'Kit

Barcelona

50 shades of grey

I was 19 the first time I was raped.
Backpacking through Europe, drugged, woke up being sodomised over a toilet bowl in some Italian hotel bathroom.
Blood everywhere.
Memories were fuzzy through whatever it was he slipped me, but I recall fumbling with the doorknob trying to get out, unable to understand why it wasn't opening, then looking down and seeing that he had his foot up against the bottom of the door.
Earlier that day I'd felt like I was flying. Here I was, traveling in Europe just like a grownup, making it work somehow even in a country where I didn't speak the language.
"I'm doing it! I can do it! My god, I can really do it!"
I was going to be an artist. I loved to paint. Teacher told me I should try to get some life experience before going to art school, so out I went to get some. My god did I get some motherfucking life experience.
Came home from Europe and immediately got into an abusive relationship, with a man who would use my talents to get him as much money, as much female attention, and as much professional clout as possible. He got me pregnant right after one of the times I tried to leave him.
I didn't paint.
I turned 26 the day after my daughter was born. I was terrified. I loved her so much I wanted her to have a better mother than me.
"Can I do it? Can I do it? Dear god, please help me do it!"
I gained a lot of weight, and I kept it on. Made me feel secure. Invisible. Like even if I can't do it, even if I fuck up royally at life and completely drop the ball, at least I won't wake up in a blood-smeared bathroom being sodomised over a toilet by a man who won't let me leave.
Now I am 48. I am healing, and I have grown strong. 
Through a strange series of miracles and unexpected rabbit holes, I've found myself in a situation where complete strangers from all around the world give me money to share my thoughts on things.
And I've begun painting again, after all these years. Just sold a few pieces at auction. And it's been bringing up some old feelings.
"I'm doing it! I can do it! My god, I'm really doing it!"
And my bum has started hurting. I've been having shooting pains radiating from right where that bastard stuck me all those years ago. Smacking me out of the air in my state of teenage exuberance. Breaking my wings. Breaking my paintbrush.
People keep asking me to do interviews, but I prefer to stay more hidden. Makes me feel secure. Invisible.
I don't know why I'm sharing this with you right now. I guess I can only write what's coming up for me on a given day, and this is definitely what's front and center for me at this moment.
I'm going to keep healing. I'm going to keep growing stronger. I'm going to keep painting. I may even do interviews one day. 
I don't know where this ride is headed, but I'm very happy I'm on it.
I'm really glad to be alive you guys.

I Was 19

No fux to give

I'm sad to say, that from today I’m past the point of no return
There’s only hope, I care a lot 
Little deals and issues I don’t understand
Most of the time I couldn't donnez a flying fajita, 

Live and let live - I have no fucks to give

I ran out ages ago - zero - If only I had that to start with - all out 
I’ve never felt like this for so long – what’s it all about

Creeping sickness in society
Cancerous government
Vile malignancy – they’ve got …..

I want to shout out but there are no words - It’s just not my style
Care 4 Calais, Death camps in the UK, The holocaust never ends

Ljubljana, Wolf said make it darker - Let it out from your soul

Behold the field in which I grew my abundant supply
Lay thine eyes upon it thou shalt see that it is barren

There are no fucks to give, none left to give

No Fux To Give_JMDB mix

It's all about me :)

Contains very strong language!

75% cvnt

Created to celebrate Billy Spiller's 40th birthday 2020

Delayed due to Covid-19

Arise Sir William of Spillersby - Billy's 40th

St George was a Roman soldier
Legend spread far and wide
Mythical dragon slayer
So say the ancient scribes

23rd April [1980] a very famous date
The birth of Billy Spiller on St Georges’ day

Georgie visited Glastonbury, Billy did as well
When things got out of hand 

We celebrate the lives of both and here's to them today!

It's 40 years since Billy arrived
A few more since St Georges’ fame

He we are, Billy slain 
Who's shout is it let's go round again

Up the Gooners, Lympstone lad 
Likes a few pints with his dad

Been known to get his fingers green 
Handy with a strimmer 
Gets a little grinner when his Arsenal team are winners

Heading down easy street, happy with whatever 
Bon anniversaire to you my friend, let’s drink some Latin liquor 

To celebrate St Georges Day and the birth of Billy Spiller

Anchor man in a tug of war, built like a flanker 
Next time I see his mum, I want to thank her

23rd April [1980] a famous date
The birth of Billy Spiller on St Georges’ day
 


If you visit shrines don't be surprised somewhere in the dark 
Georgie will be there with dragon slayed

And Billy singing fire it up, fire it up

Billy Spiller

You know Jack (Joyce) in his own words from 'Like' by Martin Weller 2015

You know Jack

Dedicated to Rogue Beer Meister, Jack Joyce


Give it your best shot; You will stand out from the rest
Just be so good they can't ignore you

Born in the ghetto
Not from the wrong side of the tracks, but born on 'em

Always been a street kid; Hate rich people, even tho' I am one

The only salesman; Taking 7 kegs on the back of my Izuzu
Going bar to bar, giving the samples, see if they liked the stuff
Course they hated it

Hoppy, golden 30 IBU; I was on the road
Staying in Motel sixes; It was hard but a simpler life for sure

Just because you're nice doesn't mean other people will treat you nice
Don't let your guard down

Rogue is gr8
We try to learn from our mistakes
We like to be - authentic

Well that girl's just smarter than shit
Ready, aim – hell just fire it
We're not doing brain surgery here

We like to hire hardcore unemployables
Guys and gals with tattoos that ain't been to jail
You've got to have passion man, else you're gonna fail

Clarity is very important to us if a little hard to get used to
Remember people lie just to make you feel good

They'll lie to you, they'll lie to you
They cover it up – we speak the truth

Then there's energy givers and takers
Stay away from the latter; you need the power of your friends

Everything is your own fault if you're any good
Most people react to criticism instead of listening to its content

Accept it, don't just reject it; dare, risk, dream

We just don't have any fear; the game is scheduled
We have to play so we might as well win; either make dust, or eat it

Some drink at the fountain of knowledge, others they just sip
But if you do your best you will stand out from the rest

Just be so good, they can't ignore you

Words as spoken by Jack Joyce
Music written by Martin Weller 2014

No Fux To Give_JMDB mix

Martin Weller Publishing

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