these waut3rgate leaks...are not very fun...

12. MIC CHECKA!

Check out lakembra's cover of this, which is how it was meant to sound:
https://soundcloud.com/lakembra/dicktales-lakembra-vocal-cover

Credit to _688as for help with lyrics, and dracky for help with thumbnail ideas.

Lyrics:
When you've got no weekend plans 
And your job's shit
If you think your life is bland 
Here's a Dick tip

You don't need much thinking
Just start day-drinking
Dick tales, whoo-hoo

Asking chicks about their shoes, it's
Dick Tales, whoo-hoo
Get a coach to fix your life it's
Dick tales, whoo-hoo

At burning man danger lurks behind you
And STD's are out to find you
You dodge them all and bring a man home 
Dick tales, whoo-hoo

Shit in your dad's underwear it's
Dick Tales, whoo-hoo
Throw an orange at some beer cups
Dick Tales, whoo-hoo
Have your reputation ruined
Dick tales

Dick Tales

"Yo, how u want your podcast network fam?"
"Just fuck my shit up"
"Say no more. That'll be $30K, plus tip."

Download available at: https://www.orfium.com/track/494119/hurt-just-fuck-my-personal-and-professional-reputation-up-lakembra/

Backing track: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7xkfizay7ak

Lyrics:

I cucked myself today to see if I still feel
I focus on my rape, the only thing that's real

Dick's penis tears a hole. The old familiar sting
Try to shill it all away but I disavowed everything

What have I become, my sweetest Dick?
Every subscriber goes away pretty quick.

And you could have my failed podcast empire of dirt
I will let you down, I will sell bad shirts.

Hurt (Just fuck my personal and professional reputation up)

A remix in celebration of The Dick Show podcast.

The Dick Show Remixes

You Can Get What You Want

Rayce Bannon Feat. Dick Masterson - Deregulate Dat Ass

An old man
In his 40's couldn't wait
Bought his ticket in new york
And got his court date
Bountiful Boy
A curious page
Apostraphes placed
By a furious ape
Wasn't he iconic?
Don't you think?

SHE GOT BAAAAAAAANGED
ON A WEDDING DAY!
NOW HE'S GONE AND FILED
SAYIN HE'LL GET PAID
ITS A GENOCIDE
ON YOUR WHOLE FANBASE
NOW TELL ME WHICH PRO-
-BLEM'S BIGGER!!!!??????

Mr. headspace
Mr. New York Times
The best web page
Oh my, my how the time flies
He spent his WHOLE DAMN LIFE
Three books, one website
When he went down in flames
He swore he was still cool as ice
Wasn't it iconic?
Don't you think?

It's a patreon
Where nobody gets paid
It's a websiiiiiiiiiiiiite
That costs 30 fuckin K
Its a network, where
They think its ok
WHEN INBRED JOE DIRT
SHOUTS NIG*BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOP*

Well life has a funny way
Of sneakin up on you when you self-inflict butt pain
and cry out in the niiiiiiiiight
Did it have to down in flames?
Was it so bad? Was everything really a-ok?
You should've really done season 3 (thrayyyy)

It's over man, turn back
before its too late
You'll be bum cummin on the street
When you lose this dumb case
If you screenshot dick's page, well buddy
that's alright!
We won't even mention
All your girl's much cooler guys
And isn't this ironic?
Don't you think?
A little too iconic
You hit the iceberg and sank

ITS TIM CHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANGZ
SIGNIN' NDA'S!
IT'S AN 8CHAN FIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIND
THAT WE JUST DIDN'T MAKE
IT'S GOOD ADVIIIIIIIIIICE
TURN BACK, SAVE FACE!
Cuz Dick is for sure
The winnerrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

Life has a funny way
Of letting you fuck youuuuuu
Landua has a funny funny way
of helpin' you out!
Drop this case now!

Wasn't He Iconic - Hazencruz

Support a starving autist.  Now subtly accepting donations at www.kendollinhide.com #mymomwarnedmetheresnomoneyinsongsaboutcucksandpenises

Don't walk away run
Don't walk away run
Don't walk away run
These wautergate leaks are not very fun
If you hate Dick
Don't walk away run
If you hate bits
Don't walk away run
If you hate tits
Don't walk away run
These wautergate leaks are not very fun

Listen here buddy, I don't control people
I'm much too busy in the shower pluggin' up my pee hole
#Dicklies he's a meanie and a weasel
All he cares about is entertaining fans that he stole

I want the truth out, yeah that's why I'm doin' this
Dick needs to be punished so that's why I'm suin' his
Friends and co-workers ain't nobody safe
All you dickheads gonna lose your job up in this place

But this can all end, like I told you before
In e-mail 205, paragraph 64
Just thank me for the snacks and oh yeah there's more
I'm gonna need that 50 bucks for the broken door

Don't believe my ex abused me?  Just look and you shall see
She left me with this doosey of a broken door fallacy
As for Sean, he really loves to work for me
I tried to pay him once but he'd rather give his time for free

If you hate goss
Don't walk away run
If you hate Madcucks
Don't walk away run
If you hate Asterios
Don't walk away run
These wautergate leaks are not very fun

If you hate Peach
Don't walk away run
If you hate Denzel
Don't walk away run
If you hate Sean
Don't walk away run
These wautergate leaks are not very fun

To all the Dickheads out there, guys I hope you're hearin' this
Career flashed before my eyes, near death experience
I hate monkeys, dogs and fries, yes I'm serious!
But even more I hate Dick's lies, I'M SO DELIRIOUS!

Yeah I'm suin' Madcucks, don't ya know he dresses like a slob
Call me Budget Cuts the way I'm goin' after teachers' jobs
Waitin' for my podcast to end? It won't be fuckin' long
My values are incompatible with Rucka Rucka's songs

Keeping track of all these lies is getting tiring
They're supposed to win you over but I think it's backfiring
I can't just quit, it's too soon to be retiring
I wonder if that telemarketing place is still hiring

Don't Walk Away Run

Check out my ramshackle rewards at www.patreon.com/kendollinhide

[Parody of "Family Affair" by Mary J Blige]
[thumbnail by https://twitter.com/geistpolizei]

LYRICS

My lawyer's drunk, let's sue someone
For making photoshops of me
Responses droppin', I'm not stoppin'
Still white-knighting cuckoldry
Don't need no stupid patrons, You-Tube Station
Subs are leaving me
Soon Nick will start lawsplaining, while you're waiting
Come on sing with me

Patreon's response just fucked me up
Greenberger wants to prove that I'm a cuck
Soon I won't have a single fan in sight
But trust me everything's alright (everything's alright)
Commercial court this sucks, hey please hurry
Lock Dick up and throw away the key
I can't take these lawer fees no more
Now I'm super broke just like my door

My lawyer's drunk, let's sue someone
For commenting on horse cock tweets
Responses droppin', I'm not stoppin'
Guys surprise Heather is me!
Let's have a toast to past co-hosts, they're farming ass
On crime podcasts
Two hours 'til Nick's lawsplaining, while you're waiting
Come on sing with me

It's only gonna be a matter of time
When this gets dismissed I'll really loose my mind
Jordan's lawyers, they're as cold as ice
Said my shit's ramshackled, that's not nice
Now I'm getting fat and you're all superchatin'
'Cause I'm suing everybody way out in Manhattan
Let's party just be careful with my flimsy door
Take a page from my book, cop a feel on the dance floor!

My lawyer's drunk, let's sue someone
Who made some Cuckmas songs for me
Responses droppin', I'm not stoppin'
Lando, more apostrophes
Don't need no stupid patrons, You-Tube Station
Subs are leavin' me
Soon Nick will start lawsplaining, while you're waiting
Come on sing with me

If you tweet, you'll need a lawyer (yeah you'll need a lawyer)
It's easy to sue one another
Everybody stop trying to have a good time
No more having fun online
Defend your first amendment on your own dime
If you lose your rights, your problem not mine
3 years later, I still cried
Now you guys will drink and laugh at me all night (all night)
I don't want no beef no problem no fights
Just wanna warn schools to watch their Christmas lights
Yo Madcucks is free he doesn't have to run
Lando, you really screwed the pooch on this one
Are you passed out?  "It's just an asthma attack"
Wake up we need to win and get 80s girl back (I miss you <3)

My lawyer's drunk, let's sue someone
Who made a parody of me
Responses droppin', I'm not stoppin'
Still calling schools with Jane D.
Don't need no stupid patrons, You-Tube Station
Subs are leaving me
Soon Nick will start lawsplaining, while you're waiting
Come on sing with me

A Ramshackle Affair

At www.patreon.com/kendollinhide the polls only cost $1.00 a month (free if you count the botholes)
LYRICS
Hey, fuck Dick
Hey, fuck Dick
Hey, fuck Dick
Where's my journalist?

I've been searching for a man, who's still somehow my fan
Just to find, to find my journalist
Who does his interviews, based solely on the views
Yes I need, I need my journalist

Hey Mad Dix I'm your little journalist
You'll love this, I won't call you on your shit
Kiss kiss kiss I'm your little journalist
Bring those clicks, looks at these animal dicks

"Speaking of Dicks, these Dickheads are a real pain... in the bothole!"

I've been searching on youtube, and here on twitter too
Just to find, to find my journalist
Someone who will shill, and keep himself bluepilled
Yes I need, I need my journalist

Hey watch this, I'm your little journalist
I make $10 polls, only cover news that's old
I'm a prick, I'm your little journalist
Dick's tweets are merciless, my job's hard and dangerous

Fuck Dick (fuck Dick)
Fuck Dick (fuck Dick)
Fuck Dick Will you be my journalist?
Fuck Dick (fuck Dick)
Fuck Dick (fuck Dick)
Fuck Dick Yes I'll be your journalist

"You're a stand up guy, I can tell.  I'll let you have one of my unbiased polls for free.
Do you think 
A) Pim Tool is the best journalist in the world, or 
B) Sonic is stupid."
"A"
"Wow, thanks!"

Fuck Dick (fuck Dick)
Fuck Dick (fuck Dick)
Fuck Dick Will you be my journalist?
Fuck Dick (fuck Dick)
Fuck Dick (fuck Dick)
Fuck Dick Yes I'll be your journalist

I'm so glad I found you, @pim_tool
You can be my be my journalist
One thing I missed, touch my beanie, I'll be pissed!
Whatever, that's fine
K I'll be your journalist

Journalist, journalist, journalist, you're my favorite journalist
Journalist, journalist, journalist, I'm my favorite journalist

"This job IS really dangerous. Any day I could accidentally report on something before you've all heard about it. And then I'd have to like do research and come up with my own ideas and.. I dunno, it's really scary. You guys are lucky to have me."

[Original song is Butterfly by Smile.Dk https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QzcvRDWgRIE The instrumental I used was edited by some dude called 6thJester]

My Journalist feat. Pim Tool

Lyrics:

How could this be? Is this the end for you and me?
I don’t know if I was even close to ready
You disappeared so quick, went to Dick; I’m jelly
This is a travesty I’ll write you desperately
A quick email only 50 thousand words
Only 50 thousand words
This could be my last chance to get you back, Sean.

Maybe I’ll write a letter like I did for 80’s girl. I know that went over well. I mean she’s still with Dick but she’s definitely still thinking about that

Hello and welcome to the Greatest Letter in the Universe. I’m writing to you hoping that your exit from me will reverse. You see, I plea that the quality of my podcasting has suffered greatly, but I don’t know if I will ever admit that openly.
Rucka Rucka Ali had to leave taking out one of the few things that you could call ‘funny’ on my show since you know my life’s the joke and I can’t channel that into a way to earn dough. Vote up indignant co-hosts you see not me, Ali, with that new haircut he got as a way to mock the hairless person that is me. Okay I may be projecting however he followed suit the moment that you left us Sean I got an engineer who’s a fucking moron. Though, nothing compares to that person who farmed lots of ass, sativa man you outclass anyone I could afford.
You went to Dick real quick despite seeing the absolute gold mine that is the brain that is mine with the ability to decide relevant topics worldwide, watch as I pick a side, then pick the other side how are people unsatisfied? I know, it’s them not me. It’s my stupid fans that’s a guarantee, not the SJW that I’ve become once a satire now a humdrum. Speaking of Dick have you seen, the News Babes that he can glean? That seems like a good bit maybe I can copy it

How could this be? Is this the end for you and me?
I don’t know if I was even close to ready
You disappeared so quick, went to Dick; I’m jelly
This is a travesty I’ll write you desperately
A quick email only 50 thousand words

Heh this is looking good so far. I’m going to take a break for some fruit. And some soup. I’ll check twitter to see if Sean’s on there yet. Oh, oh he’s still not.

    I really hope the issue wasn’t that despite hiring you to be our engineer I took things into my own hands out of fear that you would leave in things that Dick said that went against the values I bled and wore on my sleeve while pretending to believe that I held my book quite highly. Cop a feel, now I disavow nicely. Once and always a flake, a has-been, a comedy fake, mistake after mistake, I trust the dog bite lawyer, mental jess, call their employers, sue them all they said I don’t think this could be the reason that you fled.
But, if you give me whatever chance this may be, I know that I deserve you way more than you deserve me. Please come back I beg you I can’t pay that’s true my Patreon is barely above two-hundred dollars a month and I’ve got no sponsors you see. Kendall and Hyde they left me, who would think that my listeners couldn’t afford four-hundred dollar bags even with a coupon that got them 40 dollars off. They saw madbucks was a ripoff, Sean I need you back.

How could this be? Is this the end for you and me?
I don’t know if I was even close to ready
You disappeared so quick, went to Dick; I’m jelly
This is a travesty I’ll write you desperately
A quick email only 50 thousand words
~~
GO TO THIS LINK FOR AN AWESOME PODCAST (and context)
thedickshow.com/
And Support them on PATREON
www.patreon.com/thedickshow

Losing a Love ft. Savestate Corrupted

Sadcast fan of the year, hello my name is Tito
Let me tell you why I'm here, listen to me bro
Spread the word, #dicklies but you can trust me though
People only hate me cause they found out I'm a pedo
Met this little honey online, she wants romancing
No need to wine and dine she says "drive over to my mansion"
Couple hours later knock knock pissing my pants when
Some dude opens the door "Have a seat my name's Chris Hansen"

Yes, yes my name is Tito, Tito, Tito
And I'm super trustworthy bro
Plus I babysit for free yo
Just don't tell my friggin' PO

Keep your busty soccer moms, curves I just don't mess with
Unless they've got some kids at home, they have to be flat-chested
Difference between me and Clegg? You'll never catch me restin'
All day I'm burning Dickheads online, I can't be bested
Malls and pools and parks and schools are where I get arrested
Helicopter parents, wasting all my time invested
Vote it up, bit prob. Why? Oh yeah you guessed it
Obsessed with making sure their children never get molested (get a life!)

Yes my name is Tito, Tito, Tito
My fiancé's quite a dumb hoe
For bringing Tito into her home
With her kid who's not very old

Tito, tito, tito, that's me, yo
I pull my van to the side "Hey kid you want a ride?"
You can be my child bride, hope you're fine with pedophilia
Drive across state lines, we'll pass time with Sadcast Media
Love that guy Joe Biden, he's my all-time favorite senator
Shitpost everyday, I'm the most prolific redditor
Don't like what I type? Write a letter to the editor
All my neighbors say I'm the most horrific predator

Dear Mr. Judge, I don't need incarceration
I'll stay at home and listen to my favorite cuck debatin'
Save your taxes dude, I don't want your psychotherapy
I'll volunteer at youth groups then I'll start a children's charity
My girl's a bad madre, she's not very choosey
She's rather risk her kid than be single for a few weeks
Bendejo's always yapping in her ear like
"You know what? You could just find a fat loser who DOESN'T think your kid's hot"

George thinks I'm good people, loves my TBD contributing
Even though I'm evil and got caught CP distributing
He's knows Tito's me though, plays my voicemails all day
Heheing with Ronny 'cause they love Bad Hombre

Yes yes my name it Tito Tito Tito
Honored guest of Maddox's show
Can't believe the judge sent me home
Should've hanged me 'til my neck broke

I insisted that he didn't (even though the record shows my mind is fucking sick and twisted)
They found my stash of discs with pics of nude newborns and infants
They also got my laptop with vids of kid victims in it
George you have to spin it, just pretend you never knew me
Maddox Militia - army of one - it is my duty
I'll fall on my sword so Madcast can continue thriving
Bad Hombre signing off as I crawl back into hiding

Don't Walk Away Run

K

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