Song written about a near death experience we had in an onion shaped tent on a hill outside of Terilingua in May of 2021.

Spoken intro - 
I’m gonna’ tell you the moral of the story right now
Instead of waiting for the end of this song
Some of you have short attention spans
And may not wait around that long

Chorus - 
The moral of the story is pretty simple
And not that difficult to sing
Never rent an onion shaped tent
On a hill above Teriing
During the months of March and April
When the desert winds of spring
Might…just…kill..you

Verse - 
My friend Mark was a shrink
Spent years keeping Texans straight
When it was time to retire
We went west to celebrate

We took our wives to Big Bend
To enjoy that sweet desert air
Wanted to stay someplace different
We all said “We don’t care where”

So I logged into AirBnB
Starting searching for a place
When I found the Otters Den
Couldn’t wipe the smile from my face

Had to drive up a rocky road
The engine groaned, the wheels spun
When we finally got to the top
Our onion was bathed in the setting sun

It was really quite the sight
Wide at the bottom with a tall thin spine
Two queen beds on a Persian rug
It was pretty posh inside!

We sat at the picnic table
Drinking wine and enjoying the stars
I told Mark it was his special day
“You don’t know how lucky you are!”

Around midnight we headed for the tent
Crawled into our soft warm beds
Kissed our wives goodnight
And thanked the gods for our sweet spread (chorus)

A few hours later we heard a sound
Like bombs going off during war
The pole holding up our onion 
Was shaking like the hammer of  Thor

We feared the onion would collapse
And the canvas would engulf us 
We would die upon that Persian rug
Pummeled by endless gusts 

I took command and shouted 
“Let’s all make a run for the truck!"
In our underwear we raced 
Through the sand and the dust 

When we got inside the truck
I locked all the doors
Held my wife’s hand and prayed
“Please Jesus, spare this Ford”

I think I heard Mark weeping
“I just retired and this is my fate
Who rented this goddamn onion
And can we get a rebate!”

In the morning we awoke 
Wiped the sand from all the windows
Saw the onion was still standing 
Felt new hope as the sun rose

I told Mark it was a sign
We could have died but did not
His retirement would be long and happy
But next time we’re renting a yacht! (chorus)

© 2023 P&D Studios, All Rights Reserved 
peteranddebbiestudios.com

Tales of Topographic Texas

Dodging Death In The Desert

Tall Texas tale about the night I was asked to play the accordion at a Quince and I turned briefly into Flaco J.

“Here, Hold My Accordion”
March 2023

Verse 1 -
It was a steamy night in South Texas
The sound of Tejano filled the air
It was my niece’s Quinceanera 
And everyone was there

I was supposed to be the DJ
Playing music was my gift
But at the last moment I was told
“We need to talk about this

We’ve hired a local band
Because that’s the way it’s done here
But you can spin your music
During breaks when they’re drinking beer”

At first I was offended
Was a little angry and a little hurt
I’d just purchased this groovy
 “Kiss Me I’m the DJ” shirt

Verse 2 -
But once the party started 
I put all that stuff aside
Seeing my niece as a young woman
Filled me with so much pride

During the first break I played
3 songs while the band went out back
And then during the second break 
I played 5 more from the rack

During the third break I was afraid
Maybe they’d taken another gig
And when they finally appeared 
My relief it was so big

The band looked a little wobbly
Their eyes were glassy and red
The guitar player was sweating
 And the drummer looked dead

Verse 3 - 
They asked me to stick around
While they started their next set
And then I heard the words
That I would never forget

“Hey friend, hold my accordion
While I go out back and rest
Just press this button and squeeze
And then press this one next”

I thought “Why the hell not?“
I could fake it for a while
But that damn thing was so heavy 
And really not my style

I played the best I could
But that song went on so long
Then they started another one
And my playing was all wrong

Verse 4 -
Then they started dancing
With complex synchronized steps
The weight of that huge instrument
Started hurting my biceps

One song turned into another
The room began spinning ‘round
But somehow that accordion
Began to make a beautiful sound (instrumental)

Verse 5 - 
At one point I dropped to my knees
Flung that big box in the air
Caught it without missing a note
Or messing up my hair

The accordion player came back
Said “It’s me again so hand that over here””
I said, “Sorry pal, I’m keeping this beast
But you can hold my beer!”

Spoken Outro -
Yeah, I’m keeping this accordion
But you can hold my beer..

© 2023 P&D Studios, All Rights Reserved peteranddebbiestudios.com

Here, Hold My Accordion

Song describing the hot night in July when I marched with the cast of Mamma Mia in the San Antonio Pride parade.

Verse 1 - 
Saturday night and the air is hot
Our group is ready but the parade is not
The guy with the clipboard is losing his mind
When he turns his head, someone moves up the line

The cast of Mamma Mia is marching in stride
Singing and dancing in support of Pride
Mr. Inflatable Unicorn is starting to sway
It’s so damn hot clothes are peeling away


Chorus - 
We are the drama queens
Marching with the dancing queens
It’s such a San Antonio scene
Should be on the silver screen 

Verse 2 - 
The cast of the show is young and wild
Folks along the route are just oozing style
We have to stop every 5 minutes or so
To pump up the beat for the traveling disco
 
The folks from ABBA should be pretty proud
Knowing we’re playing their music good and loud 
We cross the rainbow bridge and the crowd screams
The glow sticks wave and the glitter gleams (chorus) 

Verse 3 - 
In a few hours the march starts to slow
We see abandoned floats all over the road
The parade walkers have all done their time
Ready to hit the bars and start to shine 

The guy with the clipboard has a drink in his hand
Talking to a guy who’s pretty and tan
There’s confetti and clothing all over the street
And the song “Dancing Queen” is still on repeat (chorus)

© 2023 P&D Studios, All Rights Reserved 
peteranddebbiestudios.com

Dancing With The Dancing Queens

Song written about how I kept losing my son while he was growing up.

Chorus
Forgive me father for I have sinned
I have a son and I keep losing him
The problem is Texas is such big and noisy state
And I’m always taking him to car shows and oyster bakes

Intro - 
I see something interesting and start to stare
And then suddenly my son’s not there
My wife is furious and threatens a divorce
And we spend hours looking for him of course
We always find him, that’s a saving grace
But we always find him in the strangest place…

Verse 1
In November San Antonio has a big ol’ car show
And even though I have one already, I always wanna go
Love chatting with the demo dollies and checking out the rides
One year I was told, “You can go, but keep him at your side…”
There were so many cars to see on that day
The exhaust fumes and the perfumes were blowing me away
At one point I looked down at the end of my hand
And Oh my God, it was something I had never planned 
He wasn’t there
Again

He somehow walked to the parking garage across Commerce Street
Where his Sunday school teacher saw him and called security
He arrived in a squad car with its blue lights flashing with the biggest grin on his face (chorus)
    
Verse 2
I enjoy the annual Texas Renaissance Fest
I like the food and the music, but I love the belly dancers the best
One year I was sitting in the front row watching the ladies do their thing
The sun was dazzling overhead and so was all that bling
I’m not sure it if was all that beer or that middle eastern vibe
But before you knew it, yeah you guessed it, my mind began to glide 
I was sure my son was next to me but then the time began to pass
When I looked down where he was supposed to be all I saw was grass 
Yeah, I had lost him
Again

My wife was pretty angry and almost shot me then and there
After searching the grounds for hours, we found him with a bear
Yeah, he was sitting next to the live bear with the biggest grin on his face (chorus)
 
Verse 3
One year I headed west with a new truck and the fam
To go see Boquillas on the mighty Rio Grande
We paid a dollar to be paddled across the rolling waves
On the other side burros would carry us the rest of the way
“Just one dollar each amigo, and you can ride up that hill
On the back of a real Mexican donkey - it will be quite the thrill
Well, I started watching a seniorita gleaming in the sun
And before I knew it, my son’s burro had started to run
He ran into the reeds until he was way out of view
I told the donkey guy, “That’s my son! What are we gonna do”
He just smiled and said, “5 dollars my friend, and I’ll go get him for you!” 
Yeah, I had lost him
Again

My wife looked at me with eyes that would melt titanium
I paid the fiver and soon the boy returned my son
He arrived on the back of a braying burro with the biggest grin on his face (chorus)

© 2023 P&D Studios, All Rights Reserved
http://peteranddebbiestudios.com

I Keep Losing My Son

True story about the cursed truck I bought for my 60th birthday.

Camión Diablo (The Devil Truck)
April 2023

Chorus - 
The year that I turned 60
I went just a little mad
I felt age creeping up on me
And it made me a little sad
So I bought I truck I didn’t need
With money I didn’t have

Well, we all make mistakes
And this wasn’t my first
But of all the mistakes I’ve made
This one has been the worst
Because you see my friends
The truck I bought was cursed

Verse 1 - 
I took the truck to San Antonio
To meet Felipe for lunch	
I was driving down 281
When I heard a little crunch

I was enjoying all the features
That I really didn’t need
Like a rear bed view camera 
And air-conditioned seats

Two kids playing Fast and Furious
Were racing across the lanes
One of them hit me from the right
Then took off like a rocket flame

I waited 2 hours for the cop
And when he finally came
I told him I’d had the truck for a week
And he said,”That’s quite a shame”

No, officer, it was Camión Diablo, The Devil Truck… (chorus)

Verse 2 -
A month later I’m driving the Hill Country
Late on a Saturday night
Lighting flashing all around me
Something didn’t feel right

I head the sound of gunshots
Everything turned white
Hail started pounding my new truck
And everything else in sight

The windshield cracked, the sunroof shattered
Baseballs bounced off the hood
Rain poured through the hole in the roof
I knew that wasn’t good

When the hail finally stopped
And I was able to get home
I surveyed the cracked and broken glass
And the dents in all the chrome

Yes, once again, it was Camión Diablo, The Devil Truck… (chorus)

Outro -
No mister insurance adjuster, I don't need a body shop...I need a Curandera...because this truck is cursed!  (fade)

© 2023 P&D Studios, All Rights Reserved
http://peteranddebbiestudios.com

Here, Hold My Accordion

Peter Ray

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