We were trading stairs
Led to our first affair 
It was brief
Few years pas in a glance
Elevator by chance 
It was fate
Our first paths changed again there

You said I’m not like her
And I doubt it
I’ve dealt in your trade before 

Take me on your trips take me on your drives 
I want to see you living want to see you live 
I don’t think you think about what I’m made of
We’re too busy being drunk and madly in love 

Now that we’re an item I’m your little thing
I help you behind the scenes when by head’s working
But working is exhausting and we’d rather just coast
You’d better show yourself soon I’m holding hands with a ghost

You said you’re not like you were
And I doubt it
I’ve dealt in your trade before 

I don’t ask where you’ve been, don’t ask what you’ve done
I’m too busy being drunk and madly in love
You don’t know the time, don’t know where I was
You’re too busy being drunk and madly in love

Drunk And Madly In Love

You rented a farm
To write your next album in
I laughed at you when you told me the plan 
What kind of person can do that?
Just you
I left in the satin dress you bought me in Ontario
And I felt your energy change
Didn’t realize the gift was
For you
And sure I’m on a stranger’s shoulder
But you’ve got two girls on your arm 
We’ll be miserable both ways 
So I don’t really see the harm of it
You take the vodka down like a meteor shower
You shower me in a wide range of cruelties
I’d better take care at sundown

Sometimes the fights got violent
You future biographers said
They always forgot to mention
That the violence only happened on one end
I suppose it’s implied
On the night you broke my cheekbone 
You yelled something ‘bout me cheating
I yelled back something ‘bout a pot and a kettle
Then you stumbled to stand
Used the heaviness of your hand
And I met the ground perfectly level
And you find your voice in all of this darkness
Your sacred art, light in the cracks of the blinds
And I hold the same darkness over here in the corner
But I get nothing from it
I’m resigned 
I’m the mechanism by which
Your story gets told
And I’m bleeding from the edge of my mouth
I’d better take care at sundown
I’d better take care at sundown

Sundown

You let me cowrite on your song
Flash of Fire
You said that I did nothing wrong
And I cried
And I did backup on a minor hit
You know I used to want to sing for real
I’ve lived through others, I keep living
And that’s my life, that’s my career
And I’ve gone pro

I don’t forgive, I don’t forget
Don’t let it manifest as rage
I let it kill me from the inside
The fire is burning through my veins
I think we wrote a decent song
And maybe that’s the way I’m saved
But its the only thing I’ve written
And out of spite it stays that way
It stays that way

Flash Of Fire 2

Feels like the dragon’s chasing me these days
It drags its claws into my skin
Breathes pins and needles on my arms and back
And all I can do is let the needles in

The rolling stones are stoned before the show
But they’re looking for a different high
And I don’t think of it as dealing, dear
I’m just connected and well liked

Low profile, high payout
A decent way to make out
I’m making my own living
No one tells me how to live
Can’t keep me, can’t hurt me
And you can’t seem to turn me down
You can’t seem to turn me down
You can’t seem to turn me

Into a new city, moving to LA
So I’ll be closer to the game 
I carry note cards with the contact information
Of a few bands that you might have seen play

And sure I’m getting worse, but when was that not true?
If I should take a hit, I’d rather it be from me and not you
I hang with people with a similar addiction
Gives our illnesses like minds to confess to

Low profile, high payout
A decent way to make out
I’m making my own living
No one tells me how to live
It’s clawing, and burning
And I can’t seem to turn it down
You can’t seem to turn me down
You can’t seem to turn me

Feels like the dragons chasing me these days
But right now I can ride it’s high
And I don’t think of it as dealing now
I’m just connected and well liked

Chasing The Dragon

Chateau Marmont
Located on sunset boulevard
Best known as a residence for the rich and famous
for the up and coming
Or the down and out
I’m the supplier
You’re the addict
I’m the addict
There’s a dragon in your mind
Cocaine wasn’t doing it for you anymore
You wanted something with a bite

It’s a five day party
You’re visited by your famous friends
I think I creeped them out 
Something about my fragile frame

With somebody on the down and out

Well I suspect you could keep better company
And that extends to well off friends
Though it includes me
Rob and Robin bobbin their heads to the music
Leave you when it starts looking dicey
I get it, they have reputations
But I don’t

In fact I test the drugs for everybody else
Check if they’re cut with something worse
And then administer
And watch your breathing, watch for signs of overdose
And I don’t think you look that close
I make you get up and go take a shower
Drink some water
I’m insane
The speedball’s speeding through my veins
The speedball’s coursing through my veins
I need to lead here

On the afternoon of March 5th
Cathy Evelyn Smith
Drove the wrong way into a one way exit
Of Chateau Marmont on Sunset Strip
In John Belushi’s red mercedes

Marmont

Did you know he was scared of needles?
I couldn’t understand it
How could you be so big
And scared of something trivial like that
There’s so much else to be scared of

I’m scared of people, mostly
I’m scared of dependence
Both on people and on substance 
I still do it cause I’m human

But he’s not scared of the drugs from what I can tell
But he’s scared of reality
And scared of himself
And I guess that’s what they’re for

Did you know he was scared of needles?
Or else he would’ve done it himself
So he recruited an expert
I know my way around

I come down caked in sweat 
There’s sirens in my head
But it’s just the phone ringing, it’s my roommate he says
That there had been a death
And then the words all melt together 
And I’m sobbing on my bed
From all the guilt and all the dread

Did you know he was scared of needles?

Needles

Esquirerer offered me 15k
For an article about the events of the day
It’s not like I had other options 
So I’m funding my habits in freelance and pain
I cut myself open, they take and they take 
And they take me out of context
It’s content

And they’re booking me interviews, I don’t know why
I’m part of the process and part of the prize 
And my compensation is the drugs that I buy
I’m coming off cynical evil and wry
I don’t know what I’m doing man I’m so high
The article starts with remarks on my thighs

I told you he was the best I’ve known
Already said it a few times, I was too fucked to know
You didn’t tell me, cause that’d ruin the show
And you know we both had a death wish
Wouldn’t have made the news if I’d beat him to it
But that’s fine, I’ll die any minute

Thighs

I watered the houseplants before I went over 
Suddenly you can keep plants alive
I tell you when I go, do whatever you will
But please don’t let the poor things die
I think you heard what I meant

Hide from cameras, eat lunch
Then I’m sentenced to fifteen months
And they’re looking at me like I killed him
With my bare hands

I’m joining a club 
It’s pretty exclusive
It’s all of the people 
Who are defined by the worst thing they did
The worst thing that I ever did

The sentence is fine
But I don’t sleep at all
I suppose I’m a person
But I’m mostly withdrawal
I miss the people I loved
And those who loved me
I miss the way that you never cleaned anything
And I know why I’m here
It’s not like I did nothing
But I know I’m not evil
For those who were wondering 
And the rest of my life
I’m atoning for one thing
They’re assuring his widow
That we weren’t fucking
No one values my life 
Or wishes me well
I don’t value my life
I’m already in hell
Sure if someone’s to blame then it’s certainly me 
But I can only get by if I don’t blame anybody

I’m joining a club
It’s looking like I won’t leave it 
It’s all of the people 
Who are defined by the worst thing they did
The worst thing that I ever did

Houseplants

I get a place in vancouver
I’m talking to kids
Telling them not to make the mistakes that I did
The world won’t forget you
But the hatred is less

I know I’m a hypocrite 
Preaching against
A vice I won’t quit 
But I don’t have time for it
The well-off can be logically consistent
I’m just trying to survive
Least now I’m getting by

And the flame starts so small
With a flicker or spark
An electrical failure
Now you see in the dark
Then it’s eating the walls
And it’s spitting out smoke
And I run for the doorway
And try not to choke
And if I died here
And if I died now
Then I’d die old enough
No one will wonder how
But I stumble outside
And the cruel sirens sound
I’m choking on air
In the headlights I drown
I don’t know why I ran
It was against my will
My body betrays me
Refused to be killed

And I have to keep living 
Something won’t let me die
My heart continues beating even though I don’t try
Lungs sink and expand
I don’t know why that is
But I’ll fill them up somehow 
I’m not sure what with 
I don’t know why I ran
It was against my will
My body betrays me
Refused to be killed

Refused

I think maybe I’ve been cursed
I pull over, hit the curb
He finds two grams in my purse
That’s two thousand dollars that I don’t have 
Two thousand that I won’t get back 
Two thousand that he won’t have
To think about 
And twelve months probation
And it doesn’t matter what you’ve done or seen
They want you clean

Oh as a little girl I sure cleaned up nice
You passed me back and forth 
Ruining my life 
Like it was picking petals off a flower
Like it was passing the time 
But as the years wear on 
My eyes no longer glow
And suddenly you’d never be so low
As to lend me a hand or your time 
All the good old boys are gone
They want you pretty
They want you clean

I know I’ve sinned most sins in my time
I know I’m burning from the inside
And I know where I’m headed
I’ll stand behind you in line
For who among us wouldn’t die
Give up everything to go back in time
And undo the worst moment of our lives
I would
But that won’t stop the magazines 
They want you pretty
They want you dead
They want you clean

I’m the monster underneath your bed
I’m the evil you can’t get out of your head
I’m your enemy, if you so project
Cry me a river and then drown me in it
They want you pretty
They want you dead
They want you clean
Refusing to die my lungs sink and expand
Cause atoning for one thing is all that I am
Was part of the process and part of the plan
Femme fatale freak show, the critics have panned
There’s a dragon living in my mind
It’s been chasing me
I’ve sung backup on a minor hit
The sun went down I didn’t care for it
Don’t know where i am or where I’ve been
I trace the scars where all the dirt seeped in
I don’t know where my own daughter is
I hope she’s well
The weight is drawing me to the ground
My hair gets thinner my skin sinks down
I was sixteen when the hawks flew down
I didn’t know I was prey

Pretty, Dead, Clean

Collaboration with @SourceDecay, who wrote the lyrics

Lyrics:
[Verse 1 & 2]
I want to love you like you deserve
But I think I need to love me first
It sounds so simple, written down
Keeps getting harder to spell it out

I want to fill your heart all the way up
But can't pour blood from an empty cup
You say the world is red and black and white
I say one day we'll be all right

[Chorus 1]
'Cause you make me wild and free
You make me feel like me
You make me lose control
And I think you could make me whole

[Verse 3 & 4]
We're all eternal for a while
And, while we're here, I want to smile
It feels so easy in the sun
Gets so much harder on the run

I want to give you everything
But nothing good can come from nothing
You say the world's falling apart
I scream out damn it don't you start

[Chorus 2]
'Cause you make me wild and free
You make me feel like me
You make me lose control
And I think you could make me whole

[Bridge]
But even as perfect as it seems
There's something dark about our dream
I pinch myself, try to wake up
Admit it's time to fill my cup

[Chorus 3]
You make me wild and free
You make me feel like me
You make me lose control
But only I can make me whole

User 432093733

Popular tracks