punch of feelings

amnesia

I was just a kid but I learned much too fast  
Found the internet way too young a scar that would last 
And you know that I hate thinking someone else did this to me
But I had all the resources because of your enabling
And sometimes I wonder if I didn’t hurt so bad 
Would I have been more lovable to my mom and my dad 
And if I went back in time to see six year old me
Id say this shit does not get better this is who you’re meant to be and

I am a monster so you say
I do this on purpose anyway 
I need to feel this pain so I can
I try to crawl away when you say my name 
Hold me down and scream at me
You say this is where I deserve to be 
So keep pretending that you love me
And I’ll believe you although you never show it to me

“Wow you’re such a quiet kid” they all would say to me
Don’t call me an old soul when I’m just unhappy 
You treated me like an adult when I was still so young
 You ask what you did wrong but you fucking knew it all along
I know that I was difficult or I knew that’s how you felt
I was told that I was selfish when I needed fucking help 
I remember when I lied to you I ran away and hid
You didn’t have to hurt me I was just a little kid
I was just a little kid 
I am still a little kid 

I am a monster so you say
I do this on purpose anyway 
I need to feel this pain so I can
I try to crawl away when you say my name 
Hold me down and scream at me
You say this is where I deserve to be 
So keep pretending you love me
And I’ll believe you, I’ll believe you 

I am a monster so you say
I do this on purpose anyway 
I need to feel this pain so I can
I try to crawl away when you say my name 
Hold me down and scream at me
You say this is where I deserve to be 
So keep pretending you love me
I’ll believe you but you’ll never show it to me

it’s my party and i’ll cry if i want to

b.morris