Lyrics:

I get anxious every single time I smoke marijuana
It's a character flaw, if I could choose, don't think I'd wanna
Be the one to kill the vibe
Ask for someone else to drive
Wishing that I could change, but I ain't got no money on me.

Cuz I'm broke as shit
Yeah, weed's all I can afford
I can't go grocery shopping no more, so that's sick
I got Red Eyes, Dry Mouth Panic
Red Eyes, Dry Mouth Panic

Hate being late to things, don't like to be the one that's tardy
Just trynna find my seat, feel everybody's eyes upon me
Known to lose the track of time
Can't leave before I get high
Wishing that I could change, but now I'm 30 minutes too late

Yeah I'm late as shit
So I'll just sit outside the door, go home and smoke a little more's my habit
Til I get Red Eyes, Dry Mouth Panic
Red Eyes, Dry Mouth Panic

My doctors tells me I should change
I say, "No Way!
Cuz it helps me...sometimes"

There's something beautiful 'bout being around all your buddies
Passing around the glass things all while you're getting giggly
Contemplating about life, talking all throughout the night
Never want it to change cuz they're my favorite memories

When we get high as shit
Somehow I found a family, and they know how to take care of me when I'm sick
They calm my Red Eyes, Dry Mouth Panic
When I get Red Eyes, Dry Mouth Panic

Red Eyes Dry Mouth Panic

In hindsight, all breakups are for the benefit of self and spiritual growth. The pain of those breakups somehow linger longer than the feelings ever did, and as a poet, I tend to capitalize on the memories I ruminate on. I wrote this song when I wasn't ready to let go of the feelings of heartbreak quite yet. It had been a staple of who I had been for years, and change is always hard. So this was me, calling myself out and burying the hatchet I had used on myself for too long.

Lyrics:
Some days I think of you
Though I know I don't know you anymore
Some days I wished I had never seen your face,
But it's better this way

Some days I think I see you
I've mistaken strangers once or twice in a crowded grocery aisle
And I don't know what I'd say if I had the chance
Probably run away with another plan
To somehow look you right in the eyes
And be honest with myself one more time

The city lights look good on you
I knew you'd fit in with the best
Our time together slipped right through,
So we should let it rest
But if I ever see you one more time
I hope you look at me and smile and say you're fine
Even if it's a lie

Even If It's a Lie

Even If It's A Lie

One of my favorite songs to sing with my friends before I moved. My take on it. Had to make it choral before the punk came in:)

Kids (Fright's Cover)

I was listening to The Staves' cover of I'm on Fire by Bruce Springsteen and their tuning was Open D, which I had never played in before. So, I tuned my guitar and the lyrics came naturally. Reminded me of being on a long road trip and being stuck in the car with people you love, awaiting the final destination and loving the views as you drive.

Lyrics:
Life on the road,
Ain't got much further to go but
I wanna watch the sun go down
You say your legs are tired
Stretch them for a while
As we watch the stars come out

Come, take me higher, take me higher
Just to let me down (2X)

31 Aug 2021

Take Me Higher

A duet between two people in a relationship. The first is ready to move forward. A lot of religious symbolism is used. The second verse, the second person, likes what they have and is scared to move forward at the pace of the first one. Because of this, the relationship breaks apart in a messy melted-candlewax-all-over-the-place kind of way.

Lyrics:
I'll show you all the colors you've never seen
Just take my hand, atop the alter, I'll plead
"I'll be your Holy Servant" 
I'm down on my knees and I'll deny every god
I take your lead, protecting me at all costs
Two candle wicks a-burnin' flames

Light me up, I'll take a hit
I told my mom and dad I quit
But lyin tastes good on my tongue
I can't show emotion
So I drown in an ocean of fears
While you're sitting right here
Watch you urging on the waves

Two Candles

A side of the white Christian churches you don't see until you leave

Lyrics:
If you love me, send me money
I don't care about the feelings that you
Say that you have for me
If you ever fucking loved me
Send me money
If you love me send me money

I don't care about your stupid prayers
I just wanna be a fucking billionare
Living my life the way I want to
While you're wasting away in a church pew

You could be out saving souls from their misery
But you horde the food you eat
Hide them in expensive sheets
Cuz I guess your camel's fitting through the eye

Our relationship's a transaction
So when you gonna cash in?

If you love me, send me money
I don't care about the feelings that you
Say that you have for me
If you ever fucking loved me
Send me money
If you love me, send me money

While your elder's out raping teens
You say you turn the other cheek
And now women are dying and starving 
Cuz you only care 'bout the cells in their tummies, unborn

You've never cared about the poor
But you like the healthcare only you can afford
You say you don't see color, but I
See your Jesus is always white

Like the bedsheets you put on every single night

If you love me, send me money
I don't care about the feelings that you
Say that you have for me
If you ever fucking loved me
Send me money
If you love me, send me money

You don't love me no more
(you never loved me, you never loved me)
You don't love me no more

Our relationship's a transaction
So when you gonna cash in?

Severance Pay

My grandmother has dementia and we got the call that she was close to the end, and I didn't really know how to feel about it. I never had the kind of relationship with her that all my friends seemed to have with their grandmas, but in the small amount of memories I have from my childhood that I shared with her, it was nice.  So I did what I do best: immortalize memories via music.


Lyrics:
Born a year before 1938
You can't remember what you weighed
You can't remember anything

Made best friends with the wild
An unruly child
I guess you passed down that trait

Listening to songs that you would sing that I had heard
And you would warn me about boys being flirts
And you'd ruffle up my hair and you'd sew up every tear that I would make

And I can stare at my reflection for days
Start to count the lines appearing on my face
But no matter what I do, I'd still never have enough time with you

The cakes that you'd make
Would put a smile on my face
No other food could recreate

Always sought to keep me safe
I swear you killed every snake 
Whenever I'd be out to play

And I can stare at my reflection for days
Twist my tongue around the funny words you'd say
But no matter what I do, I'd still never have enough time
And I can stare at my reflection for days
Over all the years we've lived, I have changed
But no matter what I do
I'd still never have enough time with you

Livingston

Went home for the first time after moving away. I had thought it would feel as chaotic as it did when I was a kid, afraid of every sound that was made, but it was only peace. It was strange. I was waiting for the fights and the yelling and none of it came. I realized that, while I had grown with the distance, so had my parents and my friends and the environment. They say you can't heal from the place that broke you, but going back after starting a healing journey just reminded me of all the good that truly was in my hometown. I left again with a different, lighter perspective of the place I had resided for so long and wrote a song about it.

Lyrics:
Going home ain't the hell it's always been
I figured out I kinda like the time that I spent
With my mother and all her conversation,
My father and the silence that he likes to sit within

And maybe it's just because I'm older
I'm no longer that selfish little kid that's scared as shit
And I know I've got more growing to do
But I'll be damned if I'm not thankful for the years I made it through

So I'll bleed and I'll heal
And I'll fix all of the things that's broken still
And I'll laugh and I'll cry
Cuz there's no way that I can slow the passing time
But with all of the things I realized

Going home ain't the hell it's always been
I figured out I kinda like the time that I spent
Biking on the sidewalks through the town
Walking with my bare feet on the ground

And maybe it's just because I'm grieving
The years  I fantisized about my leaving
And they say that hindsight's 20-20 vision
Didn't think I'd miss the town that I grew up in

So I'll bleed and I'll heal
And I'll fix all of the things that broken still
And I'll laugh and I'll cry
Cuz there's no way that I can slow the passing time
And with all of the things I realized
And all of the stores I had to drive by
The faces of the kids I graduated with
The graves of my two cats that brought me years of happiness
The cul-de-sac that I claim as my own
Will always feel like home

La de da going home
La de da going home

Roots

I find myself being afraid to take up my own space, so I live vicariously through the noises I hear outside the places I live.

Lyrics:
She plays her music volume ten and smokes her favorite cigarettes
Meanwhile I'm lounging on my bed, naked again, on the phone with
All of my out of state friends, pretending I don't miss them
If I hear laughter through the wall, ignore it all

All my loneliness creeping in again

But I like to think I'm part of it all
Separated by a wall
Even though I know I won't say a goddammed thing
So you'll never hear me give a noise complaint

She and her boyfriend fuck real loud
Sometimes I kinda like the sound
Of her pleasure screaming out his name
Is that strange?
Recently she's begun to sing way off key, Hozier on repeat
And I'm starting to think she might not be okay

All her loneliness creeping in again

But I like to think I'm part of it all
Separated by a wall
Even though I know I won't say a goddammed thing
I like to think I'm part of it all
Separated by a wall
Even though I know I won't say a goddammed thing
So you'll never hear me give a noise complaint

Cuz sometimes I play too loud
Sometimes I play too loud
Sometimes I sing too loud
Like I'm doing right now

But I like to think I'm part of it all
Separated by a wall
Even though I know I won't say a goddammed thing
I like to think I'm part of it all
Separated by a wall
Even though I know I won't say a goddammed thing
So you'll never hear me give a noise complaint

You won't ever hear me give a noise complaint
You won't ever hear me give a noise complaint

Noise Complaint

Wrote this song after watching Gossip Girl and wanting to become a fly on the wall of the rich elite of the Upper East Siders.

Lyrics:
Headin' off to New York City
Put the past behind me and leave right now
Cuz I got some bugs in my closet
From all the skeletons hanging 'round
I'll change my name and my number,
So don't call after I leave town
I'm headin' off to New York City, got my bags behind me
And leave right now 

And I know, but don't worry
I'll figure out a way that I can navigate around
And I know, but don't worry
You'll know how to reach me if you need me

I'm headin' off to New York City,
Where the lights are pretty and girls are too
I think I'll go get lost in Central Park,
Find a homeless man and learn a thing or two
I'll climb the stairs to a skyscraper,
So high I'm never coming down
I'm headin' off to New York City and my plane is landing now

And I know, but don't worry
I figured out a way that I can navigate around
And I know, but don't worry
I think that I've fallen in love now

I think I've fallen in love with New York City (2x)

XOXO

It's Wallowing Wednesday! And Red Taylor's Version comes out in two days so I'm in my heartbroken mode ready to sob.

Lyrics:
It's hard to see you finally happy
Without me goes unsaid, but I'm glad that you met
Someone who can keep you warm

February, spring came early whenever you'd hold my hand
Notes in secrecy, I just can't believe why this would have to end
May's appearing, life is getting scary, so I won't say I love you
Young and innocent, yet I still pretend we can make it through

So my heart breaks when you run away
Nothing I can do--I can't fix it for you
They say time can heal, but this won't

And my heart breaks when you ran away
Nothing I could do--I can't fix it for you
They say time can heal, but this won't

It's hard to see you happy
I wish you the best and I'm glad that you met
Someone who can keep you warm

Keep You Warm

I'm the person to fall in love quickly, so I always hold off on telling the other person. But, once they say it, it's like a Pandora's jar has been opened and I can't stop telling them. Until then...I bite my tongue.

Lyrics:
*Yeah, could we actually turn that up a little bit?*
I don't know if it's the vodka
Or bad advice from stupid friends
But baby girl I want ya to come home with me again
The way you make fun of my rosy cheeks
Saying that I'm drunk
I don't know how to tell you, but it feels a lot like love
The way we make it between the sheets
Tomorrow we could sleep in
And you could read a good book
I could run you bath,
We'd watch a movie or two
And we'd snuggle...cuz that's my favorite part,
Laying in your arms
I don't ever wanna lose this lazy Sunday kinda feeling
The way you warm me up I wanna scream it to the ceiling
I, I wanna, I wanna say...but

I don't know if it's the vodka
But I think I drank too much again
But baby girl I'm glad ya are waking up with me again
I get to stare into those blue eyes
How you look so fine?
When it's early in the morning, barely 7:45
My god...I think you're one
So we can make pancakes 
Or I can cook eggs
You say that you're tired
Don't wanna leave the bed
So I brew the coffee and bring it to you
And you say those three words
And I get to say

I love you too (3x)
I love you (5x)

So now I know it's not the vodka
No, I know it's not the vodka

Biting My Tongue

This song follows the narrator as they go into a relationship they know will be toxic, but fun. After getting burned, they leave only to have someone else fall for them. They warn them about being around them.

Lyrics:

Baby you must be a vulture, you ate what's left of my heart
You said we'll have an adventure and I got hooked from the start
We could fuck until morning, get drunk on cranberry juice
You'll be my ice cold gelato, I'm just a warm body you
Need to eat to survive
Knowing that I won't last the night
There's something in my veins, think it's your poisonous ways
And I like it

Woman, slither like a snake under the sheets I call my home
And wrap me in your strength
Woman, I would suffocate to let you breathe the air I need
Suffocating, suffocating me

And now the bright sun is warming the scales that now live under my skin
A tragedy among all men--becoming monsters within
She looks at me like a lifeboat
Floating under the surface, it's not worth
It's cursed, it's haunted, baby please

Woman, get away from me cuz I can't bear to see
The things I could do to you
I'm least expecting you to understand
Woman, get away as far as fast as feet can take you from me
From me

Contagion

Lyrics:

I live in a house full of strangers
And they don't even know my name
It's getting harder to leave my room
It's getting harder to keep track of the days

The bird's don't sing as softly
Maybe they recognize my pain cuz

Day in day out, it's always the same
And I'm the one who's expected to change
But day in day out, they'll never know
The fear I feel in my childhood home

They watch me while I sleep
They watch me while I make the food we'll eat
And under their watchful gaze
I'll grow up and they'll grow grays
And if we ever seem to fight
It's just an argument about what's wrong and right
But we live by different codes
So there are pieces of me they will never know

Maybe it's for the best
Everybody loves a family secret and

Day in day out
It's always the same 
And I'm the one who's expected to change
But day in day out, they'll never know
The fear I feel in my childhood home

I dream in color, they deem it's better black and white
So I confuse the gray with the blue in the sky and
I wonder if the poets know why my
Heart keeps achin as I'm aging
Ain't no easy fix
I fear that I'll forever feel like an angry little kid
Who doesn't know

(Day in Day Out)
That it's always the same
(Day in Day Out)
They won't ever change

Day in day out, it's always the same
And I'm the one who's expected to change
Day in day out, they'll never know
The fear I feel
The fear I feel
The fear I feel in my childhood home

Day In Day Out

Creatures luring their next victims in with their voice

lyrics:

Cal doesn't wait for the sun to rise, opens his eyes
Tries to find the beauty he's been blind to all his life
Cal doesn't know how the wind blows, but it sweeps him off his feet
In his sleep
When he dreams and thinks of me.

Sail onward Captain, you will make it through the storm,
I know your ship is hanging on
Sail onward Captain, you will make it through the storm,
Just hear my voice and sing along
And we can damn defeat
When you find me

Sam heads to shore, doesn't know exactly 
What he's looking for
Buried treasure, always buried deep within
Commits to sin, he feels temptation pulling him
Just like the waves, he drifts away again

Sail onward Captain, you will make it through the storm,
I know your ship is hanging on
Sail onward Captain, you will make it through the storm,
Just hear my voice and sing along
And we can damn defeat
When you find me

(Come find me, I'll be the one waiting
Oh darling, come find me in the sea)

Song of Sirens (2022 version)

Song Of Sirens (2022 version)

A song about the nostalgia of a time passed

Lyrics:

I'd like to smoke some weed again
Without losing my head
Every single time I try, it takes me back to better times when
I'd smoke it with friends

We'd shoot the shit for hours
Make up scenarios of things we'll never do
I'd like to say I miss it all, but it's been years since we've talked tho
I still call my friends

(ooh ooh ooh) 2x
Green nights made my life so I'd like to smoke some weed again

I'd like to stay up 'til the sun comes
Talk about politics, our trauma, and the clouds
Sometimes it would get too deep, wouldn't take it too seriously,
We'd just grind more green

And I remember when the storm came
Huddle in circles holding fingers over flame
Though the wind would blow it out, we figured that was just how
The world liked to spin around

(ooh ooh ooh) 2x
Green nights made my life so I'd like to smoke some weed again

And I don't know how 
Long it'll be until I'm fine
I'll give it time
Finally sleeping good at night
Though some people think I'm crazy
Saying, "Giving up weed maybe was
The worst thing I could do to all the pain"
But just know someday that I'll smoke weed again

(ooh ooh ooh)2x
Green nights saved my life so 
I'd like to smoke
I'd like to smoke
I'd like to smoke some weed again

GREEN NIGHTS

Lyrics:

Don't fall in love with Greed
Don't fall in love with me
I'll bleed you dry
I'll shape your sky
Then leave

(don't fall in love with me/fall in love with me)

I'll bleed you dry
I'll shape your sky
Then leave

Don't Fall in Love

Don't Fall In Love

Cotton candy blue eyes, just look inside and see
I'm here waiting for you
We'll meet eventually

Cotton Candy Blues

A song about going home after a long day

Lyrics:
I've written words for many years 
Somehow I can't concentrate when you're near
You've come and switched up my melodies

Cold callused fingers worked to the bone
Wrap around yours when I finally make it home

The Rewrite

I wrote this in the middle of Texas being frozen over, reflecting on toxic relationships and how we are so susceptible to fall into traps of abuse because it doesn't look terrifying at first glance

TiMiD

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