damn, I was really hoping this would be "Dr Jones" by Aqua

The amount of knowledge about both maddox and dick that is on display in this track alone is incredible. Thanks for doing these they always make me laugh :) 

As played on episode 52.
http://thebiggestproblemintheuniverse.com/episode-52/

Bags Of Sand

"Yo, how u want your podcast network fam?"
"Just fuck my shit up"
"Say no more. That'll be $30K, plus tip."

Download available at: https://www.orfium.com/track/494119/hurt-just-fuck-my-personal-and-professional-reputation-up-lakembra/

Backing track: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7xkfizay7ak

Lyrics:

I cucked myself today to see if I still feel
I focus on my rape, the only thing that's real

Dick's penis tears a hole. The old familiar sting
Try to shill it all away but I disavowed everything

What have I become, my sweetest Dick?
Every subscriber goes away pretty quick.

And you could have my failed podcast empire of dirt
I will let you down, I will sell bad shirts.

Hurt (Just fuck my personal and professional reputation up)

A remix in celebration of The Dick Show podcast.

The Dick Show Remixes

Every Moment Of Your Life

Download available at: https://www.orfium.com/track/622709/cucks-in-the-wind-ft-samglaze-lakembra/

Piano by Samglaze: https://soundcloud.com/samglaze
Lyrics written by /u/688as (lyrics below).

From Episode 39 of The Dick Show:
https://soundcloud.com/dick-show/episode-39-santa-cuck-diy-glow

Asterios clips from:
http://biggest.thedickshow.com/episode-77/
http://thedickshow.com/episode-21/
http://thedickshow.com/episode-31/
https://soundcloud.com/user-667747853/060-intrigued-hesitation

*Now with 50% less fade out!

Lyrics:
I close my eyes
As I prep the bull for my wife to fuck  
I open wide
Wrap my lips around and give a hearty suck

Cucks in the wind
All we are is cucks in the wind

Same old song
I hide in the closet 'til my wife is done
I call up Dick
And ask him if he wants to hear my latest bit

Cucks in the wind
All we are is cucks in the wind
Kokonuts!

My wife's son
Tells me I'm not funny, and I yell too much
My patreon
Is the only thing in life that keeps me going on


Cucks in the wind
All we are is cucks in the wind (all we are is cucks in the wind)
Cucks in the wind (everything is cucks in the wind)
Everything is cucks in the wind

Cucks In The Wind (ft. Samglaze)

Chill grooves in celebration of The Dick Show.

Some Days

A love letter to a broken relationship. Satire tag included.

Production and Vocals by Danny Danger
Chorus Vocals by Emma Abrahamsson and Daniel Hansson
Lyrics and Concept by Christopher Lush, Danny Danger and the Dick Show FB Group

George (/parody) feat. Emma Abrahamsson & Daniel Hansson

Support a starving autist.  Now subtly accepting donations at www.kendollinhide.com #mymomwarnedmetheresnomoneyinsongsaboutcucksandpenises

Don't walk away run
Don't walk away run
Don't walk away run
These wautergate leaks are not very fun
If you hate Dick
Don't walk away run
If you hate bits
Don't walk away run
If you hate tits
Don't walk away run
These wautergate leaks are not very fun

Listen here buddy, I don't control people
I'm much too busy in the shower pluggin' up my pee hole
#Dicklies he's a meanie and a weasel
All he cares about is entertaining fans that he stole

I want the truth out, yeah that's why I'm doin' this
Dick needs to be punished so that's why I'm suin' his
Friends and co-workers ain't nobody safe
All you dickheads gonna lose your job up in this place

But this can all end, like I told you before
In e-mail 205, paragraph 64
Just thank me for the snacks and oh yeah there's more
I'm gonna need that 50 bucks for the broken door

Don't believe my ex abused me?  Just look and you shall see
She left me with this doosey of a broken door fallacy
As for Sean, he really loves to work for me
I tried to pay him once but he'd rather give his time for free

If you hate goss
Don't walk away run
If you hate Madcucks
Don't walk away run
If you hate Asterios
Don't walk away run
These wautergate leaks are not very fun

If you hate Peach
Don't walk away run
If you hate Denzel
Don't walk away run
If you hate Sean
Don't walk away run
These wautergate leaks are not very fun

To all the Dickheads out there, guys I hope you're hearin' this
Career flashed before my eyes, near death experience
I hate monkeys, dogs and fries, yes I'm serious!
But even more I hate Dick's lies, I'M SO DELIRIOUS!

Yeah I'm suin' Madcucks, don't ya know he dresses like a slob
Call me Budget Cuts the way I'm goin' after teachers' jobs
Waitin' for my podcast to end? It won't be fuckin' long
My values are incompatible with Rucka Rucka's songs

Keeping track of all these lies is getting tiring
They're supposed to win you over but I think it's backfiring
I can't just quit, it's too soon to be retiring
I wonder if that telemarketing place is still hiring

Don't Walk Away Run

Music written, performed and produced by MCMC ©2018

Lyrics written and performed by Kendollinhide ©2018

As heard on episode 96 of The Dick Show (2h34m30s): http://thedickshow.com/episode-96/

Lyrics:

 Sup dog, you wanna go for a ride?
'Sure but one rule, I insist that I drive
'I have some DUIs, I hope you don't mind
 Uh just stop humping my leg, we'll get along fine
'Let's get down to business, so you wanna do some suin'?
 Yes Dick Masterson his reputation I must ruin
 Think you can end his show and all the free speech that he's doin'?
'Sure I'll quote this silly Madcucks joke to prove collusion
 Make sure it looks legit, there's a lot on the line
'I'll dot all my t's and cross all my i's
'Check these court docs, I'm a grammatical savage
 Sue anything that walks, they're just collateral damage
'I'll serve Dick with papers 'til he's soakin' in sweat
 I hope we win soon 'cause I'm as broke as it gets
 File some fancy motions, force the dickheads to be silent
'Well first I have to piss, do you see a fire hydrant?

 Bicycle Boys, yeah we can't be stopped
 We're the ultimate legal dream team, you'll get rocked
 And your socks will get knocked right off
 When you guys realize it's now illegal for you to say "Mad Dix Lost"

 I found a new .gif, that's add it to the log
 They're photoshopping you now, that didn't take long
'Is that supposed to be me?  A drinky-drivey dog?
'Who's pissing on my face?
 They call him Pepe the Frog
'Feels bad men, I'm gonna bite these defendants
 Convince the judge we're right so he tears up the first amendment
'*gasp* Bold move! I think that might just work
 Ugh, I'll do the writing
'And I'll confuse the clerks!

 Bicycle Boys yeah we fit like a glove
'He likes to get cucked
 He drives and gets fucked
 Together we're gonna win, 400 million bucks
 You guys'll get sued if you try to say we suck

 We need to get to New York
'Let's pedal 'til our feet hurt
 Can Jane ride on your lap?
'What's she like?
 She's a real flirt
'Meh, not my type
 She'll make your cucking dreams reality
 There's nothing inherently wrong with a little bestiality
'Uhh, I like my bitches, a little less bitchy
 Why are my britches a little bit itchy?
 Oh well, let's get back to the plan
'First, pay my retainer
 Here's some Vodka
'You're the man!

 Bicycle Boys, yeah we can't be stopped
 We're the ultimate legal dream team, you'll get rocked
 And your socks will get knocked right off
 When you guys realize it's now illegal for you to say "Mad Dix Lost"

 We're gonna win this, I have a good feeling
'Uhhh! I hate Greenberger and his Easter Egg memeing!
 Yeah he's next, let's sue him when we're done
'What for?
 Same as the rest, he's having too much fun

 Bicycle Boys

Bicycle Boys (Kendollinhide original, mastered by Samglaze)

Bicycle Boys 2  Lost in New York

Music by Todd Seidel
Lyrics / Vocals by Ken Doll In Hide ( https://soundcloud.com/user-786056730  https://twitter.com/kendollinhide )
Additional vocals by Madcucks ( https://soundcloud.com/user-455384913 https://twitter.com/madcucks )
This song was made for The Dick Show Podcast featuring Dick Masterson with Sean the audio engineer.  ( http://thedickshow.com https://soundcloud.com/dick-show ) 

Lyrics:   
Check my homepage, it's the Dick Show Reddit
"Haha" Don't you dare... "maddox lost" uh he said it
Now they're shouting from the rooftops "maddox lost, maddox lost!"
It's Dick's fault he stole my fans and served them piping hot goss

I was counting on that money, Landau's invoice is due now
And Tyrone wants new sneakers, what am I gonna do now?
I stood around and watched my empire crumble and fall down
I need the legal deets, guess I'd better call Landau

Where were you today? Court started at six
I got lost okay? New York's confusing as shit!
t Where are you my phone's low I think we should meet
I'm drinking with that kid from Home Alone down the street

Wait did I win? Are you two celebrating?
No you lost we're toasting to the invoice you're paying
STAY! I'll be there soon I want a good explanation
"Did Landau rip me off"'s the topic we'll be debatin'

"Excuse me ma'am, I'm looking for my lost lawyer, have you seen him?
Oh he's about 5'5", possibly wearing handcuffs. He has trouble breathing.
Reeks of booze. He answers to "Last Call".
He went that way? You're welcome. Now get outta my way!"

Red Rover, Red Rover, I call Landau over
What happened? Ramos crushed you like a legal bulldozer
It's not my fault you tried to sue Cope, Baker and Boser
I might have stood a chance if you could friggin stay sober

Chill out and have a drink my Armenian friend
I'll peddal to LA and we can sue them again!
Just pay me for my travel time $2000 an hour
And here's my bill for breakfast (toast and 3 vodka sours)

I hate Dick but wow, this is getting expensive
You can't quit now, man they're on the defensive
Come on, let's sue it
Okay, I'll do it
Call Landui for all your legal needs
Put some rye in that soy milk, we'll turn this around
Bicycle Boys, yeah we're back in town!

We're better win this time.
No problem, but how are you gonna pay me?
Oh, don't you worry about that. Lord Matthew has agreed to build my a jetpack for a very reasonable price.
Who are we suing again?
...Everyone >:) hehehehehehehee

The Dick Show

Bicycle Boys 2  Lost In New York - ft. Ken Doll In Hide

Beat by @kalemusicland
Help pay my phone bill at patreon.com/kendollinhide

Dr. Nurse, Dr. Nurse, hey baby
You wanna talk dirty? I'm awfully horny lately
I can be all yours and you can be all mine
We'll talk about stalkers and harassment online

Please oh please send me some sexy pics
But first I need some financial investing tips
Then I will tell you how I like to spread the hips
Oh you love big strong men? Me too, they're cool as shit!

Wow we're a perfect fit, it seems our kinks align
My bull has quite the dick, to him you should resign
Oh wait you don't like cucks? Okay then never mind
*SWITCHING TO ALPHA MODE* I bang chicks all the time

You like it kind of rough? Well baby you're in luck
I wear this itchy t-shirt while we grind and stuff
I'll chafe your body up with these cheap Gildan threads
Oh yeah and by the way, I'm not a fan of head

But I'll eat fruit all day, delicious snacks and shit
In case you'd like to consume my ejaculate
Oh yeah and trust me girl, if you were here right now
I'd be way too horny not to pounce!


Feel the hot air, what's that stench?
Well that right there is my cricket breath
Panting on you and I smell like death
As I lift the hair and I kiss the neck

Dr. Nurse, Dr. Nurse, hey baby
I wanna touch the (.)(.) 'cause you're such a pretty lady
We'll talk about your cats and all my thrusting moves
Just don't leak these chats or I will fucking sue

Dr. Nurse, Dr. Nurse, let's do this
Roleplay - I'll be Caesar you can be my Brutus
Strap up honey put your dagger in my back hole
I'll pull you into me then whisper "I'm not suicidal"

My mind's abstract, can you handle it?
I-Tunes hijacked, can't unscramble it!
Candles lit but no it's not because this man's romantic
Broke as shit last month I couldn't pay my damn electric...

Bill, when will I admit I need pills
To settle all my unbalanced brain chemicals
Baby I'm not a shill, my website has no ads
"This sext is brought to you in part by manpurse bags"

My cock is almost stiff, just look how hard it is
Some stalkers sent by Dick looked through my garbages!
These Dickwarts need to go, I want them all locked up
"Yes 911? Hello? These guys called me a cuck"

What is my fave posish? Whatever yours is babe
Huh that's so weird, all our opinions are the same
I'm just an NPC with no thoughts of my own
Oh yeah I must agree, weenies GTFO

Yo I'm obsessive, possessive, my writing is impressive
These messages make ladies wet and have them all undressin'
Messin' up my bed with jizz, this Casper's never dry
Guess that's what I get for fappin' like a samurai!

These sexts should be studied in literary classes
Rekietas can't be trusted, they're literally classless
Wanna make you pregnant but let's just keep this between us
My fantasy has always been a threesome with a fetus

Dr. Nurse, Dr. Nurse, I own you
Tell me where you are and always answer when I phone you
Think I heard your voice on TDS this week?
"Umm...yes haha" I'll calling the police

Dr. Nurse, Dr. Nurse

K

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