Rich in nuances, energetic, shady, dynamic, melancholic...

Enigmatic and melancholic mood...brilliant composition Kerstin !

Ever wondered what would happen if you combined David Bowie's "Ashes to Ashes", with Britney Spear's "Hit me baby one more time"? Ha Ha! Well if you weren't before, then surely you are now? Here is my original take on interspersing these two iconic songs played by a band & me fronting the outfit on keyboards & lead vocals. Enjoy!!

Baby Ashes

It has been a difficult year with no end in sight. It used to be easy to ignore what was going on in the world and stay in your pretend bubble if you wanted to. we need to face reality and stop pretending our lives will go back to what we thought they were. I am trying to figure out how to write happy music but when I sit down and improvise what I am feeling it is sadness that comes out. Sadness for people dying who didn't have to. Sadness for people who chose to listen to opinions instead of searching for truth. Sadness for those who became orphans at every age. Sadness that my great grandchildren won't experience the carefree youth I had because so much has been, and is being destroyed in the name of profit. That is what this music is saying. Nothing will be the same again.

I spend much of this summer where I was unable to record anything I played. This is the first music I have uploaded in several months

Pretending All Is Right Tonight

UPDATE:  Right before Christmas 2023 The Gift of Life organization that handles transplant donors and recipients finally decided that the family of my for and I could personally communicate with each other. We had filled out 2 sets of forms asking to be able to talk. This took too long. I finally know who gave me life! His name is Neal. I'll keep the last name private. 

He has three young adult children. His death was sudden and unexpected after having severe pain in his head. I had a long talk with their mother Connie who told me about Neal and his children. Two of his children are musicians, one who has released albums. Best of all, except for one son, they live only a two hour drive from me in Pa. This connection has made all of us happy. Neal lives on in me. There is so much that never would have happened without this gift of life to me.
***************

Ten years ago I had a liver transplant. They never tell you who donated it because of privacy issues but you can write a letter and give it to your transplant co-ordinator to pass on to them and they can contact you if they want to. I didn't do that. The first couple years were touch and go for me and I was in and out of the hospital quite a bit. The years that followed were rough. The medicine I have to take causes cancer and I had more surgeries for that. Liver disease caused my bones to be brittle and I've broken quite a few. But about a year ago my drs said that whatever I die from it won't be my liver. It is functioning very well. The man who gave me his liver has a family. Hopefully their grieving causes them less pain. I wanted to write music for him, for them that expressed my emotions at having ten years of life I came close to not having. My doctors told me I would not have lived another two weeks before I would have gone into a coma. I would have missed my grandchildren growing up and three great grandbabies being born and a fourth on it's way.  I would have not recorded 100 pieces of music as my legacy to future generations. Not a day has gone by that I have not thought about this man. He checked the box 'organ donor' on his drivers license. We rarely know when the end is coming. We need to appreciate every day we have. If he could only now see through my eyes. ❤️

If You Could See Through My Eyes

A little dark, a little sinistre, a little disturbing. Just how you feel when you meet  two different faces in the same person.

In case you'd like to watch the video: https://youtu.be/PcptJ9HhJgs

Two Faces

In the Evening

Keep On Fierce Fight

Toulouse is a short, melodic waltz which explores feelings of joy, sorrow, and nostalgia. I began writing it on a trip to France when I met my family for the first time; it was a beautiful experience that inspired this song.

Toulouse

Stream on Spotify

One of my best friends ended up in a closed psychiatric ward a few years ago after a psychotic episode. He stayed there for a total of eight months. And I visited him there almost every week. 
I met doctors and nurses there who lovingly and empathetically cared for the mentally ill people on the ward. 
Nevertheless, despite all the commitment, the feeling remained that the patients were often separated from the helpers by an invisible wall. That the patients lived in a world which remained to a large extent strange and incomprehensible to the doctors, nurses and also relatives (as it did for me as the best friend). 
This basic feeling gave the impulse for the title of this song and the following lyrics. 

You don‘t know them

They sit under the water tap
The dull madness is reflected in their face

They have been declared insane 
Deflowered and dishonoured

Locked in a darkroom
With the label „Not worth living“

Their language is as a word salad
Banished to the madhouse

And I yell at them:
You commit slander against them
You degrade them to slaughter cattle
And again and again and again I scream:

You don't know them!

They were sent to the desert ice 
Far from the divine circle of life

Even as a child they were abandoned 
In their soul indelibly wounded

Their parents have turned away, 
They have never known this scum

The community sits at the table of gifts 
High shut, doors closed.

And I yell at them:
You commit slander against them
You degrade them to slaughter cattle
And again and again and again I scream
And again and again and again I scream
And again and again and again I scream:
You don't know them!

Einer meiner besten Freunde landete vor einigen Jahren nach einem psychotischen Schub in der geschlossenen Psychiatrie. Insgesamt acht Monate blieb er dort. Und ich besuchte ihn dort fast jede Woche. 
Ich begegnete dort Ärzten und Pflegern, die sich liebevoll und einfühlsam um die psychisch kranken Menschen auf der Station kümmerten. 
Dennoch blieb bei allem Engagement das Gefühl zurück, dass die Patienten häufig eine unsichtbare Wand von den Helfern trennte. Dass die Patienten in einer Welt lebten, die zu einem guten Teil für die Ärzte, Pfleger und auch Angehörigen (wie für mich als bester Freund) fremd und unverstehbar blieb. 
Dieses Grundgefühl gab den Anstoß für den Titel dieses Songs und den darauf basierenden Text.

Ihr kennt sie nicht

Sie sitzen unterm Wasserhahn
Im Gesicht spiegelt sich der dumpfe Wahn

Man hat sie verrückt erklärt, 
Entjungfert und entehrt

In einer Dunkelkammer eingesperrt
Mit dem Etikett nicht lebenswert

Ihre Sprache wird als Wortsalat
In das Irrenreich verbannt

Und ich schrei sie an:
Ihr rufmordet sie 
Ihr degradiert sie zum Schlachtvieh
Und wieder und wieder schrei ich:
Ihr kennt sie nicht!

Man schickte sie ins Wüsteneis 
Weit entfernt vom göttlichen Lebenskreis

Schon als Kind hat man sie ausgesetzt, 
In der Seele unauslöschbar verletzt

Ihre Eltern haben sich abgewandt 
Diesen Abschaum haben sie doch nie gekannt

Die Gemeinschaft sitzt am Gabentisch 
Hochgeschlossen, Türen zu

Und ich schrei sie an:
Ihr rufmordet sie 
Ihr degradiert sie zum Schlachtvieh
Und wieder und wieder schrei ich
und wieder und wieder schrei ich
und wieder und wieder schrei ich:
Ihr kennt sie nicht!

You don`t know them

You Don´t Know Them

Tricky

I enjoy composing piano pieces. My music is recorded acoustically without any further mixing or mastering.
I'll be happy about any comment, like or follow.

Two Faces

Kerstin'S

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