Confessionals

Memory Lane- Ana

I take a trip down Memory Lane with Sarah, who recalls her idyllic childhood visits to her Grandparent's English farm. She muses on the visceral sensory memories she still has. She also worries about the future. The farm may pass out of the family.....for good. 

Join us for this touching story :)

Memory Lane - Sarah

Pooja walks down memory lane. She recounts how, after a childhood in a restrictive, traditional household, she is growing up. Pooja is ready to make up for lost time, to make up for all the experiences she has missed-- fashion, rebelling, alcohol, sex. 

She is ready to take a 'bite' (literally) out of life, but what happens when dem boyz bite her back? Yes, that's right. Pooja was bitten by a boy on her "first time". Where did he bite her? Find out & listen!

After discussing the wild near-loss of her virginity, she goes further into her past, delving into subjects she had long kept quiet on. Pooja has a past riddled with restrictive tradition, double-standards, and endemic sexual assault....yet she is hopeful for the future. 

Join Pooja & I as we walk down 'Memory Lane' together!

Memory Lane -- Pooja

This episode of "Memory Lane": Virginia, an ex-co-worker of mine, shares two thrilling and tragic stories. In the first story, she witnessed the death of a young girl as she was crushed by a truck when a musick festival goes very, very wrong. In the second story, Virginia recounts how she herself almost died from eating a deadly food she didn't even know she was allergic to. 

2 stories, 1 episode of "Memory Lane". Join us!

Memory Lane -- Virginia

This week I take a trip down "Memory Lane" with my good friend Charlotte. At first she recounts the story of a childhood injury, but then the conversation takes a turn that neither of us expected.

When Charlotte was very young, she was severly injured during play. As a result, she was rushed to the hospital, all the while worrying that her father would blame her for the injury. Her entire body was damaged, and she was forced to become immobile, wrapped in a body cast for 9 months. Every month a doctor with a pizza cutter-like saw would come to her room to cut her out, and replace it with a new cast.

Fear of being blamed for the injury was just the tip of the iceberg when it came to Charlotte's father. Fueled by his alcoholism, Charlotte grew up in an environment fraught with violence and addiction. At 13, she ran away for the first time, an attempt to escape her family dynamic that ended in vain.

Moving forward from those turbulent times to today, Charlotte reflects on her life, how her upbringing led to addiction and setting her onto a 'crooked' path. She still deals with the consequences of these early-life experiences to this day.

Our hope is that this episode of "Memory Lane" will help or inspire any child going through abuse or dealing with alcoholic parents. Charlotte was never told that it wasn't her fault, but now she knows enough to know that no child is responsible for the abuse that they go through. 

This is Charlotte's story.

Memory Lane -- Charlotte

The second year of "The Word" begins with an author interview. Joining me is Rajee Narinesingh, the author of "Beyond Face Value," released in the wake of her world-wide fame. 

In addition to discussing why she decided to write the book when she did, we discuss her darkest moments, and how she is able to muster the will to survive, despite violence, hate, and prejudice. 

"Beyond Face Value" is one of the best memoirs I have ever read, and certainly one of the most enjoyable books I have read this year! Rajee shares several fun anecdotes from her life, as well as reviewing events that occur in the book. 

Please join us for this very special edition of "The Word"!

The Word: Beyond Face Value (Audio)

Eliza is the latest person to share her story on "Memory Lane." Hers is a tale of poverty, mental illness, & neglect that ends with Eliza rising, phoenix-like out of her past into a productive present. 

Eliza outlines what it was like for her to grow up in a family that struggled with severe economic insecurity & scarcity of resources. Growing up, members of her family never seemed to notice her. "You didn't need me!" she was told by her mother. But, of course, Eliza needed support like any other child.

"In any other family, my issues would have risen to the top," Eliza says. However, because Eliza came from a family that had several mentally ill members, she wasn't recognized as a child that needed help. In the end, it wasn't until after she left college did anyone realize that in fact, Eliza was dealing with attention-deficit disorders. She talks about what prompted her to finally seek help, and finally responds to those who condemn social welfare programmes (of which she was a beneficiary of). 

Join us for this very impassioned & thoughtful "Memory Lane"

Memory Lane -- Eliza

Nevalyn says that Middle School, "Is the most dangerous part of anyone's life." 

While some remember those days fondly, Nevalyn has good reason for her belief. Toward the end of her Middle School days, a series of dramas, both at home & at school, changed her life forever. Expelled from the house of her biological father when she was barely a teenager, Nevalyn began what would be one of the hardest time in her life. 

Her story is not only almost-unbelievable, but something that no young teenager should ever face. All she wanted was attention & affection. Older teen boys provided this, but so did her best friend D. D, concerned about Nevalyn's associations with older men, tried to give her the life she had been wanting. 

This gesture, which may have started out with 'good' intentions, quickly became something else. Two years later, Nevalyn was a girl shattered. She was taking pills, hospitalized in a psychiatric ward, & tried to kill herself. D, her best friend, also tried to kill her. 

All attempts were unsuccessful, and Nevalyn is still alive today. She says her perspective on pretty much everything was altered from the events described in this interview. Today, she is a self-described "anti-social hermit." She has phobias of talking to people she can't see, on the telephone & the internet. She doesn't make as many friends, and is vehemently against online dating. 

She doesn't know why these things happened to her, & she says she may never fully understand. Nonetheless, her story is a testament to the will to survive, and the depravity that humans of any age will sink to if they feel they have to. 

This is Nevalyn's story.

Memory Lane - Nevalyn

On this episode of "Memory Lane" I speak to Ellie, a girl who opens up about her difficult father-daughter relationship. This relationship, plagued by abuse, addiction, & poor decision making, has in some senses defined her life. We start with a very vivid memory Ellie begins to explain, but cannot bring herself to finish. After she composes herself, and chooses a new memory we end up talking about her father once again.

Ellie recounts an injury her father sustained while under the influence and what her thoughts were at the time. As the conversation moves on, she connects this to her general thoughts about her father, memories of how her family was harmed by his addiction, & the various issues she now deals with.

Her father's volatile behaviour, and denigration of her & her mother left Ellie doubting herself and feeling like she deserved the abuse at times. She expressed that she has a strong dream, but does not know if she will be able to rise to accept the mantle of her destiny.

'They don't know how much pressure I am under,' she says about her family & neighbours, who are all expecting her to be 'perfect.' Ellie ruminates about how this pressure effects her, but also how she is different than her father. She reveals some of her worst fears, but also her father's worst features & beliefs. 

Ellie's is a story of abuse, conflict, addiction, faith, & ultimately worry in the face of an uncertain future. I am sure anybody could find something in common with this young girl, who has faced so much adversity in her life.

Memory Lane -- Ellie

In this very riveting edition of Memory Lane, I talk to Saffiyyah. While I have talked to many, & heard their stories of abuse, addiction, & derliction, few have a story that matches the amount of trauma as Saffiyyah did when she grew up with two cultists as parents.

Seeking power, or perhaps followers, her parents traveled from religious group to religious group, perverting Judaism into what critics called a "Christian Cult."  They didn't seem to succeed in this mission, but that didn't stop them from trying. Their lack of success in the cultic scene also did not stop them from trying to have complete domination over their children as well. Saffiyyah and her siblings suffered horribly -- from abuse, violence, neglect, & sexual predation. She even tried to kill both herself & her brother in an attempt to release them from a life of torment. All of this took place before the age of 10. 

As the reigns loosened, Saffiyyah was able to explore more of the outside world. Meeting friends & accessing the internet she realized the outside world was quite different than her family life of torment & hellishness. 

It wasn't long after receiving a laptop computer -- the key to her liberation -- that Saffiyyah finally decided to break from her family & their totalitarian rule. It was only then, once abandoned by her family at 17, that her life really began.

This is Saffiyyah's story

Memory Lane -- Saffiyya

I have interviewed the infamous 'cement woman' & now-Reality star Rajée in the past, but now she is on Memory Lane to share one of her intimate memories. She recalls a touching scene of bullying, kindness, & then thankfulness that ensued when she was harassed by teenage boys and then rescued by an older, sympathizer. She talks about the impact of this man's words & deeds on her life. 

Using that memory as a jump-off, we forward the conversation into the related topics of intolerance, discrimination against difference, gender roles, and how abuse can be an expression of distorted attraction. 

Rajée brings a resplendent joy to everything she does, and this is evident here. Listen to her story, & share in her appreciation of this beautiful man and people like him

Memory Lane -- Rajée

Saffiya comes to Memory Lane to share the first two parts of her memoirs. In these riveting two stories, Saffiya details some of the only memories she has of childhood. "I tried to be linear," she says. But life issues in memoir often become so entangled as to be indistinguishable from one another -- The abuse, her psychopathic brother, being kicked out, almost being 'married off' by her parents at 4, communicating with spirits, eventually being kicked out all make an appearance here. and the extra-sensory abilities of Asexual individuals all make an appearance. 

These are the opening volleys in Saffiya's struggle to find her truth. In the next segments, to be titled "Child Rearing," she will explore how she was essentially left by her cultist, mentally-ill parents to raise her psychopathic brother whom, at one point, she had almost killed in a murder-suicide

Saffiya's is a truly extraordinary life, and she speaks from a place of security and strength. It took her years to get where she is today, and revealing these stories is invariably part of her recovery. 

Memory Lane -- Saffiya's Story Vol. 1

Some parents just don't know how to behave. Whether it is one of the various forms of abuse, or just being plain hard to get along with, scores of parents behave in inappropriate ways. This conduct can irrevocably harm kids & adult children. On The Word, we listen to Eliora & Dahlia share their stories of out of control parents. Eliora's dad is a drunk, Dahlia's was pretty much never there. Then, Saffiya stops by to say all that she has to about her parents and how they affected her. Finally, I read quotes from some of my favourite texts that address this very issue, including Alice Miller & classic "The Primal Scream" by Arthur Janov.

Join Us!

The Word: Out Of Control Parents

On Memory Lane today: Band groupie brings us the tale of an Evil Klown....Who but Ambrosia Flattery? My beautiful & hilarious friend tells a sick & twisted tale of how a friendship goes bad. And goes bad. Again & again, Ambrosia takes her abusive cousin back into her life. While she sees the prospects of real change as dim, she recounts her past experiences with this cousin. This girl has inflicted multiple damages upon Ambrosia in their 5-year best friendship, including emotional manipulation, reducing her to tears....& even ordering a chainsaw-wielding clown to go after her! 

Think you could still befriend this person after these events? Hopefully not, but somehow Ambrosia still soldiers on, attempting to keep her cousin in her life although she admits that "she wouldn't be friends with her" if she wasn't family.

Listen how this young girl deals with a persistent problem of family in this Memory Lane....& how she escaped that Evil Clown!


Memory Lane -- Ambrosia

One day in 1990, Ria was carried out of her middle school in a stretcher. She was taken by ambulance to the hospital. Her classmates gawked as she was taken out, but they didn't laugh. Usually, they did.

Ria was born male, but enjoyed a very liberal, gender-neutral childhood. The pivotal moment of emergency, coming when she was 11, served as her realization that things would never again be the same. She had to begin hiding from the outside world. 

Listen to Ria describe her long journey of gender freedom, one which she has only recently been able to enjoy fully. Ria is a woman a long-time in the making. Catch her in her full bloom as she describes her story, & invites you into her 'journey train'

Memory Lane - Ria

Covering the period between May & June 2015, we creep closer toward the end of The Word. This episode covers my interview with Sexy Sharon Somers of 1-888-YOU-WANK & Climaxconnection.com, along with the first part on abusive parents with Ellie

Feat. Ellie, Dahlia & Sharon Somers

Clips From-
*The Word: Interview With A Canadian Cougar (https://soundcloud.com/jakob-musick/the-word-interview-with-a-canadian-cougar)
*The Word: Out Of Control Parents (https://soundcloud.com/jakob-musick/the-word-out-of-control-parents-complete)

Musick-
Like This & Like That (Instrumental) - Monica
Nobody Till You - Lindsay Lohan
Land Down Under - Rock N Roll Baby Lullaby Ensemble
Drank - Kendrick Lamar

Best Of The Word #10 (May-June 2015)

This 11th compilation of The Word covers the period between June & July 2015, featuring the second part of "Out Of Control Parents" & my interview with journalist Caleb Maupin about American policy towards the Islamic Republic of Iran

feat. Dahlia, Safiya, & Caleb Maupin

Clips from - 
*The Word: Out Of Control Parents (https://soundcloud.com/jakob-musick/the-word-out-of-control-parents-complete)
*The Word: US Elites Want War With Iran (https://soundcloud.com/jakob-musick/the-word-us-elites-want-war-with-iran)

Musick- 
Drank - Kendrick Lamar
Kiss All The Bullies Goodbye - Sir Ivan & Taylor Dayne (Aitor Wilzig Dub)
Black & Blue - Frankie Lane
Nobody Til - Lindsay Lohan
Demoncrats- Crass
I Don't Play That (Jared Jones & Matt Moss Remix) - La Toya Jackson


Best Of The Word #11 (June-July 2015)

In one of the most dramatic episodes of Memory Lane, Roger tells a story of love, divorce, & drug addiction. Roger came from a well-off family, & he is very aware that his trajectory, as well as his race, played a part in how his particular addiction story played out. For Roger, who was working as a nurse at the time, was prescribed Hydromorphone after an injury (which is commonly known under its German Brand name Dilaudid). Within 6 weeks of this prescription, Roger was shooting up Hydromorphone at dangerously high levels. And then he was caught. 

Listen to this extremely compelling edition of Memory Lane to hear one of the quickest falls I have yet to learn of into the pit of addiction. Roger is forthright & now can look back years later, but his addiction , he says, destroyed everything in his life. He is only now, almost a decade later, being able to reconstruct what addiction took from him.

Share this story of addiction with someone who is in danger of developing this illness!

Memory Lane - Roger

In this Memory Lane, I talk to an Indian woman who now resides in the United States. Her name is Lopamudra - 'One who does the hand motions' -- & she explains her very layered life. If there is a woman who has lived what is an abstract concept for many people -- multiculturalism -- it is Lopamudra. Her family entered the post-colonial Anglified Bouergoisie of the Indian nation after the partition and the intercine conflicts that followed. After they fled, they were able to rise in social strata in their new home & send their children to private Catholic schools. Educated in the Catholic way, from a Anglified Hindu upper-class family, Lopamudra brings with her the layers of history, colonialism, & later Feminism, that would characterize her unique experience & outlook.

Lopamudra starts from a memory of a lie. A lie that, in retrospect, was not that consequential, but for her it marked her moment of symbolic castration. From here, her guilt grew. Listen to this story of a woman situated in the matrix of the multicultural- an academic feminist who imagines a death that pre-dated her. 'That little baby haunted me', she says of her dead brother. 

Listen to Lopamudra's story

Musick:
Rebel Heart (DJ FmSteff 2015 Totalmix) - Madonna
Hit Em Wit Da Hee (Instrumental) - Missy Elliott

Memory Lane - Lopamudra

Rajée & I are re-united once again! It is incredible to think that we first 'met' in 2014. She gives us an update as to her story related in her "Memory Lane" (https://soundcloud.com/jakob-musick/memory-lane-rajee) & also tells us what has been going on in the world of the world-famous 'cement woman' who is oh-so much more. She is more woman than most 'real' ladies out there!

Check out another interview with an incredible, dynamic, lovely individual that truly is a 'divine' presence in this often-disgusting world. Rajée is a reminder to not let our hearts harden to cement-proportions & to stay flexible like the silicone in her breasts.

Rajée is hoping to get more musick available to the public, continuing to appear on rotation on E! network, still promoting her memoir "Beyond Face Value" written in the wake of her infamy, continuing to travel the American Talk Show circuit, & has debuted the hub for new website rajeenarinesingh.eu.pn

She is simply.............Rajeelicious

Musick:
No Time (Incedent Remix Instrumental) - Lil Kim
Destiny - Candi Staton
Everybody (Exclusive Remix)- Madonna

Confessionals

Jakob Kesava Moscow