This is what I exactly do everyday every hour, every year, i hate my life

Check out my spotify there is more content: Minqs

you can always message me. I don't judge I understand these feelings and what is said is between us. I'm sorry you know how these things feel

i’m looking for a reason to say good night
communication hasn’t happened for a long time
countless times i replay when you said goodbye
moment that it happened burned into my eyes and mind
i’m fine
i’ll say i’ll try
if you look into my eyes you know i’m lying
you’re the one that really knows the reasons i cry
you’re the one that had to see it with your own eyes
i swear this life is a joke
fill up my time with my music and hope
that it will work out it’s the only way i cope
in the journey of life it’s the one and only road for me
i don’t know what you done to me
every time i think about you i can’t fucking breathe
then my thoughts are overtaken by my ocd
and i rot away my mental as i fall asleep

when it’s just me myself and i
i don’t feel alive
i don’t wanna die
but i can feel the vibe
x4

when it’s just me myself and i
i don’t feel alive
i don’t wanna die
but i can feel the vibe
losing track of time
my eyes are on fire
i been up all night
you are on my mind
x2

i’m restless and reckless
a mess 
why is death in life always endless
always in the midst my emotions are deafened
i dissociate until i’m lacking all my essence
if i leave again then i won’t come back
i feel like i’m under attack
where the sun don’t reach
and my eyes don’t see
and my lungs don’t breathe but you won’t understand
there’s a face underneath each mask that i see
i can be what i need in my dreams
i don’t sleep
i just worry 
never eat
but the beast won’t rest til it’s free
and then feast on my heart til doesn’t have a beat
i swear
it's a sad sad world that we inhabit
keeping goodbyes so dramatic
stay away from people it’s a habit
isolate myself go live on another planet

sweet dreams, my little insomniac ft. ivri (prod. capsctrl)

who's gonna catch me..?

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falling right back (prod. ocean)

Star

written by Lxst Boy, Cavasoul, and soku
produced by Riddiman and oldboyy
mixed and mastered by Lxst Boy
cover art by futoh
out on all platforms

-lyrics-
(Hook: Lxst Boy)
finish up my homework then I write another song
why does everybody hate me I swear that I did nothing wrong
got like 20 messages everytime I check my phone
but i will never answer them, I hate this feeling its getting old

(Verse 1: Lxst Boy)
try to tell me that im not ok
but cant you see the smile thats plastered on my face
like come over sometime and find me dead at my place
im sipping on this coffee praying that this pain would go away
the solitude is nice but I'm sick of being alone
walked a million miles on a path they call the lonely road
pondering my consciences, the deepest part of my soul
but hey im just a kid so what do i really know

(Hook)

(Verse 2: Cavasoul)
i hate this feeling, feeling horrible
is getting old
im losing meaning, meaning everything is seeming horrible
I'm conceited, seated at a table undesirable
I know that she could ruin me because shes so adorable
I fall asleep and I see images of violence
I see a side of me incite a riot
swear my head is never quiet
I'm craving death, it tries to overtake my fear of dying
I'll just go to bed so hopefully I can stop fucking crying
i hate this feeling that I feel whenever I open up my eyes
and now my lungs have started hurting as result from getting high
it gets tiring when you always just feel like you could die
now I'm breaking down again, just for today is the third time

(Hook)

(Verse 3: soku)
it's getting old, I'm growing old and I don't know if i could stay
every time you look my way I just turn and look away
I don't know if I could stay in this place
with this feeling that I hate and it won't go away yeah
yeah my voice is sounding stupid and my grades are going down
everybody else around hating me I feel the frown
on my face yeah I'm a waste yeah
telling everyone I might just take a break yeah
I finish up my homework then I go and cry alone
everybody hating me  and so I walk the lonely road
got like 20 messages every time i check my phone 
but that's not quite reality I hate this feeling it's getting old

(Hook)

@cavasoul
@soku_music
@prodriddiman

S T R E A M

i hate this feeling w/ cavasoul & soku (riddiman x oldboyy)

Lyrics

What do I do when you leave me here bleeding
How do I cope when my pasts not receding
How can I start to rebuild up my heart when you said to my face I’m a joke and your leaving

What do I do when you leave me alone
What do I do when you blow up my phone
How i text back when I know all the facts 
And You put up an act cause I know bout the cheating

Now your screaming that I hate you I hate you
No one really wants to date you yeah date you
Now Im hesitant to pick up the pencil 
Cause I’ve lost all the people that I relate to

Now your screaming that I hate you I hate you
No one really wants to date you yeah date you
Now Im hesitant to pick up the pencil 
Cause I’ve lost all the people that I relate to

Forget the times when you gave me a meaning
Fell for your laugh fuck I fell for your breathing
Then you switched up like leaves in the seasons
Running away and I rot into pieces
Fuck with my mental not feeling enough
Feeling the pain and I’m taking a puff
Playing the victim like what have I done
I see through the lies I see through the bluffs

I’m hating my person
Thinking bout life and I guess I deserved it
Could have been better I was just a burden
Wouldn’t care right now even if the world end
World end 
World end
thinking right now and I’m wishing the world end
And if it did I would save you a spot yeah you hurt me a lot but your my favorite person

You were there for me so why did you lie
I fucking loved you and I felt alive
My only friend and you stuck at my side
But I guess that’s convenient cause you stuck a knife
And I fell for you once nah I fell for you twice
But I fell to the bottom it’s dark there’s no light
And I know I sound petty I don’t wanna die
But just thinking of you I don’t wanna live life

What do I do when you leave me here bleeding
How do I cope when my pasts not receding
How can I start to rebuild up my heart when you said to my face I’m a joke and your leaving

What do I do when you leave me alone
What do I do when you blow up my phone
How i text back when I know all the facts 
And You put up an act cause I know bout the cheating

Now your screaming that I hate you I hate you
No one really wants to date you yeah date you
Now Im hesitant to pick up the pencil 
Cause I’ve lost all the people that I relate to

Now your screaming that I hate you I hate you
No one really wants to date you yeah date you
Now Im hesitant to pick up the pencil 
Cause I’ve lost all the people that I relate to

Cognitive Distortion (prod. tennis player)

Upside Down in the Backseat

Upside Down in the Backseat (feat. Jomie)

STREAM/SPOTIFY

written by Lxst Boy & Giovanni
produced by Boyfifty & Ayleen Valentine 
mixed and mastered by Giovanni
out on all platforms

thanks for all the support on the old version 💙
shoutout Matthias, love u bro

-lyrics-
(Hook: Ayleen Valentine)
I'm sorry that I let you down
it's probably cause I sleep too much
and every time that you're around
there's always something wrong

(Verse 1: Lxst Boy)
late nights and talks with my conscience
lately i been feeling nauseous
I write songs so call me off topic
lowkey wanna tell them to stop it
I'll just get walked on
I'm feeling that way like non-stop
I'm sorry I'm an outcast wait no I'm not
but I let you down whenever I talk
I'm feeling like a 9tails knockoff
I came from the sewers then the time stopped
im running around in circles in my thoughts
the clock winding down, hear the tick tock
when I'm locked in my room
I'm feeling the tension
record at my desk
these lyrics unscripted
writing these songs
that you'll never listen
cause you never cared
I'm a solo mission woah
uh I wanna talk
without feeling guilty
I need a shower
you making me filthy
blood stains the wall
you know that you killed me
its cold in my room
and at night it gets chilly
I wanna talk
but every time I do my heartstrings in a knot
in getting tired of writing these songs
and day by day 
you wouldn't tell me what's wrong
yeah

(Hook: Ayleen Valentine)
 
(Verse 2: Giovanni)
where am i goin, what do i got 
i feel so lonely, everyone stop
want you to hold me, damn i forgot 
what it was like, i feel distraught 
i let you down and watched you depart
now everything’s loud and i’m caught in the dark
like i’m in the dirt, buried with the worms 
and that is the funniest fuckin part
cause what did we say together
all of those times, that you let me down
tell the words that we sang together
everything’s fine, we’ll be alright 
we’ll fuckin stand in the rain together 
i don’t mean to cry, but why did you lie
remind me again why stayed together 

(Hook: Ayleen Valentine)

Let You Down w/ Giovanni & Ayleen Valentine (boyfifty)

Lyrics... 

My fate is sealed I don’t know what to do 
I been contemplating everything while locked in my room
I revolve around hate and I’ve been paying my dues
But I think I’m too late it’ll have me end in a tomb
Anyone can be snake and they never teach
That’s why you never see me trust they all deceased
So I’ve been taking pills I admit defeat
Honestly I’ll take it anything at all if it helps me to sleep

That’s the cards that were dealt 
And I’m sorry but my body I can feel breaking down
My mind ain’t any better I’m deceiving myself
And It’s funny cause the money yeah can’t buy my health
I need help
I need it bad
Mentally and physically I don’t have money to spend
Ain’t that crazy cause Every penny go to family and friends and that’s why I say I’m quitting music I like it but I’ll prolly be dead

I’m fucking tired
I’m so tired
I’m tired and honestly I think my time has expired
I’m fucking tired
I’m so tired 
I’m tired and honestly I think my time has expired

feeling well 
I ain’t been feeling well
And I’m done with trying to talk I only bring people down
Seems I fuck up everything I swear I’m destined to failI
I’m breathing regret every time I fucking inhale

Moving on I can’t
Man I’m trying but my mind is stuck back in the past
I’d be lying if dying didnt seem that bad
I’m writing the facts I’m fucking fighting for this 
I give my life but that shit wouldn’t last

Yeah I’m giving my best but still want me to change
Man I’m trying to change
And I hate when they tell me I’ll see better days
Man that shit never came
Half of the help I’m getting feeling it’s fake

Fake as a bitch
I’ve been pushing but my mind it can’t handle this shit
I’ve been battling depression ever since just a kid
I’m a shell I’ve been broken and I’m sorry I got nun left to give

Rxseboy - Not Alright

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