Nod And Smile

We dressed you in light and lullabies
Now we whisper to the sky
Your room is still, your blanket near
But nothing takes away the fear
You were too small for this big world
But you were love, you were our girl
Now every heartbeat aches the same
Calling out your little name

Heaven’s not that far tonight
When I close my eyes, I see your light
In the quiet, in the air
I feel your spirit everywhere
You were here, and then you flew
But every part of me holds you
And though you're gone, you're not afar
Heaven’s close — wherever you are

The toys are still, the songs don’t play
But we remember anyway
Your tiny hands, your gentle sound
The way your joy would fill the ground
We say goodbye with shattered grace
Still searching for your smiling face
And though we break a thousand ways
You’ll live in all our quiet days

Heaven’s not that far tonight
When I close my eyes, I see your light
In the quiet, in the air
I feel your spirit everywhere
You were here, and then you flew
But every part of me holds you
And though you're gone, you're not afar
Heaven’s close — wherever you are

So, rest, sweet one, beneath the stars
We’ll meet again — it's not that far
The world feels wrong, the skies are gray
But love like yours won’t fade away
Never fade away, never fade away
So, rest sweet one

Vocals: Cosmo, Alex
Drums: Jeremy
Bass: Isaac
Piano: Clowns
Rhythm Guitar: Alex
Production: Alex

Heavens Not that far tonight

panic sets in

I didn’t sleep I just paused the noise
Every thought’s got a voice, and it don’t sound like mine
I don’t scream I just spit to stay awake
One more line keeps the dark away


Snap when the rhythm don’t land in the chest
Breath too short and the world’s compressed
Click-clack beat like a pulse I fake
Rap too fast just to block the ache
No crowd, no light, no “you got this” talk
Just me and a track when the nerves all lock
Hands don’t shake when I match that pace
But I fall through silence like dead air space


She’s gone but her silence still burns
Every song I write just twists and turns


I breathe through noise ‘cause the still ain’t safe
Write too hard, like I’m dodging fate
Say I’m fine with a mic in hand
But the pain leaks through like a kicked-in stand
No fix, no rest, just keep that tone
She left, and I broke like a feedback drone
If I stop this verse, I don’t survive
Music don’t heal it just keeps me alive


Can’t fake joy, so I rap like math
Stack each bar like a therapy path
Lines get sharp when the hands won’t lift
Still trace her name when the beat goes stiff
Buried my son in a verse I hid
Still play his laugh in a kick and skit
The grief don’t stop, it just shifts and loops
So I rhyme like blood with a reverb boost


She said “You never came back from that”
I said “This pen’s all I got to react”


I breathe through rhythm I don’t pray
This mic holds more than I can say
Love won’t land where the beat won’t break
So I stay where the silence aches


Mind don’t rest, just spins in shards
Chop these thoughts into rhythm cards
Snap that breath like a snare in chains
Every step’s got teeth in the phantom pain
Too fast to feel, too sharp to fake
Write like the world got hands on my face
Bleed in lines ‘cause the pulse don’t show
Still here ‘cause the beat said go


It ain’t therapy it’s triage
Every bar I write is gauze
I’m not strong I’m just too wired
To let go before the beat expires


She holds me close I barely move
Still wired to the ones I lose


I breathe through verses I stall, not speak
Hope don’t rise it sinks in deep
Can’t hold joy it leaks in sound
I wrap my truth in a feedback crown


Don’t save me
Just press play
Still here for now


It Ain’t Therapy It’s Triage

You didn’t ask for what I bring  
I flinched every time my phone lit up  
The quiet grief in everything  
You saw it all but never judged  
You watched me fold on normal days  
Held space without a single “fix”  
You stayed when I had nothing left  
Just hands that shook and stories missed  

You never asked me to be strong  
Just stayed, tried to help me when I came undone  

You stayed when I had nothing left to show  
When every answer cracked too low  
You didn’t run when I went quiet  
You didn’t flinch when I got mean  
You gave me space I didn’t earn  
You warmed the corners where I burned  
And I don’t know what love should be  
But you gave it back to me  

I saw the silence in your eyes,  
The kind that forms when something dies.  
You wore it like a second skin,  
But never once let it drag you in.  
It’s the quiet grief in everything,  
You faced the wreck without a move.  
You stayed through things no one survives,  
And gave me back a voice to use.  

You didn’t try to make me new  
You just reminded me, you’re still here too  

You stayed when all I did was fall  
When I forgot myself at all  
You held the parts I thought I lost  
And carried me without the cost  
You never asked for something clean  
You stood inside the in-between  
And I don’t know how you still believe  
But you gave that back to me  

You saw the worst and didn’t run  
You stayed until my voice could come  
You knew the weight and still stood near  
You’re the reason I’m still here  

You stayed when I forgot my name  
When every breath just felt the same  
You never asked me to be more  
You just stayed — and that restored  
You never begged, you never blamed  
You held the silence when I changed  
And I don’t know what love should be  
But you gave it back to me  

I didn’t know I’d still be here.  
But I am. Because of you.


you gave it back to me

All the death it gets to you
Starts callin' your name
Sharp with the breath when the dark gets through
Heart skippin’ steps like it learned my shame
Clocks don’t tick, it just spits back time
Rot in the grin, got a glitch in the frame
Slit in the seam where the thought gets primed
And I bleed in a loop when I twitch that name
Still draggin’ the weight like it stitched in time

Tried to outrun it, but it tracked me like a pulse
Now it waits in the quiet with my name in its mouth

I don't pray, I just pace and forget the floor
Keep talkin’ to walls that forget my face
New cuts in the place where I buried the old
Words in my throat, clawing their way out
I laugh too sharp, I sleep too slow
I hide in the dark ‘cause it lets me go
If healing was real it would be over now
But I bleed just enough to stay

Woke to the weight where the dream fell flat
Felt guilt in my lungs like a second breath
Dragged names through my teeth just to taste the ash
Left notes on my skin from the things I said
Used lies like a thread just to stitch my back
But the seams come loose when the room goes red
I build, I break, I burn, I beg
Just to prove I’m the wreck that they said I am

I tried to be less than what it broke in me
But the silence keeps dragging me home

I choke on hope like it's wired to fail
I blink and it's back with a brand new name
If healing was truth, I would vanish by now
But I’m carved in the place where the rot remains

I lied to my shadow just to feel control
Told the dark it could stay if it played real slow
Clawed through the dirt just to fake a grave
Then flinched when the quiet said I could stay
I act like I’m calm while my bones decay
Smile for the burn just to dodge the blame
I’m built like a house with the gas left on
Daring the match just to prove I’m strong

Say my name and the room goes still
Touch the door and the mirror screams
There's a version of me I buried deep
But it wakes up when I start to heal

I don’t belong in the quiet or calm
But the pain still fits like a second skin

Can’t sit still ‘cause the floor might split
Can't stand tall when the blood won’t quit

If I'm still here when the silence cracks
Then I'll burn through the break with the beat at my back
I don’t pray, I don’t talk to the dark no more
Keep rewinding the walls just to watch me fade
New cuts never close where the old ones poured
Words fill my mouth but I choke halfway
I laugh out of place, I sleep with the light
I sit in the quiet just to earn the fight
If healing was real, I would beg it to stay
But I break just enough to go

Don’t fix me
Just let it break
I’m closer now than I’ve ever been


words crawling thier way out

Sat with the ache ‘til my chest went still,
Voice like a blade I forgot to kill.
Fingers twitch where the habits live,
Still flinch when the silence gives.
Breath don’t land where it used to fall,
Room looks fine, but it leans too small.
I wear this calm like a stitched disguise,
But the cracks still hum when I close my eyes.

I don’t want pity, I want peace —
To feel my name and make it full.

I’m remembering the man I used to be,
When my voice rang clear and my hands felt clean.
When the songs I sang were mine to trust,
Not echoes pulled from ash and dust.
I stood for something I could name,
I didn’t flinch when they spoke my name.
I was the fire they leaned on each day,
And I still don’t know how I slipped away.

I see their faces in everything bright,
The jokes they told still echo right.
The way they laughed, the way they knew —
Like I was someone they could run to.
Now I stand where the echoes fade,
Trying to live in what they made.
They gave me more than I let stay,
But I won’t let it waste away.

They believed in who I was —
I owe that man a second start.

I’m remembering the light I used to give,
The way their names taught me to live.
When my strength was more than just survive,
When my love was loud and full of life.
I held them close, I held them true,
And pieces of me still live in their view.
I’m not whole, but I’m finding the way,
To be someone they’d name if asked today.

I don’t talk through glass like I used to do,
Started showing up in my own room.
Took their words and made them mine,
Not echoes now — they speak in time.
I still stumble, but I stand up straight,
Look in the mirror and let it wait.
I’m not afraid to speak their names,
I say them now without the shame.

If echoes reach them where they rest,
I hope they know I’ve done my best.

I’m remembering the man I used to be,
Not just for them — but finally for me.
Their voices lift me past the doubt,
And I know what this road’s about.
They gave me fire, they gave me grace,
And I’m still here to hold that place.
I lost the thread, but I found the way,
I’m coming back from where I slipped away.

If they can hear what’s left of me,
I won’t stay the ghost they’d see.

Still Dont Know How

I sat in the room where the air turned black
No sound but the hum and your voice pulled back
I told the wall I was done no fight
No pulse in my chest that felt like light
I don’t know why I didn’t go
Maybe something in me just said slow
I don’t believe in signs not much
But the world got quiet when I lost your touch

Still ain’t sure why I breathe like this
But I hear your laugh in the quiet mist

I made my choice the edge was near
But your memory whispered stay right here
In the darkest night your light would glow
Guiding me back refusing to let go
Your laughter echoes in my mind
A melody I can't leave behind
Each step I take I feel you near
Your voice still pulls me back sincere

I still see you running in the sun
Dress flowing no shoes just chasing fun
You told me the trees could talk to stars
That clouds have names and swings leave scars
We laid in grass while your hands made tea
Tiny cups you poured just for me
I didn’t know that'd be the last real day
But your voice still pulls me back that way

And I think maybe that's why I'm still here
You left your light in everything near

So now I stay never alone
I sing because your song won’t fade
I live because of the love you gave
Your voice still pulls me back sincere

You never knew what you gave to me
Just tea and games and honesty
You looked at bugs like they had names
And loved me even with my shame
You danced in circles wild and weird
And every fear I had you cleared
I was lost long before you came
But you said Papa and I stayed

You found me when I was almost gone
So I keep waking up just holding on

I don’t know how to fix what broke
But I’ll carry you in every note
You taught me how to laugh through pain
To sit in sun and dance in rain
You gave me tea with empty hands
Still made me feel like I could stand
So maybe that's the point I missed
You live through me I live through this

I wanted to go I really did
But I saw your face so I hid
Not from grief but from the end
Because your love said stand again

So now I stay never alone
I sing because your song won’t fade
I live because of the love you gave
Your voice still pulls me back sincere

Your love remains clear
I let go but I hold on to you young lady


Pulls me back

I'm so tired of being here  
Tired of names I can't forget  
Tired of seeing my own reflection  
Tired of always feeling lost within  
I keep waking up alive  
And I don't know what for  

I don’t want comfort, don't want lies  
I want escape, just close my eyes  

Yet in this fight, I can't ignore  
The faintest hope worth living for  
Underneath, a reason stays  
A voice that cuts through all this weight  
I'm reaching out beyond the fear  
Hoping something real is near  
Each step I take still feels like a fall  
But I keep moving through it all  

I remember the way she smiled  
How nothing I did was ever wrong  
She hid her hurt behind her eyes  
Made pain a verse inside her song  
I didn’t see how deep it went  
Thought she’d always be that strong  
Now she’s gone, her silence stayed  
And I'm still here, but I’m not okay  

I know she's gone, but nothing fills the space  
I still feel her in everything I face  

I see her face in every wall  
Hear her laugh, then nothing at all  
The world still turns, but not for me  
I'm haunted by who I used to be  
Each step I take still feels like a fall  
But I keep moving through it all  
She left with grace I'll never find  
And took the part I called alive  

She's not here, yet she won't leave  
Her laugh in the dark, her breath in me  
How do I keep walking like she’s still there  
Holding onto a ghost as if she cared?  

I still see her face when darkness calls  
Hear her voice before silence falls  
She's not here, yet I still react  
To a love I can't bring back  
I don’t know how to move beyond  
But I carry what she left behind  
In memories, I find my strength  
Each step I take still feels like a fall  
But I keep moving through it all  

I carry her with me  
In every step I don’t want to take  
That’s the promise  
That’s the hope I find in her

In Every Step

Woke to the buzz of the amp still lit  
Fingers twitch like I’m caught in it  
Riff keeps loopin but it don’t land  
Neck on fire but I hold that stand  
You’d crash through when the beat fell flat  
Fix my timing with a voice like that  
Now I’m stuck with a ghost in the tone  
Tappin the neck just to not feel gone

Feel that break when the downbeat hits  
Still no sound from the place you quit

Where’d you go with the strings half-tied  
Left your gear in the case like a final sign  
Said I’d finish it then cut the line  
Didn’t say peace just killed the climb  
Hear you riff in the chords I run  
The amp hums but the silence wins  
I’d give up every song I’ve ever played  
Just to ask if you’re okay

You came through with a line you hated  
Played it once then said I’d make it  
Sat right here while the rhythm glitched  
Shrugged when I asked if you felt that shift  
Eyes said more than the track could hold  
Hug hit hard but your skin felt cold  
Left so clean like the scene was wrapped  
Didn’t know that’d be the final snap

Crack in the note that you didn’t bend  
Still hear finish it in the end

String broke mid-run and I still played  
Let your last riff drag through the fade  
It ain't fixed but I tried today  
Just to ask if you’re okay

Looped that bar til the neck went red  
Felt your pulse in the fretboard thread  
Didn’t scream but my tone got sharp  
Solo broke where you left your mark

Built that run like a final breath  
Tapped each note like I cheated death  
Still no peace in the chords I lay  
Just to ask if you’re okay

Didn’t end it I just hit play  
Still waitin on what you’d say


Just to ask if you’re okay

you looked too soft to mean a fight 
but begged too hard to get it right
i let you in without a name
just sharpened breath and skin to claim
you smiled like truth but moved like prey
so i just shaped you my own way
you wanted care i wanted quiet
you asked for love i gave you riot

you reached for more like it meant control
i gave you rhythm and kept the soul

you called it more i called it play
you laid down soft i took my way
i pulled the strings you fed the flame
you gave it meaning i gave it name
you thought you’d pull some part of me
i built your wreck deliberately
you shook like fate you cried like shame
and i fucked you through a broken frame

i kissed her name behind your grin
dragged her memory through your skin
you moaned for me i heard her voice
you gave it up i made no choice
you weren't her and that was clear
but i still used you to keep her near
you broke beneath me gave it all
i left with her i took the fall

you thought the sound could make me crack
but i was never coming back

don’t call this love it’s just design
i break them all to keep her mine
they beg like worship moan like fate
but none can touch what she erased
i make them feel i make them shake
then leave them wrecked for her to take
you came to claim i played the game
and fucked you through a broken frame

your fingers scraped like you knew the cost
dug your heels in but the edge was lost
you clung like pain could earn you place
but i just grinned and braced your face
your hips went numb you lost the beat
still moved for me like you knew the heat
you whispered please with nothing left
i fed the pace ignored the depth
your pulse went jagged voice went thin
i snapped your name and drove it in
you tensed like truth was breaking through
but i bent the rhythm back to you
you writhed too slow i forced the track
and split the moan you couldn’t take back

your legs kicked out your rhythm died
you screamed so hard your throat replied
your fingers curled your body snapped
i held you down and watched it crack
you sobbed through nerves you couldn’t trace
still clinging like i left you grace
but all i gave was pace and flame
you broke and still i stayed the same

you called me close like i might stay
i kissed your fear and walked away

you screamed like worship broke like glass
but none of this was built to last
i tore you open just to prove
that nothing fits where she once moved
you begged like hope i gave you ache
left you cracked for her to take
you called it love i burned the name
and walked you through a broken frame

you lay in silence i fixed my sleeve
no final word no need to grief
you whispered stay i shut the door
and left your frame across the floor

Heavens Not that far tonight

Wall of Emotions