I keep my blade sharp cuz I’m dangerous 
Ya better not hate, I’ll stab your pancreas
Might find me cantankerous but I’m a real nice guy
If you’ve got some coin we’ll get along just fine
Been scoutin’ Westeros for hos and adventure
I get paid cash money don’t accept no debentures
If ya try to stiff me I’ll put your lights out
If you try to hit me I’ll turn your neck to a spout

So I was just chillin’, Chiggen at my side
We were sippin’ some mead, just gettin’ by
When this lady stood up like she’s the fuckin’ boss
I was on the sauce and feelin’ kinda lost
Who is this chick, and who is this dude?
Whoever she is she got one mean attitude
I decided to go with em, she had a real nice dress on
Hoped she’s got some gold, she ain’t got much to press on
But it became pretty clear this bitch wouldn’t pay up
Though I’d come so far, shared their drink and sup
And when the clansmen attacked, Chiggen got hurt
So I finished him off and left his ass in the dirt
You think that’s mean, but I’m a goddamn saint
He got a clean death, ain’t no need for complaint
And so we marched on, up to the Eerie
I’m just lookin for gold, and it’s comin, ya feel me?

All night long ladies callin’ out Bronn
Got an iron schlong, all the wenches fawn
It ain’t my looks but I take what I’m given
I’m stackin’ up gold killin’ for a livin’ 

When Tyrion stood up to confess his crimes
His said some good shit, I'm not gonna lie
He needed a champion, my pockets were empty
Was fiendin’ for gold and his pockets held plenty
So I slew Lysa's knight, dropped 'em thru the floor
He put up a fight but it was kindof a bore
Then that whore let us go and we tore thru the hills
Talked down some clansmen so we didn't get killed
Traveled for days and met up with the Lannister van
Tyrion wanted to fuck, so I checked out the camp
Found this chick Shae in some other dude’s tent
She had a real nice face, didn’t even have to squint
So I grabbed her up and took her to m’lord
Then I left em alone n’ went to sharpen m’sword

I keep my blade sharp cuz I’m dangerous
Ya better not hate, I’ll stab your pancreas
Might find me cantankerous but I’m a real nice guy
If you’ve got some coin we’ll get along just fine
Been scoutin’ Westeros for hos and adventure
I get paid cash money don’t accept no debentures
If ya try to stiff me I’ll end your life
Don’t need my sword, I’ll just use my knife


the Sellsword

You don't know shit if you think ya know Stannis
The King of Westeros & most of the planet
Ya stand against me then ya stand against justice
Unlike Joff, ya know my claims got substance
When shit hit the fan in Robert's Rebellion,
Battles were fought but my experience was telling
I held Storm's End, nearly starved to death
Til I got saved by some onion breath
Kept the Tyrells tied up real tight
Things mighta gone different if they'd been part of the fight
Some woulda been greatful for my loyal service
But not my big brother, that asshole's the worst
So I sailed on Dragonstone with a brand new fleet
Crushed the Kraken, made those fools look weak
Married Selyse but things felt a bit tainted
Robert fucked in our bed with a Florent acquaintance
Birthed three dead sons before our first living girl
She came down with greyscale, makes me wanna hurl

The name's Stannis, it ain't one to forget
I could fuck ya right up without breakin' a sweat
I don't get love but I get respect
So better stand down before your shit gets wrecked
I'm proven in battle as a veteran commander
To say any less would be irreverent slander
Got a sense of duty as the rightful king
If ya still got doubts check the light I bring

After thinkin' a while bout Roberts children
Came a conclusion that was somewhat chilling
I followed leads to test my theory
It all checked out so now I'm feelin leery
Told Jon Arryn, next thing he's toast
So I peaced out to Dragonstone to gather my host
Sent out Davos to help up fill the harbor
Gotta man way up before our departure
He brought back pirates but we need every ship
I promised 'em gold if we can end this shit quick
I've never cared much about religion
But this chick Melisandra's got me feelin' quite smitten
She see's victory up in her night fires
Better win the day, or her god's a liar
Turned my back on the Seven the day my parents died
So let's see how it goes with R'hollor on my side

The name's Stannis, it ain't one to forget
I could fuck ya right up without breakin' a sweat
I don't get love but I get respect
If ya stand opposed, take some time to reflect
I'm proven in battle as an veteran commander
To say any less would be irreverent slander
Got a sense of duty as the rightful king
When I light the fire, gonna make em sing

the One True King of Westeros

So my story started way back when
I bashed in Rhaegar’s chest in front of all our men
Signed a warrant Elia, Aegon and Rhaenys
Don’t really give a shit that two of them were babies
After that day, things really started looking up
Livin’ high class, no need to fill my cup
Lyanna was dead, so instead I married Cersei
Tywin’s gold tied the realm up in a hurry
Things were settled, could call it a good time
But when you’re the King, it’s really all sublime
I fathered three kids, including two male heirs
Dunno how all they got that gold Lannister hair

[they call me usurper, robert baratheon
But you I never heard-a, a worthless little peon
take a look at my crown, as I sit on the throne
Pay proper respect and then go the fuck home
Protector and lord and of tha seven kingdoms
I drink, fuck and eat like a goddamn demon
I got the life and riches that you wish you had
been pokin' all the bitches ever since I was a lad]

Jon Arryn croaked, so I went to visit Ned
The only one I trust, bound by blood we’ve shed 
Sansa, your daughter, can seal the deal
By lettin’ m’boy Joff cop a little feel 
Cat hemmed and hawed, she said my plan was flawed
She better shut her mouth before she gets de-clawed
Accept my offer, and come to be my Hand 
You’ll be the baddest fucker up in the land
I can’t rule alone, I’m too old and fat now
Feels like too long since the last time I sat down
Can’t hardly fit inside a suit of armor
You’re more like to find me in some farmer’s daughter 
I came all this way in a big-ass wagon
There ain’t no way he’ll send my fat-ass packin’
Come down South, I told ’em, it’ll be more fun
Although it’s real fucked-up what happened to your son
He made the right choice, to be my man
We rode out alone so I could share my plans
Spider said two Dragons still on the run
Wanna hire the best assassins underneath the sun
Jon held me back, but now its gettin’ serious
A Dothraki attack, thought’s making me delirious 
No one’s gonna challenge my claim to the crown
Just like the Squids, I’m gonna put em down

[they call me usurper, robert baratheon
But you I never heard-a, a worthless little peon
Take a look at my crown, as I sit on the throne
Pay proper respect and then go the fuck home
Protector and lord and of tha seven kingdoms
I drink, fuck and eat like a goddamn demon
I got the life and riches that you wish you had
been pokin' all the bitches ever since I was a lad]

Dany got pregnant, and shit really hit the fan
Discussin’ practicalities of a Faceless man
Ned said he quit and I said get the fuck out
Didn’t really mean it but shit happens when I shout
The real problem is that I’m sick of my wife
A soul-suckin’ bitch, she’s ruined my life
Her cats-paws surround me, awaiting a chance
To run me right through with a sharp metal lance
The truth is I’m tired, and I don’t give a shit
About on which throne my fat-ass does sit
I’d rather spend the day with a sultry whore
Or hunting in the forest for a big ol’ boar

the Usurper

I wear a white cloak cuz i'm a knight of the kings-guard
and it ain't no joke that I been  fuckin' the queen hard
you can call me ser jaime or just call me kingslayer
but i'll send you home maimed, your ass ain't got a prayer
bitches be hatin' like I been rapin' their moms
prolly cuz i'm bad as fuck, I got it goin' on
don't have any land, no heirs to call my own
but that wont stop my boy from sittin' the throne

First-born son of the richest man in Westeros
I gave it all up to butter my sister’s toast
I dodged a planned match with Lysa Tully
If you saw that hatchet, you’d understand fully
Got in as a squire, soon they made me a knight
After kickin’ some ass in the Ten-Penny fight
bestowed highest honor when I was justa teenager
towed a righteous line til aerys made me a traitor
it's tough to follow orders when your lord's goin' nuts
a hollow sorta feelin' like bein' stabbed in the guts
I did what I hadta, you can say what you want
But ya better remember who’s the warrior savant

I wear a white cloak cuz i'm a knight of the kings-guard
and it ain't no joke that I been  fuckin' the queen hard
you can call me ser jaime or just call me kingslayer
but i'll send you home maimed, your ass ain't got a prayer
bitches be hatin' like I been rapin' their moms
prolly cuz i'm bad as fuck, I got it goin' on
don't have any land, no heirs to call my own
but that wont stop my boy from sittin' the throne

When Robert wed Cersei, was like a dream come true
If your always dreamin’ bout the sorta shit I do
She moved to the castle, felt like a family
And then we went on a big fuckin’ spree
She mighta done Robert, once or twice
But I was up in it every night
We had to sneak and scheme and lie our way
Through acts so foul folks shy away
we made a boy and girl and another boy
Though that first little shit startin’ to annoy
He needs to be a man but I think somethin’s wrong
It ain’t just the fact he needs ta dip his schlong
I feel kinda bad but I can only do so much
When I spend each day fetchin’ Robert’s lunch
If you only knew everything I do
Bout fuckin’ my sis til shit’s turnin’ blue
You'd might understand why I hadta push Bran
Woulda ended his life before he became a man

I wear a white cloak cuz i'm a knight of the kings-guard
and it ain't no joke that I been  fuckin' the queen hard
you can call me ser jaime or just call me kingslayer
but i'll send you home maimed, your ass ain't got a prayer
bitches be hatin' like I been rapin' their moms
prolly cuz i'm bad as fuck, I got it goin' on
don't have any land, no heirs to call my own
but that wont stop my boy from sittin' the throne

the Kingslayer

My blade turns men to bloody fountains
But that’s whatcha get when ya fuckin’ with the Mountain
Was raised in the shadow of Casterly Rock
Even as a child, woulda left you shocked
Reputed for cruelty before I stopped growin'
Wuz like a ragin’ torrent of bloodlust flowin'
You ain’t no match for this son of Clegane
It's not a name to forget, y’know what I'm sayin'?

Yeah, I've got an attitude, but that ain't new
always had a temper, Sandor'll tell it true
really think those scars are from some accident?
I melted his face, for me that’s compassionate
Coulda done a lot worse, cuz I do what I like
When my arm comes down it’s like a lightning strike
Better think twice before ya fuck with my shit
I'm like an avalanche comin' that don't ever quit
nearly eight feet tall, weighin' in thirty stone
For ya’ll don’t know that’s a lotta muscle and bone
add a full suit of the thickest plate in production
Leather and chain, a greatsword for destruction
still one arm free so I gots a big oak shield
if ya see me a-field, ya might as well yield
wont save your life but it may save some pain
less you like a good strain while I bash yer brain

My blade turns men to bloody fountains
That’s whatcha get when ya fuckin’ with the Mountain
Was raised in the shadow of Casterly Rock
Even as a child, woulda left you shocked
Reputed for cruelty before I stopped growin'
Always had a torrent of bloodlust flowin'
You ain’t no match for this son of Clegane
To me you’re like a fly, y'know what I'm sayin'?

Kept to my lands since Robert took the throne
Back when I crushed Aegon’s infant bones
Then my eyes fell on Elia with great delight
She saw Aegon's body n’ hardly put up a fight
Was the best Dornish pussy I ever had
But no-one I ever raped had seemed so sad
Some might've felt bad, but not the Mountain
She weren’t my first victim, not even the thousandth
Haven’t been too social in the past twenty years
In living things I mostly inspire fear
Got some old battle buddies, like Amory Lorch
We’ve only really bonded putting towns to torch
Got real problems with headaches, they put me on edge
feels like gettin' pounded in the head with a sledge
Sometimes I get out for the jousts and such
Can’t let those fools forget the Mountain’s touch
Like an iron punch that makes ya toss you’re lunch
I’ll crunch your bones and let the buzzards munch
I know what you’re thinking: “its just a game!
Why oh why would you kill dudes at play?”
I only go one speed: real fuckin’ hard
Some might survive but I leave ‘em scarred

My blade turns men to bloody fountains
But that’s whatcha get when you’re fuckin’ with the Mountain
Was raised in the shadow of Casterly Rock
Even as a child, woulda left you shocked
Reputed for cruelty before I stopped growin'
Always had a torrent of bloodlust flowin'
You ain’t no match for this son of Clegane
not a name to forget, y'know what I'm sayin'?

Loras thought his trick was really clever
Never guessed that his head just might get severed
Woulda killed him cold but my bro interfered
Woulda killed my bro, too, but the King was near
My horse was dead so I walked home to my keep
I laid up in wait and took a giant sleep
Then Tywin woke me up to do some reapin'
Gonna bleed the Riverlands til those fools are weepin'  

the Mountain

Petyr's the name and I'm runnin' this game
like a good investment, Baelish makes it rain
I hail from the littlest of the finger islands
but skills like mine are like the rarest diamonds

gotta humble past but the road ahead is bright
cuz my strength ain't measured in physical might
spent my formative years with the tully children
was enamored with cat, she's like one in a million
they gave me a taste for the better things in life
but I couldn't stop wishin' to make Cat my wife
She got betrothed to Brandon like it was nothin'
So Lysa came to me, to do some fuckin'
Ain't quite like her sis, but she's got connections
Her old man Arryn nudged me in the right direction
gotta knack for uppin' cashflow wherever I go
proved myself in Gulltown makin' incomes grow
I see exponential potential in a pile of gold
I plant the seeds and watch the plot unfold
Made lots of good friends in court and abroad
I'm a real power player, and that's no facade
My coin lines the pockets of many a man
Petyr’s holdin’ the purse strings, ya understand?
If you really had a clue what all that means
You'd bow at my feet, like I'm the goddamn king  

Petyr's the name and I'm runnin' this game
like a good investment, Baelish makes it rain
I hail from the littlest of the finger islands
but skills like mine are like the rarest diamonds

If you’re lookin’ to fuck you know I can hook it up
Got fine whores aplenty and wine to fill your cup
I run the swankiest brothels in the capital city
Might be sleazy but at least they're not shitty
Pimpin’ ain’t easy but it sure pays the bills
And sometimes the perks, well they really kill
Got a great assortment, an exotic menagerie
With creeps from afar constantly visiting
Make rich men poor when they walk thru my door
I take hard-earned gold then send em home for more
But before too long all chores get boring
Like small counsel meetings that leave me snoring
The crown's in debt, but I’m not worried
Got a line to Tywin’s pocket, don't get in a flurry
When Ned came to town almost had to laugh
I wondered how this guy stole my lovely lass
I told him not to trust me, so what’d he do?
confided his plans to end the Lannister ruse
I even told him then, not to do this thing
We’ll all be better off with Joff as king
Of course he didn’t listen, man’s a fuckin’ fool
Cant do nothin' for em but send em back to school
When the shit went down his face was priceless
Once standin’ righteous, now laid down lifeless

Petyr's the name and I'm runnin' this game
like a good investment, Baelish makes it rain
I hail from the littlest of the finger islands
but skills like mine are like the rarest diamonds

the Master of Coin

Been on the run since my first days in the sun
It ain’t been fun but my time’ll come
I'm Viserys Targaryen, the rightful King of the Andals
Don't fuck with the Dragon, he'll leave ya in shambles

When the Usurper rose up I was just a boy
He destroyed my family with his little ploy
Escaped Westeros with my old friend Will Derry
He was a gracious host to the royal family
We spent some time in Braavos, it was really great
Was still young then, hardly feelin’ the hate
Living off the grid ain’t all shits and giggles
Plannin’ a way home like some fucked-up riddle
When Old Will died we got tossed to the street
Sold my momma’s crown to have a place to sleep
So I wandered the free cities, still just a kid
Started growin’ a temper, I often blow my lid
Beggin’ thru life was gettin’ really old
Woulda taught Dany the fiddle for a little gold
Would do what it takes to get back home
Woulda killed Dany cold if it meant the Iron Throne
So with the Dothraki I brokered a deal
When she heard about it, man, did she really squeal
But the wedding’s over and still I’m stuck here
With nothin’ but a promise that the time is near

Been on the run since my first days in the sun
Better re-assess if ya think my time is done
I'm Viserys Targaryen, the rightful King of the Andals
Don't fuck with the  Dragon, he'll leave ya in shambles

Mr. Mopatis, this was not our arrangement
I’m the goddamn king but I’m feelin’ estrangement
And you, Jorah Mormont, what’s your deal?
Always followin’ close at my sister’s heels
You say these people don’t trade, the just give gifts
So that leaves me wonderin’, where the fuck’s my shit?
No one ever cares I’m getting’ had by savages
It shoulda been me, receivin’ three dragon eggs
Dany thinks she’s the shit, they call her Khaleesi
Way to go sis, you’re like the queen of feces
Tried to teach her a lesson but I’m well outnumbered
So now I’m on foot, more’n half a drunkard
But now I’m drinkin’, I can’t stop dreamin’
About supporters at home, still quietly schemin’
The West is too big to ever be maintained
Without a Dragon-king callin’ it his domain
I can picture the day that I land on the shore
Baratheon banners gonna drop to the floor
They’ll be shouting my name, Viserys Targaryen
I gotta righteous claim, the true heir apparent

Been on the run since my first days in the sun
I’ll never give up until the war is won
I'm Viserys Targaryen, the rightful King of the Andals
Don't fuck with the  Dragon, he'll leave ya in shambles


the Beggar King

I’m the oldest son of a great buffoon
But with any luck he’ll probly die real soon
Might hate my guts but don’t piss me off
You’ll get a kick to the nuts disrespectin’ Joff

Some folks have huts but I’ve got a castle
And I’ll be gettin’ crowned while you’re out heardin’ cattle
It must really suck to be out workin’ the farms
I’ve got servants that jump when I lift my arm
Always well dressed, you know I’m really fly
Ladies swoonin’ whenever I’m walkin’ by
I ain’t shy, so when I caught Sansa’s eye
Challenged her bro to fully exemplify
What a hard mother-fucker this young prince is
She’ll be beggin’ soon, for my royal kiss
She’s got the hips and she’s got the lips
And a pretty face, she’s gonna make me flip

I’m the oldest son of a great buffoon
But with any luck he’ll probly die real soon
Might hate my guts but don’t piss me off
You’ll get a kick to the nuts disrespectin’ Joff

On the way back home Arya pulled some shit
So I did what I hadta and threw a spoiled fit
Maybe I shoulda thought up a better story
Didn’t think it through with my arm all gorey
Now everyone knows a girl kicked my ass
They won’t give me a pass, I’m gettin’ put on blast
We killed the wrong wolf but I got Mycah, too
Didn’t do it myself, I sent the Hound, ya fool
I dunno why but I sometimes lose my cool
But it don’t really matter cuz I make the rules
Violence and killin’ is like doing your laundry
If you’re rich like me others clean it up promptly

I’m the oldest son of a great buffoon
But with any luck he’ll probly die real soon
Might hate my guts but don’t piss me off
You’ll get a kick to the nuts disrespectin’ Joff

Robert finally croaked, a boar did the honors
You’d think I might be sad, he was my father
But he didn’t love me so who gives a fuck
I don’t have any tears for the hairy schmuck
All I can think of is my impending coronation
Got my mom at my back, protectin’ my station
They came outta the woodwork before Robert went cold
Throwin’ out slander for the whole court to behold
I thought for a while Eddard was a man of truth
But now I see that was just ignorance of youth
The man’s a traitor and his son is too
I’ll kill em both before the war is through

the Prince

I come from Bear Island and I gotta lotta history
Had some good times and also had a lotta misery
Made a name for myself in the siege of Pyke
My wife lost her life tryin’ to birth a tyke
So I found a fairer lady, these were my younger days
Had a good time, rollin’ round in the hay
But I took her back home and shit got real quickly
All that cold and desolation made my bride real prickly 
Check your maps and stats, all the books agree
Bear island is whack, it aint the place to be
Tried to give Lynesse a life like she had back home  
Sold slaves to the Tyroshi, yeah I stooped real low
Got caught, and sentenced, no chance for repentance
So I hopped the fence and paid the East my attendance
Lynesse came with me but she didn’t last long
Now she’s livin’ it up in Lys while I spit this song

The name’s Jorah Mormont, I’m a worldly guy
Real far from home, see weird stars in the sky
Been sellin’ my sword to the highest bidder
Stuck on auto-pilot, hardly ever considerin’
Who it really was I was killin’ for
Don’t have no king but I’m always fightin’ wars

Got a contract with Varys to enter Visery’s service
He confided they’d decided a pardon could be purchased
All I had to do was accrue news like religion
And report back all I knew while eschewing suspicion
When I first met Dany she was a meek little thing
Had a healthy fanny but otherwise mostly routine
She’s got a sweet disposition, everything considered
Drogo thinks so to, already got a kid in her
Viserys, as expected, ain’t quite like his brother
Can hardly believe they came out the some mother
Calls himself the Dragon but he’s more like a pet snake
If only his hunger were so easily slaked
He can’t seem to get a handle on the real situation
He’s got a fixation on duration that’s causin’ frustration
Gyrations like tantrums are lost on the Khal
Without some deflation, he’ll never get it at all
So his face got melted and I watched it happen
If it weren’t for Dany’s feelin's mighta sat there laughin’

The name’s Jorah Mormont, I’m a worldly guy
Real far from home, see weird stars in the sky
Been sellin’ my sword to the highest bidder
Stuck on auto-pilot, hardly ever considerin’
Who it really was I was killin’ for
Don’t have no king but I’m always fightin’ wars

The Khal passed on from some wounds he took
But the way it happened left us all real shook
Dany took it real hard, even hopped on the pyre
Misread her skill, dreaded her dead in the fire
When the smoke cleared I almost lost my shit
My job in the Queensguard ain’t nearly quit

The name’s Jorah Mormont, I’m a worldly guy
Real far from home, see weird stars in the sky
Been sellin’ my sword to the highest bidder
Stuck on auto-pilot, hardly ever considerin’
Who it really was I was killin’ for
Don’t have no king but I’m always fightin’ wars

the Queensguard

I swing with my left cuz it’s my one good hand
Lost three fingers on my right to a lesser man
Call me Qhorin if ya like or just call me Halfhand
But don’t call me lord I’m just the guy with a plan
 
I rolled up to the fist ready to rep for the West
Shadow Tower men and me, you know they’re gettin’ the best
You probably heard some stories and yeah they’re mostly true
Wintered north of the wall, my seven fingers turned blue
But I made it through and I’m here to tell ya
When I look at you, boy, I only see a southerner
I heard you killed a wight, and I’ll admit that’s cool
So if it’s alright with Mormont you can check out Ranger school
We need some men to go and patrol the mountains
Mance is lookin’ for something and he just mighta found it
They wanna bring down the Wall and we can’t let that happen
You know Winter is comin’ and I looks like a bad one

I swing with my left cuz it’s my one good hand
Lost three fingers on my right to a lesser man   
Call me Qhorin if ya like or just call me Halfhand
But don’t call me lord I’m just the guy with a plan

My crew and the bastard walked out into the night
Climbed up to Skirling’s Pass where we spotted a fight
Wouldn’t light a fire out here unless my life was over
So I sent Jon up a cliff to get a little bit closer
They left a woman alive so I left her with Snow
It was good chance to see what that pup was made of
But he let her go and then was feelin’ low
So he told me bout and I was all like, bro
You did the right thing, gotta good brain in that head
Woulda done me no good just to see her dead
But then the next day we got spotted by an eagle
It’s always goddamn skinchangers with these fuckin’ people

I swing with my left cuz it’s my one good hand
Lost three fingers on my right to a lesser man
Call me Qhorin if ya like or just call me Halfhand
But don’t call me lord I’m just the guy with a plan

I turned our party around but it was already too late
Left Dalbridge behind to give us time to escape
But he’ll run out of arrows before they run out of them
So I sent Ebben to report back to the Night’s Watch men
Stonkesnake lost his horse so I sent him climbin’
Figure if we split up we gotta better chance of survivin’
Then I built a fire but not because it’s the end
It’s just a decoy while into the caves we descend
I know a secret passage, it’s behind this waterfall
Dunno if it’ll work, we’re lookin’ at a real close call
If we get captured you’re gonna havta go and join their ranks
Do whatever they tell ya and then tell em thanks
There’s more important things than keepin’ your vows
Like protectin’ your loved ones down home in the South
We came to the exit and the eagle was waitin’
At that point I knew there’d be no escapin’ 
They told Jon to fight me to prove he’s really committed
He’s good with a with that sword, I gotta admit it
Woulda cut him at least but Ghost interefered
Felt his teeth round my leg and knew my time was here
 

westorhyme

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