prod @jolst + @pekarot_161
mastered by: @jolst

right here
won’t you hold me right here 
cus everybody switched up
i had to fight fair 
i been
stressed out
think i need a cold beer 
said fuck that 
i’ll smoke a blunt
and pull out my hair 
x2

cus i been spending my money and livin up
and i been textin her she just don’t give a fuck
at least i got my friends right here to jus show me love
if i was alone right now i’d probably kick the buck 

i just want my baby to come and kiss me a little bit 
i know i get too greedy and i wanna take it off
if you ever need a friend just hit me for the thrill of it 
she give me a little but i rlly want it all >:•)

baby im a loner :(
straight to the fucking face 
smoke a blunt n then i phone her 
im beggin beggin baby please 
why won’t u just come over (im kinda bored)
im not tryna be dramatic
but im gonna fucking throw up !!!!!!!!

not tryna be dramatic but i'm guess that im a loner ): 

(alan watts speech)
(ak47 reload)
(lightsaber sheath)

revenant (jolst x pekarot)

impatience Ft. sendflowrs

imma be honest I don’t even want this but I don’t wanna let go,
all those things I promised, had u in my pocket,
the demons the feelings, and the world, 


and I been giving you my love, and I fear that it’s not enough, they always told me growing up that life is going to be tough, if I woulda known it was this hard I woulda stopped it long ago, but I’m not weak in the mind that’s not the way my story goes

you can catch me in the night time with the demons,  
yea I’m hiding in the shadows,  I have my reasons. 

yea ur in my head i really got my heart up on my sleeve,
yea u said me u love me girl but next day you just went and leave, 
fall asleep, I’m dreaming but my fucking thoughts are falling weak 
I don’t wanna feel like this I got my heart up on my sleeve


I want it all to last but nothing ever lasts in life,
my life has been alright except from all the constant fights, 
just put on ur headphones, close the door shut ur eyes and you’ll make it through the night, everything will be alright just know I’m always by ur side 

imma be honest I don’t even want this, 
I might have to let go, 
if worse comes to worse then I’m sorry for this shit, 
I’m gonna let go

shadows.

i hate that this is the first thing i am posting on my return HAHAHAH

Lyrics

tie me up when we fuck
babygirl you're my drug
i like her eyes and her face
oh please control when i c-
I like her bonds in my face
she tell me look but dont taste
i answer yes to my mistress
i wish she'd be my missus

i think my time soon to come
still got her taste on my tongue
satisfying my lust
but don't expect that it's love

she making me beg
she on the attack
it's making me squirm how she tease me her ass
god i'm still shaking
and i can't erase it
but it's been an hour n i mewl like a cat
i need it so bad—
she ride me so good that i'm needin a cast
i'm in the function but don't got a pass
shiss gettin old
and i hope that you know
if this keeps on
don't know if we'll last

she make me beg her forgiveness
she make me beg her forgiveness

bonds

i would try
i would hide all my feelings away
id put it inside
cut up wrists while i cry
do what i like
do what i need to every night
someone's right there outside
someone's alone, so am i 

i dont believe all that i say
you pushing me down
you make me ashamed
i felt so great
now i feel like running away
thinking of that night
in that barn
with the lady from la
its a cold rainy night and im looking at her waist, in a way

i dont wanna feel this way
trust me i dont know what to say
its hard when i dont trust myself okay
i cant keep a promise i made a mistake
its okay
im the only one to blame

trust issues ion trust myself
cant find a person that takes care of themselves
locked in their house, or theyre crazy oh well
babied for life i dont get it, just waste awayy
if they're normal they're usually taken anyway
its making me sick to my stomach
dont try
it with anyone
dont lie
about, anything
okay
just get it right
im a liar in the shadows
no capable of anything
or showing love to anyone
or being what i said i was

ill hide
for the rest of my life
and blame
you for taking everything i had
my passion and my drive to love
my head is gone because of us
anxiety and the mistrust

i dont believe all that i say
you pushing me down
you make me ashamed
i felt so great
now i feel like running away
thinking of that night
in that barn
with the lady from la
its a cold rainy night and im looking at her waist, in a way

Lady La (prod. loneliness)

You don’t pull my strings cause I swapped em out for keys 
You might be able to play accordingly 
I think I only did it for the dopamine 
Don’t overthink it don’t be mean 

Just need some guidance 
Just a new instruction 
This infrastructure crumpled up it’s losing gumption
I’ll build this life in bits and pieces drawn in silence 
It’s drawn in silence 
it’s drawn in silence 

I’ll sit back by the stream of flowing where we stacked the stones taller 
Think we even dropped a dollar so it could 
Find its own way like we wanted 
Now I’m only feeling haunted by the river gone solid so we trade 
Everything for ocean fodder 
Hoodies for the buttoned collar 
Made us something that we’re not I dream for better days 
We don’t have to share a word your thoughts is what I’ve always heard 
We’ve always been depraved

Just need some guidance 
Just a new instruction 
This infrastructure crumpled up it’s losing gumption
I’ll build this life in bits and pieces drawn in silence 
It’s drawn in silence 
it’s drawn in silence

play accordingly (michael harrison)

self prod (loop by jolst)

(lyrics)
Fuck all that, id kill myself
before i asked you for your help
its hard to admit but the world seems bleak 
i struggle to find colors even in my sleep
i hardly dream smoke too much weed
hopefully im fine by this time next week
i been strugglin could really use a hand
but its my fault i lost my friends 
x2

but i wont admit it
just give me another dose
and while im at it
i knew that it was close
to nothin, what you expected of me
but somehow i still fucked up everything
but now i must go and my only hope 
is that you'll be fine living life on your own

i'll write you a song in my suicide note
walk out the house with just my clothes
its not my fault i swear i didnt know
id break my legs and have to move on

its not what it seems
baby i been losing sleep

losing sleep

eight oh nine pm - p. the ushanka boy

you feel it too
i’m not alone in this alright
beat around the truth
9tails on this bumpy ride
can’t conrtol what you do
but i’m trusting you tonight
put all my faith in you
going too fast, im losing sight
100 we’re goin too fast, the musics too loud, will we even survive?
the tears rolling down to my neck, i gotta accept, do you want me alive?
my hearts beating out of my chest
u never want me at my best
these complications are a weight i can’t compress

ill catch myself on the way down
i get that im just a face now
i smell his scent when we lay down
9tails tryna calm down
i know one day i should face it
feels like everydays wasted
grey eyes and i hate it
days spent suffocating
harder to breath its gets harder to be
ugly man but she's so lovely
i wish u knew what u wanted of me
i wish i knew what she wnates to see
it would make so much easier
march walks home it breezier
no phone its street sounds
back home and feet pound

pretty eyes i wish you could see
our lives are only temporary
no one around it’s just u and me
tied together in our memories
i got nothing left for me, can’t you see
i been dragging round this body all week
i got no independency
i want no independency

late night its just you and me
no fight, cause i know im weak
im so gone, hoping that you see
phones off, i just wanna sleep
its to cold in the white snow
bed all day now the suns low
still on the same thoughts from years ago
oh gosh i should let it go

too fast (ft. boxedcat) [desolent]

meh

blood stained shirt yeah you know how it goes
i only get violent if they push me ‘till i blow
if you run now i’ll be better when youre home
if you leave now, itll be safer when youre home
at 23 will u still remember me
ill be gone evenmtually
for now i gotta fix this on my own
promise it’s better if you go
dont watch the blood drip from my nose

say my mistakes dont define me
until they cause me pain and i start sprilaling out 
got these new ways to hide it
bury me with secrets, they’ll be safe no doubt
my bones are starting to rust
wipe away the dirt before i turn into dust
consuming my lungs
this place i won’t leave
all the bugs in my flesh
i’m rotting with leaves

there’s no place for me here
im fading out of your memories its clear
i got no one left to listen
i got no one left who will miss me

too fast (ft. boxedcat) [desolent]

inthesnow

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