over and beyond

trigger warning: violence

I have been cold.
I have known hunger.
I have been hit by a car.
I have miscarried a baby.
I have huddled in a dank basement while a tornado went over my head.

I have moved so many times, I have lost count.
I have been depressed.
I have been unemployed.
I have been struck by lightning, twice.
I have been shot at.
I have seen the lifeless body of a 3 year old carried away, a bullet in his forehead.
I still hear his mother screaming.

I have cried blood.
I have had scarlet fever.
I have drunk well water from under a Monsanto seed corn farm.
I have played in a creek a quarter mile downstream from a hog confinement factory.
I have eaten more red jello and raw hot dogs than anyone should.

I have been ostracized and alienated.
I have been distracted and lonely, mesmerized by screens.
I have stood in the bottoms, water flowing around my ankles, wondering if I 	should stay, or if I should make a break for it.
I have seen a river become a lake in my backyard so big I couldn't see to the other side.

I have been in car accidents.
I have eaten out of dumpsters.
I have crossed paths with blind fury.
I have heard the hot moist breath in my ear, saying, “Be quiet.  If he finds us here, he'll kill us.”
I have chosen homelessness, walking out with only the clothes on my back.
I have been punched in the face by my own mother.

* 

I say these things, not to evoke pity, but to tell you:
I did not come to this Earth to be beaten down.
I did not come to this Earth to be crushed under the heel of circumstance.
I do not quiver with fear.
I do not hide in fate's shadow.

I flourish!
I thrive!

There is a fire in my belly that cannot be extinguished.
It fills me with love and healing,
with a yearning to defy the odds of my survival with grace,
with an appreciation of beauty that cannot be quashed.
I am not afraid of anything.
Lousy presidents, ice caps melting?

I'm going to be here, standing my ground.
My heart is liberated territory.
My love is wide.
My care is deep.
I am a cornerstone.
I am here to strengthen, comfort and heal.
And not just myself.

My eyes see the garden under my feet.
My ears hear the rhythms of gaia, the language of the living world.
My mouth sings in appreciation and gratitude.
My hands are open in invitation.
I worship the ground I walk on.

If I can witness the beauty and wonder of this world, 
if I can let it envelop me in its love, anyone can.
You can.

Over And Beyond

Carey Smith Poet