Y-Hot Grease

Blastoid (Loop) 140

Supernatant

Bandcamp

Abiogenesis

GUILTY
============

I usually write or comment something on my songs.

When I published this melody I did not. I sit and I felt like the title...guilty, and I didn't feel like doing it.

About two months ago I had an accident with my car. Yes, the one I use as a work tool and to make my music. The car is not important, it is people's lives.

I've been hundreds of thousands of kilometers and it had never happened to me. The sunlight dazzled me, or maybe my polarized glasses...I don't know...but I could only see the car at the last moment.

Fortunately there were no personal injuries, but I was the cause of the accident, albeit unintentionally. I thought about the people who were traveling in the other vehicle and the person who accompanied me. I still feel that although I no longer hear the noise of the blow that followed me for weeks and disturbed my scant sleep or see my airbag burns

I am not writing this for myself, I am doing it to ask you to be as careful as possible when driving a car. It doesn't matter to be late, it matters to arrive. Rest and stop if you need to. If you don't, you may regret it for the rest of your life.

13 tracks native Music Studio 2 instruments.

4 Xpad tracks.

5 tracks Arturia imini.

My best wishes to you.

Paco.

Guilty

Wann Heiraten wir in 3 Tagen????
Kuss Alexander !!!
Deine Mutter meinte Du sollt in wirlichkeit Schüchter sein.
Stimmt das?
Cosma ich bimst jetzt mit Line wenn sie das auch will 
Machst Du auch mit?

Denuit - Negativ

One of the many nice things about "chatting" to Dan is that he will often pin a little gift to the end of a message in the form of a link to a piece of music he has crafted.

A few days ago I listened, enthralled, to a wonderful piece he originally created in 2012 but recently remixed;  it is called "A Song of Sadness".

I couldn't help but scribble.  
What came out is rough, personal, raw and edgy.
It is what it is.   That's how it works sometimes.  No point in trying to beautify it.
A little taken aback, I put it to one side.
It was destined for the waste basket, but must have crawled out in the night...

Thank you Dan, for permitting me to drape some words across your fabulous music.

If you don't know Dan's work, you can find it here.  

https://soundcloud.com/dan-t-3

Well worth a look.
____________________________________________________________________

Self Portrait in the Palette of Sadness

Staring blankly at this craven world I focus only on the back of my own eyelids.
Anything beyond that is simply too terrifying to contemplate.  Utter horror.
Oh so frankly recalling how my childhood haven unfurled, the surgical violence
All too fond of familiar pains searing all the black night through to the dark tomorrow.
Drenched of sweat, fevered neatly, wrapped for warmth to boil completely,
But they couldn't understand; familial care demanded heat be close at hand.
The inside of my head, red-hot pokered time again, would rot and spew a filthy pus, 
Rancid stuff, seeping of my very brain, medically remanded in defeat, the two of us.
Sadness and me.

Sister Campbell, Sister Henley, angels both would flap beside, to find, and
Hold me tightly, bound of nursing love, as tears streamed when finally, at last I cried, 
The five year old's manly fight conceded to the salted lash-borne brine.
“Dear God above, why me?”  I screamed, or would have, had I tried.
So clamber back within the yolk of soulful self, leave external friendships on the shelf
For better times beyond the now of hell-borne cranial carnage rent.
Who cares, when wracked by tormented, nerve-shredded moral garbage spent?
Tease and yelling to the aid a-ripping of the senses, Lords of Flies, by Beelzebub sent.
Just sadness, nothing and me.  We three.

Keep the head within the book; avoid eye contact, never look above chest height.
Tip the brow, the shoulder crooked, bereft of health, there's only now, only night.
Within the time-barred keeping sanctuary of self, no social threats evolved to haunt,
No public penance, no whipping as of Notre Dame, to the slavering crowd's delight.
Gaunt,  alone, and labelled “sad”, I am, by those afar who've never known resolved despair.
Hope is what I bottled up back there, into the long lost screwtop jar all those sixty years ago.
My plight, what some might deem “unfair” is but the only one I dare to share,
Castled solely, within this lonely cell I know so intimately well, pacing slowly to and fro.
So, leave us be.  My sadness and me.  Rendering impeccably to the lightest unitary dust.

My sadness is the only friend I know.  
The only one I trust.
____________________________________________________________________

Photo by Josh Nuttall on Unsplash

Self Portrait In The Palette Of Sadness (Verses set to the music of Dan - DT)

Desert Dreams
An Ambient Electronic track split between 50 50 Analog and Digital.
Using Sounds from Ruby con And Ricochet.Mixed with several sequences, and modern granular synths.

Desert Dreams

Tribal Grace

A hidden love story....based on the book the Song of Songs....

A New World

oncloud9

Is anyone still out there?
Well hello there if you are taking some of your valuable time to read this! As the lyrics to this (probably)final song say, its been a long while……
The last time I checked into Soundcloud was maybe last December, wow…. 
I packed up for a holiday in Hawaii, ran the Honolulu Marathon, watched a volcano erupt, cast my dog’s ashes into a lava field and drank a tropical island's worth of cocktails while watching the sunset with my wife. And then returned a few weeks later decidedly unenthused about the Cat and my collaborator.
Gina had been making noises about returning to an on again / off again musical partner. That wasn’t unexpected and was actually a bit of a relief as I hadn’t been enjoying this for a while. Our last few songs had been tortuous to finish, including this one which was finally finished I think way back in October 2022.
Cat Came Back was always a lot like an arranged marriage - nothing at all in common but we kind of made it work 3 minutes at a time. But by late last year, it had become very hard work. And as you fellow Soundclouders know, outside of personal satisfaction, the rewards for all of that hard work are not very large. So, if the personal satisfaction is gone, there’s not a lot left to motivate oneself. 
In addition to that, there were a few rather large elephants in the room regarding my collaborator that I won't go into but nevertheless constantly weighed very heavily on my mind throughout our time together and I was finding these increasingly difficult to continue to ignore for the sake of making music together.
So anyway, when I returned a perhaps brief hiatus accidentally turned into this - silence for what, 7-8 months? Haven’t picked up an instrument in all that time and they currently sit in my garage gathering dust. Took up Chess, what a rabbit hole that is! Continued running. Listening as always to a lot of old jazz. Continued seemingly never ending renovations to my house. Spent a lot of time with my lifelong friend, William Styron’s Black Dog, as a matter of fact he's here sitting right by my side now. 
So what now? I sat down a few days back and listened to a few things that were unfinished as of late last year. Maybe its time to start again. Find a new collaborator or two? Anyone know anyone who might be a match?
In the meantime I’ll dip my toe in and check out what some of my favourite Soundclouders have been up to while I was away. I'm sure I've missed out on some really great stuff.

Self Portrait In The Palette Of Sadness (Verses set to the music of Dan - DT)

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