written & recorded 6/5/24

lyrics
you fall asleep with your clothes on 
I tuck you in, I took your coat
I breeze exams, you take me out
I draw new lines over your mouth 
is this the heaven they talked about?
is this as good, is there more to find out?
you whip desire, so sharp and ripe 
into my brain, my tilted mind

please don’t go 
I know I know
I’m not strong enough 
to go to go on

you work with books, I bend my spine 
in gym classes, in metronomic time 
I let my tears fall on every score 
you take the train to an old shore
is this the hell they warned me of?
is this the worst? Is there worse to come?
to be a footnote or a footprint 
his life is marked but continuing 

please don’t go 
I know I know
I’m not strong enough 
to go to go on

the pain will dull to a soft ache 
in a couple months, maybe I won’t wake 
thinking you’re still here, it was all a dream 
pinch me now say it isn’t real 
it isn't real

please, don’t go

inside me, written 26/5/24, recorded 31/5/24

losing my mind! <3


lyrics
you can’t find the words and
I can’t find the will
to feel anger as sharp as I did
your face is pressed to our
pink mattress and to the back of
my eyelids 
it’s as easy as breathing 
to get lost in each other 
I come for more and yet less
than before 
your hold on my waist and my soul

and you were inside me then 
and babe you still are 
I performed every rite and ritual
still I can’t shake your ghost
still I can hear your voice 
calling to me crystal clear 
when I turn around 
you’re not here

we move in circles 
around the same city
the space is ballooning each day
I wonder can anyone 
see all the ties pulling 
me down and back and away and around and 
I kiss my black ceiling 
with sighs every evening 
this room knows the sound of your name
in my mouth 
it recalls all the love we made here 

The poet looks back and the world falls away 
The muse was a trick of the light anyway
Your spectre takes form in the shadow the shade 
The call came from inside, the sound rings on inside
I know the ending but knowledge is not the same as faith 

you were inside me then and babe you still are
all of my love sick hope all of my doubt
still it won’t change a thing, still I can’t write you out
a shift in the air 
one day you’ll turn around and I won’t be there

inside me

ex, written & recorded 7/6/24

lyrics
is it harder to love me
or is it harder to lose me?
is it hardest to be my ex?

your endless denial 
my distance, my time
you underline, I draw an x

there it is
all it has become 
is the weakest shadow
of all it ever was

all I’ll say 
is whatever that is
I don’t think it exists 
I don’t think it exists anymore 

how did we die with such a silence?
how was it over without a fight?
I would have burned the world to have a climax 

am I important now I’m gone?
am I in focus now it’s all wrong?
all it took was everything to ex 

there it is
all it has become 
is the weakest shadow
of all it ever was

all I’ll say 
is whatever love is
I don’t think it exists 
I don’t think it exists anymore 

you would tense up in the presence
of my eager aching body
is it better to be my ex?

I would bloom in every colour 
at the whisper of your love
and then you went from everything to ex
everything to ex

all i would give, written & recorded 22/7 

lyrics

every little bit of me calls to you
can you hear the sound?
can you hear the sound?
running, air sweet in my lungs, through our town
i think of you
oh i think of you

all i would do just to be with you, with you
all i would give, all i did, all i lost, all you took
did i push you away? maybe everything was already wrong
so wrong so we're better off but
all i would give
all i'd do
all i did

every little bit of me remembers you
in the wet warmth of june 
in the softness of morning
soon i'll pack up all my things and i'll go
will i find peace in the far east?

all i would do just to be with you, with you
all i would give just to kiss you one more time
to be your wife
i thought my love was a sacred thing, did it mean nothing to you?
i thought you were the one, now i know not to believe 
in childhood dreams, they aren't true
still
all i would give
all i'd do
all i did

every little bit of me calls to you
can you hear the sound?
can you hear the sound?

all i would give

the cherry, written and recorded 26/8/24

finally, a hopeful one!

lyrics

sweet like the cherry
your open lips
warm as the dying summer
the perfect drying weather 
the weight of my broken heart
not that it lifts 
but maybe it shifts 
finds a new place to sit
to the back a bit
make room for other things 
like kissing for kissing’s sake 
like frosting a birthday cake
and singing all out of key
music for music’s sake 
not just filling another day
moving with some relief

just like the summer breezed in
winter will freeze over 
just as the spring sprang up
autumn will fall
and here I am, through it all

cold like the melting ice 
afloat in my glass of wine
cool fingers on your face 
imagine how good I’ll taste
under the unfolding dawn
how nice to sit up and talk 
without much to go off
there’s so much to learn 
ill daydream on the way home 
of long streets, a new place to roam
it may seem like the simple things
and maybe that’s troubling 
but im too full of something new 
as sparkling as morning dew
to take any notice
oh what comes into focus 
oh what could come 

just like the summer breezed in
winter will freeze over 
just as the spring sprang up
autumn will fall
and here I am, through it all

a hit of his old cologne 
takes me right down again 
back to April again 
back to our bitter end 
and worse to our lovely middle
the doting, the ever gentle 
oh how tough to feel this much 
but how good to feel this much 
to know that I can 
to know what I am 
a white light with hidden hues
the cherry, the morning dew

the cherry

that was your sign, written and recorded 28/1/24

you cried at the cinema
I caught all your tears for examination
you slammed the gate and it made a dent
I know cause I went back to check
feet planted, hands in your chest
I'm digging, I'm desperate 
your watery shape against the big light
I close my eyes

and that was your sign
that was your in
that was your signal
to save it
and honey that was your chance
can I press unmute? 
can I get just one word? 
if three won't do
if three won't do

I had a dream in your arms last night
you were floating up into the blue 
I saw myself stretch up as far as I could
but the full of me couldn't reach the start of you
is there depth to you I'll never know?
is there a part of you I'll never touch?
you sweep my hair in a helpless way
I hear my heart stop

and that was your sign
that was your in
that was your signal
to save it
and honey that was your chance
can I press unmute? 
can I get just one word? 
if three won't do
in my head there's a script and when that moment comes
I'm just about to turn away and then you catch my arm
pull me in with the kiss of a starving man
who would rather do anything than let me go mad
you say all of the right things, the words press on my heart
how crazy you are for me, how I turn you on
and whatever it is, we can work something out
cause I love you
I love you

that was your sign (demo)

written/recorded on the 12/1/25

perfume soaked 
a little drunk 
glossy lips 
and dewy makeup 
all the tiny ways 
I try to impress 
all my tiny movements
my careful dress 
he wouldn’t notice 
no he wouldn’t care 
what a tragic effort 
what a sad affair 
but I’ll hold fast to his scent
I’ll grip tight the image 
he’s already gone 
im already mourning 

it’s so hard to be cold
when im not cold in my bones 
all of this to say 
whatever 

does he cry at movies
does he love his father
does his heart make sounds 
before his head can follow 
did he sleep so soundly 
in my pale pink sheets
did his dreams linger
did he dream of me
all the goodness i used to feel 
flowing through the world 
from my head to heel
it bursts to nothing 
as his whisper dies
im just a person 
im just a night 

it’s easy to be cold 
when i feel it in my bones 
all of this to say 
it doesn’t matter 
whatever

whatever

written 6/4/25, recorded 21/4/25

lyrics:

it's friday, i am changing
you are open like a daisy
full sun beaming, get a pastry
sweetness painting my pink mouth

it's early, i am waking
your shirt open, full heart gaping
my thoughts sifting like the flour 
in my baking, like a daisy

i like indulgence in a good thing
can't resist a cosmic offering 
i'll take hot days strung through april
take the berry, take the bagel
i'll take you

i make space for all the nice stuff
take the day off, put the feet up 
i like dates in a dessert or 
in a pub with tiny lights on
i like floating through a dark space
i like falling for a bright face 
i like picking for my pleasure 
fill my pockets with white flowers
i pick you

it's sunday, i am smiling
melted butter, dandelion
the summer is emerging
you are mine

it's friday, i am changing

written 13/2/25

take your finger off my pulse
your imprint on my mind is outlined
god i swear i could come just from 
your dirty words
echoed long after your exit
does it fit right?
do you long into the night 
to be on top of me?
am i top of your mind?

or what if all i get's unanswered texts,
the smell of sex on my bed?
what if all i want's to be your little girlfriend?
is that all i'm good for, to feed an ego 
so big in such a small man?
too scared to call it what it is
to name me what i am
imagine

i wear my low-rise jeans
will you take them off me?
no, i focus hard on the next words you say
some story about your family and it's cute
oh, i want you, it's desperate, i'm screwed
do i feel good?
and do you dream
in stolen looks, flashes of me
all naked in your arms?

or what if all i get's unanswered texts,
the smell of sex on my bed?
what if all i want's to be your little girlfriend?
is that all i'm good for, to feed an ego 
so big in such a small man?
too scared to call it what it is
to name me what i am

what if all you get's my full attention,
like hot sun on your skin?
what if all you give's way less than adequate?
is this all we'll ever be, a bitter memory
that flits through my head when i'm with him
too scared to call you, to bother with it
i'm too scared to love you, just imagine
imagine, imagine

imagine i double-texted, called my ex
to recall why i hate men
imagine i asked for adjectives, is that embarrassing?
tell me that i'm gorgeous
and all my friends raise eyebrows at all your pictures, 
maybe you're just tall
and after all this you're half-listening, 
i'm not kidding, it's all happened before

all i got was the total loss of all my faith in men
all you gave was awful head
and that's all we'll ever be, a funny story i tell the girls at brunch
your entire legacy distilled into one of my silly songs
are you cold now out of my gaze you were bathing in?
ain't it sad how all of my love was just imagined
imagined, imagined


imagine

a place for demos & loose ends & bits & bobs!

that was your sign (demo)

milo

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