Life is ephemeral. We put in these bodies, saddled with struggle, but our spirits love infinitely.

Deadname (Prod. Raspo)

it's a long way to the WAP

Obra Por Ilana

breakbeat housey split track blend, idk what to call it

Erotic Stepper Dub

drank junglist

Look up at the night sky and talk with me.

Shooting Star (prod. Sogimura)

slow rock

ive been wanting to write a song about detransitioning or getting clocked and forced to presentations for a while and in a song i don't think had any worth in showing i just tried out, had a lyric "if you're not detransitioning are you even gay" that i want to use. it's also where the stupid "masc/mask" line that i think ive used before is in the thought of. think of it like the songs of cock ring meet a stronger feel towards the way i feel treated by others for faggot essentialism. someone in the house said a terrible thing to me today and i held my own without getting angry. but the house is unsafe for me lately. in combination of closeting for work and not working and a return to lapse of clothing for my body as it is, i feel dangerous and should seem it. i want that murder fantasy of fat girl, the betrayed self harm and showcased eating disorders of faggot girl and lbs with the desire of male order or an ever unattached lyric of "cock to cock we come for hours" and the painful emptiness of the great blu sky. i don't want to be so obviously in pain and push people away from caring about it. but who do i go to if there is no safety. some parts of this suck. i commented on the tape that "i should not release this." a better developed narrative of this would benefit itself, the "f girl songs" and entire album ideas of the great blu sky (my suicidality/ideals of heaven - staring at the sky while falling to the ground, its expanse the neverending fear) and pink ocean (a song trying to reconcile others' emotions towards harming and hurting themselves in my presence, acting in a role of caretaker - for the most part)

edit: im not "detransitioning" but have not been able to accept my face and body as i continue to dress as needed and affordable to jobs, safety and whatnot and the basis of what someone said to me was a larger part of how i processed this. when you stare at masculinity and its uses and ruminate on self mutilation you wonder if there is a point of holding any perspective other than your identities for others. something i wanted to do with "joseph" an unfinished song but part of that zine i put out the other year where it was really not what i wanted it to be.

faggot man (work in progress, unfinished demo)

j ? ? ?

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