this beat summarizes what i imagine my memories, hurt, tiredness, and death may sound like. south.vibe's instrumental  perfectly describes how i've been feeling. these r some of my most personal and honest lyrics - i'm pretty nervous abt releasing this 1. i cry almost every time i hear this song bc of how much it means to me and how much of my soul is in this song. i fear judgement but i think people will be able to relate to this and hopefully can grow some understanding of the mental hell that i've been in. i hope u enjoy

lyrics: 
i been thinking bout the flowers on the porch
i been thinking bout the hours on the floor
and how i don’t deserve the carpeting i have now
i started in the background 
i’m ending as a layer i deleted 
and the paper i depleted

i don’t know what i believe in, say a prayer but i ain’t preach it 

i ain’t even  know who i was sayin it to

i wonder where they spread the ashes and i wonder where they makin it to
i been dealin wit a fear a leaving the crib
cause what if when i leave it ion see it again

i can barely breathe when i vent
so i crumble when i reach for the pen
i got a paper cut and i been bleeding regret
i get home and go to sleep when i’m dressed
but my body gonna sleep when i’m dead 
/
i got
dreams of death // and invasive thoughts
scream in my head when it names em off
(like)
please lemme mend when i brake and stop
i been wasting time i should be taking off

i’m a good example of what not to be

i gotta worry bout some property and offerings but i just miss monopoly 
i still own the game it’s just that it won’t be the same because my age went and got to me

"you couldn’t have failed yet, you’re nineteen"
ruin the chance that anybody ever find me

and i ain’t felt this bad since wikihow taught me how to tie a noose
it ain’t my time yet , they never said i’d like the truth
i’m obtuse
i’ve used avoidance as a tactic for some time now
ovals fuckin up my poetry, im bouta get the white out
i used to get the white out but i mean when i write now
deletin everything i write down cause i can’t get it right
right now
but this beat calm me down like showers at four
i been thinkin bout the flowers on the porch
and how time passes
i been thinkin bout the hours in the floor
and how i’m crashin
i don’t deserve the carpeting i love now
ion think i’m ever gonna fuckin come round
i been feelin worse than the come down
i know they
gon forget this song when next year comes round

spotify

hours on/in the floor (prod. south.vibe)

counting the days

underscores - bozo bozo bozo [ubi remix]

this song means so much to me. the sample in the outro is my grandmother talking about loss and depression in the 1970's. i hope you enjoy.

lyrics: 
i feel the pam kick in
my hand itching
trigger finger and i dance wit it
my chances dim, i’m panicking
don’t glance at them
the mirror got me in a fuckin trance again

i prance around improvement 
i can’t move when the lance is in
i kinda got a fuckin ego i’m expanding it
i cant stand and shit i’m damaged goods /
i never manage shit i should 
drag myself into a pit of self loathing 
while knowing i’m not gon get better
my home is shelter, turn a note into a letter
turn the letters to a pile in the bottom of the shelf //
i got a bottle for my wellness but i bottle up emotions 
my expression blank as writers block cause i been scared to show it 
i been foldin so i couldn’t do the laundry
i wont open up but maybe when i draw me //
cause i wanna see my organs on the page
i hate the portion on the plate
abort the mission, the proportions are at stake
my self image been distorted like the bass
my weight contorted to a maze
i cant ignore it when it plays
but i got more of this to make //
shit 
anorexia a bitch
and i don’t mention it cause i been scared of judgement
takin pills to cope i been aware of nothing
wearing something wit long sleeves
so i don’t gotta focus on my torso again /
talkin to myself i do it more so wit death
i got horrible debt, i’m an adorable mess, huh
change my shirt and then i change it again
it’s stranger when i let the danger in
nobody hear the words i say 
at least they think it sounds cool
i fear there’s money on my head like crown jewels
i see horror in my house wit round pupils 
and i’m scared i’m gonna die in a car crash
i’m scared i’m gonna die in a car crash
i'm scared i'm gonna...

crash (candy cigarettes)

prod @candy-cigarettes
mixed & mastered by @giveuppulp
via @giveupstillhere

lyrics:

i’m laying back in bed again
i wonder where i went again
i been a threat
but only to myself //
i’m praying that i’m dead again
i wonder why my head’ll spin
i been a threat
but only to myself
(x2)

i’m doing my best, i swear i’m doing my best
i’m grippin loose on a pen
i gotta move into rest
but i don’t wanna see this movie again 
i seen this scene like way too many fuckin times
i seem to see that all i do is run and hide
im bleeding deep it’s fucking fine //
yo what the fuck is motivation
i done lost it, no mistaking
i been waking up the latest
i been looking for a mood that’s golden plated
but i’m stuck wit all this greyness
fuck being famous
i want a few fans and income
a few bands to get drugs and pay my rent
im workin hard but i pray i’m next
im burnin tar wit the way i vent
// i cant do it like i used to //
i’m either writing or i’m not
i’m typing this in the garage
i fight and kick but i forgot
i wipe my tears away and fear the day i’m outta the facade

i’m laying back in bed again
i wonder where i went again
i been a threat
but only to myself //
i’m praying that i’m dead again
i wonder why my head’ll spin
i been a threat
but only to myself
(x2)

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