I can't podcast 'cause I hurt my arm
I can't get a fish I don't have a barn
I can't drive my truck 'cause my bike has a flat
I can't pet your turtle I'm allergic to cats
I can't go skiing I forgot my snorkel
I can't go pee must've broke my corn hole
I can't tie my shoes 'cause my forehead's sweaty
I can't make a sandwich 'cause I'm outta spaghetti

I'm the Mexican Samuel Jackson - Glass
Bones shatter I'll get fatter stuck here sitting on my ass
Sean can be my Bruce Willis wanna know my true feelings?
I'm committing more self-harm than depressed women
But I don't use a razor to slice my thighs
My weapon of choice? Light exercise
It's a cry for help 'cause I find myself
More and more every week wanting to fire myself
Out of a cannon and into the sun as my patrons' funds 
Take a permanent vacation inflation sucks!
It affects my bottom line which affects how many lines
I can buy and I find it's nice to find the time
To just unwind and by "just unwind" I mean just unwind
All meat inside my arm it's all up fucked like Chris the Kiwi
So now I need a week to lie in bed and touch my weenie

I walked my dog and I broke my foot
I sat in a chair and I broke my tush
I held a sign and I broke my head
Falling apart like a zombie from The Walking Dead
I got a boner and I broke my dick
I swatted a fly and I broke my wrist
I put on shoes and I broke my toes
Then I got 3rd degree burns 'cause I made some toast

Everybody's body's different mine is like a Christmas cracker
Designed to snap and then after you find out the junk inside barely works
Every day I get out of bed and everything really hurts 
Just listen to these voicemails! They're giving me a hard time
Why guys? Not nice :( don't you realize my
Arm bone's connected to my being in the zone bone
Oh no arm broke guess I'll be a no show
No show this week I feel too weak also woozy too much boozing
Bowling's hard don't body shame me fellas and I can't even sun tan man I forgot my umbrella

And now Jim says that I'm fakin' and that Ethan's made of bacon 
And his skin is thin and frying eating pills while also crying
But I promise I'm not lying it's just every day I'm trying
To speed up the process of accidentally dying

Bowling + crosswords shit got crazy
Forgot to let the ball go whoopsie daisy 
Now my arm lumps aren't where they're supposed to be
"Bring that first aid kit and keep it close to me!"
I brushed my teeth and I broke my face
Kicked a ball broke my leg
It hurts and I am NOT OKAY
This Sunday I'll fall down the stairs to my basement 
I've been saving up my Bitcoin for the hip replacement

See you next Tuesday until then you can find me
Double-fisting beer and jerking off at the same time we
Need to be kind to our bodies they're temples
Hey honey could you pick me up a wheelchair rental?
I fell down broke my spine just putting my pants on
I can't move been lying here through this entire damn song
Podcast benefits can't be beaten
I take one sick day get a two week weekend

I can't buy groceries I don't have fleas
I can't take a shower I don't have geese
I hurt all night and I hurt all day
My bones consist of paper mache

I can't bake a pie I'm not Darth Vader
I can't go swimming without my cheese grater
No I can't take the trash out I have a drippy faucet
And I can't believe you can't believe this Masterson logic

I zipped my fly and my balls got caught
I put on gloves and my skin peeled off
I choked to death on a single pea
I broke my teeth on very soft cheese

I tapped my foot and I broke my heel
I dropped rat poison in my meal
I waved hello and blew out my elbow
What can I say? I'm a fragile fellow

I wrote a note and I gouged my eyes
How the hell am I alive?
I pet my dog and I broke my scrotum
Stabbed myself playing Texas Hold 'Em

I shook your hand and I broke my hand
It hurts so much I can't even stand
I'm just a man who keeps getting injuries
Biggest klutz in Mexican history

(instrumental stolen from Matronix -Got To Have Your Love)

No Show

come get yall juice

Urine on my mattress but it isn't mine though
Came out of my cat, when she had her fucking mind blown
Holes in my sweatpants crotch but it's fine though
These are really comfy, I'll still wear them to the live show

If you come to my apartment, you'll be shocked, that's certain
See me pooping while I'm peeking through this toilet curtain
Wash your hands all you'd like, just help yourself
To the vintage bodywash on that moldy shelf

Err, "window sill" eh, you know what I meant
I could have had a nice house with the money I've spent 
On these video games, I have stacks and stacks
Wanna chill? I could tell you about fast food facts

Fuck a fast food fast, let's have a fast food bash!
We'll get this fast food maxed with my fast food hacks
I reach over, steal a fry, that's my fast food tax
Wendy Thomas looking fly, want that fast food vag

Missing's cat? Dead. Buried in fast food trash
Watch out, my couch is filled with fast food gas
Plus some poop skidmarks from the last dude's ass
Yeah, I found it in an alley but it's not too bad

What's a few bed bugs, or a few old scabs?
Maybe two cum stains from a homeless man? 
Yeah I know I should wash it but I don't think that I will
I have an already late Indigogo to shill 

Many irons in the fire, but none on my shirts
Praise be to Ronald I'm going to McChurch
And I'm working on my book, you see I'm also a writer
Designing new plushies had to pull an all-nighter

Roaches in my Playstation, ugh I fucking hate them
Glimmer in my eye, bath water in my vape pen
Q-Tip in my cats, is it so bad that I rape them?
"Yeah, that's fucked up" pfft OKAY THEN *eye roll*

"Wash yourself Vito" What are you retarded?
I take a shower and come out dirtier than I started!
You say you guys hate boomers? Well then you should show me mad love
Covid-19 originated in my bathtub 

XBOX, kiosk! Guys, should I buy it? 
I need to stop hoarding, it's hard but I'm tryin'
Twitter poll Thumbnail A or B I need to know
Which should I use for my suicide video?

I'm on the brink, I'm on the brink
My diet, attitude and apartment stink
Just look at these pictures, I'm living in this chaos
No wonder I'm always talking about blowing my head off

Fuck off with your kind words and diet tips to lose weight
I don't need your help I had a soda water Tuesday
To wash down a pizza, Big Mac and two cakes
Didn't really work though, I'm still not feeling too great

I wanna do a cooking show, can I use your kitchen dude?
Mine is no good the sink it clogged up with sebum goo
I don't smell bad, Dick, it's all in your head
Look at this lizard rotting under my bed!

I'm on the brink, I'm on the brink
"Is this a cry for help?" DUH what do you think?!
Look at my apartment, I'm living in this chaos
No wonder I'm always talking about blowing my head off

Cameo by Edgeboy
Instrumental used: Terrorist by Nucleus

The Brink

Fresh Prince Of Neon Genesis

Bayonetta Booty Drop

"MSHP: The RWBY Mashup Album" is OUT NOW!!
https://zachcg.bandcamp.com/album/mshp-volume-1

Roseabout (To Be Continued...)

Sanketsu's never gonna fight again
This guilty blood has got no rhythm

RIP George. 

YouTube: https://youtu.be/pLUAsZsROS0

Songs Used:
"Careless Whisper" by George Michael
"Gomen ne, Iiko ja Irarenai" by Miku Sawai

Kill-less Whisper [KLK x George Michael]

Mashup by saltstryder.

Follow the salt on
Soundcloud: www.soundcloud.com/saltstryder
Youtube: www.youtube.com/saltstryder
Instagram: saltstryder

Parappa The Rapper ft. Chop Chop Master Onion -  Gucci Gang

your type

i've never played jet set radio but this is how i imagine the entire soundtrack will sound in my head

Tracks:
Jet Set Radio - Sneakman
Ludacris - How Low / Get Back / Roll Out / Come And See Me / Warning (Intro)

The Brink

Hidden Kenolli

Recent comments

Hannes Åhlin

Related tracks