
I have some questions if you care.

I never believed, 
In your false prophecies

[pre-chorus one:]
Cause tell me, if you’re real, 
Then why do starving children face the barrel of a gun?
Little feet forced to learn so young how to hit the ground and run

[chorus one:]
Live or die, 
If it’s ‘God’s plan’, tell me why
They want us all to worship Him, 
but His love is a lie.
Please open your eyes, 
They’re innocent lives. 
What does this fucking justify?
Please, God, just tell me why?
Live or die?

[texas news broadcast]

[verse two:]
Within your bag of tricks
You hold a warped crucifix 
A broken visage that you use 
to hide your facade 

I’m not ignorant 
I see right through it

[pre-chorus two:]
But God, can you tell me, what of all the families lost under the rubble?
Bodies huddled, crushed and trampled, tell me what comes from this struggle?

[chorus two:]
Live or die, 
If it’s God’s plan, tell me why
They want us all to worship Him, 
but His love is a lie.
Please open your eyes, 
They’re controlling your mind. 
What does this fucking justify?
Please, God, tell me why?
Live or die

FALSE PROPHET

I’m tiptoeing the line
If you ask I’ll say “I’m fine”
But I wish you could see inside
It’s alright, nevermind nevermind

(Save me from myself)
The wound gets deeper every day 
(Save me from myself)
I just wanna go away
(Save me from myself)
Can’t take more of this pain 
(Save me from this misery) 
(Save me from myself)
The wound gets deeper every day 
(Save me from myself)
I just wanna go away
(Save me from myself)
Can’t take more of this pain 
(Save me from this misery)

I’m the fool (I’m the fool,I’m the fool, I’m the fool)
I’m the fool (I’m the fool,I’m the fool, I’m the fool) 
I’m the fool (It’s alright, nevermind nevermind)

(I’m the fool) I’m just gonna hide away 
(I’m the fool) Pretend that everythings okay
(I’m the fool) Laughing even though my smiles fake
(I’m the fool) I’m okay, I’m okay, yeah I’m fine

I wonder when it’ll be
My turn to finally speak
I’ll act accordingly 
When is my turn coming?
I wonder when it’ll be
My turn to finally speak
I’ll act accordingly 
I’m the fool
I’m the fool
I’m fine

(Save me from myself)
The wound gets deeper every day 
(Save me from myself)I just wanna go away
(Save me from myself)
Can’t take more of this pain 
(Save me from this misery)
(Save me from myself)
The wound gets deeper every day 
(Save me from myself)
I just wanna go away
(Save me from myself)
Can’t take more of this pain 
(Save me from this misery)

(I’m the fool) Yes, I swear you that I’m fine
(I’m the fool) Yeah, I swear to you that I’m fine 
(I’m the fool) Everything’s alright, I swear
(I’m the fool) It’s okay, it’s okay, nevermind

(I’m the fool) I’m just gonna hide away 
(I’m the fool) Pretend that everythings okay
(I’m the fool) Laughing even though my smiles fake
(I’m the fool) I’m okay, I’m okay, yeah I’m fine

No mess, no mistakes, no nothing 
No mess, no mistakes, no nothing 
No mess, no mistakes, no nothing 

No mess, no mistakes, no nothing (I just wanna be free)
No mess, no mistakes, no nothing (I just wanna be free)
No mess, no mistakes, no nothing (I just wanna be free)

I’m okay
I’m okay
I’m fine

FOOL

DAYDREAM

covers are in lowercase
ORIGINALS ARE IN UPPERCASE

@youare.not.alonexx

evamv on youtube🍓

FALSE PROPHET

venus

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