The Birds Are Spies, They Report To The Trees - St 7'' (full)

years of knowing you felt like a lifetime for me,
bold of me to assume that it'll go on forever.

i was always too shy, hesitant, mumbled, & scared
if only i haven't been running & lying to myself all these years, 
spoiled by baseless assumptions & temporary bliss of escapism.

i was 16 back then and probably the dumbest girl in the entirety of the planet.
never even had the courage to look at you in the eyes.
when will i ever learn to be brave? to be truthful?


i guess i was just a jerk who thinks it’s lame or weak to show compassion nor express nice things to the people i love the most, and now it becomes really punishing & hard for me because i used to always project my future with you in it, even if we used to argue a lot at some occasions but i always feel like deep down the feeling is always good.

don't you know? can't you see? how enormous of a space that you occupy in my heart?
of course you don't, all the rooms has probably been reserved for your name 
but the motel sign never even was set to open, wonder what the owner's thinking, 
does she think everything just revolves around & work themselves out? 
how foolish & self-absorbed can she be?
and well now it's left to me breaking down at 4 AM crying at the bathroom floor
wishing for all the wacky scientists how to try and just remove you from my memories.
or else i would just stuck at the idea of admiring you in the dark forever.
i blew my chance.
and i don't know if i deserve to get another one again.

i tried my best to forget you
to convince myself and open my heart for someone new
until i broke someone's in the process
one that ironically shares the same name as you
and tho i thought i already know everything that there is to know
i couldn't be more wrong



if there's ever an alternate universe of us, 
i hope the best for them, whichever dimensions they are from.

you're the best girl i've ever met in my life 
i hope you're doing well.
my moon, my heart.
my love.

-p

The Birds Are Spies, They Report To The Trees - St 7'' (full)

nellymorville